Rejection

Glenda, I'm the same way. Rejection makes it tough to keep writing. That's when you have to remind yourself of all the things you enjoy about writing and the fact that you would want to write even if you were never published. (at least, I know *I* would still write even if I never got published)

Also, if anyone has read your MS and given you positive feedback on it, you can always talk to them about it too. Sometimes it's good to hear "they're crazy, your writing IS good."

At the same time, it's good to constantly seek ways to improve. And know that getting rejected is a part of the growth process. (it's the sucky part, imo, but it's still a part of it)

You're ahead of me. I won't even bother trying to get published, I deal with rejection so poorly. So I think you're handling it much better than I would.

I do face rejection in that I fail to maintain any sort of readership, and nobody around me is interested in writing or considers it a worthwhile pastime (unless it's making money, which, obviously, it's not). This makes writing hard (why bother doing it?) but I keep doing it...I really have nothing better to do, and I do love doing it, despite the pain.

So, I always find writing to be hard. But I think you're dealing with it better than you think you are. You're still trying and that's what counts.

Guys, if you're writing and submitting, rejection is a fact of life. Unless you want it to drive you crazy, you're going to have to learn how to deal with it.

The thing is, when they reject your story, they aren't rejecting you, they're rejecting your story. One story. Not everything you've ever written or will ever write. One thing. That's all. And maybe they even like it, but for whatever reason, it's just not a good fit for them right now.

Sure it hurts. Have some chocolate or a stiff drink and send it on to the next place. And while you're doing that, remember to keep working on the next one.

Haggis, who once got three rejections within a four hour period.

I doubt if anyone likes to be rejected, whatever they do. But writers, and I imagine others in creative fields, may find it harder to deal with (not too sure about that). Point is, if one wants write for possible publication, one is guaranteed to encounter rejection. It's part of the game. That doesn't make it easier, but with knowledge and expectation that it might happen one can push past it. It's far from easy. You may curse for a day or two but you have to get right back on the horse. And remember, being rejected over and over again doesn't necessarily mean that the work is bad. It may be the query letter. It may be that there's no market for the work. It could be many things which the writer has to objectively try and figure out. But then again, it may be that the actual manuscript is not good. It's such a subjective thing about which we are forced to be objective.

Don't let rejection be the end-all of your writing career. Lots of writers get rejected. I know it's going to happen that you'll want to just give up after a rejection, or even several rejections. It's ok to stop writing for a while if you have to. If you can't write, don't force it. The important thing is to be stronger than rejection and get back into the game.

I now think I understand something:

tehuti88 said:

I won't even bother trying to get published, I deal with rejection so poorly.

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tehuti (from a post in the Writing Novels forum) said:

I'm not a rewriting sort--I try to get it right the first time.

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caw

How to deal with rejection is a perennial question. So here's my perennial answer, thanks to the Bhagavad Gita:

You have a right to work. You do not have a right to the fruits of work.

That is, you control what you write and how you market it. Others control what gets published. And bought. And read. And put on the NYT list. And heaped with prizes. And so forth, right down to the backlists and the remainder tables.

You can self-publish to get around this problem, in which case you must be willing to take on new exertions and responsibilities. You will still, always, find that you can't control what people buy and read, praise or censure.

Nothing has helped me so much with the universal rejection angst than accepting the above axiom. I control what I can. The rest I comb for any useful input, then shrug off.

I found rejection to be the easiest part of the whole process. It helps that I never thought I would get anyone to say yes, but it does soften the blow when you're not expecting everyone in the world to be racing to fall at your feet with praise.

I guess I'm just stubborn. I absolutely hate rejection, it tears me up inside, I always cry over each one (and each negative review). But the key is not to wallow. I take the time to be emotional and then get over it, because in the end I have this ridiculous stubborn belief in myself and my work, and I manage to get on by believing, "It's just a matter of time". Also, if you never try, you'll never succeed. Simple, but true.

...don't like rejections either. So I only sub to a handful of places a year and make sure that each piece is as good as it can possibly be and that between subs I've made every effort to improve my writing. That way I figure I have just as good of a chance of getting published as if I were sub'ing to a lot of places, but don't have to deal with as many form rejections or "unfortunately not for us-es."

The nice thing about writing and publishing? The rejection NEVER stops.
From agent querying to publisher submissions to editorial work to covers to placement to reviews, there never fails to be an opportunity for rejection. And that's true for everyone, from Joe Unpublished to Stephen King to James Joyce.

Welcome.

The gin is in the freezer, and if you're lucky, there might be a clean glass.

Rejection tends to bring me to tears, but it has the added benefit of driving me to dive into my latest WIP with a renewed enthusiasm, which often borders on frenzied desperation. I tend to feel like I'd better get this next one done and make it really, really good, if the work I'm querying isn't getting anywhere.

A little girl on the team I coach starts crying every time she gets behind in a match (usually a very bad move, as it usually indicates the kid is going to give up, lose focus, etc.) but, through her tears she finishes those matches with a furious focus on the win.

She loves to compete; she hates to lose. We're working on the crying thing. I love to write; I hate to get rejected. I'm working on the crying thing, too. In the meantime, I try to use those setbacks to benefit my writing. In a way, they keep me motivated.

I can't wait to jump up and down on Oprah's couch tearing all my rejection letter up. For the e-jects I'm bringing a cheap laptop to smash.

Glenda said:

I hate rejection of any kind. I for one don't do good with rejection. I will wallow in self pity. And I get so mad at myself for that. Everytime I get a rejection, I just want to throw in the towel. But I love writting. Always have. How many find it hard to work on your ms after a rejection?

