My new neighbours amuse me

I live in a block of six, on the top right. The neighbour who's been giving me problems lives in Flat D, directly below me.

There was one incident where police were called weeks and weeks ago and at a later date she said, "Oh that was them across the way from you, they were causing a noise," which was a lie, because they hadn't even moved into the block at that point.

Anyway. They (the new couple who moved in a couple of months ago) amuse me.

Why? Well one night - so late it was morning - there was a bit of a racket outside so I had a look and it was the new pair huffing and puffing up the stairs. At least, she was, 'cause she was carrying a mini-fridge. A desktop, whatever you call it? And he was walking ahead, telling her to hurry up. Classy, huh?

Once I caught a woman peering through my letterbox shouting on [the guy's name] and I said, "You want that flat there." She couldn't apologise enough but what tickled me was she was dressed in pyjamas and had driven from miles away to see him. What was so important early in the morning that she had to drive over here to see him? Probably after drugs.

So it would seem my new neighbours are dealers. Which I don't mind, to be honest because they keep themselves to themselves. Very polite, as are their...ahem...'customers'.

And they have an amusing habit of playing Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun at top volume just before they go out. That's it. Just one song. Played once. Then off they go, away to...I dunno. Get stoned, or pick up more supplies. Who knows?

I think it says a lot that I prefer the possible-stoners in my block to the noisy, selfish, single mum downstairs.

Hell, they can cause all the racket they want late at night because:

a) They rarely play music, apart from Cyndi Lauper. This afternoon they played a Debbie Harry song as well. Maria, sinced you ask. Also:
b) The noise they make is usually furniture moving about or visitors piling up and down the stairs, which, strangely enough, doesn't bother me in the slightest and
c) They never wake me up. We're in synch. They make noise when I'm already awake.

I have to add these are only suspicions. The tenement block is immaculate; no needles or drug-taking paraphernalia. It's all based on...well, they look like chavs, and they sound a bit...vacant...when they speak.

I got mail delivered to my flat even though it was theirs, so I knocked and explained the postie had put it through my door by mistake and the girl had that shaky tone of voice, like she couldn't remember how to speak English, had just woken up or was hungover.

Plus a couple other things. They just generally act a bit spaced-out, keep unusual hours and have a lot of visitors at all hours.

But they're cool. I'm glad it's them, and not another noise-maker.

You never know. I might feel like getting mellow one night and give them a call.

We could beat her to death with a bong.

I think around three people on AW have my home address. Aren't they the lucky ones?

I give everyone nicknames, even some folks on AW.

My mobile phone has hardly any 'real names' in it; they're all nicknames. If you were to scroll through you wouldn't recognise your own details in there, unless your mind worked in the same twisted way as mine.

And some people would be offended.

I call thethinker42 the Photoshop Ninja, the Intarchoobs Prawn R@pist, or simply 'Perv'.

Others have more dodgy nicknames which I won't repeat here.