ARGH!

KikiteNeko · Apr 15, 2009

So I belong to another forum that has a sizable writing section (but it's not predominately a writing forum). Most of the users seem to be preteens and teens, and I generally steer clear of the writing forum because it doesn't focus on publication so much as just writing for fun. But sometimes I venture over there, and today I found this:

The OP was upset because a beta reader had a suggestion to change some of his sentences.

"The glass vase looked empty as it stood on the window sil" = beta suggestion.

"The glass vase seemed entirely spurious as it stood alone on the mantle to the world outside..." = OP writing.

What is wrong, exactly, with shying away from the mundane and trying to be more... descriptive? Is it a reader killer? Or can it be very emotive?

And then most of the comments were "people who prefer the first sentence are just stupid and illiterate"

*Rips. Hair. Out* Oh, AW, I'll never venture beyond your URL for writing advice again.

Tasmin21 · Apr 15, 2009

*blink blink blink* Ok, first of all... Do they even KNOW what spurious means????? To quote Inigo, "I do not think it means what you think it means."

Bubastes · Apr 15, 2009

Is it just me or does the OP not know what "spurious" means?

Devil Ledbetter · Apr 15, 2009

The second sentence is trying entirely too hard to be impressive, which rarely will serve the story.

I'm wondering what glass vases lying about on window sills has to do with the plot. If the story is boring (which from that sentence alone, one might suspect), neither the addition or subtraction of $50 words can save it.

Also, "mantle to the world outside" is a hilariously bad construction.

Millicent M'Lady · Apr 15, 2009

Just be glad you found AW and don't have to rely on idiot opinion like that! Or one should be grateful one surreptitiously happened upon the forum of Absolute Write and may refrain from indulging thine ear in the opined drivel described!

I think the second one sounds better. Anyone who doesn't believe so is clearly stupid and can't read good!

CaoPaux · Apr 15, 2009

*ahem*

Although the OP's sentence has problems, the beta's suggestion is toneless and misses the OP's intention. So, there. :tongue

KikiteNeko · Apr 15, 2009

I should say one person did comment and politely put the OP in his place, putting it more eloquently than I in my hysteria could.

For one, "spurious" is not a big word. Two, that second example is only really good for flowery poetry. I don't want to read about a "mantle to the outside world", I want to get to the action and see what the book is about. I read at a higher level than almost everybody my age (I'm not exaggerating- I've been reading at a college level since seventh grade), but that doesn't mean I read to find purple prose, as that second sentence up there is full of. Also, reading something like "spurious" in that sentence makes me put the book down immediately.

Spurious:
1: of illegitimate birth : bastard2: outwardly similar or corresponding to something without having its genuine qualities : false <the spurious eminence of the pop celebrity>3 a: of falsified or erroneously attributed origin : forged b: of a deceitful nature or quality <spurious excuses>

It does not seem alone, nor (as the context of the sentence makes it sound) pointless or without a use. Is the vase or the window even important? If not, chuck it. I read for amusement and to get away from the world; I don't want to be reading "big words" that don't mean what the context of their sentence would have them mean. Please, if you're gonna make us look up a word, at least make sure the word is correct in the sentence.

Krisela · Apr 15, 2009

I think this is probably a case of too much right-clicking in Microsoft Word and using the thesaurus.

Devil Ledbetter · Apr 15, 2009

CaoPaux said:
*ahem*

Although the OP's sentence has problems, the beta's suggestion is toneless and misses the OP's intention. So, there.

I suppose, if the OP's intention was to bore everyone to tears.

Soccer Mom · Apr 15, 2009

Spurious vase? No.

Looked empty? So, was it empty or not? How does it look empty?

Soccer Mom, Not crazy about either sentence and wondering why the vase is important anyway.

Cyia · Apr 15, 2009

Must resist... must resis...must re... must.... Can't resist...

The only color was the accidental prism of a glass vase on the window sill.

waylander · Apr 15, 2009

Is English the first language of the OP?

KikiteNeko · Apr 15, 2009

Soccer Mom said:
Spurious vase? No.

Looked empty? So, was it empty or not? How does it look empty?

Soccer Mom, Not crazy about either sentence and wondering why the vase is important anyway.

If a vase falls in a badly-written story and there's no one to read it....

KikiteNeko · Apr 15, 2009

waylander said:
Is English the first language of the OP?

I assume so. He didn't say otherwise.

Wayne K · Apr 15, 2009

What is wrong, exactly, with shying away from the mundane and trying to be more... descriptive? Is it a reader killer? Or can it be very emotive

I think the worst part of his or her style is that it's boring.

blacbird · Apr 15, 2009

tomothecat said:
*Rips. Hair. Out* Oh, AW, I'll never venture beyond your URL for writing advice again.

I'm not so sure. Might be the kind of place where someone with an ounce of intelligence and a mean-spirited deposition, like, oh . . . me, maybe . . . could have some fun puncturing balloons.

caw

Brindle Chase · Apr 15, 2009

Not to snub the writer exampled... but this made me feel pretty damn good about my own writing... not spurious or emotive in the least bit!

smcc360 · Apr 15, 2009

"Every writer knows he is spurious; every fiction writer would rather be credible than authentic."
-John Le Carre

Fade · Apr 15, 2009

Krisela said:
I think this is probably a case of too much right-clicking in Microsoft Word and using the thesaurus.

That's why I actually look up the words I find in the thesaurus. In the dictionary.

beta:
"The glass vase looked empty as it stood on the window sil"

What is wrong with "the empty vase"? How can it just look empty? Especially if it's clear?

Delhomeboy · Apr 15, 2009

Fade said:
That's why I actually look up the words I find in the thesaurus. In the dictionary.

What is wrong with "the empty vase"? How can it just look empty? Especially if it's clear?

Maybe it would be explained in the next sentence.

Por ejemplo, The vase looked empty as it sat on the window sill. But then, as I stepped across, and invisible hand latched out and grabbed me around the neck!!!!!!

Nivarion · Apr 15, 2009

maybe the bottom of the vase is a switch to open a trap door.

Delhomeboy · Apr 15, 2009

Nivarion said:
maybe the bottom of the vase is a switch to open a trap door.

OR!!!! It's painted EXACTLY LIKE THE OUTSIDE WORLD, so it only SEEMS invisible, because it blends into the background....

Matera the Mad · Apr 15, 2009

Yeah...this reminds me of the origins of Nick Wortschatz, Private Critic.

dawinsor · Apr 15, 2009

This is why a good beta reader is more precious than rubies.

ChaosTitan · Apr 16, 2009

dawinsor said:
This is why a good beta reader is more precious than rubies.

Amen. You'd have to pry my betas from my cold, dead fingers.

ARGH!

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They will come from below...

bananaed

Come on you stranger, you legend,

Exploring the infinite abyss

Mostly Harmless

.

Lurkaholic

Come on you stranger, you legend,

Crypto-fascist

Rewriting My Destiny

Who's going for a beer?

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Dancing on the edge

I've Got An MFA In LEO

The Captain of My Soul

Stalking Jennifer Aniston!

Brony level >9000

Stalking Jennifer Aniston!

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Dorothy A. Winsor

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