Critique My First Four Paragraphs

popmuze · Mar 15, 2009

You've all been so helpful. I've taken everyone's sincere input to heart and finally come up with four paragraphs I think I can be proud of.*

847.

847!

847!?

847*#!!@#!?

*For those few of you who were frivolous in their responses, just wait until the shoe is on the other foot.

maestrowork · Mar 15, 2009

04 60d.

Devil Ledbetter · Mar 15, 2009

These should each be their own separate chapters. Kind of like in New Moon when there were 4 or 5 blank chapters titled with months, to indicate the passage of time. You could title your blank chapters with these numbers, to indicate meaninglessness.

Wayne K · Mar 15, 2009

I'm not convinced it's your best work. After "85643 is the new 734252765?" won such acclaim I'm wondering if you want to settle.

popmuze · Mar 15, 2009

My only remaining question is, do I write this in first person or third person?

Matera the Mad · Mar 15, 2009

Verbose. Come on, you know better than to post a first draft.

dgrintalis · Mar 15, 2009

I love it. It is so inspirational. You have changed my life.

4nd t0 th3 4c4d3my, 1 th4nk y0u. 1 0w3 1t 4ll t0 p0pmuz3

Critique My First Four Paragraphs

popmuze

Last of a Dying Breed

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Devil Ledbetter

Come on you stranger, you legend,

Wayne K

popmuze

Last of a Dying Breed

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

dgrintalis

'Tis true, she is a monstergirl