PDA

View Full Version : It's time for Horror Hounds to reclaim the vampire



Haggis
04-01-2009, 05:42 PM
I've had it with these romance authors and young adult writers who have blatantly stolen the vampires from our beloved horror genre. I say it's time we took them back. The problem is that we need to adapt to modern times.

Today's reader refuses to deal with an evil, blood-sucking dead thing who can turn himself into a bat on a whim. It's simply not believable any more. Instead, we need to create new characters, exciting characters, characters who today's readers can identify with. In other words, we have to change the mythos. For my money, Stephenie Meyer already nailed it. She's leading the way. I strongly suggest we grab onto her coattails and go along for the ride.

Think about it. What is so wrong with a vampire who prefers fruits and vegetables to blood? Why shouldn't a vampire sparkle? And what's so icky about a hundred year old vampire falling for a teenager? If they're both in love, and especially if they both have an affinity for adverbs, I say it's their business.

So, it's up to you. Adapt or don't. But I've already made my choice. Now watch me sparkle.

Calla Lily
04-01-2009, 05:45 PM
Ooooh.... sparkles...


So now you're saying I have to rewrite my studly, bloodsucking, chainsaw-carving vamp and make him SPARKLE?

Ah, crap. I'm a publication whore. *starts scribbling*

Haggis
04-01-2009, 05:46 PM
Ah, crap. I'm a publication whore.

Aren't we all? :)

Cranky
04-01-2009, 05:49 PM
No. Just. No.

WEREWOLVES are where it's at, man. I'm tellin' ya. You've been staring at your Edward poster too long...all those sparkles have driven you insane.

So, so, sad.

LaurieD
04-01-2009, 05:51 PM
I prefer my vampire bloody and evil. I mean, where's the challenge in seducing a sparkly vampire? Seduce a vampire who wants to drain you of your life blood and you're on to something.

Besides, sparkles are for MLP.

Shail
04-01-2009, 05:54 PM
Ooooh.... sparkles...


So now you're saying I have to rewrite my studly, bloodsucking, chainsaw-carving vamp and make him SPARKLE?

Ah, crap. I'm a publication whore. *starts scribbling*


Nuh-uh. He's already studly. He doesn't need to sparkle. He's a modern vamp for mature audiences. Sparkly is for teenagers and prom queen glitter girls.

Calla Lily
04-01-2009, 06:02 PM
*PMs DL and Haggis to take Shail off the menu for next week*

I like you, Shail. I could use a minion. :e2teeth:

Shail
04-01-2009, 06:06 PM
*Takes off scarf and leather bracers* Good. Those were getting hot. Does it count if I have my own, naturally occuring fangs?

Calla Lily
04-01-2009, 06:26 PM
Fangs rule.

Ooh, my own minion. I haz arrived.

Kerr
04-01-2009, 07:27 PM
Sparkling clean vamps? What is going on in this place? Is it a deadly new and contagious virus?

Shail
04-01-2009, 07:31 PM
From what I understood it's about survival of the-uh-most adaptable. The Forum needed money, so it adapted, by submitting to the undead. Like me. I'm the minion, now. *shrug* Adaptation bites.

Kerr
04-01-2009, 07:40 PM
Very well. I just went and brushed with whitener.

Haggis
04-01-2009, 07:42 PM
Sparkling yet?

GhostAuthor
04-01-2009, 08:37 PM
I'm with you guys! I despise the 'pretty' vampire. Give me blood sucking beasts who refuse to feel 'guilty' about ensuring their own survival!

Haggis, lead the way. . . I'm right behind 'ya!

P. S - Anyone else note something about the date today?

FOTSGreg
04-02-2009, 12:04 AM
Aw, now the world is truly ending - Haggis has fallen victim and become minion to the Vegan-Meyer Vampire Disease (VMVD fr short). I'm afraid there's absolutely no hope for the patient once that occurs and I judge him irredeemably corrupted.

Haggis shall be fed to the zombies at Dawn, the prequel to Day which is the prequel to Dusk which is the pre-prequel/sequel to Twilight which is the actual Twilight which is the prequel to Night. And somewhere in there there's a Dusk Till Dawn book which is a pre-pre-prequel/sequel which ties everything together.

Oh, and they're all so sparkly you'll be setting your room on fire just trying to read the books.

Kerr
04-02-2009, 01:15 AM
Damn! That wasn't the whitener.

Shail
04-02-2009, 01:24 AM
Not to worry. I think we can fix this. What [I]did[I] you use? Looks like alum, in which case it should wear off eventually. In the mean time relax, take off your shoes and I'll give you a nice foot rub to relieve your stress.

TedTheewen
04-02-2009, 01:45 AM
I've got it! A vampire who is a soccer mom, drives an SUV hybrid and teaches recyling classes at the day camps. I'll have to make sure she's politically correct.

Wait. I can't do this anymore. I hate vampires. Melodramatic pansies. They couldn't be more of a douche with pink shirts and popped collars. It's killing them that's fun.

Shail
04-02-2009, 01:50 AM
I've got it! A vampire who is a soccer mom, drives an SUV hybrid and teaches recyling classes at the day camps. I'll have to make sure she's politically correct.

Wait. I can't do this anymore. I hate vampires. Melodramatic pansies. They couldn't be more of a douche with pink shirts and popped collars. It's killing them that's fun.

Just a few. When I'm done with Kerr's foot rub I'll get to you. I'm immune to the Twilight stuff, so I get after April fools therapy duty. Any other takers for massage anti-trauma therapy? Since this is an international forum I'm still Callalily's evil minion until midnight tomorrow.

