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seun
01-08-2009, 06:00 PM
Any tips on my wedding speech? I've promised the future Mrs Seun I won't swear, talk about zombie films, say anything too saucy or tell everyone to sod off so I can carry on drinking in peace.

Bmwhtly
01-08-2009, 06:07 PM
Damn, she hasn't left you much to work with.

Probably safer to call the whole thing off.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:08 PM
Any tips on my wedding speech? I've promised the future Mrs Seun I won't swear, talk about zombie films, say anything too saucy or tell everyone to sod off so I can carry on drinking in peace.

Wow. She didn't leave you much, did she?

scarletpeaches
01-08-2009, 06:09 PM
Any tips on my wedding speech? I've promised the future Mrs Seun I won't swear, talk about zombie films, say anything too saucy or tell everyone to sod off so I can carry on drinking in peace.

Jesus, she's a picky mare.

What the hell's wrong with that?

seun
01-08-2009, 06:11 PM
Damn, she hasn't left you much to work with.

Probably safer to call the whole thing off.

Na. I'll just blow everyone away by talking about romcoms, feelings and alcopops.

Bmwhtly
01-08-2009, 06:14 PM
romcoms, feelings and alcopops.
*scratches head*

They're all words I vaguely think I may have heard...


As far as your speech; just thank everyone for coming, throw in a joke about the weather, one about wearing a suit. Oh, and make sure you use the word "soulmate"

cray
01-08-2009, 06:15 PM
As far as your speech; just thank everyone for coming, throw in a joke about the weather, one about wearing a suit. Oh, and make sure you use the word "soulmate"


lock thread.

nice work, ben.

Wayne K
01-08-2009, 06:19 PM
I'd just read them your porn story and see where the reception goes from there.

Somebody could get lucky.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:22 PM
As far as your speech; just thank everyone for coming, throw in a joke about the weather, one about wearing a suit. Oh, and make sure you use the word "soulmate"

Make a joke that it's raining suited soulmates. Then maybe break into song and perform "It's Raining Men".

If nothing else, she'll regret not letting you talk about zombie films...

scarletpeaches
01-08-2009, 06:23 PM
I've got this crazy idea about weddings supposedly being happy occasions and...well, fun.

When did they get ruined by rules and tradition and expectations of what's 'right'?

Williebee
01-08-2009, 06:24 PM
Just remind them that you are a writer, and that the wedding will probably make the next book. Then pass the hat. A dollar/euro if you want to be in the book, five if you don't want to be.

Oh yeah, and the soulmate part... and tell her she looks lovely, you're the luckiest man on the planet that day, and plan to be the get luckiest man on the planet as soon as you can run those other folks off.

seun
01-08-2009, 06:24 PM
I'd just read them your porn story and see where the reception goes from there.

Somebody could get lucky.

That story was the first money I made from writing :hooray:

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:25 PM
I've got this crazy idea about weddings supposedly being happy occasions and...well, fun.

When did they get ruined by rules and tradition and expectations of what's 'right'?

That's kind of what I wondered.

Then again, I had a stuffed Rhode Island Red rooster as a centerpiece at the rehearsal dinner, walked down the aisle to the "Imperial Death March", and got married in an industrial screenprinting shop. "Proper" wasn't part of our vocabulary when planning that particular shebang...

seun
01-08-2009, 06:25 PM
I've got this crazy idea about weddings supposedly being happy occasions and...well, fun.

When did they get ruined by rules and tradition and expectations of what's 'right'?

Can't see that idea ever catching on.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:27 PM
Can't see that idea ever catching on.

That's what the alcohol is for. Makes them happy and fun and all of that nonsense.

scarletpeaches
01-08-2009, 06:28 PM
I'd love to get married quickly, in a hotel or something, then have a kick-ass party. I want a bouncy castle, someone dressed as a tellytubby or a munchkin or an Oompa-Loompa, lots of jelly and ice cream, toys, loud dance music and a food fight.

Then back to mine for a right royal rattling with my new husband, James Purefoy.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:29 PM
I'd love to get married quickly, in a hotel or something, then have a kick-ass party. I want a bouncy castle, someone dressed as a tellytubby or a munchkin or an Oompa-Loompa, lots of jelly and ice cream, toys, loud dance music and a food fight.

I sincerely hope that I'm invited to this affair. I will SO start the food fight.


Then back to mine for a right royal rattling with my new husband, Matt Wachter.

