Title: The Last Oracle
What I'm looking for in a Beta: I like harsh to the point critiques, I don't need hand holding I need to be shown what's wrong and sometimes how to fix it. I will take anything, but I need an indepth critique rather than "Well this character could use a little work, and I didn't like this scene, other than that it was good." I need much more than that to really improve my work.
Synopsis:
When the evil and powerful shadow mage, Shensin, returns to the land, Misha and her twin brother, Aiden are dealt a cruel hand. Cast in darkness for ten years, their brief childhood and innocence are eclipsed by Shensin's great powers.
Shensin along with his four fury generals take over the land, forcing his dark will upon the people and plucking out the most gifted among them. His prize, Misha, is destined to become the last oracle. Her gift of seeing, priceless. Determined to keep her forever, Shensin locks a piece of her away in a scrying sphere, biding his time until it becomes powerful enough to harness her forever, but she escapes before it's finished.
Shensin watches for signs of where Misha has run to, but she'd found ways and friends to keep her senses shielded from him. Not wanting to expose her friends, Misha strikes out on her own. In her travels she discovered her gifts are more powerful than she ever imagined as she bends perceptions and magic itself.
Seeking asylum in the fabled kingdom of the north, Misha meets the dashing prince Grady who's as smitten by Misha as she is by him. Their budding romance has little time to grow, however, before the earth fury general breaks free from Shensin's grasp and comes to the north to warn them.
Shensin's unleashes a terrible plague on the earth, robbing it of all its precious magic before turning his army on the hidden kingdom. Determined to do what she can, Misha slips into the Spirit tower to get a clear view of the future and use her magic to save who she can, even if it means sacrificing herself.
Excerpt:
Misha dashed along the uneven furrows, racing her brother, Aiden, to their small modest home. The heavy heads of wheat stalks swayed in the light evening breeze. Crickets crawled among them, singing to the sinking sun.
Rumors of some ancient evil coming to the earth again floated throughout the valley, even the adults had fallen in hushed tones, but it concerned these two little. In their world, on this farm, there was innocence, a kind of untouchable barrier that kept them safe like a blanket over the head kept the monsters of the night at bay.
"Misha, wait up." Aiden called behind her. Though only six, a passing stranger could tell their close bloodlines. They shared the same raven black hair and deep serious eyes that could see into a man’s soul in seconds.
Misha, born fifteen minutes after Aiden, played the younger sibling role well, relying on Aiden’s protection. If their parents didn’t know better, they would have sworn a good two years separated them.
"Aiden, come on, you know what Mama said about missin’ supper." Misha, only a few feet from the door, paused.
Aiden glanced around and took Misha by the hand. Together they dashed around the house to the area by the well. "They’re here."
Misha paled. "They’re early! Aiden, you have to hide me, they can’t know!"
Aiden touched her hair. "Shh, it’ll be okay, Misha, you have a gift, I know it. Come on, we’ll do it together."
Aiden gripped her hand and helped her climb in the back window to their bedroom.
The small room had floor mats for beds, they were lucky to have a bedroom at all, they knew. Most people didn’t even have that. They lived far from the small village, with their farm being more bountiful. That was due to their dad’s earth gift. Aiden slid inside and quietly closed the window behind him.
Their cloths, though plain, were well mended. Misha smoothed her dress and gripped Aiden’s hand. Together they walked out into the main room.
Four men dressed in black robes stood in the main room. Their hands gnarled at the edge of the fabric and they stared out with white soulless eyes. These men were the village council. In order to become one, they had to give up their physical sight so they could see what the eyes could not. That is the gift of others. They also had to sacrifice whatever gift they’d been born with, be it earth, fire, water, spirit, or wind. Whatever it was, they had to give it up. Most would do so willingly for the chance at such power.
Misha remembered when they’d come for their father, they’d wanted him, such a powerful earth mage to be with them. He’d refused, unwilling to give up the gift that he loved and the time with his family for raw power. He watched them suspiciously now as they drew close to his children.
They closed in like vultures over a dying kill. Their gnarled fingers with overgrown sharp nails lashed at the air. Misha shivered and half hid behind Aiden. These men had darkness inside them. They would commit great acts of evil.
