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View Full Version : How do you solve a problem like Maria?



KTC
02-25-2009, 08:35 PM
Does anybody know?

cray
02-25-2009, 08:37 PM
same way you keep a wave upon the sand, i reckon.

williemeikle
02-25-2009, 08:38 PM
Does anybody know?

A bullet in the back of the head?

Voyager
02-25-2009, 08:38 PM
You cripple her flibbity jibbit.

regdog
02-25-2009, 08:38 PM
Does anybody know?

Antibiotics

KTC
02-25-2009, 08:43 PM
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?


Too many questions.

KTC
02-25-2009, 08:44 PM
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

cray
02-25-2009, 08:45 PM
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

:e2moon:

just grab it

Haggis
02-25-2009, 08:45 PM
Methinks Kevin's been spending too much time hanging around the convent.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 08:46 PM
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
Acid. The good stuff. Not that brown shit.

KTC
02-25-2009, 08:46 PM
And how do you wash it down?

KTC
02-25-2009, 08:47 PM
A spoonful of sugar, no less.

KTC
02-25-2009, 08:48 PM
Are micro-dots listed in the ingredients for moonbeams?

BenPanced
02-25-2009, 09:05 PM
You call her husband and file a restraining order, that's how.

Or, at least in my experience.

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:08 PM
She moves like she dont care.
Smooth as silk, cool as air.
Ooh, it makes you wanna cry.

She doesnt know your name and your heart beats like a subway train.
Ooh, it makes you wanna die.

Ooh, dont you wanna take her?
Wanna make her all your own?

Maria.
Youve gotta see her!
Go insane and out of your mind.
Medina.
Ave maria.
A million and one candlelights.

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:10 PM
make maria disappear
disenchant her
disembowel her if you must,
but make her first
the stuff beneath your shoe
the dirty dust.


She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!

cray
02-25-2009, 09:15 PM
*puts 'caution' tape around kevin's threads*

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:20 PM
*puts 'caution' tape around kevin's threads*

Be my guest---

http://www.germes-online.com/direct/dbimage/50087783/Rayon_Embroidery_Thread.jpg

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:21 PM
be my guest
put our service to the test.

Kaiser-Kun
02-25-2009, 09:37 PM
Hit the block with the interrogation sign, then grab the mushroom which'll make you bigger. Jump and stomp your enemy, then take his shell and throw it against Bowser.

NeuroFizz
02-25-2009, 09:41 PM
To the original question:

You make sure she never takes her vows...

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:43 PM
you clip the wings from the nun!? NEVER!

BenPanced
02-25-2009, 09:44 PM
Hit the block with the interrogation sign, then grab the mushroom which'll make you bigger. Jump and stomp your enemy, then take his shell and throw it against Bowser.
I thought it was
A B B B A A A A A A arrow up arrow up arrow up
B B B B B A A A A A arrow down arrow down arrow down arrow down
A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A B A A A A A A ...
no. Wait. That's for an uppercut.

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:44 PM
thusly, she could not fly.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 09:47 PM
thusly, she could not fly.
Her habit was not large enough.

robeiae
02-25-2009, 09:47 PM
"Thusly"?

Seriously, who talks like that? I think we're starting to see the real problem...

cray
02-25-2009, 09:48 PM
"Thusly"?

Seriously, who talks like that? I think we're starting to see the real problem...


yea, verily.

CaroGirl
02-25-2009, 09:49 PM
Heretofore, you shalt be thusly chastened amidst this unpopular viewpoint.

KTC
02-25-2009, 09:49 PM
"Thusly"?

Seriously, who talks like that? I think we're starting to see the real problem...


My good man, have some upbringing. Please. Thusly, you will be more appealing. As it is, you are but the wind beneath your cheeks.

robeiae
02-25-2009, 09:50 PM
My good man, have some upbringing. Please. Thusly, you will be more appealing. As it is, you are but the wind beneath your cheeks.
I'll break wind before you...

BenPanced
02-25-2009, 09:51 PM
Ah, your mother wears combat boots.

robeiae
02-25-2009, 09:53 PM
Ah, your mother wears combat boots.
You mean: Thusly, does thine mother attire herself with boots of combat.

KTC
02-25-2009, 11:13 PM
You mean: Thusly, does thine mother attire herself with boots of combat.

Now you're getting it, slovenly one.

Kaiser-Kun
02-25-2009, 11:21 PM
Stop the gibberish. Solve this with karate chops.

regdog
02-26-2009, 01:35 AM
Now you're getting it, slovenly one.

You know those weren't shitake mushrooms you added to your salad, right?

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:15 AM
You know those weren't shitake mushrooms you added to your salad, right?

I only ever add martinis to salad, so I have no idea what you're talking about...because martinis look nothing like mushrooms.

