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View Full Version : My new neighbours amuse me



scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 09:30 PM
I live in a block of six, on the top right. The neighbour who's been giving me problems lives in Flat D, directly below me.

There was one incident where police were called weeks and weeks ago and at a later date she said, "Oh that was them across the way from you, they were causing a noise," which was a lie, because they hadn't even moved into the block at that point.

Anyway. They (the new couple who moved in a couple of months ago) amuse me.

Why? Well one night - so late it was morning - there was a bit of a racket outside so I had a look and it was the new pair huffing and puffing up the stairs. At least, she was, 'cause she was carrying a mini-fridge. A desktop, whatever you call it? And he was walking ahead, telling her to hurry up. :roll: Classy, huh?

Once I caught a woman peering through my letterbox shouting on [the guy's name] and I said, "You want that flat there." She couldn't apologise enough but what tickled me was she was dressed in pyjamas and had driven from miles away to see him. What was so important early in the morning that she had to drive over here to see him? Probably after drugs.

So it would seem my new neighbours are dealers. Which I don't mind, to be honest because they keep themselves to themselves. Very polite, as are their...ahem...'customers'. ;)

And they have an amusing habit of playing Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun at top volume just before they go out. That's it. Just one song. Played once. Then off they go, away to...I dunno. Get stoned, or pick up more supplies. Who knows?

I think it says a lot that I prefer the possible-stoners in my block to the noisy, selfish, single mum downstairs.

Hell, they can cause all the racket they want late at night because:

a) They rarely play music, apart from Cyndi Lauper. This afternoon they played a Debbie Harry song as well. Maria, sinced you ask. Also:
b) The noise they make is usually furniture moving about or visitors piling up and down the stairs, which, strangely enough, doesn't bother me in the slightest and
c) They never wake me up. We're in synch. They make noise when I'm already awake.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 09:36 PM
I can relate. Years ago, I lived in a dead cheap apartment. The building backed onto a cemetary, so those neighbours were quiet at least. The only guy I really connected with lived across the hall. He was quiet, held the door for me, made small talk, and so on. Until the day the police bashed in his door with a battering ram and took him away in handcuffs. He did six months for dealing. But he was a decent enough fellow compared to some of the layabouts in that place.

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 09:39 PM
I have to add these are only suspicions. The tenement block is immaculate; no needles or drug-taking paraphernalia. It's all based on...well, they look like chavs, and they sound a bit...vacant...when they speak.

I got mail delivered to my flat even though it was theirs, so I knocked and explained the postie had put it through my door by mistake and the girl had that shaky tone of voice, like she couldn't remember how to speak English, had just woken up or was hungover.

Plus a couple other things. They just generally act a bit spaced-out, keep unusual hours and have a lot of visitors at all hours.

But they're cool. I'm glad it's them, and not another noise-maker. :)

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:40 PM
my before i go out song when i was a teen stoner punk was LIVING ON VIDEO. it was to mock it while we prepared ourselves for the batcave. post 70s goths dancing disco new wave tango, eyeliner dripping. good times. my acid pill box is empty.

Zelenka
02-25-2009, 09:58 PM
When I was living in London, I was sitting in my flat one day on my day off, watching TV but not really paying attention to it, and London Tonight came on. I just happened to glance up and saw my building on the screen. Turns out the police had been there a few hours before, barged in, arrested my neighbour in the downstairs flat for having about 1 million worth of heroin, cannabis, can't remember which, which he'd brought back from Jamaica. They'd carted him off and he ended up jailed for it. And I slept right through the whole thing.

Then a few weeks ago I was in the news gallery as part of my training for a new job. Was just sitting watching them put out the evening news, and all of a sudden as I'm reading the autocue before it goes out, I saw the name of my (very small) home village - splashed across the headlines as a den of vice since they'd just seized millions of pounds worth of drugs there. Making it worse, the guy arrested was an ex-pupil of my mothers... Maybe it's us?

Glad you've got some non-annoying neighbours though, SP.

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 10:00 PM
You never know. I might feel like getting mellow one night and give them a call.

Lyra Jean
02-25-2009, 10:16 PM
Maybe they can help you with the annoying single mum downstairs. That is if she's still being annoying, loud, and obnoxious.

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 10:21 PM
We could beat her to death with a bong.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 10:28 PM
You could bake her some brownies and watch her trip.

Wayne K
02-25-2009, 10:48 PM
You never know. I might feel like getting mellow one night and give them a call.
I was going to ask for the address.

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 10:53 PM
I think around three people on AW have my home address. Aren't they the lucky ones? :D

Samantha's_Song
02-25-2009, 11:06 PM
SP, do you ever give your neighbours nicknames? I do with all of ours. :D
We've got Dracula living next door, adjoining; when we first moved in, we used to hear him rattling around late at night and it sounded like nails rolling around on a wooden surface. His coffin. One day we went out and noticed that his guttering was wrecked, so we said he mist have been drunk when he flew home, the night before, and missed the window.
The old woman, who lives the other side of us looks like a right old cronie, so we call her The witch. The people there before her, we called Lawnmover man and Cruella. He'd be out in the garden at all hours of the night with his lawnmower, and she just looked like Cruella DeVille. They had a horrible noisy Jack Russel dog and it was heaven when they moved away.
And the old man who lives in the place at the bottom of our garden, we call him Chainsaw massacre; he's in his 70's, refuses central heating, and chops up the fallen branches trees, from the woods near our home, with his chainsaw.

