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KCathy
03-31-2009, 09:35 PM
You don't have to be single to answer this one, just remember what it's like. My MC's love interest is 31 and has never been married. In one scene, she's invited to a dinner party only to discover that she is the only single person in attendance (although a single man who was deliberately invited as a set-up backed out at the last minute).

What things should the marrieds say to embarrass her and generally drive her crazy with their condescension and advice?

scarletpeaches
03-31-2009, 09:37 PM
"Never mind, dear, you'll meet someone one day."

:rolleyes:

Yes, I've heard this many a time in real life.

Millicent M'Lady
03-31-2009, 09:39 PM
"I have a friend I can set you up with".
"You're so pretty, I really don't understand why you're single".
"You know, if you're gay, that's all right"... (I swear to God, I used to get that from my family. Tossers!)
"Perhaps, if you weren't working so much, you'd meet someone. You know, men don't like a woman who's too successful".

Ken
03-31-2009, 09:40 PM
... "count your blessings, Ken. You don't know how lucky you are to be single!"
(Obviously just trying to make me feel less miserable about being single ... and nearly succeeding, till I spot the married couple out on the patio a few minutes later, smoochy-smooching and obviously head o'er heels in love.)

scarletpeaches
03-31-2009, 09:41 PM
Oh, you just reminded me of this classic - "You have to let men know you need them. You're so independent you scare men."

Millicent M'Lady
03-31-2009, 09:44 PM
Oh, you just reminded me of this classic - "You have to let men know you need them. You're so independent you scare men."

I hate that crap!!! Grrr....

Or the "maybe if you made a bit more of an effort with yourself?" one. Cheeky, cheeky gits.

selkn.asrai
03-31-2009, 09:58 PM
Being technically single (as in unmarried), I hatehateHATE these.

"So when are YOU getting married?"

Erg. Thanks so much. Does a relationship mean nothing without a ring involved?

"Oh, make sure you're smart and don't get married until you're at least 30."

You know, I think it's rude to force your own ethics and beliefs on others. Maybe you weren't ready to settle down until your mid-thirties, but that doesn't mean it would apply to me.

KikiteNeko
03-31-2009, 10:12 PM
"What do you want, dear, that extra slice of cake or a husband?"

Ms Hollands
03-31-2009, 11:07 PM
The question I got asked most during my many, many years of being single was:

"Why are you single?"

(Err, I don't bloody know!!!)

Also, those sentences that start with "You should..."

- wear makeup more often (ffs)
- try speed dating (normally accompanied with "a friend of mine tried it and now she's married!" statement)
- try internet dating (statement as above)
- change your hairstyle
- stop travelling. Men don't like strong, independent girls.
- read this book**

**Strangely enough, the book was written by a gay New York guy and his take on women and dating was far removed from life in the French alps for me. One chapter started with: "Girl, he's not just going to knock on your door." Ironically, a few nights later, a guy I fancied *did* knock on my door. Hah! I showed HIM!

veinglory
03-31-2009, 11:09 PM
"Never mind, I am sure you will meet someone soon" said quizzical as if consoling someone for contracting a nasty-but-not-fatal social disease, whilst clearly wondering what is wrong with you.

kikilynn
03-31-2009, 11:12 PM
this doesn't really apply, but it's just as appalling. When my fiance cheated on me I went to cry on my dad's shoulder and he said "well isn't it better he got it out now, instead of when you're married?" needless to say I took what my dad said to heart and married the moron, only to be cheated on for all four years of our marriage.

Kathleen42
03-31-2009, 11:12 PM
This conversation I recently had came to mind.

Person number one: You're really not interested in marriage?
Me: Not at present.
Person number one: Really?
Person two (elbowing person one): You have no tact. Can't you tell that no one has asked her yet?

You shoudl also check out the dinner party scene in Bridget Jones' diary.

dirtsider
03-31-2009, 11:18 PM
I got the "So when are you getting married?" by my family at one of my sister's wedding. My response was either "Well, I'd have to meet a guy first." or "If I do get married, I intend to elope."

