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View Full Version : How Rude! (Or maybe, 'How To BE Rude')



Angie
03-10-2009, 03:31 AM
I recently moved back to my hometown after about 15 years away. So I figured I'd host a dinner in my new house this weekend to celebrate, and I invited various nearby family members. My former stepfather's sister (making her my step-aunt??) is still close to my mom, so I invited her and her daughter.

Now, her daughter is 29 years old and still living at home because she can't handle living by herself. This girl was *very* sheltered and overindulged growing up, and as such she is used to getting her own way. It's really like having an overgrown six-year-old around - a spoiled rotten one.

Anyway, when I invited my step-aunt (?) to the dinner I told her the invitation included her daughter. She then asked me what we would be having for dinner, so I told her I was going to make a roast. She asked me what kind of roast. I told her pork roast.

There were a few moments of silence on the line, and then she said, "Oh, [stepcousin's name omitted] doesn't like pork roast. She'll only eat beef roast."

Now, admittedly, I am a smartass, and I had a few one-liners pop into my head that were, shall we say, rude. But I restrained myself and came up with the most polite response I could:

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I have to work this weekend and won't have time to make two main courses. Maybe next time we'll be having something more to her liking."

Not five minutes after I hung up with her, I got a call from my mom, upset because I was rude. Sorry, but I think Step-aunt was rude first. I mean, come on -- just say you can't make it instead of criticizing the menu choice.

Bleh.

Sorry, had to vent that somewhere or it was going to get ugly. We always seem to have to cater (ha!) to the wishes of this one family member and it just gets tiresome.

Anyone else have some bad manners stories? (Note I said "stories", not just "bad manners". Haggis and RT, we already know you both have those to spare. :tongue )

Project nachonaco
03-10-2009, 03:33 AM
When I was growing up, if I were going to someone's house, I ate what they offered or not at all.

That, of course, didn't stop my cousins from giving me HoHos and Ding Dongs because 1) I commanded respect because I was older 2) They didn't like the cooking either :D

Ol' Fashioned Girl
03-10-2009, 03:40 AM
Gosh! You and I must've been separated at birth! That's exactly what I'd've said!

Angie
03-10-2009, 03:44 AM
Gosh! You and I must've been separated at birth! That's exactly what I'd've said!

Well, like I mentioned, it's not the first thing to have popped into my head, but it was the most polite. :D

Rolling Thunder
03-10-2009, 03:55 AM
I would made a joke about bestiality and been done with it. :D

Angie
03-10-2009, 03:59 AM
Maybe I should have. It would have saved me having to cater to her ever again. :ROFL:

robeiae
03-10-2009, 03:59 AM
I would made a joke about bestiality and been done with it. :D
Basically, you'd do what you always do in any conversation...




Personally Angie, I think you did very well. If I were you, I'd never invite her to anything again. And I'd tell my mother of my decision and let the chips fall where they may. That kind of rudeness--from your step-aunt--should never be tolerated, imo.

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:00 AM
Jesus, Angie...I don't know how you held back. I would have went full throttle ballistic. The bitch! Retract your invitation...you do not need people like that in your life.

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:06 AM
Personally Angie, I think you did very well. If I were you, I'd never invite her to anything again. And I'd tell my mother of my decision and let the chips fall where they may. That kind of rudeness--from your step-aunt--should never be tolerated, imo.

Yeah, I was pretty shocked. The only problem with the cut-and-run thing, however, is that these two are at EVERY family function, and I don't want to create tension. Normally I get along with them fine, but I do draw the line at checking her eating preferences before planning a dinner party.


Jesus, Angie...I don't know how you held back. I would have went full throttle ballistic. The bitch! Retract your invitation...you do not need people like that in your life.

I know, I'm a picture of reserve and self-control. *snort* Actually, note my comment above about not wanting to cause tension. And I don't need to retract the invitation, because they won't come if my stepcousin knows there's something being served that she doesn't like. So it works itself out.

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 04:07 AM
If stepcousin doesn't want to eat what's being served, she should pony up and bring a dish of her own to share. End of story. Not only was they way your stepaunt handled that rude, it was incredibly immature.

Now, if someone has a genuine food allergy or intolerance, that's another story. And planning in a vegetarian entree is pretty simple. But just because someone thinks it's ickypoo? Rude.

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:10 AM
If stepcousin doesn't want to eat what's being served, she should pony up and bring a dish of her own to share. End of story. Not only was they way your stepaunt handled that rude, it was incredibly immature.