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Hi Glenda,
I feel for you. No one likes rejection. No one. But this path we've chosen as writers entails a good measure of it. Since you love writing--keep at it. Work. Work hard. Fulfill yourself while keeping expectations low and patience high. I also especially agree with the comments made by C.M.C and Phaeal.

I received two great pieces of advice from pro writers I greatly admire. One was in response to my question, "how did you learn to trust yourself as a writer enough to know you'd finish all of those books?" He told me that he NEVER knew he'd finish ANY of his books. He said the bottom line is this: some days you'll feel like the master of the universe and other days like the scum of the earth. Either way you can't let it stop you from doing the work.

The other writer said this about rejection, "It's not the world's obligation to support our dreams. The key is to quit chasing approval and get back to work."

Both of them, well respected and INCREDIBLY productive, agree that no matter what happens we must always get back to work.

At the time, these were the reality checks I needed to keep plowing on.

Hope this helps.

Nadja

As others have said, it's part of doing what we do. Even if you get an agent, the rejection probably won't end there. Nor if you get published. You do have to try to get used to it, sweets

But you wanted advice right? I recommend thinking about all those writers who got loads of rejections before getting published (eg. JK Rowling, Stephenie Meyer). Go read the stories and revel in them. That's what got me though the rejections I got. I also beleive in fate, if it's meant to happen, it will (as long as you have a smokin' hot M/S, ha!).

Good luck kiddo and we've all been there. if you're good and it's meant to happen, it will.

Personally, I think if you are afraid of rejection you should send your manscriput out specifically to BE rejected.

In fact, don't even edit your book. Write terribly. and then submit it to as many people as possible and when the rejections roll in, revel in them.

No, I'm not joking. The more rejection you get, the more numb you become to it.

James81 said:

The more rejection you get, the more numb you become to it.

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Are we still talking about publishing, or have we moved on to dating?

Maybe my perspective will help. Since I started seriously writing and submitting short stories in November 2008, I've amassed a laughable amount of rejections. How many? Probably more than 30 or 40. But I've also had 17 stories accepted for publication and 6 sales to paying magazines since January 2009. My rejection count is much higher than my acceptance count. A rejection just means I need to look the story over again and make adjustments or just pick another market. Usually, my stories go back out in the mail the same day they're rejected. The only thing that bothers me about rejections these days is that I have to follow new guidelines and get a story sent out--which can take a bit of my time. Otherwise, a rejection is just a non-sale--which makes it essentially nothing.

The more stories you write and try to sell, the more rejections you're going to get. And if you write a lot of stories like me, the count becomes--as I said--laughable.

Try to learn from rejections, and then forget them. It's like selling cookies door to door--not everyone is buying on a given day. Move on to the next door, because the person behind may have a completely different viewpoint.

Robert E. Keller
http://www.scrollsofatlantis.com

willietheshakes said:

Are we still talking about publishing, or have we moved on to dating?

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Heh, interesting comment, because I very much equate the idea of getting published with the idea of dating.

I think of a query letter as I would a cold approach at a bar, the supermarket, etc. The idea is to spark interest (in both cases) and to know who you are talking to.

You don't go up to a woman and say: "Wow, I think you are so beautiful." She's heard that 8000 times already today. That bores her. That doesn't set you apart from the 8000 other guys who've said the same thing to her. You let your personality speak for itself.

In the same vein, there are things you don't do with agents. You don't tell them how great your novel is. You let your writing speak for itself. You don't give away the farm in the query.

The comparisons, to me at least, are endless.

My perspective is purely from short fiction. But I'm guessing it works the same way with agents. You're trying to match your product to the right buyer. I've noticed that most people on this website seem to be talking about agents when they talk about submitting, so I'll try to bear that in mind.

Robert E. Keller
http://scrollsofatlantis.com

James81 said:

In the same vein, there are things you don't do with agents. You don't tell them how great your novel is. You let your writing speak for itself.

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Doesn't work if they form-reject your query and never see any of your writing. With a prospective date, at least they get a look at your face.

caw

blacbird said:

Doesn't work if they form-reject your query and never see any of your writing. With a prospective date, at least they get a look at your face.

caw

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For better or for worse...

The more rejection you get, the more numb you become to it.

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I agree with this! When I started, each rejection was a punch to the gut. Now, a "no" is just an arm-pinch. Still not fun, but it no longer wrenches. I don't think I'm going to deal very well with negative reviews after publication (assuming my agent pulls that off), but at that point I'll have a nice book with my name all over it to cuddle against my wounded heart.

Another thing that helps is that I value my rejection letters. One of these years, when I'm speaking to book clubs and writer's groups about my book, I'm going to pull out that stack of rejections (okay, so I only have 20 or 30 on actual paper; the rest were email) and tell other people not to quit. I am so committed to making that dream come true that when my toddler got into my files last week and tore three rejection letters in half, I taped them back together and re-filed them. Getting rejections now gives me the satisfaction of a 12-year-old boy adding a baseball card to his collection (after it bums me out for a couple of hours).

blacbird said:

Doesn't work if they form-reject your query and never see any of your writing. With a prospective date, at least they get a look at your face.

caw

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Actually what I always loved so much more about the writing industry as opposed to the acting industry is that your query letter alone IS a demonstration of your writing, it being written and all. Most people advocate demonstrating the quality of your voice in your novel in your query, and at least you get to describe what happens in it.

Acting on the other hand, all they see is your resume and picture. That first hurdle has NOTHING to do with your talent, you never get to show them even a taste of what you can do. It is so totally infuriating. I'd say it'd be the same with dating, "at least they get a look at your face", but what the heck does your face have to do with who you are as a human being?