JulieHowe
03-31-2009, 11:27 PM
"Hey, you're not using that chair, are you?" Said to solo diners in cafes and restaurants as they grab a chair away from your table to use at theirs.


"You're not a fagele, are you, dear?" Substitute gay, lesbian or homosexual for the word fagele for the non-Jewish. This is always asked in a nervous whisper by motherly and grandmotherly types.


"What's a pretty girl like you doing without a boyfriend?"


"My sister Martha has a nice son named Jimmy. He's not married yet, either." Jimmy is usually unemployed or obsessed with playing video games, and he still lives at home with his mother. And his car is a Schwinn.

I've had the nicest grandmotherly types tell me at dinner parties, in secret and off to the side that "Men are a--holes, dear. You're much better off staying single."

Ha, I keep editing this and adding more thoughts.

"Do you go to church?" Unspoken translation: If you went to church, you'd meet a nice single man.

"Have you tried Jesus?" Unspoken translation: If you weren't such a heathen, you'd be able to find a nice man and get married.

semilargeintestine
03-31-2009, 11:34 PM
"I have a friend I can set you up with".
"You're so pretty, I really don't understand why you're single".
"You know, if you're gay, that's all right"... (I swear to God, I used to get that from my family. Tossers!)
"Perhaps, if you weren't working so much, you'd meet someone. You know, men don't like a woman who's too successful".

Too right. My oldies used to say that all the time.

KCathy
03-31-2009, 11:50 PM
You shoudl also check out the dinner party scene in Bridget Jones' diary.

I read that, years back, and remember that it was excellent. I don't want to read it this close to writing a similar scene, though, for fear that I'll either tend to mimic the style and statements OR that I'll try so hard not to mimic that I'll end up with something strange and unnatural.

Thanks for the help so far, everyone--keep 'em coming!

Rabe
03-31-2009, 11:58 PM
What things should the marrieds say to embarrass her and generally drive her crazy with their condescension and advice?

I'm a single male, so don't know if it can help but:

One thing I *HATE* is when they go on and on and on and on endlessly about the 'joys' of being married. And then fifteen minutes later are complaining about their spouse and saying things I don't say about my enemies!

Or things like "So, found anybody yet?" As if this were a frikken "Where's Waldo" book. Which is even more annoying as I moved to a smaller station and there is talk of the 'curse' wherein all single men come up here and wind up married. I've only been here two frikken months! I'm still not even fully unpacked and settled in yet!

(I'll spare you the rant about how the people in town have heads so far up their own arse they tinkle their tonsils with the tip of their tongues)

"Aren't you interested in dating?" Actually, no, no I'm not. Thanks for asking.

Sending invitations that just assume I'm a couple anyway (worse ones? People sending invitations to Mr. and Mrs. Rabe. If you're inviting me to something you'd better damn well know that there is no Mrs. Rabe or why the hell are you inviting me anyway?)

The corrollary is just assuming I must have a spouse or SO when talking to me anyway. Such as in stores when I'm looking for something and the clerk or not at all helpful employee will be trying to help me find something and will say something like "Well, did your wife tell you what kind/brand/item to get?" Yes, yes she did. It was the last thing she said before I chopped her up and sent he down the garbage disposal. Now the damned thing has a smell to it. Bastard. Or during 'holidays' when I'm accosted by the 'extra special' sales people who keep trying to tell me "your wife will love it!"

Yes, because apparently the ONLY reason a man can be in a store shopping is because the wife sent him there! OH, and the most maddening - being a man who can actually cook and does, on occasion actually cooking to microwaving, I'll get the "Oh, I see someone's wife wrote a pretty good list!" Oh, DAMN! I forgot the cow tongue, mind opening wide?

Or, this happened just the other day: "Seeing anybody yet? Cause I know this gal that I thought I'd fix you up with. She's gotta be your type. She's Goth, I think. Or maybe something else. Maybe something else. She's dyed her hair black at any rate. I don't really know her name, she works here. Oh, yeah, she runs an internet sex site." (true story!)

