View Full Version : Why Titles Matter

Dale Emery
04-21-2009, 04:58 AM
A Farewell to Guns
The Sun Also Comes Up
For Who the Bell Rings
The Pickwick PDFs
David Pewterfield

Some from my friends...

From Rebecca Wirfs-Brock: The Grapes of Anger, East of Des Moines

From Diana Larsen: Pretty Good Expectations

From Dave Smith: A Story About Two Cities

Now it's your turn.

04-21-2009, 05:04 AM
Gone With the Breeze
So-So Expectations
Weirdo in a Weird Land

Ken Schneider
04-21-2009, 05:23 AM
The scent of new mown farmland
Two roads of the coffee sea

04-21-2009, 05:24 AM
Hirsute Potmaker

04-21-2009, 05:30 AM
Behind Home Plate in a Grain Field

Dale Emery
04-21-2009, 05:33 AM
Youse peeps is stepping outside of my literary horizons.

My wife Lisa suggests: Fahrenheit 32.

04-21-2009, 05:35 AM

04-21-2009, 05:38 AM
Post-Triassic Zoological Preserve

04-21-2009, 05:41 AM
great big whale

04-21-2009, 05:47 AM
Fighting and Not Fighting by Leo Tolstoy
The Deformed Guy in the Bell Tower by Victor Hugo
The Decent Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

04-21-2009, 05:56 AM
A Story about Two Towns

04-21-2009, 06:08 AM
My Second Cousin Once Removed Rachel [although that would be a more accurate title] by Du Maurier
The House of Four Bedrooms Three and a Half Baths by Hawthorne

04-21-2009, 06:15 AM
Lord of the Jewelry

Dale Emery
04-21-2009, 06:27 AM
Lord of the Mosquitoes

04-21-2009, 06:42 AM
Around the Globe in 6912000 Seconds

04-21-2009, 06:46 AM
Michael Crichton:

Dinosaur Fun-Time

State of Left-Wing Climatic Scare Tactics

04-21-2009, 06:48 AM
The Lion, the Witch and the Closet

Mein Djihad (OK, so that one is actually kind of catchy)

Good Thoughts for Owen Meany

04-21-2009, 06:52 AM
All Quiet in that General Direction, by Erich Maria Remarque.

Getting Up, by Kate Chopin.

Liquid for Pachyderms, by Sara Gruen.

The Marginally Attractive Bones, by Alice Sebold.

Tepid Hilltop, by Charles Frazier.

The Rosy Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne.

The Illiterate, by Bernard Schlink.

Portrait of an Anguished, Self-Absorbed Mary Sue, by James Joyce.

04-21-2009, 06:56 AM
Tobacco Turnpike
Snow on an African Mountain
The Old Man Couldn't Pee

04-21-2009, 06:56 AM
Puppy's Resting Place, King
Fighting and Not Fighting, Tolstoy
Old Guy Loses his Fish, Hemingway
Dolores, Nabokov
A Guy Changes Into a Bug, Kafka

04-21-2009, 07:03 AM
The Phony Hiding Behind the Curtain in Oz -- by Baum

The diminutive drunkard with hairy feet -- Tolkein,

Followed by the trilogy:

The Guy with the Metal thing on his hand.

That tall building, and the Other Tall one over there that looks like it.

What do you mean he came back?

The Stuffed Disease carrying Bunny - margery williams

Megalomaniacal pigs and the livestock they enslave -- Orwell

A short Trip to a burning molten core at the middle of the planet. -- Verne

Waterlogged -- Verne

Earth off its Axis -- Madelene L'Engle

Lyra Jean
04-21-2009, 07:03 AM
How I became a follower of Isis Apuleius
Scrolls from Mars Ray Bradbury

04-21-2009, 07:05 AM
Fault and Flaw; Trait and Synonym, both by Jane Austen.

Guilt in the Floorboards, by Edgar Allen Poe.

He Killed the Poodle, by Mark Haddon.