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
What I'm looking for in a Beta: I like harsh to the point critiques, I don't need hand holding I need to be shown what's wrong and sometimes how to fix it. I will take anything, but I need an indepth critique rather than "Well this character could use a little work, and I didn't like this scene, other than that it was good." I need much more than that to really improve my work.
Synopsis:
When the evil and powerful shadow mage, Shensin, returns to the land, Misha and her twin brother, Aiden are dealt a cruel hand. Cast in darkness for ten years, their brief childhood and innocence are eclipsed by Shensin's great powers.
Shensin along with his four fury generals take over the land, forcing his dark will upon the people and plucking out the most gifted among them. His prize, Misha, is destined to become the last oracle. Her gift of seeing, priceless. Determined to keep her forever, Shensin locks a piece of her away in a scrying sphere, biding his time until it becomes powerful enough to harness her forever, but she escapes before it's finished.
Shensin watches for signs of where Misha has run to, but she'd found ways and friends to keep her senses shielded from him. Not wanting to expose her friends, Misha strikes out on her own. In her travels she discovered her gifts are more powerful than she ever imagined as she bends perceptions and magic itself.
Seeking asylum in the fabled kingdom of the north, Misha meets the dashing prince Grady who's as smitten by Misha as she is by him. Their budding romance has little time to grow, however, before the earth fury general breaks free from Shensin's grasp and comes to the north to warn them.
Shensin's unleashes a terrible plague on the earth, robbing it of all its precious magic before turning his army on the hidden kingdom. Determined to do what she can, Misha slips into the Spirit tower to get a clear view of the future and use her magic to save who she can, even if it means sacrificing herself.
Excerpt:
Misha dashed along the uneven furrows, racing her brother, Aiden, to their small modest home. The heavy heads of wheat stalks swayed in the light evening breeze. Crickets crawled among them, singing to the sinking sun.
Rumors of some ancient evil coming to the earth again floated throughout the valley, even the adults had fallen in hushed tones, but it concerned these two little. In their world, on this farm, there was innocence, a kind of untouchable barrier that kept them safe like a blanket over the head kept the monsters of the night at bay.
"Misha, wait up." Aiden called behind her. Though only six, a passing stranger could tell their close bloodlines. They shared the same raven black hair and deep serious eyes that could see into a man’s soul in seconds.
Misha, born fifteen minutes after Aiden, played the younger sibling role well, relying on Aiden’s protection. If their parents didn’t know better, they would have sworn a good two years separated them.
"Aiden, come on, you know what Mama said about missin’ supper." Misha, only a few feet from the door, paused.
Aiden glanced around and took Misha by the hand. Together they dashed around the house to the area by the well. "They’re here."
Misha paled. "They’re early! Aiden, you have to hide me, they can’t know!"
Aiden touched her hair. "Shh, it’ll be okay, Misha, you have a gift, I know it. Come on, we’ll do it together."
Aiden gripped her hand and helped her climb in the back window to their bedroom.
The small room had floor mats for beds, they were lucky to have a bedroom at all, they knew. Most people didn’t even have that. They lived far from the small village, with their farm being more bountiful. That was due to their dad’s earth gift. Aiden slid inside and quietly closed the window behind him.
Their cloths, though plain, were well mended. Misha smoothed her dress and gripped Aiden’s hand. Together they walked out into the main room.
Four men dressed in black robes stood in the main room. Their hands gnarled at the edge of the fabric and they stared out with white soulless eyes. These men were the village council. In order to become one, they had to give up their physical sight so they could see what the eyes could not. That is the gift of others. They also had to sacrifice whatever gift they’d been born with, be it earth, fire, water, spirit, or wind. Whatever it was, they had to give it up. Most would do so willingly for the chance at such power.
Misha remembered when they’d come for their father, they’d wanted him, such a powerful earth mage to be with them. He’d refused, unwilling to give up the gift that he loved and the time with his family for raw power. He watched them suspiciously now as they drew close to his children.
They closed in like vultures over a dying kill. Their gnarled fingers with overgrown sharp nails lashed at the air. Misha shivered and half hid behind Aiden. These men had darkness inside them. They would commit great acts of evil.
Thanks, I really appreciate it.