I've had this one and the coworker who said it didn't come around me for a week for fear of what I'd do: "Did you have your nuts cut off or something?" Yeah, because becoming a eunuch is the ONLY reason I wasn't in a relationship that made me completely miserable - JUST LIKE HIM!

There's the "Don't you ever get lonely?" questions.

Oh, and there is just the assumption that I must be getting desperate to have children - because apparently my life isn't complete without having children about. I've friends with kids and get that fix taken care of during lunch or dinner or visits, thank you very much.

"It must be nice to be single and have all that extra money," said with contempt and jealousy but also as a condemnation. And yes, I quite enjoy deciding what to do with the money I make, thank you very much.

Or the talking about taking a trip/vacation or something of that ilk and I get the "By yourself?" followed by facial expressions that state this is just as bad as if I said I liked to sprinkled dried baby shit on my morning cereal.

Even as a guy I got this one: "Y'know, there's nothing really wrong with your looks, if you just lost some weight, you'd find somebody!"

"Hey, since you don't have a family we decided to go ahead and make you work this [holiday]." Okay, usually, if I have to work a holiday I don't mind (extra pay is always nice!) but when put this way, I do mind. And what the hell do they call my father and brothers/nieces anyway? This is a corrolary to "Since you don't have anybody at home waiting for you, do you mind working this overtime?" Well, since you put it like that - yes I do. Have a nice night.

When talking about how I prefer working nights/grave shifts "Doesn't your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/blowup doll mind?" Or, "How do you ever get any sleep? I know with my children running around I never get any sleep." Or, "That must be nice that your wife let's you sleep in, mine would be all over me to go shopping, do household chores or garden with her."

Have to echo all the gay remarks as well. Though, funny, it'd be EASIER to find a date if I were gay!

Sorry, I think I ranted there a bit anyway.

Rabe...

StephanieFox
04-01-2009, 12:08 AM
"Have you tried Jesus?" Unspoken translation: If you weren't such a heathen, you'd be able to find a nice man and get married.

Perhaps Jesus is dating again. But, he's looking for a Jewish girl.

Sarpedon
04-01-2009, 12:22 AM
Married people tend to talk about their children all the time, which is annoying.

CarolSanDiego
04-01-2009, 01:26 AM
Oh, I got so many annoying comments when I was single.

Of course, now that I'm married, I'm dealing with the constant "So when are you going to have a family?"

What is it with people!?

Here are some of the ones that annoyed me the most:

"So, just ONE of you?" In response to a request for a table for one.

"Didn't you have anyone you could have brought as a date?" Because, clearly, me coming alone is an affront to civilized society.

"You're going to become an old maid if you don't get married soon." Yes, I actually was told this by some of my lovely, and ultra traditional, extended family members.

"You'll find the one someday." Really? Because that happens for everyone? Because my life can't possibly be complete or worthwhile until it does?

"You should put yourself out there." What part of myself should I put out there, exactly?

"What about so and so - he's single, right?" In reference to every single guy around... because that's all it takes right? Uninvolved = a perfect match. Because that must be better than being *gasp* alone.

And my all time favorite: "When are you going to get married to a muscle bound surfer and have yourself a couple of beach bums?" Oh dear god, kill me now.

jodiodi
04-01-2009, 02:39 AM
I had the misfortune to grow up in a time and place where, if you were female and not at least engaged by the time you graduated high school, 'something ain't right' about you.

I didn't marry until 22 years after high school graduation. I waited until I found the right one. My friends and cousins had been married and divorced at least twice by the time I married for the first (and hopefully only) time.

Because I waited to find the perfect match, we have a happy, loving, mature relationship. We didn't scrape by because we were uneducated and working at entry-level jobs with a family to support. I was established in my career and so was he, so we had a two income household that allowed us the freedom to travel and have nice things. We weren't rich, by any means, but we were mature enough that we didn't waste lots of money on 'childish' things. Plus, we'd both sampled what was 'out there' and knew what we wanted: each other.

