I don't think you know if you're on someone's buddy list. I just added names of people who post to the forums that I post to, that I wanted to know if they are on. It just added them all - didn't require a request or anything...it's just sort of a shortlist for your own use. It adds a plus to that persons name, while you're viewing it, at the bottom of the forum where all the zillion names are listed, plus you can bring up a list saying they are online/offline. Keeps me from having to search through those zillion names.
Some forum admins I know use buddy lists to contact, say, all of their moderators with one announcement email, or specific moderators, same thing. (They don't know what the red is all about either - lol)
I just checked the support forums at vbulletin.com and can't find the red names there, either.