Now, if someone has a genuine food allergy or intolerance, that's another story. And planning in a vegetarian entree is pretty simple. But just because someone thinks it's ickypoo? Rude.

Yeah, like nacho said, I was raised to eat what was served or go hungry. If my sister or I had even dreamed of complaining about a host's menu, we would have been in serious trouble with our mom. Which is why I can't understand her calling ME rude in this situation. :Shrug:

ChaosTitan
03-10-2009, 04:12 AM
It's not as if pork roast is the only thing you're serving (right?). I'm assuming there will be vegetables, maybe a salad or side dish?

People like that are infuriating, but they make excellent characters for stories. ;)

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 04:12 AM
Dietary considerations, I can understand. I mean, allergies, religious beliefs, that sort of thing. But to make a special request because you don't like something? I shouldn't be surprised, though.

My story: I'd just moved to Milwaukee and it was my turn to host a gathering at the place where I'd lived. I was putting out the bread bowl of spinach dip when the guy standing next to me muttered, "When So-and-so hosts, he puts out summer sausage and cheese." Combination of disappointment and disdain. My response? "Hey, time to try something new, I guess." My desired response that remained unsaid? "The grocery store's about four blocks away. It's a nice day. Enjoy the walk."

dgrintalis
03-10-2009, 04:15 AM
Wow, that is really unbelievable. Being invited to someone's house for dinner AND dictating what they fix? I don't even do that with my family and since I am 99% vegan (I will eat a slice of pizza every once in a while) we usually bring something that I can eat.

You were very diplomatic, and not rude at all!!!

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:15 AM
My story: I'd just moved to Milwaukee and it was my turn to host a gathering at the place where I'd lived. I was putting out the bread bowl of spinach dip when the guy standing next to me muttered, "When So-and-so hosts, he puts out summer sausage and cheese." Combination of disappointment and disdain. My response? "Hey, time to try something new, I guess." My desired response that remained unsaid? "The grocery store's about four blocks away. It's a nice day. Enjoy the walk."

I would have rubbed the bread and spinach dip in his face and asked, "Is this summer sausage and cheese enough for ya?"

Silver King
03-10-2009, 04:20 AM
Angie, I think it's very rude of you not to change the menu to suit your step-aunt's nutritional needs. As the host, you are in charge of accommodating all of your guests' desires, and not just those who prefer beef over pork.

What's this world coming to when guests no longer have a say in what's being served for dinner?

I always request that dolphin (mahi) be served, blackened lightly with savory lemon butter sauce, cooked to my exact specifications. So please remember that, dear Angie, in case you're thinking of having me over dinner.

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:22 AM
I would have rubbed the bread and spinach dip in his face and asked, "Is this summer sausage and cheese enough for ya?"

That's why we love you, Kevin. For your maturity and restraint. :ROFL:

Ben: My first smartass response would have been, "Yeah, but so-and-so also tells everyone you wet the bed, so how great can he be?"

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:23 AM
Angie, I think it's very rude of you not to change the menu to suit your step-aunt's nutritional needs. As the host, you are in charge of accommodating all of your guests' desires, and not just those who prefer beef over pork.

What's this world coming to when guests no longer have a say in what's being served for dinner?

I always request that dolphin (mahi) be served, blackened lightly with savory lemon butter sauce, cooked to my exact specifications. So please remember that, dear Angie, in case you're thinking of having me over dinner.

*crosses SK off the guest list*

:tongue

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 04:23 AM
.... My desired response that remained unsaid? "The grocery store's about four blocks away. It's a nice day. Enjoy the walk."

I don't have your self-control, That's probably what would have comeout of my mouth before I realized it.

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:25 AM
Ben: My first smartass response would have been, "Yeah, but so-and-so also tells everyone you wet the bed, so how great can he be?"

Yeah and that's mature restraint.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
03-10-2009, 04:28 AM
I never cease to be amazed that people can so easily mistake 'candid' for 'rude'.

benbradley
03-10-2009, 04:29 AM
My first thought is "Oh, she's converted to Islam?"

When I was in college, staying at home when school was out and during the rare times I had a friend or two over, after they left my mother asked me what I offered them to drink (like Coca-Cola or a beer) and she said "Oh, you didn't offer them such-and-such? That was rude of you!" She always told me I was rude to my friends and I never did enough for other people, no matter what I did.