So, whenever people asked me why I wasn't married yet, I told them I was holding out for quality, not quantity.

cbenoi1
04-01-2009, 02:54 AM
Don't make the same mistake I did.
Better be single and rich than divorced with a pension to pay.

-cb

scarletpeaches
04-01-2009, 02:55 AM
"Stay at home with your mum 'til you get married. That's always best."

Uh. Yeah. I'm 32 now, still single and a few years ago my mother disappeared, so...thank god I didn't listen to that one.

KCathy
04-01-2009, 03:58 AM
Of course, now that I'm married, I'm dealing with the constant "So when are you going to have a family?"

What's especially priceless is that when you get pregnant or just have one child, it's, "So when are you having another one?"

When you have two, it's "Wait until they're teenagers!"

When you have three, it's "Don't you understand how birth control works?"

Now I'm prego with four and I swear some people think I've lost my mind. I honestly don't understand why it seems like the vast majority of people don't have the common sense to shut up about what's none of their business. Whatever the reason, those special people ALWAYS have something to say about how you're screwing it up.

CarolSanDiego
04-01-2009, 04:41 AM
The kid question ceased being simply annoying and became rather painful recently, when I suffered my second miscarriage. I swear, next person that asks me, "You've been married four years!? Why don't you have kids yet?" is going to get a foot in the arse. People really just don't get it.

I've tried to handle these sorts of questions - both about my single status, and now about my childless status - with dignity and humor. I read in an advice column once that personal questions you don't want to answer should be met with the response: "why do you want to know?" Perhaps your main character could use that one!

selkn.asrai
04-01-2009, 04:49 AM
Now I'm prego with four and I swear some people think I've lost my mind.


Congratulations! I'm the oldest of four; people treated my mom that way too. My youngest sibling is newly 14 and people still act like she's insane for having four kids; today a schoolbus driver actually told her that our family's "a legend" for being around for 20-odd years. Which I found weird--are four-children families that rare?

But I'd take a large family over a small one any day.

BradyH1861
04-01-2009, 05:04 AM
Disclaimer: I am married to my second (and hopefully final) wife at the present.

When I was single, my mother told me that she would be okay with me being gay if I just told her.

She also told me once that she would pray for me. (As if there was something wrong or sinful about being single!)

Kathleen42
04-01-2009, 06:15 AM
I had the misfortune to grow up in a time and place where, if you were female and not at least engaged by the time you graduated high school, 'something ain't right' about you.


A friend of mine ended up going back to our hometown to do an internship with a company there. It's the sort of town where girls start having babies right after high school (if they wait that long).

She ran into a former classmate outside of the grocery store. The girl had two children with her, looked my friend up and down and said, "So how many children do you have?"

My friend smiled sweetly and said, "None. I have a degree."

---

On the not being married OR having children front, my mother said to me (a few months ago), "You know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you had an accident with your birth control."

backslashbaby
04-01-2009, 06:58 AM
I think I give off a vibe that keeps folks from doing this much :)

I do get "Do you ever want to be married?" the most. When I say "I don't know. I really like being single, but who knows?" most married people say that they can entirely understand that ;) But there are often comments about what I don't have to put up with; sometimes it strikes me that they might be making fun of marriage for my benefit.

I have far too many friends who would like to be single again were it not for their children, sadly. And many single friends who tout independence, and mean it.

The snarkiness creeps in about children more, I find. Snarky attitude or not, these are common from folks with kids:
"What about children? We're older now!"
"Don't you want to have kids?"
"It's sad that a woman has such a short window to get married if she wants children, though..."

LaurieD
04-01-2009, 07:08 AM
Everybody's pretty much said everything that was ever said to me personally. A 33 year old friend of mine is still single and when someone asked her at her younger sister's wedding when she was getting married, she told them she had no intention of getting married. She was planning on living in sin and having a couple illegitimate children.

JulieHowe
04-01-2009, 07:13 AM
Now I'm prego with four and I swear some people think I've lost my mind. I honestly don't understand why it seems like the vast majority of people don't have the common sense to shut up about what's none of their business. Whatever the reason, those special people ALWAYS have something to say about how you're screwing it up.