KTC
02-25-2009, 11:09 PM
bong me, Amadeus.

Samantha's_Song
02-25-2009, 11:10 PM
I'd call your new neighbours The trainspotters :tongue

This is for SP's neighbours btw.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 11:10 PM
SP, do you ever give your neighbours nicknames? I do with all of ours. :D
I do that! My old neighbours were just The Trailer Trash because they kept this awful, HUGE trailer in their driveway ALL summer long. Another set of neighbours we called Batman and Robin because we never saw them except when they drove into and out of the Bat Cave (aka garage).

Samantha's_Song
02-25-2009, 11:12 PM
:D I'm glad I'm not the only name-caller on here! lol


I do that! My old neighbours were just The Trailer Trash because they kept this awful, HUGE trailer in their driveway ALL summer long. Another set of neighbours we called Batman and Robin because we never saw them except when they drove into and out of the Bat Cave (aka garage).

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 11:18 PM
I give everyone nicknames, even some folks on AW. :D

My mobile phone has hardly any 'real names' in it; they're all nicknames. If you were to scroll through you wouldn't recognise your own details in there, unless your mind worked in the same twisted way as mine.

And some people would be offended. :D

KTC
02-25-2009, 11:19 PM
Is Jesus on your cell phone?


All I am saying is give Christ a call.

James81
02-25-2009, 11:21 PM
cliffs?

Samantha's_Song
02-25-2009, 11:23 PM
:D I haven't nicknamed anyone on AW yet.
I have a nickname, on my mobile, for my brother, and I also send him postcards Xmas cards etc, through the post, with it on. I call him Mr C@nt :D


I give everyone nicknames, even some folks on AW. :D

My mobile phone has hardly any 'real names' in it; they're all nicknames. If you were to scroll through you wouldn't recognise your own details in there, unless your mind worked in the same twisted way as mine.

And some people would be offended. :D

scarletpeaches
02-25-2009, 11:26 PM
I call thethinker42 the Photoshop Ninja, the Intarchoobs Prawn R@pist, or simply 'Perv'. :D

Others have more dodgy nicknames which I won't repeat here.

Wayne K
02-25-2009, 11:29 PM
We called one of my neighbors Metal face. I'd have loved to thrown him in the dryer.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 11:46 PM
We called one of my neighbors Metal face. I'd have loved to thrown him in the dryer.
For someone nicknamed Metal Face, I think I'd plan something that involved a large, powerful magnet.

thethinker42
02-25-2009, 11:53 PM
I think around three people on AW have my home address. Aren't they the lucky ones? :D

I have it. Bidding starts at $20. I accept PayPal.

benbradley
02-26-2009, 12:28 AM
I can see where these new neighbo(u)rs would want to stay quiet and not attract police attention. One might think they could perhaps (if they ever have a clear head between them) help with Noisy Neighbour so the police wouldn't be coming around so much, they would certainly have incentive to do so, but one can only wonder whether a couple of stoners could help here.

I have it. Bidding starts at $20. I accept PayPal.
I have PayPal, but I need to be convinced her address is worth $20. She's cute (not her CURRENT avatar!), but It's not like I plan on crossing the pond to go see her anytime soon.

Sweetleaf
02-27-2009, 12:26 AM
I don't think I've really had dodgy neighbours, we tend to be the dodgy neighbours.
Except for the meth house over road, which gets rather entertaining in the wee small hours, but the house is up for sale, so they've moved on now. Pity.

I've had several crazy flatmates, the star of which was a 'reformed' alcoholic who let the horses out of the paddock over the road because they asked him to and stood in the middle of the street pulling the fingers at all the cars.
He also drilled a hole in the floor of his wardrobe to spy on the chick below us and tried to start a compost pile in the laundry. That wasn't so funny.

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 12:30 AM
He also drilled a hole in the floor of his wardrobe to spy on the chick below us and tried to start a compost pile in the laundry. That wasn't so funny.
That's funny from where I sit.

Wayne K
02-27-2009, 12:39 AM
That's funny from where I sit.
...and I'll second the nomination.

WittyWordsmith
02-27-2009, 02:27 AM
I have had some bizzarro neighbors. It's always fun when they're a little off-kilter and can bring you some sort of entertainment. It's never fun when they freak you out by saying scary things or, ya know... trespassing.

The weirdest neighbors I've ever had lived in the house next door to ours when we first moved in. When we came to look at the place, the young girl (about 8-10 years old) was riding around the property in a mobility scooter. She was overweight, so we just thought she needed it. Nope, grandma had died earlier in the year and she just liked to drive around the area in it...up on the grass and between the trees. She lived with her pot-dealing (?) uncles who we only ever saw once in person, and never talked to. One day I was letting my dogs out and she came to the back door and asked if I had any dog treats she could eat, said they were yummy. ??? Then she looks at my smaller dog and says, "Can I just take the puppy? You wouldn't miss the little one, would you?" Um. Yes, yes I would.