Kerr
04-02-2009, 02:21 AM
Not to worry. I think we can fix this. What [i]did[i] you use? Looks like alum, in which case it should wear off eventually. In the mean time relax, take off your shoes and I'll give you a nice foot rub to relieve your stress.

Okay, Shail, but I warn you, it won't be pretty. My nails have been growing at an unnatural rate ever since I was first bitten. I wonder what alum might do for that?

Shail
04-02-2009, 02:26 AM
Okay, Shail, but I warn you, it won't be pretty. My nails have been growing at an unnatural rate ever since I was first bitten. I wonder what alum might do for that?

http://www.toefun.com/d12toeugly2.JPG


I am not deterred. And we can fix that too. A nice hot soak in epsom salts a little filing, some scrubbing with pumice stones, and they'll be good as new, for about a week. Unless of course you were bitten by the Bavarian black tailed toe nibbler, in which case your toenails will require a welding torch, which I keep handy.

Kerr
04-02-2009, 02:48 AM
No, that's good. It wasn't the Bavarian black tailed toe nibbler. It was Snoop Doggie's Daddy did it. But you are a wonder of a minion to so bravely face the unknown. Muhha-ha-ha!

HoraceJames
04-02-2009, 03:30 AM
Y'know... I was going to get my fangs whitened.

I got a tan instead.

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 03:42 AM
Just a few. When I'm done with Kerr's foot rub I'll get to you. I'm immune to the Twilight stuff, so I get after April fools therapy duty. Any other takers for massage anti-trauma therapy? Since this is an international forum I'm still Callalily's evil minion until midnight tomorrow.

*works on a Minion To-Do list*

*tries to keep it PG-13*

DL Hegel
04-02-2009, 04:15 AM
why don't we do a shorty prompt 500 words or less on a non sparkle type vamp?

Shail
04-02-2009, 04:15 AM
*works on a Minion To-Do list*

*tries to keep it PG-13*


Oh, no fear wonderfully evil mistress. I am over the age of consent. However, I am Asexual. so as long as it doesn't involve me performing sexual acts it can be done. I will willingly kidnap, lure, bait, and what have you any victim you wish. just tell me their weakness. Oh, and one more thing. Can we move that armchair over there? I want to set up my massage table. Victims are easy to lure with the promise of stress relief and anti-Twilight therapy. Oh, but mistress and masters get first dibs on the magic fingers. Don't worry. I keep my talons trimmed short.

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 04:20 AM
*melts in Shail's arms... er... talons*

Right there... just below the left shoulder blade. It always knots up there. Mmm...

Haggis
04-02-2009, 04:34 AM
why don't we do a shorty prompt 500 words or less on a non sparkle type vamp?

Well, see now, I get to name the next prompt. And it ain't that. Don't like it? Blame Cranky. And I've already figured out what the prompt is. You'll all find out tomorrow.

Of course I do get to name the next prompter. Heh, heh, heh. :e2teeth:

DL Hegel
04-02-2009, 09:17 AM
Well, see now, I get to name the next prompt. And it ain't that. Don't like it? Blame Cranky. And I've already figured out what the prompt is. You'll all find out tomorrow.

Of course I do get to name the next prompter. Heh, heh, heh. :e2teeth:

we could make it a contest instead---winner gets to hang out with you or RT?

Or maybe they can pick a future prompt?

David McAfee
04-02-2009, 03:26 PM
I'm with DL. That could be the April prompt.

EDIT - posted too soon. OK, Haggis, what is the April prompt?
Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit? WhatwhatwhatWHAT?

David McAfee
04-02-2009, 03:34 PM
*works on a Minion To-Do list*

*tries to keep it PG-13*


Hey, Lily, could I borrow your minion? The oil in the EvilMobile (aka the Kia) needs to be changed...the EvilCycle, too (yeah, yeah...it's my Suzuki)

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 04:02 PM
He's mine, I tell you, MINE!

At least till midnight tonight. *beckons to Shail*

Shail
04-02-2009, 04:44 PM
*beckons to Shail*

*comes wearing paper bag with eye holes* Dare I to show my face again, great Mistress? I fear I may have made an idiot of myself.

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 04:52 PM
*comes wearing paper bag with eye holes* Dare I to show my face again, great Mistress? I fear I may have made an idiot of myself.

I am forgiving and my punishments are... intriguing.


*stares at self in mirror* I've gone off the deep end. Someone come shake me. I'm channelling some kind of paranormal Dungeon Mistress. Help.

Shail
04-02-2009, 04:55 PM
*shakes callalily* Forgive, but you asked for some one to shake you. What is it you require?

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 05:02 PM
A day where I *don't* work overtime.

Oh, wait. That's in my real life.

A virtual mimosa and a cranberry scone will do.

Shail
04-02-2009, 05:04 PM
*runs to fetch; returns with mimosa and steaming hot scone* Honey for your scone?

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 05:08 PM
Mmm. Shail, you have a real talent for this. David better treat you well when I release you to him, or my Redeemers will crucify his vampire's skinny undead butt.

Shail
04-02-2009, 05:22 PM
Milady is gracious. More mimosa?

Calla Lily
04-02-2009, 05:27 PM
Mmm.

David McAfee
04-02-2009, 06:12 PM
Ack! Not the Redeemers! I'll...uh....just change that oil myself, thanks. ;)

Shail
04-02-2009, 06:15 PM
But I already did it during down time-and had the tires rotated, the alignment checked, and the interior detailed. Cranberry scone? I think they're still warm.

David McAfee
04-02-2009, 06:21 PM
Damn...


That's some minion!