I really do.
They get a bad rap.
I was pootling about in my local branch library looking for some new books and while I was shelf-surfing I heard the library staff chatting away. No, I wasn't eavesdropping; it's just that no-one knows how to talk quietly these days.
They were all complaining about their men. One in particular was seriously annoyed that her boyfriend had just got back from an overseas trip and a) hadn't brought back a present for their son (despite border controls and rules on importing stuff) and b) didn't want to do any family stuff as soon as he got back; he wanted to go upstairs to bed and sleep. Considering he'd just returned from Eastern Europe, I don't see the problem. Slightly different time zone, long flight...what's her problem?
So they all dogpiled, started whinging about how awful their boyfriends/husbands were. (Uh, what does it say about your character judgement that you chose him, love)? One got annoyed at her husband sitting in his computer chair for six hours on Saturday playing games. She apparently got so angry she burst into tears because he wouldn't even come out for a walk with her, or down the pub, or even help her with the shopping, the fiend!
My view on this is - if a man's been working full time all week and he comes home to a raging nag, that'll achieve nothing. Saturday was his down-time for goodness' sake. The wife complained he did nothing around the house, but did she ask him? And I mean ask, not nag. My impression was she just huffed, tutted, nagged and cried. If you want a man - anyone - to do something, you have to let them know. Speak up. Ask. No-one is a mind-reader.
And tell me this - why should a man who's been working full-time all week have to put up with being whinged at as soon as he comes home? What's wrong with playing computer games and doing nothing all weekend? Why should he have to go out for a walk or to a dinner party with people he doesn't even like or scrub the toilet? If his wife works part-time, what's to stop her cleaning the bathroom when she gets in if it's that important? It's only fair, to me. She works p/t, he works f/t...so he has less chance to take care of things at home. And it doesn't take away from her down-time. No-one's saying she can't play video games too, or go for a walk.
I bet she never even asked him. The way she spoke, it was, "What time did you get up today while I was working? Are you going to help me with the shopping? Have you been playing on the computer all day?"
Call me old-fashioned, but my way of playing it would be to simply say, "Could you help me with the shopping, please? I'll be leaving in around half an hour and I'd appreciate an extra pair of hands for the bags; that way it'll get done a lot quicker." No nagging. You state your case and why you're asking. Job done.
I tried not to hear what they were saying because it was grossly disrespectful to their husbands and boyfriends. I really don't like to hear it. Continued my shelf surfing. Another librarian was shelving books near me and she rolled her eyes and I heard her murmur, "See, I can't complain. I'm married to a great man."
I smiled and said, "Even if you weren't, then - you'd do something about it or leave, wouldn't you?" She nodded and I continued. "I mean, what's the point of moaning about it? Do something or get out. Otherwise you sound like a nag." That's one of my greatest fears in a relationship. Turning into a nag.
Me and the librarian (I know her name but won't say for the sake of her own privacy) chatted about relationships for five minutes, putting the world to rights. She said her son got married last year and she loves the fact she's got time with her husband now the kids have all left home. Too many marriage partners look at each other and think, "I don't know you any more," because they've spent decades wrapped up in the kids rather than working on their partnership but not her. She loves it, she loves her husband and she loves their marriage.
Not that I'm saying it's perfect, but I'd guess she's the type of person who, were she to have a gripe with her husband - would go to her husband, not cackle to her workmates over a mug of coffee in the staffroom.
I really, really don't get that sort of attitude. Too many women try to score my-man's-a-bastard points off each other and it's doesn't make them look like martyrs. It makes them look like harpies. One even said, "I do all the cooking. I do all the cleaning. And what thanks do I get? He does nothing."
What do you want? A medal? And why should your man do anything if you already do it all? He probably thinks you get off on being a martyr, then boasting about how hardworking you are with the girls back at the library.
Do women seriously think bitching to other people will turn their husband into the perfect man? Have they never thought of looking at themselves and wondering what they're doing to perpetuate a situation they're so unhappy with?
So on behalf of all nagging women out there, I'd like to apologise to the opposite sex. Sorry that there are so many harpies out there who treat you like incompetents or children. Sorry they don't appreciate what you do rather than keeping a tally of what you don't.
I know there are men out there who are bad 'uns. And there are many good women. I'm not directing my words at those sorts of people. No, I'm talking about women who think that by telling a man how useless he is (or telling their workmates) he'll be inspired to change into their idea of Mr Perfect.
Gah! You keep telling someone (and your work colleagues) how useless they are, why should they make an effort to impress you?
/rant off.