Yeah, I've been a neurotic much of my life. There's my memoir in a nutshell.

But aside from that ... I think family members have often-unrealistic expectations of one another that they don't have of friends and acquaintances who are given a little more slack because the outside world "doesn't understand us." That last sentence is more words than what gets spoken about this concept in decades in many families (gee I hope that sentence is understood). The "rules" in families are usually unspoken, unwritten, and you only hear about them when you break them. This makes for "interesting" (in the Chinese curse sense) situations, excessive drama, walking on eggshells around others' expectations, and ... well, other crap.

In this case, saying you're "rude" appears to be an attempt at control (whether it's by your mother, step-aunt, or both is impossible to say from the original post, but I bet Angie has a good idea).

Ol' Fashioned Girl
03-10-2009, 04:30 AM
Ooo! OOoo! I know!

Hormel makes a pork tenderloin roast seasoned with beef roast flavoring!

Cook that and announce proudly as you serve, "I found the perfect compromise..."

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:30 AM
Yeah and that's mature restraint.

Saintly, aren't I? :D


I never cease to be amazed that people can so easily mistake 'candid' for 'rude'.

Yeah. :Shrug:

robeiae
03-10-2009, 04:31 AM
Angie, I think it's very rude of you not to change the menu to suit your step-aunt's nutritional needs. As the host, you are in charge of accommodating all of your guests' desires, and not just those who prefer beef over pork.
Finally, the voice of reason.

Well, that or the voice of a big smelly fish.

One of those, I'm sure.

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 04:32 AM
Angie, I think it's very rude of you not to change the menu to suit your step-aunt's nutritional needs. As the host, you are in charge of accommodating all of your guests' desires, and not just those who prefer beef over pork.

What's this world coming to when guests no longer have a say in what's being served for dinner?

I always request that dolphin (mahi) be served, blackened lightly with savory lemon butter sauce, cooked to my exact specifications. So please remember that, dear Angie, in case you're thinking of having me over dinner.
*throws pie at SK*

THAT CONSIDERATE ENOUGH FOR YA?! I SERVED YOU DESSERT BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE!

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:34 AM
In this case, saying you're "rude" appears to be an attempt at control (whether it's by your mother, step-aunt, or both is impossible to say from the original post, but I bet Angie has a good idea).

Angie does have a good idea. And you make a good point about family "rules" being unspoken...so I guess my mother and I will just have to agree to disagree on the unwritten rule that states I have to plan my dinners around [stepcousin's] tastes.


Ooo! OOoo! I know!

Hormel makes a pork tenderloin roast seasoned with beef roast flavoring!

Cook that and announce proudly as you serve, "I found the perfect compromise..."

:roll: That is great!! :roll:

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:34 AM
ENOUGH FOR YA?!


Is that stealing my enough for ya enough for ya!

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:34 AM
*throws pie at SK*

THAT CONSIDERATE ENOUGH FOR YA?! I SERVED YOU DESSERT BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE!

*tsk, tsk* Ben, you forgot to give him coffee with his pie.

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 04:35 AM
Ooo! OOoo! I know!

Hormel makes a pork tenderloin roast seasoned with beef roast flavoring!

Cook that and announce proudly as you serve, "I found the perfect compromise..."
Serve off-brand hot dogs. Nobody really knows what's in those.

"Chicken or fish?"
"I'll have the chicken."
"Me, too, please."
"No. Which is it? I can't tell."

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:35 AM
*tsk, tsk* Ben, you forgot to give him coffee with his pie.


A face full of coffee is much better than dessert without coffee.

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:36 AM
Finally, the voice of reason.

Well, that or the voice of a big smelly fish.

One of those, I'm sure.

Smelly? That reminds me, where's Haggis??

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:38 AM
Smelly? That reminds me, where's Haggis??


Haggis? That reminds me. What's for dinner? Meatloaf. What's for dessert? Janet. Skip dinner. F-------------------forgetaboutit.

Silver King
03-10-2009, 04:38 AM
*crosses SK off the guest list*

:tongue
Dang it! I never get invited anywhere.

(I'm a cooking fool and can please almost any guest, but I draw the line at requests that come across more as demands. Those persons are invited once, then never again; whether they're family or so-called friends makes no difference.)

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 04:42 AM
*tsk, tsk* Ben, you forgot to give him coffee with his pie.
INCOMING!!!