Another Obnoxious Foreigner, by Graham Greene.

Clarissa Explains Nearly Nothing, by Virginia Woolf.

04-21-2009, 07:13 AM
My favorite fiction novels include McCarthy's Red Horizon, Burroughs' Lunch, and Milton's Paradise Has Got To Be Around Here Somewhere.

04-21-2009, 07:14 AM
Crime and Really Bad Consequences

Dale Emery
04-21-2009, 07:15 AM
The Tri-County Area According to Garp
Flowers for Chas
As I Lay Sick
From Here to a Long Time From Now
The Catcher in the Alfalfa
Leaves of Rye
Again with the Brideshead
The Postman Always Knocks You Up Twice
Atlas Sneered
Trustee from the Broom Closet
A Clockwork Key Lime

Matera the Mad
04-21-2009, 07:16 AM
The Big Book of God (various authors)

Watership Rural Landscape, by Richard Adams

Ruler of the Jewelry, by J.R.R. Tolkien

04-21-2009, 07:21 AM
Trait and Synonym, both by Jane Austen.

"Sense" and "sensibility" were antonyms in Austen's day--"sensibility", in the early 18th century, didn't mean "the quality of being pragmatic and down-to-earth" but rather "the quality of easily being moved to strong emotions." "Sensibility" was closer to the modern "sentimentality".

04-21-2009, 07:25 AM
Tepid Hilltop, by Charles Frazier.

YES. Love this one.

04-21-2009, 07:26 AM
The Catcher in the Pumpernickel

04-21-2009, 07:27 AM
Ice Cream -- I know, but that would've ruined the effect. :P

My Bad, by Ian McEwan.

An Adjacent Peace, by John Knowles.

Not Even Suicide's Enough, by Edith Wharton.

04-21-2009, 07:31 AM
Gone with the Chinook

Valley of the Bratz

To Pluck a Mockingbird

The Happy Whore

04-21-2009, 07:39 AM
Peter Benchley's Mandibles

Dr.Seuss' The Cat in the Blender

Adolph Hitler's Mein Hämorrhoides

04-21-2009, 07:44 AM
Agreement with a Seraph, Greeley
Self-Importance and Narrow-Mindedness, Austen
A Hobo Out of the Country, Twain

04-21-2009, 07:51 AM
A Boy and a Slave on a Raft, by Samuel Clemens
Gloomy Heart, by Joseph Conrad

04-21-2009, 07:56 AM
1948.... oh wait

Lyra Jean
04-21-2009, 08:08 AM
Ender's Game: Story of a genocidal boy.

04-21-2009, 08:43 AM
That, by Stephen King
The Street, by Cormac McCarthy
Bingo, by Patricia Wood :D

04-21-2009, 09:02 AM
I'm having a Russian Lit kind of day so....

Anna Kareninkowskova by Leo Tolstoy

The Master of the Margarita: A Complete Idiot's Guide to Tex-Mex Bartending by Mikhail Bulgakov

The Queen of Spades Does Vegas by Alexandr Pushkin

The Brothers Karamazov, Their Step-Sister Karamazova and Their Dog Karma by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Stijn Hommes
04-21-2009, 11:56 AM
The Boy in the Polka-Dot Pyjamas by John Boyne
Mooncore by Scott Sigler
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Fagin (with a little help from Charles Dickens)
How to Kill A Slitheen in Downing Street by The Doctor

04-21-2009, 12:42 PM
The Sit, by Stephen King
Yep, I Did It, by OJ Simpson
The Parakeet, by Edgar Allen Poe
Breaking Wind, by Stephenie Meyers

And films/plays:
The Creepy Masked Dude At the Opera
Star Wars I: The Phantom Plot (oh...wait...that WOULD fit...)

