On Being Single

Annabella · Jan 7, 2009

So I like my life. It's not perfect. But it has its moments. I work (2 jobs). I go to school. I write. I see movies. Sometimes I even interact with people I consider friends-mostly it's just with people I consider co-workers. I don't have time for much else.

However, It has recently come to my attention that everyone else is paired up. How did this come to be? Did I miss that day when everyone was given a partner? Was I out sick?

Facebook has become update upon update of relationship status from the dreaded single to In a Relationship with...

Work has turned into wedding shower invite hell. Everyone is pairing up and making babies.

I feel left out.

Then I remember what my last relationship was like. Or even my last date. OMG Hide me!

I like being able to choose the movie with no arguments. Or the restaurant. Or even having the ability to claim the covers as my own. All the pillows on this side of the bed? Sure!

But.

But.

I miss having someone to curl up against. To question the hero's stupidity with at the movies. To share dinner with.

I hate that I don't feel complete without someone. Because I am complete. I am me. No one else is my exact combination of quirks and I love that. I have gotten used to the single life. I love my single life. Friday night spent with Blockbuster and Mexican takeout. It's a lot more fun then being berated because I am stupid. Or spending the evening with a guy with an IQ of 3 (how that escaped my notice when he asked me out... I don't know).

Arrrgh.

Thank you for listening to me rant. After learning of someone's engagement I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm okay with being single but sometimes it gets to me)

sheadakota · Jan 7, 2009

Oh Boy do I remember feeling this way when I was single! I can so relate. But as you said I also remember saying to myself that I would rather be in NO realationship that a bad realationship. I broke up with my last boyfriend (before I met my husband) and told myself I was content with life the way it was and I was- Then a mutual friend set us up on a blind date- I didn't want to go but I owed her- soooo- I even resistedt the relationship for months until I realized I actually was in love with the guy- maybe it was the horse he bought me for my birthday-

Anyway- my point is the things you want sometimes come to you when you aren't looking for them-

Silver King · Jan 7, 2009

So, Sweet Stuff, you busy tomorrow night?

Just kidding. I wouldn't even know how to ask someone in from the rain, let alone ask them out.

On the bright side, you realize that all those weddings going around you at the moment have a greater chance of failure than success, right? Makes Blockbuster nights seem like a safe bet, if you're the gambling sort.

(Yeah, I know I'm not much help, but I'm trying...)

Ken · Jan 7, 2009

I'd give my left testicle to be married.
Then again if I did that married life wouldn't be much fun ;-)

edt: Just being silly, here.
(sex is not effected by the absence of a testicle,
often donated for a noble, self-sacrificing cause worthy of admiration.)

astonwest · Jan 7, 2009

Annabella said:
Everyone is pairing up and making babies.

Sort of what it's like being unable to bear children and having the department secretary shoot out everyone's baby notices every few weeks...

vixey · Jan 7, 2009

sheadakota said:
Anyway- my point is the things you want sometimes come to you when you aren't looking for them-

Quoted for truth.

Silver King · Jan 7, 2009

Ken said:
I'd give my left testicle to be married...

From what I remember, the deal is, you have to give away both!

KikiteNeko · Jan 7, 2009

I understand how you feel. I've been single for over a year (if you could even consider my last flighty endeavor a relationship... you think your last relationship was bad, PM me to hear the story of the boy who claimed the dictionary was a conspiracy of wrongness to brainwash the masses). Most of my friends are either married or dating. And all of my cousins that are close to me are married and even have kids.

Lovey-dovey facebook updates bug me a lot, even if they're people I care about and am happy for. Really. I feel your pain.

Ken · Jan 7, 2009

Silver King said:
From what I remember, the deal is, you have to give away both!

Silver King · Jan 7, 2009

Ken said:

It's not that bad and happens swiftly. While you're standing there proclaiming your vows, first one is taken, and then the other. Just like that, your reason for being has been taken from you.

Afterward, they start working on taking your legs out from under you. But you have to stand tall during these trials! If you give in, you'll be like a stumpy dude, using your fists to carry your body along on a skate board because your lower half has been hacked to pieces.

Not literally, of course, but figuratively speaking.

KikiteNeko · Jan 7, 2009

Silver King said:
It's not that bad and happens swiftly. While you're standing there proclaiming your vows, first one is taken, and then the other. Just like that, your reason for being has been taken from you.

Afterward, they start working on taking your legs out from under you. But you have to stand tall during these trials! If you give in, you'll be like a stumpy dude, using your fists to carry your body along on a skate board because your lower half has been hacked to pieces.

Not literally, of course, but figuratively speaking.

haha... married men have to get neutered.

Eskimo1990 · Jan 7, 2009

Yes it does in fact suck to be single sometimes. Seeing how I'm only 18...I don't know much about it. But I longed for a relationship. Wanted it so badly that...I dunno...
I thought I found the guy I wanted to be with forever....but things didn't work out...or haven't. I don't know anymore.
Then I met my ex. He was my first boyfriend. Now he's my ex for a reason because we had to break up thanks to CAP.

Now 2 months later....I am thinking of quitting CAP. I asked him if it changed anything between us (like hey, we could date again) and he told me no. That he didn't want to be in a long distance relationship.

UGH! Boys suck. They're complicated. I don't understand them.

I mean hey, I could understand that...not wanting a long distance relationship. But you were just in one 2 months ago...with me! And you told me how much you didn't want to break up and how you wished there was away around it.
And then Friday as we lay there, holding each other and kissing you told me how much you loved kissing me...how right it felt to be there with me....

Sorry...end rant....

brad_b · Jan 7, 2009

Annabella said:
So I like my life. It's not perfect. But it has its moments. I work (2 jobs). I go to school. I write. I see movies. Sometimes I even interact with people I consider friends-mostly it's just with people I consider co-workers. I don't have time for much else.

However, It has recently come to my attention that everyone else is paired up. How did this come to be? Did I miss that day when everyone was given a partner? Was I out sick?

When folks were being paired up I was out wool-gathering. Over the years I've had relationships with a lot of intelligent and beautiful ladies, but for some reason or another I felt it wasn't the right time or woman to make such a permanent commitment. Maybe commitment comes hard for me, it's supposed to be for life, after all. You're still young so give it time. A lot of people rush into relationships, marry, and then realize things weren't what they expected and have regrets.

Loneliness comes into play sometimes but I stay busy and have come to enjoy solitude for the most part. It isn't always easy but has its perks. My schedule is my own and I come and go as I please. It doesn't help meeting prospects since I spend most of my time at home. I think how nice it would be to have someone to share with, but that isn't a good reason to jump into a relationship. Compatability and understanding are important to me, and I trust when the right person comes along we'll know it's right as we grow together. Growth in love and as individuals is an important factor to success and I'm willing to wait. I want to be the best I can be for her when she shows up, so in the meantime I'm in training.

Stlight · Jan 7, 2009

You will never be as lonely single as it is possible to be when married.

ErylRavenwell · Jan 7, 2009

I need someone to distract me from my destructive thoughts. Being single is not good for me even though I'm not the gregarious type. I'm a focking extreme lawless, godless bastard who does extreme things when not paired.

Toothpaste · Jan 7, 2009

I know what you mean about having missed the moment that everyone else was paired up. I constantly feel like I missed a memo of some kind. I mean, weren't we supposed to be the generation that rebelled against such ideas as . . . couplehood . . . ? Well I guess not. I have only one other female friend who is single too. All my other friends and acquaintances are hooked up, heading down the aisle or at least living in sin.

I really wish I'd got that memo . . .

Cybernaught · Jan 7, 2009

If it makes you feel any better, significant others are nothing but low-life, two-timing, evil, caniving, wastes of time. I just became single two days ago because the she-devil I was with decided to hop a plane to Canada with another guy.

Bah. I envy your single life.

jennifer75 · Jan 7, 2009

Annabella said:
So I like my life. It's not perfect. But it has its moments. I work (2 jobs). I go to school. I write. I see movies. Sometimes I even interact with people I consider friends-mostly it's just with people I consider co-workers. I don't have time for much else.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU MANAGE ALL THIS??????????????????????????????????????

Jennifer - mother, girlfriend, full time job keeper, house wife-ish, tries to read/write, likes to sleep. Has no friends, sees no movies except on cable, hardly gets any writing done, read?

God. School? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

Probably doesnt help that my "spare time" is spent on AW.

jennifer75 · Jan 7, 2009

Annabella said:
I miss having someone to curl up against. To question the hero's stupidity with at the movies. To share dinner with.

I hate that I don't feel complete without someone. Because I am complete. I am me. No one else is my exact combination of quirks and I love that. I have gotten used to the single life. I love my single life. Friday night spent with Blockbuster and Mexican takeout. It's a lot more fun then being berated because I am stupid. Or spending the evening with a guy with an IQ of 3 (how that escaped my notice when he asked me out... I don't know).

Arrrgh.

Thank you for listening to me rant. After learning of someone's engagement I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm okay with being single but sometimes it gets to me)

Ooh you're gonna love my memoir.

jennifer75 · Jan 7, 2009

Annabella said:
So I like my life. It's not perfect. But it has its moments. I work (2 jobs). I go to school. I write. I see movies. Sometimes I even interact with people I consider friends-mostly it's just with people I consider co-workers. I don't have time for much else.

However, It has recently come to my attention that everyone else is paired up. How did this come to be? Did I miss that day when everyone was given a partner? Was I out sick?

Facebook has become update upon update of relationship status from the dreaded single to In a Relationship with...

Work has turned into wedding shower invite hell. Everyone is pairing up and making babies.

I feel left out.

Then I remember what my last relationship was like. Or even my last date. OMG Hide me!

I like being able to choose the movie with no arguments. Or the restaurant. Or even having the ability to claim the covers as my own. All the pillows on this side of the bed? Sure!

But.

But.

I miss having someone to curl up against. To question the hero's stupidity with at the movies. To share dinner with.

I hate that I don't feel complete without someone. Because I am complete. I am me. No one else is my exact combination of quirks and I love that. I have gotten used to the single life. I love my single life. Friday night spent with Blockbuster and Mexican takeout. It's a lot more fun then being berated because I am stupid. Or spending the evening with a guy with an IQ of 3 (how that escaped my notice when he asked me out... I don't know).

Arrrgh.

Thank you for listening to me rant. After learning of someone's engagement I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm okay with being single but sometimes it gets to me)

Wow, a triple quote. I'm on a roll.

First of all, and I'm sure you've heard this - ENJOY YOUR SINGLEHOOD. Enjoy being able to do as you please, when you please, how you please, and then do it again.

When I ended my first long term relationship I didn't know what to do with myself. That ended quite quickly. Then, I longed for companionship, again.

I was set on finding somebody new, finding a partner. And I did, three months later. Two months later I was pregnant. My singlehood lasted 3 months, not nearly long enough for a 25 year old.

I miss those three months of freedom. I miss doing what ever the fark I want. When I want, with who I want, how I want, etc.

There is something to be said for being single and childless. There is something to be said for being in a relationship, and a parent but that is a different thread.

Enjoy your days. Please. For us. You'll find yours soon enough. We promise. And then you'll say, damn, I wish I could just be by myself, again.

jennifer75 · Jan 7, 2009

Stlight said:
You will never be as lonely single as it is possible to be when married.

oooooooooooooooh thats deep. and true.

Cassiopeia · Jan 7, 2009

Ken said:
I'd give my left testicle to be married.
Then again if I did that married life wouldn't be much fun ;-)

That's okay you don't need them both.

Annabelle,

My daughter is one year younger than you are. I told her I will have her hide if she gets married before she's 25. I got married at 25 while all my other friends were all ready married years before and popping out babies.

I was a better mom because I had time to have fun and I knew myself so well. Granted my ex husband thinks I haven't grown up but do we care? Heck no!

Trust me, I know how you feel and this too shall pass.

Yeshanu · Jan 7, 2009

tomothecat said:
]you think your last relationship was bad, PM me to hear the story of the boy who claimed the dictionary was a conspiracy of wrongness to brainwash the masses

How could you ever have let that winner go, tomo? :tongue

Seriously, it's great to be paired up, and folks naturally want you to join in their celebrations when they become so, but don't feel bad about being single.

Learning to be by yourself and enjoy life without a partner are good skills to have even for paired-up folks, and they'll only make you more attractive to the right sort of mate.

Take your time finding the right one. Far too many people end up in a bad relationship simply because they've never learned to be alone without being lonely.

Cassiopeia · Jan 7, 2009

Yeah, being good at being on your own is an incredible skill. It is good to have that kind of independence.

One of my ex's had this annoying habit of coming to the hair salon with me and he'd just sit there and not say a word. I made him stop it. The ladies were all shocked that a man would just sit there like a prison guard while his wife got her hair done and kept mouthing the words, "jealous" and "needy" and clingy" to me and I'd shake from stifling the giggles.

Ken · Jan 8, 2009

...maybe I'll give marriage a go, then, if I can find a willin' woman, outside those mail order ones in Russia ;-)

On Being Single

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