I have a relative with eight children who used to hear those things all the time. Her favorite comment was 'Don't you people know when to stop?'

She'd get really mad when people would count how many kids she had and then look over at her like she was a tramp.

One time, a woman looked in her shopping cart and then said 'I just wanted to see what my tax dollars were buying.' Another time, someone commented loudly in a checkout line 'Wow, I didn't know you could buy (steak or something else expensive) with food stamps!'

The family was never on food stamps or welfare. Her husband had a good union job.

She had the last laugh. These eight girls have grown up to become accomplished and absolutely impressive young adults.

Rabe
04-01-2009, 07:45 AM
One time, a woman looked in her shopping cart and then said 'I just wanted to see what my tax dollars were buying.' Another time, someone commented loudly in a checkout line 'Wow, I didn't know you could buy (steak or something else expensive) with food stamps!'

WOW!!!

And I thought I had some tactless things said to me!

I mean, just assuming that a person who has eight kids MUST be on welfare? BAH!

Maybe I'm not so much different...I live in an area where I assume someone with lots of kids is LDS. And very rarely ever tend to be on traditional welfare anyway (I say this because every so often the Church helps out whether it's asked for or not).

Rabe...

Rabe
04-01-2009, 07:48 AM
The kid question ceased being simply annoying and became rather painful recently, when I suffered my second miscarriage. I swear, next person that asks me, "You've been married four years!? Why don't you have kids yet?" is going to get a foot in the arse. People really just don't get it.

Even if I did want to marry, I don't want to have kids.

I stopped someone dead in their tracks once when they were going on and on and on about the 'joys' of kids and badgering me for my anti-kid stance. So when the inevitable "You don't want to have any kids?"

My response:

"Oh, I want to have lots of them, unfortunately their parents frowned on it."

Rabe...

Judg
04-01-2009, 08:10 AM
My goodness. Children used to be taught that making personal comments was rude. We should go back to that.

I didn't marry late, but almost all my friends were older, so I felt like an old maid anyway for a while. I did get some disobliging remarks about having five kids though. Like the total stranger who admired the last baby and then said, "but that's enough." I felt like getting pregnant again just to spite her, but she never would have known anyway. And I wasn't about to give her that kind of power over my life anyway.

Whenever you assume what people's attitudes are towards their situations, you are looking to put your foot in your mouth. And apart from making a fool of yourself and being really annoying, you could actually be causing pain if there's a backstory you're not aware of. I never comment unless the person in question has initiated the conversation.

So for the purposes of the OP, it's the assumptions that drive the awkwardness.

Deb Kinnard
04-01-2009, 08:59 PM
"Well, did your wife tell you what kind/brand/item to get?" Yes, yes she did. It was the last thing she said before I chopped her up and sent her down the garbage disposal. Now the damned thing has a smell to it.

Next time you use a lemon or a lime, put the rind down there. The smell of herself will go away. Truly.

Now if I could only find some way to be rid of my boss...

Oh, almost forgot, frequently heard in church, where the female-male ratio is normally about a gajillion to one: "Oh, everyone knows what Christian singles are for -- they're for BABYSITTING!"

Gaccgggh.

JrFFKacy
04-03-2009, 01:18 AM
My response:

"Oh, I want to have lots of them, unfortunately their parents frowned on it."

Rabe...

I like that.

People sometimes bug me about when I'm getting a boyfriend, and I simply tell them I'm too busy for a relationship. That usually satisfies them.

I was out with a group of people (mostly seniors), not long after I joined the Fire Department. I hadn't seen any of these people in several months, and had just got my hair cut (for the first time in 8 or 10 yrs). A couple of these people asked if I'd changed my hairstyle to attract one of the firefighters I was working with. Not. Believe it or not, I love the work more than the company ('Sides, most of the guys on the team have already been married for years).