04-21-2009, 01:04 PM
The Breeze in the Trees by Kenneth Grahame
The Person who Evicts Demons by William Peter Blatty
The Stepford Spouses by Ira Levin
The Renaissance Painter Code by Dan Brown

04-21-2009, 01:53 PM
His Dark Stuff, Phillip Pullman
Puppy Cemetery, Steven King
Tommy's Knockers, Steven King
Irregular Thomas, Dean Koontz

04-21-2009, 02:11 PM
Illegitimate Offspring Out of the South - Dorothy Allison
Gulliver's Roadtrip - Swift
Promising Signs - Gaiman & Pratchett
A Traveler's Guide to Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory - Dante
Dude, Where's My Kingdom? - Milton

Wayne K
04-21-2009, 04:37 PM
The Devil wears payless.

Harry Clayshaper and the Order of the zombie bird.

Charlie Horse
04-21-2009, 05:05 PM
In Cold Bodily Fluids
Self Playing Piano
Catcher in the Wheat
Cider House Guidelines
Even Cowgirls Get Upset Sometimes
Hitchhiker's Guide to Outer Space

Dark Angel
04-21-2009, 05:48 PM
I Can't Believe This Isn't A Bollywood Movie - Emily Bronte
The One With The Most Famous Speech Of All Time - Shakespeare
A Story About That Kid With Surprisingly High Expectations Who Meets That Eccentric Yet Charming Old Lady - Charles Dickens

That Kid With Magic Powers Which May or May Not Have Something To Do With A Stone That Either A Philosopher Or Sorcerer Gave To Him Depending On Which Side Of The Atlantic You Live In - J.K.R

(I know, I know...quite sad...)

04-21-2009, 05:58 PM
Mary Sue Got Married by Stephenie Meyers

04-21-2009, 06:17 PM
Bridget Jones's Tweets

Wayne K
04-21-2009, 06:33 PM
The old man and the body of water.

Hannah and her female siblings.

04-21-2009, 06:37 PM
This thread is :ROFL:!

The Time-Traveler's Significant Other
The Lion, the Witch, and the Walk-In Closet

04-21-2009, 06:45 PM
Oh man, I did Russian Lit and forgot Chekhov:

Those Dirty Birds You Find Eating French Fries In McDonalds' Parking Lots Even When You Are 1,000 Miles From The Nearest Sea by Anton Chekhov

04-21-2009, 06:46 PM
Parry Totter and Somebody's Rock, JKR
The Big Snooze, Raymond Chandler
All Things Stupid and Crappy, James Herriot
First Meal of the Day for the Winner and Slaughter House Two-and-a-half, Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Midges, William Golding

04-21-2009, 06:53 PM
Let's have some Raymond Chandler, shall we?

The Large Nap
So Long, Good-Looking
The Female in the Pond
The Elevated Window
The Younger Sibling
The Extended Farewell

And some Dashiell Hammett

Crimson Reaping
The Dain Obscenity
The Acrylic Key
The Maltese Chicken
The Narrow Fellow

04-21-2009, 07:11 PM
Lord of the Blings
The Wind in the Maples
The Magic Peak
Madame Ovary

04-21-2009, 08:09 PM
The Horse Screamer
Tuesdays with Bob
Muddled and Past Danger

Wayne K
04-21-2009, 08:21 PM
Midnight in the garden of nice and not so nice.

The molten rock also rises.

The hard to stand weightlessness of existing.

04-21-2009, 08:28 PM

I Married a Psychopathic ****

Another Hank
Yet Another Hank
Hank, One Last Time

The Return of Dick

A Love Story: How Suicide and Homicide Bought Peace in Verona

My Father, My Uncle; My Mother, My Aunt

Wingless Fairies and the Donkey-men who Love them

Sir Stabbed-a- Lot

Three Crazy Witches on a Beach with a Cauldron

A Love Quadrangle: Gender-bending Cross-dressers and Hypocrites

04-21-2009, 08:51 PM
Roald Dahl: The Large Nice Dude.

