Ring.

What? Oh sorry, I got the wrong number.

Is there anybody out there?

Hello. This is credit services. There is nothing wrong with your current credit rating..........................

Is Mr Wall there?

Hello. This is your cruise captain speaking.........

Ti-i-i-ime is on our side!

YES IT IS!

This is a courtesy call from the gas company. There has been a significant gas leak in your neighborhood. We are calling to remind you not use any open flames or electrical devices. Even the smallest electrical charge, say from an appliance.. you know, like an answering machine.. ummm.... *click*

This is death. I'm not coming for you now, but I wouldn't make plans for next Tuesday...

I know you're there...

Heeellooooooooo?

Dude, pick up.

Dude, pick. Up. The. Phone.

Fine, be that way.

*Click*

Get out of the house; he's on the extension upstairs!

I'm late, you bastard.

Pickupickupickupickupickupickupickupickupickup--ooookay I guess you're not in.

This is your local fire department. We're holding a barbeque and dance next weekend and are calling to provide you with the opportunity to buy your tickets now. The cost is $20 each. Proceeds from the ticket sales will go toward the rebuilding of our fire station, which burned to the ground while we were out. Thank you.

(Not a joke, I actually had this message waiting for me on my machine a few years ago)

Hiya Wayne! Not sure you remember me. It's Billy Joe - from high school. I remember that time, while we were out drinking during our youth...you know the one?
You said, "Anytime, man, anytime you need me? I'll be there." Well, I need you buddy. I need a place to crash and someone to get me a job and vouch for me. Don't worry. My parole only requires that I be "supervised" for the next 5 years. Then? I will be outta your hair.

Billy Joe

Oh, Wayne man? I forgot to tell you...I am arriving at the Greyhound bus station at 1:30 am. Tonight. I will need a ride. They did not give me enough money for bus fare AND cab fare. So, I will be looking for you...wear something yellow so I know you in case I cannot remember you.

Thanks a ton dude!

Billy Joe

This is your second notice about your warranty....

Hi baby. Whatcha wearing?

This is your neighbor. I was wondering if you still have my toilet paper I lended you last week. I need it.

Wayne, this is Susie. I was wonderin' if you enjoyed the chocolate bar I gave you yesterday.

around the rosies

Hi, it's Mrs. Johnson from across the street. I don't want to be rude, but it would be really nice if you would pull down your shades before you play your Wii Dancing With The Stars game in the nude. Oh, and you drag your left leg on your turns, try picking it up just before the beat. See you at the neighborhood picnic on Sunday. Bye.

Ok...you can stop calling now.