Attention parents

I strive to use phrases like that. "Hammer of Thor" is one of my favourites. I'm definitely going to be using "shiver me timbers" from now on as much as possible.

My personal favorite is Cheese and Crackers.

As in, "Cheese and crackers, can't you guys keep it down?"

Jiminy Crickets is another good substitute. I say Holy Cremoligans, too.

One I have to stop is, "What the...?" Because the kids are saying it now. I had to cut out swearing when, at an IHOP one morning, my precious daughter (who was four at the time) said, very loudly, "What the hell was that?" lol.

I use Froot Loops instead of my favorite word in environments where I can't use my favorite word. (Though my students would be infinitely amused if I did use the f-word. =)

I'm making a conscious attempt to substitute "frack" for the other f-bomb. It doesn't always work.

I also seem to have picked up my (British) MC's favorite epithet - "Oh bugger..." Yeah, I know that one's naughty, but here in the States, most people have no idea what it means.

My mother always used "my foot" rather than "my ass". Of course, either one is weird, but then, most swearing is.

"You finished all your homework my foot."

Um... I would not win mom of the year, since my 3 1/2 year old's favorite saying is "Holy Crap!"

I end up saying "Jeezaloo" a lot (which I got from Peter Boyle on Everybody Loves Raymond - though that's also where I got the "holy Crap" that my son adores. )

Cheese and rice is a favorite

Holy Shnikes (Chris Farley, RIP)

And "my eye" in addition to "my foot"

Whenever my mom would hit her thumb or something, she'd say, "Aw, sht!" That's right, she'd leave out the "i". Dunno how she did it. It came out sounding like a snake with a speech impediment.

I used the old standard substitutions until my kids thought it was all right to mimic their father. It was cute only to me when my five year old yelled, "Dang it! What the freaking heck are you doing with that freaking ax, Eugene?"

From then on, I just used the real words and taught them not to curse in public. It worked, too, and they very rarely swore at all while growing up.

Wait. We're not supposed to swear in front of our children? Ooopsie Daisies.

Silver King said:

It was cute only to me when my five year old yelled, "Dang it! What the freaking heck are you doing with that freaking ax, Eugene?"

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That does sound pretty cute...

'Crimanently!' is one of mine. Or 'Jeemogetty!'

Ol' Boy says, "Well! Kiss my Aunt Louise in the country!" Why? I have no idea!

My mother cursed us out in different languages when we were kids. Italian is a good one.

I like shitake. Really works well for me.

Oh, alternative swear words?

My mother used to say "Garl Darn Dang Blasted!"

It sounded pretty bad to us kids.

Sometimes she said, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" That just sounded like religious talk, so I think we tuned it out.

Jesus, Mary and Henry.

I don't know why it's Henry. Joseph's brother? Cousin, perhaps?

And one my favorites - Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. The mental image alone gives me the chuckles. I can only hope it doesn't land me in Hell....

Fargin bastage !

Ha, I said "feck" for months after watching Father Ted.

"What do you say to a cup, Father?"

"Feck off, cup!"

When I'm really angry, I tend to yell things like bugger and bullocks a lot. Sometimes I'll go on a short tirade and yell something like "f*ck, sh*t, c*ck, wank" or something thereabouts. That's usually only when I really hurt myself. Luckily, I have no kids yet.

(Why am I responding to this thread again?)

When my brother was little (about 3, 50 plus years ago)) our next door neighbor's (genteel lady of southern upbringing) favorite phrase was 'oh, s**t'. Until she heard him repeat it. Then she cleaned up her act.

MM

I use all of the above, along with "fudge" and "fudgesicles". And not just around my kids. I yelled that out when I was in labor with my first and they had to use forceps to get him out, and it hurt like...well, it hurt.

Everyone cracked up, and the doctor told me I was allowed to swear, lol.

A couple favorites of mine are "God Bless America!" and "Cheese and crackers got all muddy!"

Maybe I should use this as an argument to get my tubes tied: "Doc, I need you to do it. I swear too fucking much to raise kids." "Oh, well, when you put it like that..."

Wayne K said:

My mother cursed us out in different languages when we were kids. Italian is a good one.

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Please tell me you speak Italian.

I don't care if you swear at me.

Wayne K said:

My mother cursed us out in different languages when we were kids. Italian is a good one.

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Just learn a few phrases in Russian. You don't even have to curse...it'll just SOUND like you are.

In fact, that makes me want to go brush up on my Russian, just so I can tell someone to have a nice day and make it sound like I'm cursing their small household appliances...

As an Aussie, I've used things like stone the crows and stop being a galah/drongo/dipstick etc. And I've used fudge bucket and the German equivalent of shit head, and a plethora of made-up words, but since all my kids (sprog and sprogletts) are teenagers now, I let the odd swear word slip out daily. It's either that, or kill them.

All kidding aside, daughter (16) told me off yesterday for the f word, saying her mother doesn't allow swearing. I guess I've taught her well? (I do lift the middle finger to her, but won't allow her to do it back. The youngest daughter has done so, though, in front of and in spite of her sister--all in jest. Yes, I'm a baaaaaad mum. But I do have a lot of fun with my kids.)