They get a bad rap.
I was pootling about in my local branch library looking for some new books and while I was shelf-surfing I heard the library staff chatting away. No, I wasn't eavesdropping; it's just that no-one knows how to talk quietly these days.
They were all complaining about their men. One in particular was seriously annoyed that her boyfriend had just got back from an overseas trip and a) hadn't brought back a present for their son (despite border controls and rules on importing stuff) and b) didn't want to do any family stuff as soon as he got back; he wanted to go upstairs to bed and sleep. Considering he'd just returned from Eastern Europe, I don't see the problem. Slightly different time zone, long flight...what's her problem?
So they all dogpiled, started whinging about how awful their boyfriends/husbands were. (Uh, what does it say about your character judgement that you chose him, love)? One got annoyed at her husband sitting in his computer chair for six hours on Saturday playing games. She apparently got so angry she burst into tears because he wouldn't even come out for a walk with her, or down the pub, or even help her with the shopping, the fiend!
My view on this is - if a man's been working full time all week and he comes home to a raging nag, that'll achieve nothing. Saturday was his down-time for goodness' sake. The wife complained he did nothing around the house, but did she ask him? And I mean ask, not nag. My impression was she just huffed, tutted, nagged and cried. If you want a man - anyone - to do something, you have to let them know. Speak up. Ask. No-one is a mind-reader.
And tell me this - why should a man who's been working full-time all week have to put up with being whinged at as soon as he comes home? What's wrong with playing computer games and doing nothing all weekend? Why should he have to go out for a walk or to a dinner party with people he doesn't even like or scrub the toilet? If his wife works part-time, what's to stop her cleaning the bathroom when she gets in if it's that important? It's only fair, to me. She works p/t, he works f/t...so he has less chance to take care of things at home. And it doesn't take away from her down-time. No-one's saying she can't play video games too, or go for a walk.
I bet she never even asked him. The way she spoke, it was, "What time did you get up today while I was working? Are you going to help me with the shopping? Have you been playing on the computer all day?"
Call me old-fashioned, but my way of playing it would be to simply say, "Could you help me with the shopping, please? I'll be leaving in around half an hour and I'd appreciate an extra pair of hands for the bags; that way it'll get done a lot quicker." No nagging. You state your case and why you're asking. Job done.
I tried not to hear what they were saying because it was grossly disrespectful to their husbands and boyfriends. I really don't like to hear it. Continued my shelf surfing. Another librarian was shelving books near me and she rolled her eyes and I heard her murmur, "See, I can't complain. I'm married to a great man."
I smiled and said, "Even if you weren't, then - you'd do something about it or leave, wouldn't you?" She nodded and I continued. "I mean, what's the point of moaning about it? Do something or get out. Otherwise you sound like a nag." That's one of my greatest fears in a relationship. Turning into a nag.
Me and the librarian (I know her name but won't say for the sake of her own privacy) chatted about relationships for five minutes, putting the world to rights. She said her son got married last year and she loves the fact she's got time with her husband now the kids have all left home. Too many marriage partners look at each other and think, "I don't know you any more," because they've spent decades wrapped up in the kids rather than working on their partnership but not her. She loves it, she loves her husband and she loves their marriage.
Not that I'm saying it's perfect, but I'd guess she's the type of person who, were she to have a gripe with her husband - would go to her husband, not cackle to her workmates over a mug of coffee in the staffroom.
I really, really don't get that sort of attitude. Too many women try to score my-man's-a-bastard points off each other and it's doesn't make them look like martyrs. It makes them look like harpies. One even said, "I do all the cooking. I do all the cleaning. And what thanks do I get? He does nothing."
What do you want? A medal? And why should your man do anything if you already do it all? He probably thinks you get off on being a martyr, then boasting about how hardworking you are with the girls back at the library.
Do women seriously think bitching to other people will turn their husband into the perfect man? Have they never thought of looking at themselves and wondering what they're doing to perpetuate a situation they're so unhappy with?
So on behalf of all nagging women out there, I'd like to apologise to the opposite sex. Sorry that there are so many harpies out there who treat you like incompetents or children. Sorry they don't appreciate what you do rather than keeping a tally of what you don't.
I know there are men out there who are bad 'uns. And there are many good women. I'm not directing my words at those sorts of people. No, I'm talking about women who think that by telling a man how useless he is (or telling their workmates) he'll be inspired to change into their idea of Mr Perfect.
Gah! You keep telling someone (and your work colleagues) how useless they are, why should they make an effort to impress you?
/rant off.
