On a More Serious Note (Announcement for the Office Party Forum)

It's very specifically the over-sexualized objectifying of either sex that's the problem, Joe.

Here's the thing:

I don't have a problem with the LOLcats, or about 80 percent of the stuff that gets posted -- I'm getting more complaints about "is this really necessary? Jeez" and "I'm getting less and less comfortable with my kids reading the board" and I can't really blame people for that. Everyone's boundaries are, of course, a bit different. But there are other boards to post and swap jpgs and gifs.

I also always know that the sex-chat stuff is starting to affect board/community culture in unpleasant and undesirable ways when I see a dramatic increase in the rate of PMs I get complaining about "so-and-so is PMing me and giving me the creeps..." or "so-and-so won't take a hint and it's making me really uncomfortable."

I've had a notable increase in both of those kinds of complaints, pretty much all spring.

There are always people who are going to have a hard time with tone, and with how much flirting is okay and fun, and how much is over the line and unwelcome, or who fail to note that so-and-so who they have a big board crush on doesn't flirt at all, ever. It becomes more of a part of the culture of the community, and easier to miss those social cues.

People are going to flirt on boards. They just always are going to, and that's not a big deal, either, usually. But when the culture of the place changes enough that people are feeling uncomfortable, then I'm responsible to try to do something about it.

I've resisted making any actual "rules" about this stuff, because...well...mostly, I hate rules. I will, though, if I have to.

Try to look at it like this: Say you went to a huge yard party, and some of the guests were single, and a bunch of them were friends, but a bunch more were total strangers, and some guests were married, and some brought kids --BUT a few people got a bit wild and thought it would be fun to take off all their clothes and dance on the furniture, and the host said, "err, hang on, folks. Not that kind of party, so please put your pants back on; in the meantime, does anyone want to volunteer to run the grill?"

I mostly didn't think it was fair to let Dino take the heat. And Dino, thanks for starting the thread. I've been sort of quietly PMing people for a while, and it's not been working all that well, always.

It's always a weird thing for me to try to address, even, you know? Because I KNOW people who met and fell in love with their spouses, here on AW. I get that people like to flirt, just as play. Hell, I've been known to flirt too, mostly just because it disconcerts Robeieieieieieieiei so thoroughly. It's pretty normal.

...but then there are those very awkward PMs trying to explain just where the line IS, exactly, when someone inevitably goes blowing right over top of it without even hitting the brakes and PMs someone else with a graphic description of their erotic fantasy concerning that person, because the PMer thought they had a "connection" based on how they'd interacted in a sexually flirtatious thread...

o.0
heh.

You know what? Stow the attitude, Wayne. NO one called you "obscene." And none of this was personal. YOU decided to make it seem that way.

I've asked nicely, and almost everyone has been terrific. But then there's a handful of people who just have to push anyway. The PG-13 thing? That's a perfect example of how if you give some people a line, they can't rest until they've pushed it as hard as they can get away with.

Some of you guys push the line, and push the line, and push the line.

If you're taking this personally, then maybe look hard at yourself and ask whether or not you've got room for improvement in this area?

The only real "rule" is respect the other people here. That's what it's always been. You're failing dismally at following that rule if you're the guy at the party who thinks its hilarious to pee in the aquarium. GO FIGURE that the person who has to clean up the aquarium doesn't find it nearly as amusing.

Wayne K said:

I'm sorry but I don't see his point. He skipped past all the threads that are informative and helpful to writers and clearly marked by thread titles as writing threads to one called "I demand Manprawn" and there's something wrong with us? To be fair he put it in his own face. He knew what it was when he clicked on it.

As far as the thread itrself I was told PG13 and stuck to it. Those models and actors objectified themselves by posing for the pictures, I did not. It was all done in fun anyway.

I'll follow your rules, but I won't be called obscene by any of you after I stuck to them..

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Wayne K said:

I don't have an attitude, I just don't ike being told I'm obscene because I'm participating in a thread that I broke no rules in. If you really want me to get off your site I will. I don't want to but I will.

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What I want is for you to at least ACT like you've got some respect for the other people here, and stop posting crap that I get PMs about.

ETA: Thanks, Lori. I appreciate the cooperation.

Gah. We go through this every spring. Someday, it's not going to be such a big hurkin' deal.

I could just turn images off, you know? But that would be a huge bummer for everyone.