Here follows the lascivious story of the Linda the Toothsome Lamprey, a tale of caution.
Linda was a lovely lamprey
all the girl eels were jealous
and all the boy eels wanted her,
to get with her, and suck face.
With a mouth like that,
she wasn't meant to tarry
burrowing toothily
on the coat tails of some
mammoth fish.
Linda attached herself
to a whale, who swam her
all the way to Hollywood.
She auditioned for Gossip Girl.
Director said:
"you've got quite a mouth,
but a flatchested girl
will never get far.
You roll with me,
on my casting couch
we'll set you up
with Pam Anderson's doc.
Sordid nights and hillocks of coke
Double D breasted Linda,
didn't recognize herself,
where had the blushing
belle of the eels gone?
How had she ended up
answering to a bald pig of a man?
She left that no good director,
and got herself a job
at a local topless Sushi shack,
doin' impressions and the occasional dance
till the pink of her lips had begun to fade.
When one day, chef ran out of unagi,
grabbed linda by her thin eel waist,
started at her tail, up to her screaming face,
the pink of her lips, all rouged in blood.
her eel friends back in lamprey high
all they had to remember her by,
were two silicone double D inserts
that floated down the tributary