how long do you fight the good fight? RANT

To 'let go' does not mean to stop caring;
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To 'let go' is not to cut myself off;
it is the realisation that
I must not control another.

To 'let go' is not to fix;
but to be supportive.

To 'let go' is not to be in the middle
arranging all the outcomes;
but to allow others to effect their destinies.

To 'let go' is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.

To 'let go' is not to regret the past;
but to grow and live for the future.

To 'let go' is to fear less
and love more.

--Author Unknown

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It's obviously something you can't and never will control, so now it's time to release control of the outcome and just let it go. You're only hurting yourself, over what? Something that you can learn to get used to. Your husband is right, people can do with their property what they want (for the most part).

So you either have to find a way to get over it, or move.

I don't know where you live or how stringently the bylaws are enforced, but, if I were you, I'd continue to fight. The SAME thing happened with my neighbours. The anxiety would start every spring when the RV arrived and would continue until the late fall when they finally got rid of it for the winter. It impacted my contentment in my own home when every time I looked out the window, all I could see was my neighbour's Big Ass RV and the huge pick-up truck they needed to haul the Big Ass RV. It strained our relationship because they knew we didn't like it, but I never did much about it. I regret that. I think we should have done more.

They've since moved and it's become their new neighbours' problem instead of ours. I'm thankful every day I pull into my driveway and DON'T have to look at that monstrosity. I think it's an abolute insult to park these things on residential property. They should either move to an acreage, or pay for a place to park it that isn't in a residential neighbourhood.

Good luck!

Head Scratcher

I really wish I knew what to tell you (my being a 'fix it' type person and all) but I can't help, because I don't know the zoning for New Jersey. I live in Boonieville Ohello, and out here the only thing not allowed is two hogs housed in the same acer of land. (Ew, right?) Or possibly wrongful restraint and captivity of drunken inbred cannibals . . .

As far as the RV goes, I could offer some illegal solutions such as slashing tires, spray painting vulgar graffitti (sp?), or just egging their house, but that might get you in trouble. So don't. Just release your frustrations into the flow. Be a pebble in the stream, so to speak. Things have a way of working out eventually. The question being 'how long can you wait for eventually'. Gettin angry, frustrated, and fixating on the RV will only harm you, not your neighbor. They could care less (and in extreme 'Joneses' type people, your frustration will only serve to encourage them). Maybe your revenge could be to fictionalize your annoying neighbor and his RV into something humorous and visualize that whenever you have to see him and his RV through the window. When your neighbor sees your laughing at something through your window, his mind will run wild wondering what kind of sabatage you perpetrated on his precious recreational vehicle.

I agree with James that you can't control this. Trying to will only create more stress and bad feelings, and for what? Simply deciding that it doesn't matter will bring you peace far faster than fighting with them.

Invest in some beautiful drapes for the dining room windows, then keep them closed during RV parking season.

Oh, Mela, I feel for you. Our driveway is right next to our neighbor's driveway. For years our neighbor claimed it was a shared driveway and used our driveway to maneuver around our cars. We even showed him our property survey (he said he didn't have one. Right). They run their cars' engines for hours on end--one time for a whole day. Who knows why.

We never reported them because, well, we're trying for harmony here. That guy is the type for retribution.

Can you put up an evergreen or two under your dining room windows? And as Devil said, maybe heavy drapes. And maybe have music on all day (soothing music).

Unfortunately, you can't control other people. Fighting with someone over something like this just tends to have the other person dig in their heels and not give in. You complained, they got rid of the RV and bought a bigger one. If you complain again, they will probably buy an 18-wheeler to park in their driveway.

All you can control is what happens on your side of the property line. So, the question is what can you do on your side of the property line to block the noise and the view of the RV? I suggest a brainstorming session with your husband to find a solution you can live with. Some suggestions already made here: curtains, shrubbery, fencing, ... Keep brainstorming until you find something that will work for you.

Good luck.

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, Mela, but, hope they'll move, like Caro's neighbor's did and you won't have that prob. anymore...

I don't think this is an issue of trying to control other people. This is about residents, who chose to live in that community, willfully contravening a known bylaw. If my neighbours suddenly decided to raise a herd of pigs in their backyard, I sure wouldn't sit back and say, "well, you can't control other people." Raising livestock in the city limits is illegal, just like this RV situation of Mela's.

Hi again, Mela. Yep, our driveways are the same way, with our driveway right up against our house. But for us, we just have a kitchen window overlooking the driveways.

And if you report it, as others have said, they could dig their heels in deeper. But then, it's not legal to have an RV in a driveway, right? Maybe they're waiting for you to say something again. Or think you won't.

I'm not much help.

Maybe put up lacy curtains in your dining room that are also of a heavier, thicker material than most. Or drapes. You can also hope they move. Soon.

Mela said:

I don't know. I'm tired. It's just that I was so at peace and focused and then .....

those of you who've been here for a while might be familiar with past rants on the neighbor's RV. Well, that RV was parked ilegally on their property, in violation of zoning laws, in addition to a utility trailer and a pickup truck and an SUV. I complained about them last year and they were sent a letter from the township to comply with the RV ordinance, which they did. But now a BIGGER RV is poised to be parked in the driveway (it's now parked in front of their house).

The problem is that the presence of the RV brings all these heavy vehicles very close not only to our house, but to our dining room windows, which already have a stone through the screen kicked up from their driveway.
I am all alone in this - my husband doesn't quite get it and thinks everyone should do what they want on their property. I agree, except when what they're doing is too close to the property line (they need 10 feet - they have maybe one foot), with insufficient buffering (a fence I had to erect to block their junk).

I think what really has me boiling is the total lack of respect here - these vehicles are so friggin close to this house I feel like I'm living next to a commercial site, instead of residential.

I want to get back to that peace I had before they returned with this monster RV they now intend to park in their driveway. It's something else now that has to tax my mind in addition to paying bills and work and revising a book and .... and ....

so have I fought the good fight? should I let it go, even though it's just such an intrusion? And how would you just ignore it, when it's in your face, and on top of your dining room windows, every day?

I was in tears this morning over this. Please help with words of wisdom.

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Let it go. Life's too short.

CaroGirl said:

I don't think this is an issue of trying to control other people. This is about residents, who chose to live in that community, willfully contravening a known bylaw. If my neighbours suddenly decided to raise a herd of pigs in their backyard, I sure wouldn't sit back and say, "well, you can't control other people." Raising livestock in the city limits is illegal, just like this RV situation of Mela's.

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And it's a battle that the cops literally could give two shits about.

That's the point. She may eventually get them to move it, but AT WHAT COST? It's obviously affecting her emotionally and physically.

Mela, you don't have to stop fighting, but you DO need to figure out a way to be content in your own home, even with something like this bothering you. This is no way to live. Figure out how to let it go...how to deal with it.

James81 said:

Mela, you don't have to stop fighting, but you DO need to figure out a way to be content in your own home, even with something like this bothering you. This is no way to live. Figure out how to let it go...how to deal with it.

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Mela, if you could figure out a way to deal with it, to just let it go, more power to you. I never could. I was upset about my neighbour's RV & pickup until the day they moved, and I got progressively MORE upset about it over the years, not less. I hope, if you can't do anything legally, that you are able to let it go. It really isn't worth the stress.

I agree with Carogirl. Illegal is illegal. But please, Mela, for your own well being, try not to let the RV rule you. You're a person. That RV is a hunk of metal. As ugly and obnoxious as it is, it can only hurt you if you focus your energies on how badly you want the thing gone. Do what you can do to solve the problem, but don't make yourself sick over it. I know this is going to sound all Zen and stuff, but I think what might help you is a little balance. Do work as hard as you can to get the problem solved, but don't let the RV become a central part of your daily life. When you know you've done everything in your power, that's all you can do. No amount of tears or bitterness will make the RV disappear (though I wish that were true). I'll say a prayer for you, if that's alright. Sometimes a higher power makes things move faster.

Mela said:

So then I should let people who are doing something illegal next to my house get away with it?
You guys, your too status quo, too mamby pamby (well, of course, not all of you) - what would it take for YOU to fight - and I don't mean something like, my life was threatened, they killed my dog, etc. I mean on a property issue? On something going on next door of property you own that exceeds what is legal: What would get you mad?

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There's "getting mad" and "letting it dominate your entire life".

I'm telling you not to do the second one. Please DO do the first one.

But you know, it's YOUR life. If you want to be miserable because of an oversized vehicle sitting next door to you, then by all means keep letting it ruin your everyday.

Can this RV have an accident? I'm just ranting mentally here, but the ten feet is in case "ACCIDENTS" happen, and they do and would if he were my neighbor. I'm a big believer in accidents happening and whatever I can do to bring them about is random chaos and unprovable in court.
Keep in mind I'm Irish and I love to fight.
I had neighbors who were in love with their new Bose speakers, especially when they came home in the middle of the night. Not so much when I was done with them.
There are consequences for certain actions so if you're not a "do the time for the crime" type, I'd let it go if I were you

I don't think anyone is being "mamby-pamby," Mela, but as you said, you complained and they bought a bigger RV. You could complain again, and they could do like my neighbors--run their cars for awhile in their driveway (illegal I believe in my area, but once the police are called, they could say, "It's only been running for a minute!).

I had fantasies about creating several large signs reading: Main Street Trailer Park (not the real name of Caro's street) and tacking them on all the obnoxious RVs parked in the driveways of every house. That way no one would know it was me. I never did it, though.

As a member of the executive board of CONO (Coalition of Neighborhood Organizations) and also an officer in my neighborhood organization, I've found out that persistence pays. Whenever we have a zoning problem these days, the city is quick to address the issue since they know we aren't going to shut up until they do. We do it politely, but also with the intention that we won't give up. Get a copy of the zoning requirements and cite the city's own laws in this area. I'm not sure what type of city government you have, (we have a city council/mayoral type here) but we've come to know the council people and they know when we come knocking they need to address the issue since we do our homework and know our rights.

If you have neighborhood organizations contact them, as well. City Inspectors are another avenue to address the situation. There are several levels of local government you can contact on this issue. Have you talked with other neighbors about this? If more come forward with complaints then they are more apt to address the problem quickly. It still boils down to the fact these neighbors are not complying with the codes, and it's the city's job to enforce the codes. Be polite while contacting the government reps, but also firm. It's sad when people don't know how to be good neighbors, something we stress in all our meetings. Good luck.

Mela said:

So then I should let people who are doing something illegal next to my house get away with it?
You guys, your too status quo, too mamby pamby (well, of course, not all of you) - what would it take for YOU to fight - and I don't mean something like, my life was threatened, they killed my dog, etc. I mean on a property issue? On something going on next door of property you own that exceeds what is legal: What would get you mad?

And thanks CaroGirl! and everyone else!

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Let me clarify what I was trying to say.

I used to manage an apartment building when I lived in LA. And we had a rule about noise. Noise complaints are the biggest pain in the butt for a manager to have to deal with. I had one tenant who was the biggest complainer of noise coming from other apartments. He had a point, a few of his neighbors were too loud and I dealt with them. But, he also would not do anything I suggested that he do to block the noise coming into his apartment. So, I got calls at 2:00 am waking me up because his neighbors were talking and he could hear it. Did I mention he was a light sleeper?

If it is illegal, then yes, file the complaint. AND do what you can do on your side of the property line so you can't see or hear the RV.