04-21-2009, 08:59 PM
Children's books:

Jacob Two-Two and the Big Guy in the Cloak with Bad Teeth
Alice in the Land of Awe
Charlie and the Carob Producer
Charlie and the Transparent Lift
A Crease in the Fourth Dimension
Tom's Garden at Eleven-Fifty-Nine PM

04-21-2009, 09:35 PM
Hubris and Hatin' by Jane Austen

04-21-2009, 09:38 PM
Oh, this is fun.

Dolores by Nabokov
Go Talk to the Big Rock About It by Baldwin
The Dirty Bird of Night by Donoso
We're Going Back to Brideshead by Waugh
Periwinkle by Walker
A Dried Grape in the Sun by Hansberry
Life of 3.14 by Martel
A Part of the Whole by Toltz
To the Beacon by Woolf
The Very, Very End of the Razor by Maugham
Uncertain by Shanley
An Orange Clockwork by Burgess
Stomach Distress by Sartre

Wayne K
04-21-2009, 10:02 PM
Skipping the road with shears.

The woman who is getting married's noggin dropped in on once more.

04-21-2009, 10:24 PM
The Man Who Chuckles
A Mechanical Citrus Fruit
Kyphosis in the Parisian Cathedral
The Crimson Pumpernickel
The Pensioner of Zenda
Kidney of Absence of Light
The Raisins of Disapproval
A Prune in the Sun
All Quiet in the Western Auto

For Charlie Chan fans:
The Ebony Dromedary

04-21-2009, 10:31 PM
Mouth by Peter Benchley.
Allah (He's my mate, he is) by Mohammed.
Fire Dampner by Stephen King.

04-22-2009, 04:11 AM
Yankee Suffering from Severe Mental Illness by Bret Easton Ellis

04-22-2009, 04:41 AM
Mouth by Peter Benchley.
Allah (He's my mate, he is) by Mohammed.
Fire Dampner by Stephen King.

I've Got a Friend in Allah


04-22-2009, 04:44 AM
Yankee Suffering from Severe Mental Illness by Bret Easton Ellis
Yankee Suffering from Severe Mental Illness by Mark Twain

04-22-2009, 04:53 AM
See-Through-Guy: H.G. Wells

The Portrait of Dorian's Gray Hair: Oscar Wilde

Nobility Sucks: Bram Stoker

Make Me a Man: Mary Shelley

Chatty Blackbird on a Bust: Edgar Allen Poe

Sharp Swing over a Hole: Edgar Allen Poe

I Fell in Walden Pond and Got Fish in my Shorts: Emmerson

Angry Wine Fruit: Steinbeck

Small Sunburned Horse who Dies in Chapter one: Steinbeck

A Swinging Guy With Really Bad Posture: Victor Hugo

Spoiled Rotten Rich Kid and the Vagrant Who Looks Just Like Him: Twain

04-22-2009, 05:04 AM
The Prickly Parrot – Colleen McCullough

Foggy Avenue – Tim Winton

The Town-in-Kent Stories – Chaucer

Jailbait - Vladimir Nabokov

Middle of June – George Eliot

04-22-2009, 05:17 AM
The Dog Dies, by Fred Gipson

A Guy Beating Himself Up and Other Metaphors For Modern Man's Emotional Hangups, by Chuck Palahniuk

Man That Guy Has a Lot of Tattoos, by Ray Bradbury

04-22-2009, 05:28 AM
Lady Audley Wishes She Got a Restraining Order - Mary Elizabeth Braddon
Poor People Good, Rich People Bad - Charles Dickens
Huge Let Down - George Eliot
The Chronic Masturbating Jesus - Chuck Palahniuk
How to Torture Women by Stuffing Rats in their Hoo-has - Bret Easton Ellis
We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat - Peter Benchley

04-22-2009, 05:34 AM
The Inedible Journey: when two dogs and a cat can't find anything decent to eat during their annual roadtrip.

04-22-2009, 06:10 AM
Of Rodents and Primates, by John Steinbeck.