:e2tomato::e2tomato::e2tomato::e2tomato:

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:43 AM
CLicketY click, Babar trick.

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 04:44 AM
"Chicken or fish?"
"I'll have the chicken."
"Me, too, please."
"No. Which is it? I can't tell."

One time, at my old job, I requested a mixed sandwich platter from the site cafeteria for a meeting. What we got was a tray full of some kind of meat salad sandwiches. Nobody could figure out if they were tuna or chicken - even after tasting them.

They were more or less recognizable as sandwiches, though, which, if you knew the cafeteria, was pretty impressive. These people could have screwed up cold cereal.

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:44 AM
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2213/1595911596_62a83119c6.jpg?v=0

You missed. That ain't SK.

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:45 AM
One time, at band camp,


smirk.

Clair Dickson
03-10-2009, 04:45 AM
Wow. It's too bad that your Mom panders to this sort of behavior. If it were me, I'd never invited step-aunt OR daughter over ever again. But I don't tolerate much from people.

I remember being at a friend's house once and, like Nacho, I was raised that you accept what your host does for you. Well, my friend's parents served eggplant, which, personally, I think was the most vile thing I have ever eaten. I gave it a fair shot, being that I'd never had it before. But I choked down my serving and thanked my friend's parents for dinner.

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 04:45 AM
Okay, that's it!

*Grabs generic meat salad sandwich and wings it*

FOOD FIGHT!

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:46 AM
Okay, that's it!

*Grabs generic meat salad sandwich and wings it*

FOOD FIGHT!

Don't make me take out the mock chicken!

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 04:48 AM
Don't make me take out the mock chicken!

Don't make me take out the chicken cannon...

KTC
03-10-2009, 04:51 AM
Don't make me take out the chicken cannon...


http://rookery2.viary.com/storagev12/974500/974969_5704_625x1000.jpg

Don't think I didn't see that!

Angie
03-10-2009, 04:52 AM
http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd134/mymotherwasahamster/tomatina1.jpg

Pagey's_Girl
03-10-2009, 05:02 AM
*Gets the trebuchet from the Royalty thread and starts shooting pies*

MaryMumsy
03-10-2009, 05:27 AM
Are you in the Seattle area? The sort-of cousin sounds like my cousin (adult age, sheltered, immature, spoiled). I live thousands of miles away, so usually no problem. At my house people eat what is being served, or not. At Thanksgiving the only thing my one neice eats is mashed potatoes. That is the only part of the feast she likes. She's an adult now, and can eat what she wants. I will accommodate food allergies, but not irrational dislikes.

MM

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 05:41 AM
http://pics.livejournal.com/benpanced/pic/000awbt7

Wow, when you said the beef was fresh...
http://pics.livejournal.com/benpanced/pic/000axrdt

Yeah, it's funny until somebody gets hurt. Then it's freakin' hilarious.

Snowstorm
03-10-2009, 05:43 AM
I wonder if this menu choice was their excuse to not come. They didn't have the nerve to give their regrets and came up with a lame excuse. Like the others, you eat what your host serves.

Haggis
03-10-2009, 05:53 AM
So, like, I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail. Or something. Right?

*grabs pork roast and runs out of the room*

TerzaRima
03-10-2009, 06:22 AM
It sounds like your stepaunt raised your stepcousin with the knowledge that she is a very special and unique little snowflake, and, well, you didn't acknowledge that. Good luck. I have some extended family members like this, and it generally does not improve with age.

KTC
03-10-2009, 06:22 AM
What are you saying? I find nothing wrong with being a snowflake.

TerzaRima
03-10-2009, 06:57 AM
You know, this one time during a family visit, we took Mr Rima's brother, SIL, and two kids to a restaurant. Mr Rima ordered nachos and quesadillas as appetizers. Our nephew (aged about 10 at the time) said, "DAD! I don't like nachos! Dad! Tell him to order something else! I. Don't. Like. Nachos. Dad! I want an Oompa Loompa nooooow!" and on and on in this vein and the kid's parents kept murmuring benignly and looking away and finally I could not stand it anymore. I said, "Alexander. Are you paying for everyone's dinner by yourself? No? Okay. If you don't like something, keep it to yourself and eat something else."

Angie's aunt probably was a parent like my brother in law and his wife.