Siddow
02-26-2009, 02:22 AM
I only ever add martinis to salad, so I have no idea what you're talking about...because martinis look nothing like mushrooms.
http://images.marthastewart.com/images/content/tv/ms_living_tv/2007Q1/tvs9173ab_l.jpg

Recipe here: http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/mushroom-martini

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:25 AM
http://images.marthastewart.com/images/content/tv/ms_living_tv/2007Q1/tvs9173ab_l.jpg

Recipe here: http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/mushroom-martini

I'm thinking I may be able to incorporate mushrooms into my salad after all.

ReallyRong
02-26-2009, 02:39 AM
Does anybody know?

Er, yeah. You create one of dem reality tv shows. What's my prize?

Angie
02-26-2009, 02:39 AM
*peeks into thread*

Um...I'll have what he's having.

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:42 AM
*peeks into thread*

Um...I'll have what he's having.

He's having a little bit of fabulous mixed with a swirl of joie de vivre. Oh, and an olive.

Beach Bunny
02-26-2009, 02:46 AM
He's having a little bit of fabulous mixed with a swirl of joie de vivre. Oh, and an olive.
Can I have one, too, please? :)

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:47 AM
Can I have one, too, please? :)

Pull up to the idol.

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:47 AM
sigh. one's work is never done. I'll be mixing these slices of fabulous for a week.

Angie
02-26-2009, 02:50 AM
Can I have an extra olive with mine?

KTC
02-26-2009, 02:55 AM
Can I have an extra olive with mine?

Sometimes even smiling makes my face ache.

Angie
02-26-2009, 03:09 AM
Would you like a Tylenol?

Pagey's_Girl
02-26-2009, 03:47 AM
She moves like she don't care
Smooth as silk, cool as air
ooh, it makes you wanna cry
She doesn't know your name
But your heart beats like a subway train
ooh, it makes you wanna die

Don't you wanna take her home?
You wanna make her all your own

Maria, you've got see her
Go into and out of your mind...

KTC
02-26-2009, 04:09 AM
She moves like she don't care
Smooth as silk, cool as air
ooh, it makes you wanna cry
She doesn't know your name
But your heart beats like a subway train
ooh, it makes you wanna die

Don't you wanna take her home?
You wanna make her all your own

Maria, you've got see her
Go into and out of your mind...


GAWD! I already said that!

Pagey's_Girl
02-26-2009, 04:26 AM
My bad. Too much Benedryl. :)

robeiae
02-26-2009, 05:19 AM
My bad. Too much Benedryl. :)
I just assumed you had KTC on ignore...like everyone else.

Wayne K
02-26-2009, 05:25 AM
I just assumed you had KTC on ignore...like everyone else.
Who?

rhymegirl
02-26-2009, 05:30 AM
I just assumed you had KTC on ignore...like everyone else.

Now there's an idea!

But if I put KTC on ignore, there won't be anything to read in Office Party.

KTC
02-26-2009, 05:56 AM
Now there's an idea!

But if I put KTC on ignore, there won't be anything to read in Office Party.

Ouch.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-26-2009, 06:11 AM
She moves like she don't care
Smooth as silk, cool as air
ooh, it makes you wanna cry
She doesn't know your name
But your heart beats like a subway train
ooh, it makes you wanna die

Don't you wanna take her it home?
You wanna make her it all your own

Maria KTC, you've got see her it
Go into and out of your mind...Them's are GOOOOOOD mushrooms!

KTC
02-26-2009, 06:28 AM
I'm an IT! I graduated to an IT!

TheRightEyedDeer
02-26-2009, 06:37 AM
I'm an TWIT! I graduated to an TWIT!

:e2seesaw:

KTC
02-26-2009, 07:04 AM
:e2seesaw:

That's me all over.

robeiae
02-26-2009, 07:06 AM
I'd rather it was you in a nutshell. Then maybe no one could hear you.

KTC
02-26-2009, 07:07 AM
I'd rather it was you in a nutshell. Then maybe no one could hear you.

I never hear the nuts, so I always assumed nutshells were rather muffling. Oh, but that's your point. I see.

robeiae
02-26-2009, 07:08 AM
Nutshells are also opaque, so we wouldn't have to see you, either.

KTC
02-26-2009, 07:09 AM
Nutshells are also opaque, so we wouldn't have to see you, either.


Aren't we the merry little Maria tonight.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-26-2009, 07:23 AM
I think it's time for a song:

So Long, Farewell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwoPpqT9tSM)

:thankyou:

KTC
02-26-2009, 07:27 AM
I think it's time for a song:

So Long, Farewell (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwoPpqT9tSM)

:thankyou:
Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight

Angie
02-26-2009, 07:29 AM
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-26-2009, 07:38 AM
There's something pretty here??? I HATE The Sound of Music.

Phantom of the Opera, anyone? Muuuwwwaaahahahaha.

maestrowork
02-26-2009, 10:03 AM
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Dammit.


When the lonely goatherd lay a big one in her... lay ay oh oh lay ay oh oh lay he ho!

Phoebe H
02-26-2009, 10:22 AM
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

You marry her.