04-22-2009, 06:47 AM

Green Eggs and Spam
Horton Hears a What
Portoise the Tortoise

04-22-2009, 07:30 AM
Kids of People

Something Is Coming and It's Wicked

Two Cowboys in Love on a Mountain Range

The Kid Who Fly Kites

The Wife of a Guy Who Travels In Time

To Kill a Bird

The Burial Place for Cats and Dogs

A Road Trip to the Middle of the Planet

Circling the Earth in Just a Bit Under Three Months

Lyra Jean
04-22-2009, 07:35 AM
An large body of water between two land masses - Raymond K. Wong
Sparkles the Lonely Vampire - Stephanie Meyers

04-22-2009, 07:47 AM
Yuri Zhivago, MD.

The Rules of the Little Farm House that Sells Cider

Heavenly Creatures and Hellish Monsters

Highly Regarded (by Toni Morrison)

Lyra Jean
04-22-2009, 08:01 AM
Various Places I've Lived - Laura Ingalls Wilder
How a human from Mars began his own religion - Heinlein

Dale Emery
04-22-2009, 08:05 AM
One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, Chew Fish

One Fish, Two Fish, Three Fish, Four Fish, Five Fish

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Lobby

The Encyclopaedia Englandica

(I apologize in advance): Green Eggs and Sperm

Yertle the Tortoise

The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Marcos

Alan in Wonderland

Winnie the Shit (yeah, I know, it's been done before)

Hanoi Harriett the Spy

Dale Emery
04-22-2009, 08:07 AM
The House of Green Cupolas

04-22-2009, 08:09 AM
Stephen King

The Dimming

The Not So Bright Structure in the Distance

Revenge of the Bloody Prom Queen

Pint Sized Pyro

The Sit

04-22-2009, 08:09 AM
You Go To Heaven and Then You Meet Five People

Something Horrible Happened in Amityville


Ben Button Has an Interesting Life

Lyra Jean
04-22-2009, 08:20 AM
A hot steamy planet - Ben Bova

04-22-2009, 08:23 AM
A World of Monkeys

School Boys Marooned On an Island

Year 2001 in Space

Dinosaurs in a Park (I'd probably still read this one)

04-22-2009, 08:44 AM
Kansas Blows; L. Frank Baum

04-22-2009, 08:49 AM
Pig-headedness and Bigotry by Jane Austen

Dale Emery
04-22-2009, 08:49 AM
It Was All a Dream by L. Frank Baum

(We could have any number of spoiler titles, I think.)

04-22-2009, 10:43 AM
Finding Important Things Out by Saint John the Divine

04-22-2009, 10:53 AM
Men are from Mars, Women are from Uranus

What to Expect When You're Knocked Up

04-22-2009, 11:15 AM
Counting of Little Dots In the Sky - Lois Lowry
Rodent On A High Speed Motorized Bicycle - Beverly Cleary
A Small Mouse And His Adventures - E.B. White
The Kid Who Sees A Dead Psychologist - M. Night Shyamalan

Dale Emery
04-22-2009, 11:16 AM
Men Are From Mars, Women Have No Penis

04-22-2009, 11:38 AM
The Man Who Mistook His Hat For His Wife by Oliver Sacks

(Might make for an interesting 'fringe' porn movie, though.)

04-22-2009, 11:50 AM
The Creep in the Opera House Cellar - Gaston Leroux

Beyond Designations of What Is and Is Not Acceptable in Human Society - Nietzsche

A Scholar, a Terrible Cosmic Being, and the Horrible People That Worship It - HP Lovecraft

An Account of a Japanese Entertainer - Arthur Golden

04-22-2009, 12:01 PM
I read once that in Japan The Grapes of Wrath was translated as The Angry Raisins.

04-22-2009, 01:32 PM
I read once that in Japan The Grapes of Wrath was translated as The Angry Raisins.


And Dale, your Men are from Mars beats mine. :)


Are You There, Satan? It's me, Every Emo Teenage Girl In Existence.

Mole Juice

The Ache and The Colossal One

(Just wanted to add that I have all the respect in the world for Mrs. Blume!)

04-22-2009, 02:09 PM
Ok, today I'm going w/ chick-lit and mini-chick-lit:

Are You There God? It's Me Again And I Was Wondering How's Come You Gave Girls Cramps and Boys Wet Dreams? 'Cause That's Totally Not Fair. Oh, And When Can I Expect Those Boobs? by Judy Blume

Devine Secrets of Self-Absorbed, Abusive, Chain-Smoking, Drunk Moms with Fab Up-Dos by Rebecca Wells

How Crotchety Old Stella Banged A Hot Jamaican Dude: The Cougar's Guide To Getting The Most From Your All-Inclusive Vacations by Terry McMillan

04-22-2009, 07:35 PM
Alan in Wonderland

Spelled slightly differently, that's a comedy album by Allen Sherman. Very funny guy.

04-22-2009, 10:14 PM
I know What You'll Do Next Summer -- The Dead Zone; Stephen King

04-22-2009, 10:17 PM
Folly of a Megalomaniacal Meyer Fanatic:Or The Tater who Wouldn't Open her Eyes -- Lady Sybilla; Russet Noon

04-22-2009, 10:36 PM
Le Carre - The agent who arrived somewhere toasty
Tolkein - Hoopmeister
Stephen Ambrose - Happy Few
Charles Darwin - The Funky Gibbon
A C Clarke - Adulthood
James Clavell - Firearm Demonstration, Regal Rodent

04-23-2009, 04:08 AM
A Tightly-Wound Mechanical Citrus

Alan Yee
04-23-2009, 06:15 AM
The Lying Illusionist of Oz by L. Frank Baum
Conversations with a Vampire Named Louis by Anne Rice
The Bloodsucker Lestat by Anne Rice
Female Ruler of the Bloodsucking Corpses by Anne Rice
Sandbox by Frank Herbert
Pride and Discrimination by Jane Austen
Two Teenaged Lovers from Feuding Families who Both Eventually End Up Dead by William Shakespeare
The Really Short Dude with Furry Feet by J.R.R. Tolkien

04-23-2009, 06:37 AM
Blowhole: Male Bonding Over the One that Got Away; Herman Melville

When Muses Attack; Stephen King

04-23-2009, 08:28 AM
Counter-Culture Classics, anyone?

The Applications of Eastern Philosophies on the Repair of Two-Wheeled Motorized Conveyances by Robert M. Pirsig
Angling for Trout in a Body of Water in Washington, DC by Nicholas Von Hoffman & Garry Trudeau
Abscond Surreptitiously With This Volume by Abbie Hoffman
Spirit in Deep Freeze by Eldredge Cleaver
Act! by Jerry Rubin
A Kid's Garden of Maryjane by Jack S. Margolis

04-23-2009, 02:17 PM
Frothy the Dog's Really Bad Day; Stephen King

04-23-2009, 05:16 PM
The Emo, The Blood Drinker And That Time Before It Gets Dark – Stephanie Meyer
The Search For The Submarine – Tom Clancy
One Glided Above The Bird House – Ken Kesey

04-23-2009, 10:43 PM
Petulent Selfishness Disguising Itself as a Philisophy by Ayn Rand

Lyra Jean
04-24-2009, 09:07 AM
Liking Someone during an Epidemic.

04-25-2009, 11:11 AM
JK Rowling: Beatrix Potter and the Rabbit's Cloak
Phillip K. Dick: Do Androids Want Electric Petunias?
Hermann Melville: Moby Richard
John Milton: Paradise Kicked out of
Edmund Spenser: The Dairy Queene
Rudyard Kipling: So-so Stories

04-26-2009, 12:09 AM
Goiterdaemerrung, or, The Thyroid of the Gods, by Richard Wagner