Cranky
03-10-2009, 06:58 AM
During a family visit, we took Mr Rima's brother, SIL, and two kids to a restaurant. Mr Rima ordered nachos and quesadillas as appetizers. Our nephew (aged about 10 at the time) said, "DAD! I don't like nachos! Dad! Tell him to order something else! I. Don't. Like. Nachos. Dad! I want an Oompa Loompa nooooow!" and on and on in this vein and the kid's parents kept murmuring benignly and looking away and finally I could not stand it anymore. I said, "Alexander. Are you paying for everyone's dinner by yourself? No? Okay. If you don't like something, keep it to yourself and eat something else."

Angie's aunt probably was a parent like my brother in law and his wife.

Gawd. My kid would have his yap duct taped shut until the meal came, if I even let him stay for dinner.

Beach Bunny
03-10-2009, 07:50 AM
I know, I'm a picture of reserve and self-control. *snort* Actually, note my comment above about not wanting to cause tension. And I don't need to retract the invitation, because they won't come if my stepcousin knows there's something being served that she doesn't like. So it works itself out.

:idea: ... In the future, whenever you don't want them to come to a family dinner, plan on cooking something you know they don't like. :Thumbs:


It's not as if pork roast is the only thing you're serving (right?). I'm assuming there will be vegetables, maybe a salad or side dish?

People like that are infuriating, but they make excellent characters for stories. ;)
Word. :)

cptwentworth
03-10-2009, 08:03 AM
As a newbie, I get such a kick out of reading the banter from you multiple posters.

My daughter is a Picky eater with a capital P, and she just goes hungry...a lot.

MaryMumsy
03-10-2009, 08:27 AM
My daughter is a Picky eater with a capital P, and she just goes hungry...a lot.

Reminds me of an incident many years ago when I was an almost newlywed. My BIL was a picky eater. Spaghetti, fried chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs. That was about it. So the in-laws are over at our place and I am making Mexican food. MIL comes in the kitchen to quietly ask if I have any ground beef left to make BIL a plain hamburger because she doesn't think he will eat what I was making. I told her that in my house he would eat what I cooked. And it was true. He had been doing it for two years. She just didn't know it and was still catering to his whims.

MM

BenPanced
03-10-2009, 08:54 AM
So, like, I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail. Or something. Right?

*grabs pork roast and runs out of the room*
And this is why your invitations keep getting "lost":

http://pics.livejournal.com/benpanced/pic/0007eddg

Wayne K
03-10-2009, 11:04 AM
:idea: ... In the future, whenever you don't want them to come to a family dinner, plan on cooking something you know they don't like. :Thumbs: :)
I think this is why my sister became a vegetarian. I haven't seen her in years.

Ken
03-10-2009, 12:12 PM
... if I'd been in your shoes, I'd have prepared the beef roast for the stepcousin, with some special seasoning mixed in ;-)

regdog
03-10-2009, 05:37 PM
How awful for your step cousin that the entire world doesn't know it has to cater to her. One wonders how she copes in the cruel real world. Poor dear. And to think, you wouldn't take the time to cook a second main course. Shame. Just shame.


Is that nincompoop for real? I have food allergies and I never expect anyone to cater to me when they are serving food. I either bring my own food, eat before hand, or if it's going to be a long prolonged event, I don't go.

Someone needs to give little miss cater to me a swift kick in the a** of reality, of and kick her mother one too.

Angie
03-11-2009, 03:30 AM
So, like, I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail. Or something. Right?

*grabs pork roast and runs out of the room*

Ha! It worked. You took the bait. I hope you enjoyed your feast. You'll be sleeping off the sedatives for the next week and the rest of us will have some peace and quiet. Muahahahaha!!!


What are you saying? I find nothing wrong with being a snowflake.

From now on, you are Snowflake, Snowflake.


Angie's aunt probably was a parent like my brother in law and his wife.

Yes. Yes she was. I know this because she now has two grandchildren (from her son, who is almost normal), and this is exactly how she is when she has them. "Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that." While the kids ignore her completely and do whatever they want.


As a newbie, I get such a kick out of reading the banter from you multiple posters.

My daughter is a Picky eater with a capital P, and she just goes hungry...a lot.

Welcome to the boards! :D And feel free to join in the banter. We're not snobs. Except KTC, but he's easily bribed with coffee.


How awful for your step cousin that the entire world doesn't know it has to cater to her. One wonders how she copes in the cruel real world. Poor dear. And to think, you wouldn't take the time to cook a second main course. Shame. Just shame.


I know. Reality is a real bitch.