...then there was the lady who asked if I and the other female FF on my team, made the coffee for the 'working' firefighters. Um no, when I turn 18, I'm going to be allowed to put on a pack and do interior at structure fires, girl or not.

...there was also the time, just before I turned 13, that everyone kept telling my parents I'd turn really rebelious 'when I became a teenager'. Believe it or not, I'm 17 now and still get along with my parents.

...Those last two comments were a little off topic, but basically, people should learn to spend less time meddling in other people's lives. If I want to be single, childless, or anything else, it's my life and none of their business. Same if I want to be married, have eight children and homeschool them.

We have a family with four girls who live 10 mins away and we've almost grown up like sisters. My mom would often take me, my two brothers and three of their girls (the older one went to public school) places and get the weirdest looks, because the seven of us shared some physical resemblance (hair-colour, etc). Same thing happened when my friend's mom took the seven of us somewhere...

LAWolf
04-03-2009, 03:32 AM
You should also check out the dinner party scene in Bridget Jones' diary.
My thoughts exactly.

I know as a newlywed, I gush a lot about how amazing marriage is. How I recommend it [marriage] to everyone! ;)

I know in the past I was inclined to say, "I know someone perfect for you. Would you consider a blind date?" I'm trying to be far less pushy as I'm realizing some people who are single are happy that way (gasp!).

Jersey Chick
04-03-2009, 03:41 AM
I still recommend it - and I've been married nearly 12 (eek!) years.

I remember, when my husband and I were dating for about a month or so, people would ask us when we were going to get married. We were 22 and 23 years old and had just started dating.

And then, after we were married, it was "When are you going to have kids?" (Why does it matter so much to you?)

Then - "When are you going to have another?" (Do you mind if I actually get to sleep through at least one night before doing this all over again???)

Now - "Are you planning on having any more?" (There are days when I don't want the ones I have, why the hell would I want more???)

It never ends...

padnar
04-04-2009, 08:31 AM
In India being a single girl is worse.
Padma

dreamsofnever
04-05-2009, 02:38 AM
When I was single, I once ran into the mother of an old school friend. I think I was about 22 or so, and the mother was thrilled because her daughter was getting married. Then she asked me "So, do you have anyone special in your life?"

When I said no, she said "Oh, well that's all right too."

Umm... yeah, it IS all right, thanks. It's not like I was lamenting my singlehood or anything. lol.

They could always ask about whatever her most recent ex was. I got that sometimes. "whatever happened to so and so? He was a nice guy. Have you talked to him recently?"

Or they could tell her stories about single moms they know who went out and got a sperm donation (literally. lol) to have a child before it was 'too late.'

Now, that never happened to me but I could totally see someone saying that. :)

dreamsofnever
04-05-2009, 02:45 AM
I still recommend it - and I've been married nearly 12 (eek!) years.

I remember, when my husband and I were dating for about a month or so, people would ask us when we were going to get married. We were 22 and 23 years old and had just started dating.

And then, after we were married, it was "When are you going to have kids?" (Why does it matter so much to you?)

Then - "When are you going to have another?" (Do you mind if I actually get to sleep through at least one night before doing this all over again???)

Now - "Are you planning on having any more?" (There are days when I don't want the ones I have, why the hell would I want more???)

It never ends...

You're so right about that!

My husband and I moved in together after dating for three months, so quite quickly. After that, his family skipped to asking when we were getting married since they just assumed it was happening soon and started asking when we were going to be having kids. One of his sisters went so far as to tell me she already had baby shower stuff planned out for whenever we had one.


The worst thing about the 'when are you going to have kids' or even 'when are you going to find someone and settle down' questions are that you never know the situation.

For me, the 'when are you having kids?' question is a particularly tough one and I wish people would stop asking.

It's the same with 'when are you going to settle down?' It's not as simple as saying "I'm ready to get married" and suddenly you go out and find someone to marry or even date. Usually if someone isn't dating, married, or pregnant, there is a REASON. And usually they don't want to talk about it.

Ah well.

It seems like no matter what stage you're at in life, people want to rush you to catch up to them.