NeuroFizz
02-26-2009, 11:39 AM
Psilocybin mushrooms seem to have found their way into the house...

Maria's wings have been clipped by a beast with clipped horns, so neither can fly (physically or emotionally). But they are pulsing with swirling lights and Cream is playing in the background.

In the sunshine of your looo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ove.

Joe270
02-26-2009, 01:13 PM
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Introduce her to Tommy Lee.

Bmwhtly
02-26-2009, 05:38 PM
How do you solve a problem like Maria?Nuke it from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.


He's having a little bit of fabulous mixed with a swirl of joie de vivre.Oh no! Kevin's dead and Julie Andrews is wearing his skin!

KTC
02-26-2009, 05:39 PM
Oh no! Kevin's dead and Julie Andrews is wearing his skin!


It's a little loose, but it'll do. It's weird being tall.

Priene
02-26-2009, 06:24 PM
Actually, I faced this problem back in the eighties. The solution turned out to be thirteen days listening to a Sex Pistols album, a hundred and six pints of Adnams, and a hitchhiking tour of Eastern Europe.

Susie
02-26-2009, 07:11 PM
Who's Maria and why didn't I get the memo? :)

Komnena
02-26-2009, 10:50 PM
I thought Maria was the wind.

BenPanced
02-26-2009, 10:55 PM
No, they call the wind Mar-EYE-ah.

Komnena
02-26-2009, 11:11 PM
Oh, I see. Is the wool of a black sheep as warm as a white one?

BenPanced
02-26-2009, 11:13 PM
Three bags full.

Wayne K
02-26-2009, 11:13 PM
Oh, I see. Is the wool of a black sheep as warm as a white one?
Should we move this over to erotica?

KTC
02-27-2009, 01:29 AM
Mariah broke wind?

ReallyRong
02-27-2009, 04:17 AM
*peeks into thread*

Um...I'll have what he's having.

Normally I'd agree with you, with what I'm normally having. But sometime ago we had a reality tv show in the UK which was named "How do you solve a problem like Maria", and the prize was for some amateur to play the lead role of Maria in a revival of The Sound Of Music in the West End, London's equivalent to Broadway. It was all proper like, judged by Andrew Lloyd Webber no less, and the woman that won became a celebrity of the moment, though of course I can't remember her name right now. I thought the questioner knew this, but I guess I was being too clever for my own good. Anyhow, who's got the olives?

TheRightEyedDeer
02-27-2009, 04:45 AM
*How do you solve a problem like Andrew Lloyd Webber?*

KTC
02-27-2009, 04:46 AM
We had the exact same competition here in Canada, complete with Webber. Nobody is clever. Clever is an illusion.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-27-2009, 04:53 AM
Reality TV shows suck.

Angie
02-27-2009, 05:43 AM
I'm not clever. I'm devious.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-27-2009, 05:47 AM
I'm not clever. I'm devious.

Ain't that the truth? :tongue

darkprincealain
02-27-2009, 09:37 AM
No, they call the wind Mar-EYE-ah.

Isn't Mariah crazy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbja8gCqqms

Angie
02-27-2009, 04:48 PM
Aren't we all?

KTC
02-27-2009, 04:51 PM
Aren't we all?

speak for yourself, crazy poster girl.

Angie
02-27-2009, 04:54 PM
But which one of me?

KTC
02-27-2009, 04:55 PM
But which one of me?

the other one

ReallyRong
03-01-2009, 05:37 AM
Jeez, and you lot think I'm on "medication".

C.bronco
03-01-2009, 06:17 AM
I worry about Kevin sometimes. He needs a new dvd.

Matera the Mad
03-01-2009, 06:27 AM
or something

C.bronco
03-01-2009, 06:50 AM
A Mel Brooks thread would give us some respite.

(Just because I'm talking about you in the third person doesn't mean I don't care. We are all your friends here. You are a good person, and we want to help).

KTC
03-01-2009, 06:54 AM
pffft

C.bronco
03-01-2009, 07:48 AM
That's denial, the first stage...

cray
03-01-2009, 07:49 AM
stop posting in this thread.
i'm begging you.

i'll do anything.

dianeP
03-01-2009, 08:29 AM
This thread is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Komnena
03-01-2009, 09:20 AM
And there's things 'alfway in shadow and 'alfway in light.

TheRightEyedDeer
03-01-2009, 05:59 PM
stop posting in this thread.
i'm begging you.

i'll do anything.

Like what?

Komnena
03-01-2009, 11:39 PM
I don't suppose that includes cleaning litterboxes?

Angie
03-01-2009, 11:41 PM
A Mel Brooks thread would give us some respite.


We're men, MANLY men, we're men in tights. Yeah!
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We're men, we're men in tights.
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!
We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights.
We're men, we're men in tights (TIGHT tights),
Always on guard defending the people's rights.
When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!
We're butch.


stop posting in this thread.
i'm begging you.

i'll do anything.

Anything?? :e2brows: