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Zoombie
02-26-2009, 11:57 PM
We've all heard it. We've all hated it.

The word...REMAKE!

Yes, remakes suck...whether its The Day the Earth Stood Still or Dawn of the Dead, they normally butcher the original plot, ruin the original message, and generally just f**k it up.

BUT!

There are a few remakes that actually DO do a good job!

For example: The Thing by John Carpenter is considered to be one of the best horror movies of all time, and yet it was a remake of that snoozerific Thing From Outer Space movie...

Bletch.

And in the video game world, Sid Mier's (famous video game maker) took his OLD game, Sid Mier's Pirates and then remade it into Sid Mier's Pirates! The result? one of the most addictive fun things you can do with one hand, narrowly beaten out by the only thing men do alone.

Yes, I'm going to do a write up on SMP some other day.

Now!

There ARE great remakes out there which mean SOME movies NEED remakes!

So this thread is devoted to the Remakables, films that had awesome ideas but, through various reasons, ended up sucking...and would do awesome if remade today.

I'll start us off!


Nightbreed.

Nightbreed, based off the only Clive Barker story I could read without clawing my own eyes out, was the AWESOMELY creative film about some poor bastard named Boon who was slightly bonkers.

Good thing he got one of the best psychiatrists out there! Dr. Decker. I mean what a nice, kind guy Decker is. I mean, I can't possibly see him, say, putting on a mask and-

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l157/pogokiller/Nightbreed/drdecker.jpg

OH SNAP!!

So, Decker pins his murdering on Boon, who runs away and finds out about this semi-mythical city of monsters called Midian. He gets to the front gates and finds out its a cemetery.

Filled with monsters.

Boon gets bitten by one of the monsters and runs outside...and gets a face full of police bullets. Boon dies and his girlfriend, Lorri, is sad. But then Boon comes back to life and finds out that Midian's monsters are slightly friendlier than he expected...especially cause he's one of them now.

Anywho, the film was hamstrung by a crippling budget, which meant that it was criminally short. Secondly, it was directed by Clive Barker himself...who was only moderately successful. Thirdly, some of the monsters worked GREAT with full body make up, like the awesome Shuna Sassii

http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/images/nightbreed_shunasassi.jpg


Others were less good.

And Shuna Sassi was only on screen for like, 20 seconds!

BOO! Clive Barker! BOO!

Also, the ending was overdone and hammy, the acting hilariously over the top, the sexual elements from the story were completely chopped out (even though the gore was left in...what the heck!?) and the characterization of Lorri changed almost completely. And as a final straw, the studio completely missed the boat. They failed to "get" that this was a monster film where the monsters were the HEROES and so they played up the whole serial killer angle in the trailers, misleading an audience and cutting out most of the actual fans who would have watched the dang thing!

So, imagine this film in the hands of a capable director, with more money, and a studio that realizes that, YES, monsters CAN be the heroes in a film (especially after films like Shrek, Hellboy, Hellboy again...) and we've got a classic on our hands.

I think the director should definitely be Guellmo Del Torro (SP?). I mean, Hellboy 2's Troll Market was essentially a more colorful, less macabre version of Midian.

And there was no Shuna Sassii (who, me, obsessive? Crazy talk).

SO!

Share your classic but hamstrung films that should be remade so that their flower of genius can blossom like a pretty rose or something.

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 12:02 AM
Um, I loved the remake of Dawn of the Dead with Sarah Polley. Maybe I'm the only one.
:Shrug:

The rest of your post might as well be written in ancient hieroglyphics for all the sense it made to me. Obviously, your audience is someone other than me.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 12:06 AM
Did you see the original?

Calla Lily
02-27-2009, 12:07 AM
Zoombie, you know I think you're a sweetheart, but Howard Hawks' The Thing from Another World was one of the best, well-acted, fast-paced, full-of-awesome-FX 50s SF movies evah.

I know it had nothing to do with the short story "Who Goes There?" by John W. Campbell (the remake did, and I agree that it too is a terrific movie). But now I"ll have to paddle your behind for 50s SF blasphemy. :e2sling:

OTOH, the Mel Brooks remake of To Be or Not To Be was light-years better than the Bob Hope original.

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 12:08 AM
Did you see the original?
Yes.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 12:10 AM
Then I must classify you as...some...kind of alien.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 12:12 AM
Also, I know this is sacrilege...but...

Could someone PLEASE remake Forbidden Planet?

Its hamstrung under a truly abysmal soundtrack and some really cringe worthy sexist moments...

I love it to death. But I think a well done remake could reintroduce the line "monsters from the id!" into the popular consciousness. This is nothing but a good thing.

ChaosTitan
02-27-2009, 12:47 AM
Then I must classify you as...some...kind of alien.

Then I'm an alien, too. I liked both versions of DotD, for very different reasons.

I volunteer Night of the Comet. I know it was only made it, what? 1985 or something? The concept is pretty cool (I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic lawlessness), but the cheesy B-movie production value and the D-list cast made it a campy mess.

dclary
02-27-2009, 12:52 AM
I'm hoping someone remakes GeoDome without Pauly Shore in it.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 12:53 AM
Ah, that's an awesome idea!

I was going to suggest David Lynch's "Dune", but then I remembered that sci-fi channel Dune miniseries.

dclary
02-27-2009, 01:17 AM
I wonder if gorgeous george would allow someone to remake Star Wars... but like, do it old school. Like, take out all the stuff he added in the 90s, and remake it where Han shoots first. Oh and remove that god-awful "a new hope" bullshit. That would be cool. A remake of Star Wars that looked, sounded, and was exactly the original theatrical release.

Jcomp
02-27-2009, 02:35 AM
Judge Dredd (which is apparently in the works)
Clash of the Titans

Gravity
02-27-2009, 02:37 AM
the Bob Hope original.

Jack Benny. Just sayin'. :D (And you're right, both Things are classics in their own ways).

childeroland
02-27-2009, 02:49 AM
Someone IS remaking Forbidden Planet, by Joel Silver and J. Michael Straczynski, though the latter insists their film will not be a remake or a reimagining, 'not exactly a prequel,' whatever that means.

I'm actually intrigued by the idea of the NeverEnding Story 'reboot' or whatever Warner is calling it, though Wolfgang Peterson's original adaptation is, of course, a classic and I doubt Warner will do a better job fitting in the whole book than Peterson did. And given how watered down children's fare is today compared to older kid's films -- I bet a comparison between the original Escape to Witch Mountain and Disney's new film will bear this out -- there seems little chance Michael Ende's really adult story won't be.


Also, I know this is sacrilege...but...

Could someone PLEASE remake Forbidden Planet?

Its hamstrung under a truly abysmal soundtrack and some really cringe worthy sexist moments...

I love it to death. But I think a well done remake could reintroduce the line "monsters from the id!" into the popular consciousness. This is nothing but a good thing.

katiemac
02-27-2009, 02:54 AM
They just announced The Never Ending Story, too.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 02:56 AM
Also, as a clarification: This is only for movies that SHOULD be remade, not for films that ARE being remade.

ChaosTitan
02-27-2009, 03:03 AM
They just announced The Never Ending Story, too.

:eek::rant:

Gynn
02-27-2009, 03:33 AM
They are remaking "Let the Right One In", the Swedish film that just came out in October. It's due for 2010 for American audiences. I expect yawns.

childeroland
02-27-2009, 04:52 AM
Films that SHOULD be remade: I've never felt Talented Mr. Ripley has ever been done justice, even in Purple Noon. Imagine what a Christopher Nolan could do with it.

Godard's Made in USA sort of wastes the potential of its source novel, Richard Stark's The Jugger.That and the same author's Slayground deserve far better adaptations than they've received. And as great as Point Blank is, I'd like to see a film of Stark's The Hunter a bit closer to the book and Parker character.


Also, as a clarification: This is only for movies that SHOULD be remade, not for films that ARE being remade.

Zoombie
02-27-2009, 01:27 PM
Dude.

If someone re-worked the concept of Zardoz into something more workable, removed all the 1970s stoner shit...it COULD WORK!

Also, here's the best part. Zardoz, for those of you who don't know, stars Sean Connery.

In a red diaper.

http://bp2.blogger.com/_aJs6jVfPMWA/SEhx1Sqnr9I/AAAAAAAAAp4/AaIieITnJ9Q/s320/zardoz+sean+connery.jpg

Oh yeah.

But do you know what this means!?!?!

It means...that according to the laws of Bondination, that Daniel Creig would be starting in a remake of Zardoz.

Oh yes.

Daniel Creig...in a wedding dress.

http://www.agonyboothmedia.com/images/articles/Zardoz_1974/cap471.jpg

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 05:37 PM
The Bonfire of the Vanities.

shawkins
02-27-2009, 06:29 PM
I quite liked Night Breed, but I walked away wondering where the hell the ending got off to (both book & movie). It felt to me like Clive Barker just stopped typing one day. Also, I remember reading that the studio took an axe to Barker's original cut -- the film originally had a lot more homosexual subtext. The breakers (?) or whatever they were called--the ones they unleashed from the basement when the townies attacked -- apparently had big huge, um, well, that they used as weapons or something. As far as I know, no director's cut ever surfaced.


Um, I loved the remake of Dawn of the Dead with Sarah Polley. Maybe I'm the only one.

Nope. DotD 2004 is in my top 5 for the decade. Sara Polley was awesome, and everytime I watch it I catch something new. (Zack Snyder's Nissan commercial! A department store named after Gaylen Ross (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0743417/)!). I also love the original and have since I was a wee lad. They're very different films.


They are remaking "Let the Right One In", the Swedish film that just came out in October. It's due for 2010 for American audiences. I expect yawns.

The original hits DVD in the states around March 15. Highly recommended. Also the book was awesome, even in translation.


I volunteer Night of the Comet. I know it was only made it, what? 1985 or something? The concept is pretty cool (I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic lawlessness), but the cheesy B-movie production value and the D-list cast made it a campy mess.

I saw it in theaters. Twice. It was lonely in there.

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 06:39 PM
Then I'm an alien, too. I liked both versions of DotD, for very different reasons.

I volunteer Night of the Comet. I know it was only made it, what? 1985 or something? The concept is pretty cool (I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic lawlessness), but the cheesy B-movie production value and the D-list cast made it a campy mess.
Darnit, I liked Night of the Comet! I used to rent it all the time, but it was probably the concept I loved more than the execution (I was also a teenager at the time and probably less critical). I'm not sure how a remake would work, since the Valley Girl, consumer culture concept was so integral to that version, and I believe the Valley Girl has, thankfully, met her demise. I'd like to see a remake, though.

Phoebe H
02-27-2009, 08:21 PM
And given how watered down children's fare is today compared to older kid's films -- I bet a comparison between the original Escape to Witch Mountain and Disney's new film will bear this out

Just wanted to mention that you don't have to wait for the new movie to see this borne out. Disney already remade Escape to Witch Mountain about 5 or 6 years ago as a Disney Channel only release.

It was exactly as wretched as you might think.

Shail
02-27-2009, 08:34 PM
I wonder if gorgeous george would allow someone to remake Star Wars... but like, do it old school. Like, take out all the stuff he added in the 90s, and remake it where Han shoots first. Oh and remove that god-awful "a new hope" bullshit. That would be cool. A remake of Star Wars that looked, sounded, and was exactly the original theatrical release.


You are my hero!!! Thank you for saying that. It saves my fingers.

ChaosTitan
02-27-2009, 08:43 PM
I'm not sure how a remake would work, since the Valley Girl, consumer culture concept was so integral to that version, and I believe the Valley Girl has, thankfully, met her demise. I'd like to see a remake, though.

I remember similar criticism when the Dawn of the Dead remake was announced. The original DofD parodied the emergence of mall-think and the consumer culture, with all of the zombies converging on the mall and wandering around like stoned shoppers.

A remake of NofC would definitely be interesting. ;)

maxmordon
02-27-2009, 09:03 PM
Angels with Dirty Faces with Leonardo Di Caprio as Rocky Sullivan, Tobey MacGuire as Fr. Jerome Connely, Billy Bob Thorton as Jim Frazer and Anne Hathaway as Anne.