Though I will admit that my husband, while tipsy, has committed the fix-up faux pas. We had a few friends over for a wine tasting party and it was two couples and then my single female friend and his single male friend. And in his drunken state, he kept trying to play matchmaker despite the fact that those two have known each other for awhile and have never expressed the slightest interest in each other at all. Our poor friends. lol. He kept trying to arrange it for them to sit together, and just some other silly things in the very not-subtle way that occurs when one has consumed too much wine. :)

KCathy
04-05-2009, 03:20 AM
My cousin (who now has a five-year-old) was heartbroken for 8 years over being unable to have kids and got the "When are you having kids?" question all the time. Because it was a painful and personal conversation (not to mention none of most people's business), she started telling everyone that they were afraid to have children because of the strong history of insanity on her husband's side of the family.

They either believed her and shut up or got the hint and shut up.

The Lonely One
04-05-2009, 04:00 AM
Careful KCathy, if you have any more kids you'll be asked to go on Dateline NBC and explain your selfish actions!

In all seriousness, though, congrats to you and your fam.

I read this thread and all I can think of is annoying things SINGLE people say. Go figure. :)

Here's a few:

"Ugh, I hate married couples. They're so...happy. Makes me sick." Yes, happiness, the ultimate strand of cooties.

"Get a room!" We have several, thanks.

"They're not fun anymore now that they had a kid." Nine months of pregnancy, hours of labor, thousands of dollars later and the thing's basically a liability issue for eighteen years. Not to mention the kid's like a nocturnal howler monkey that craps all over everything. Yeah, I'm changing a diaper can you hold my heroin needle?

Also, hurtful things bitter single people say in front of couples (my fiancee's ex-coworkers basically made her feel like crap because they were jealous of her when they found out she was getting married. How do I know? Because they were pro-wedding until mysteriously they became hateful of all things white when the ring went on her finger. One of them was a WEDDING PLANNER on the side! Go figure!).

Here's a few:

"They failed because they got married too young." about a couple older than us that broke up.

"I'm never getting married. I don't want someone to take half my stuff." Glad you're looking for that special person/klepto-asshole.

"I'm never getting married. I've got a mind of my own." As opposed to all the married people out there, who don't? there are variations of this one.

"Marriage is like a death sentence."

"I don't want to be tied down." Thanks for pointing out the ropes? Maybe I can break them now?

Don't mistake sluttiness with independence and strength. That's a mistake the Sex and the City girls will have to relive every time they get tested for STD's. (that's what I would say to those girls if I saw them again. Likely I won't, which I'll settle for in lieu of the alternative).

I think my thoughts on that awfully flawed viewpoint on life, perpetuated by self-important bohemian monkeys like Candice Bushnell, is best summed up in the following video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohqNf5e4D1k

Not an attack on all single people. I love single people/used to be a single person. Just thought the playing field needed evening :)

The Lonely One
04-05-2009, 04:27 AM
Okay, I'll play by the rules...

Here's one that pertains to the thread. Something a bible-thumping real estate agent said to me and then-girlfriend when we were looking at a duplex to rent.

Her: "Are you married?"

Us: "Not yet."

Her: (Surprised) "I guess that's what the kids are doing these days." (referring to moving in together) She proceeded to explain that she could marry us and gave us her card.

jodiodi
04-05-2009, 11:52 PM
We got the 'when are you going to have kids' question as soon as we were married (on our honeymoon). Quite a few people assumed I was anxious to birth a little squiggling poop machine. Fortunately, my husband came with 3 kids (2 from a previous marriage, 1 a stepson from same marriage) I could play mommy to and then send home when I was tired of them.

What made the baby questions most painful was the fact that I couldn't have children. I didn't bother to try and explain that fact to people. I'd just smile and say, "I don't like kids."

Jersey Chick
04-05-2009, 11:56 PM
Well, the stupid things married people say to single people (and vice versa) are just like the childless people who know everything there is to know about raising children.

There are dolts everywhere. Just smile and nod. :D

Chase
04-06-2009, 01:27 AM
My goodness. Children used to be taught that making personal comments was rude. We should go back to that.


Amen!


Oh, almost forgot, frequently heard in church, where the female-male ratio is normally about a gajillion to one: "Oh, everyone knows what Christian singles are for -- they're for BABYSITTING!"


Speaking of Christian comments, one of the favorite nun jokes collected by this former altar boy:

Sister Mary Virginia holds up the newborn for the proud father standing outside the nursery. He is with nine children descending in height. "He's perfect. Are these his brothers and sisters?"

The man nods.

Sister smiles. "Such a fine Catholic man you are!"

"We're not Catholic," the tallest child says.

"Well, we honor our Mormon brethren as well," Sister says.

"We're not Mormon, either," pipes up the next tallest of the nine little peas in a pod.

Sister instantly frowns and goes to whisper to other nurses. "Watch out for the man in the waiting room. He's a sex fiend!"

Fern
04-06-2009, 01:57 AM
My husband and I dated a couple months before getting married. Actually, we had dated a few times a couple of years earlier, but not everyone knew that. I got lots of "you haven't known him long enough - it will never work". . . this mostly from older co-workers. We'll be celebrating our 34th anniversary come October.

scarletpeaches
04-06-2009, 02:07 AM
I know a couple who are marrying after roughly a year of dating. A married friend said "They can't possibly know each other well enough! You see young people making the same mistakes over and over again..."

Pfft. Let them marry, I say. I can't stand the prospective bride, so if it fails, good. If it works, then good.

jodiodi
04-06-2009, 02:52 AM
My husband and I met for the first time once for a few minutes in church before he was deployed to Korea. I gave him my e-mail address to give my cousin who was also stationed in Korea. I was dating someone else and he was happily married with 2 kids and a stepson. About 6 months later, he e-mailed me out of the blue: His wife had told him she wanted a divorce as soon as he was deployed. He took emergency leave to go home to work things out, thought they were fine, then as soon as he got back to Korea, she had an e-mail waiting saying she wanted a divorce as soon as possible. She sent him the papers within the week. Anyway, we stayed in touch and talked almost every day and one night he asked me if I'd marry him when he got home. I said, "Sure", not thinking he was serious. Then he sent me a ring for Christmas, so I planned our wedding between January and March when he came home. I picked him up in Atlanta at the airport on Tuesday night and we were married on Saturday afternoon. That's been 9 glorious years ago and I love him now more than ever. He's stuck with me through all my illnesses and treats me like a queen.

Everyone says we're perfect together and I can't argue. Technicaqlly, we never dated before we married and it's worked out for us.

backslashbaby
04-06-2009, 03:28 AM
I always wonder when folks ask about kids if the couple can have kids. Maybe that's why they don't have them, folks.

I don't know that I'll ever have natural children, because of the risk of passing on a birth defect I have. This next line is the absolute truth and something I'd love to give as an answer at a dinner party sometime:

I was born with a tail, which is no problem, but the mutation can cause crippledness or meningitis, too...

[Yes, I could be in the X-men if I ever find out my mutant superpower ;) ]

scarletpeaches
04-06-2009, 03:53 AM
I was once advised to tell people I couldn't have kids, as that would shut the shit down on any conversation like that.

But the truth is, as far as I know, I can. I don't want to lie.

My answer in those instances is "No, I don't have children because I don't want any."

MissKris
04-06-2009, 09:55 PM
I didn't get any of the why aren't you married comments when I was single. Probably because I radiated an aura of indepedence so thick it knocked over everyone in my path. Or maybe because I dated a lot and people assumed I was busy looking for "the one." In any event, the comments I got most often were actually from my mom. Her specialties:

"Don't ever get married. Men are a waste of time."
and
"Don't ever have children. They'll suck you dry." (I always assume she meant such you dry of passion, drive, etc.)

At the time, my mother had been divorced from a fairly stable 12 year marriage and was planning her second and had five children.

Funny thing, I never felt offended by the don't ever have children comment.