Thank God some wedding rites happen in private...

seun
01-08-2009, 06:30 PM
I'd love to get married quickly, in a hotel or something, then have a kick-ass party. I want a bouncy castle, someone dressed as a tellytubby or a munchkin or an Oompa-Loompa, lots of jelly and ice cream, toys, loud dance music and a food fight.

Then back to mine for a right royal rattling with my new husband, James Purefoy.

So you want to get married in an acid trip?

scarletpeaches
01-08-2009, 06:30 PM
You say that like it's a bad thing.

seun
01-08-2009, 06:38 PM
Something I've just though of: how long is my speech supposed to be? In other words, how long do I have to go without swearing?

scarletpeaches
01-08-2009, 06:40 PM
Five, ten minutes, then say "Fuck," and they'll make you shut up. Job done.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:41 PM
Something I've just though of: how long is my speech supposed to be? In other words, how long do I have to go without swearing?

Unlike some things, there is no minimum length for a wedding speech.

One of the toasts given by a friend at our wedding:

"I've only known Eddie and Lori for a little while. I like Eddie and Lori. Cheers!"

Bmwhtly
01-08-2009, 06:41 PM
break into song Now THAT's the kind of think you need, seun!

Hmmm... Black Moon Rising? Maybe.

If you do want everyone to sod off and let you drink, I suggest a full-volume, off-key butchering of that I will always something something. Y'know, from that film.


I've got this crazy idea about weddings supposedly being happy occasions and...well, fun.Don't be silly, peaches. It's like the moment you chain yourself to a radiator for the rest of your life.

That's why there's booze.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
01-08-2009, 06:42 PM
....walked down the aisle to the "Imperial Death March"....

Dangit!tm Why didn't I think of that!?!

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:43 PM
Dangit!tm Why didn't I think of that!?!

Because you're not one of the cool kids.

It was epic.

6 years later and people still talk about it...with varying degrees of laughter and eyerolling...

seun
01-08-2009, 06:44 PM
If you do want everyone to sod off and let you drink, I suggest a full-volume, off-key butchering of that I will always something something. Y'know, from that film.


There's about as much chance of me doing that as there is of Angels being our first dance.

James81
01-08-2009, 06:44 PM
Hey, at least you can talk about Sasquatch if you want to. That's a plus.

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:46 PM
Hey, at least you can talk about Sasquatch if you want to. That's a plus.

Ooo! Good point.

You could also talk about the cake. Maybe about how you HAD another cake, but a Sasquatch ate it, and...

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:48 PM
Oh...and word to the wise?

Don't let the speech/toast thing get out of hand. We had a microphone, and it got away...so damn near everyone wanted to give a little "speech". Which was fine. Until my sister-in-law got ahold of the mic. GRRRR...Nothing makes a bride happier than being roasted by her newly minted in-laws...

cray
01-08-2009, 06:49 PM
Dangit!tm Why didn't I think of that!?!


what was your wedding song?



whoops. sorry, seun.


*rerails thread*

yes, the speech should last only a minute or so.
and just a tip in case you do want to swear during the speech,...
you could say "she's my @#$%ing soulmate"

thethinker42
01-08-2009, 06:52 PM
These aren't speeches by the groom, but will no doubt give seun some ideas...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4t03uBWYCw

(Filthy content, language, etc)

Shadow_Ferret
01-08-2009, 08:35 PM
Something I've just though of: how long is my speech supposed to be? In other words, how long do I have to go without swearing?
Sheesh. About a minute and a half. Everyone is there to eat and get drunk, not listen to you ramble on.

James81
01-08-2009, 08:40 PM
Sheesh. About a minute and a half. Everyone is there to eat and get drunk, not listen to you ramble on.

Word.

Hell, do everyone a favor and just not do a speech. Seriously.

Yeshanu
01-08-2009, 09:19 PM
Here you go, Seun:

"I'm not going to do a speech tonight because [insert bride's name here] is so gorgeous I want to finish up the party and get to the fun stuff, if you know what I mean."

thethinker42
01-09-2009, 04:32 AM
"I just promised to stick with this broad for the rest of my life, no matter what, and you !&*%!%ers want a speech? Sod off so I can drink in peace."

Wayne K
01-09-2009, 11:20 PM
That story was the first money I made from writing :hooray:

You're my idol.

seun
01-10-2009, 04:34 PM
You're my idol.

It was also (so far) the only money I've made from writing. :D