FREAKED ME OUT.

She came to my back door again one day to give me a cherry tomato she found in the yard (we have no tomato plants around here...)

My husband caught her wearing a tiara and a funky cape, and waving a triton while she screamed at the cars that drove by in some made-up language.

The last time we saw her, she was sitting in the middle of our driveway eating Raisin Bran soaked in water, scooping it with a fork, and spitting the raisins onto our driveway.

Sweetleaf
02-27-2009, 10:48 PM
I have had some bizzarro neighbors. It's always fun when they're a little off-kilter and can bring you some sort of entertainment. It's never fun when they freak you out by saying scary things or, ya know... trespassing.

The weirdest neighbors I've ever had lived in the house next door to ours when we first moved in. When we came to look at the place, the young girl (about 8-10 years old) was riding around the property in a mobility scooter. She was overweight, so we just thought she needed it. Nope, grandma had died earlier in the year and she just liked to drive around the area in it...up on the grass and between the trees. She lived with her pot-dealing (?) uncles who we only ever saw once in person, and never talked to. One day I was letting my dogs out and she came to the back door and asked if I had any dog treats she could eat, said they were yummy. ??? Then she looks at my smaller dog and says, "Can I just take the puppy? You wouldn't miss the little one, would you?" Um. Yes, yes I would.

FREAKED ME OUT.

She came to my back door again one day to give me a cherry tomato she found in the yard (we have no tomato plants around here...)

My husband caught her wearing a tiara and a funky cape, and waving a triton while she screamed at the cars that drove by in some made-up language.

The last time we saw her, she was sitting in the middle of our driveway eating Raisin Bran soaked in water, scooping it with a fork, and spitting the raisins onto our driveway.


That would so freak me out. I don't know if that's funny or just sad.

Wayne K
02-27-2009, 10:55 PM
The last time we saw her, she was sitting in the middle of our driveway eating Raisin Bran soaked in water, scooping it with a fork, and spitting the raisins onto our driveway.
Is she single?

KTC
02-27-2009, 11:02 PM
I have had some bizzarro neighbors. It's always fun when they're a little off-kilter and can bring you some sort of entertainment. It's never fun when they freak you out by saying scary things or, ya know... trespassing.

The weirdest neighbors I've ever had lived in the house next door to ours when we first moved in. When we came to look at the place, the young girl (about 8-10 years old) was riding around the property in a mobility scooter. She was overweight, so we just thought she needed it. Nope, grandma had died earlier in the year and she just liked to drive around the area in it...up on the grass and between the trees. She lived with her pot-dealing (?) uncles who we only ever saw once in person, and never talked to. One day I was letting my dogs out and she came to the back door and asked if I had any dog treats she could eat, said they were yummy. ??? Then she looks at my smaller dog and says, "Can I just take the puppy? You wouldn't miss the little one, would you?" Um. Yes, yes I would.

FREAKED ME OUT.

She came to my back door again one day to give me a cherry tomato she found in the yard (we have no tomato plants around here...)

My husband caught her wearing a tiara and a funky cape, and waving a triton while she screamed at the cars that drove by in some made-up language.

The last time we saw her, she was sitting in the middle of our driveway eating Raisin Bran soaked in water, scooping it with a fork, and spitting the raisins onto our driveway.

What's wrong with a tiara and a funky cape? I don't understand why this constitutes crazy.

Kevin, adjusting his tiara.

Samantha's_Song
02-27-2009, 11:23 PM
Sound like your kind of woman, does she, Wayne? :D


Is she single?

CaroGirl
02-27-2009, 11:24 PM
Sound like your kind of woman, does she, Wayne? :D
Something tells me Wayne's not picky.

WittyWordsmith
02-28-2009, 01:10 AM
Is she single?

I have a feeling she'll be single for many decades. She's a heavy-set 10-year-old (by now) that eats dog treats and threatens to steal her neighbor's pets...

Wayne K
02-28-2009, 01:12 AM
Something tells me Wayne's not picky.
And yet I do well. Dumb luck I guess.

Wayne K
02-28-2009, 01:12 AM
I have a feeling she'll be single for many decades. She's a heavy-set 10-year-old (by now) that eats dog treats and threatens to steal her neighbor's pets...
Stop it, I'm married.

Mela
02-28-2009, 01:13 AM
my ex-neighbors in my ex-condo: One CD, every weekend:
AC-DC.
Hells Bells ... over and over and over

Feiss
02-28-2009, 01:18 AM
I give everyone nicknames, even some folks on AW. :D

My mobile phone has hardly any 'real names' in it; they're all nicknames. If you were to scroll through you wouldn't recognise your own details in there, unless your mind worked in the same twisted way as mine.

And some people would be offended. :D

What's my nickname?

scarletpeaches
02-28-2009, 01:31 AM
What's my nickname?

Satan McShitweasel.

Feiss
02-28-2009, 01:37 AM
Satan McShitweasel.

yours is luscious titsprawl.