Question from dad or that dads might ask for pregnancy, babies and toddlers

COnsidering how often it happens -

How do I change a diaper without the kid peeing in my face?

Cyia said:

COnsidering how often it happens -

How do I change a diaper without the kid peeing in my face?

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You keep a warm damp washcloth with you when you change him. As soon as the diaper comes off, the washcloth goes on until he's covered again by the diaper. It helps to be lightning fast with that clean diaper too!

Otherwise, hope you have fast reflexes, get out of the way and wait for it to stop.

'NO'. When does it really mean 'yes' ? (does it? ever?)
Toddler balistics. How do you know your budgie is safe from thrown objects.
VCR repair how-to guide. For when the kid loads in sausages and presses 'Fast Forward'.
Home decoration. how to match your interiors with your cussion-padded stairwells.
Below-the-sink Chemistry 101. You know what I mean.
Noise absence detection techniques. Silence is a dangerous realm.
Pots, Pans, and other music instruments. With orchestration techniques for twins, triplets, etc.


-cb

There is a similar book on the market called "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding" that might be helpful. I'm on my fourth child and the oldest of 7 children, so I've seen it all.

cbenoi1 said:

'NO'. When does it really mean 'yes' ? (does it? ever?)
Toddler balistics. How do you know your budgie is safe from thrown objects.
VCR repair how-to guide. For when the kid loads in sausages and presses 'Fast Forward'.
Home decoration. how to match your interiors with your cussion-padded stairwells.
Below-the-sink Chemistry 101. You know what I mean.
Noise absence detection techniques. Silence is a dangerous realm.
Pots, Pans, and other music instruments. With orchestration techniques for twins, triplets, etc.


-cb

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LOL-my three and a half year old jammed a Wallace and Grommit video into the VCR months ago...It's never coming out. Last August he commited genocide in the fish tank-under Daddy's watch...

How about how to find a happy place when the poo hits the fan? Relaxation and reaction management?

How about

"Just how long will it be before you will be able to eat dijon mustard again?"

"Does it really smell like butter?"

and other poop related questions

(answers: never and yes)

Mike the Dad of 3

What to do when your child learns how to ask 'why?'. (answer: aside from going insane? just keep telling em why.)

yer pal Brian

My DH's *very first* question was "Are we happy about this?"

heyjude said:

My DH's *very first* question was "Are we happy about this?"

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hey, I ask my wife that at least once per week, and our oldest is 9...

Heath said:

There is a similar book on the market called "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding" that might be helpful.

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I wasn't too impressed with that one. I read part of it and found its tounge-in-cheek style a bit too off-putting. My wife gave me The Everything Father to Be Book and I like its frankness. I've been learning a lot from it, and it's helping me get ready for the baby that's coming in less than two months.

I don't know how helpful a 100 FAQ book would be considering there are about a thousand FAQs I'm still learning about as I talk to other dads, including the time one had to take his toddler to the hospital because she got a nickel and penny stuck in her throat. There are some things you just can't learn from a book, I think. I don't know; I'm not a father yet.

allen

"How much are we supposed to feed her?"

"How long is he supposed to take a nap?"

"Shouldn't he be walking by now?"

I will note that usually the "supposeds" just don't cut it. Not every guideline for babies is one-size-fits-all. A lot of times, you'll need to go with your gut on things, depending on the baby's development stage and how the baby reacts to certain factors.

underthecity said:

I don't know how helpful a 100 FAQ book would be considering there are about a thousand FAQs I'm still learning about as I talk to other dads, including the time one had to take his toddler to the hospital because she got a nickel and penny stuck in her throat. There are some things you just can't learn from a book, I think. I don't know; I'm not a father yet.

allen

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What do I do when my toddler is choking, and how do I prevent it from happening?

Question: What is the most efficient way to bathe the baby in the morning?

Answer: Mom whips off baby's diaper and hands baby to Dad who is having his morning shower. Dad sluices baby off, hands back to mom then Dad sluices Dad off. Disgusting but efficient.

Question : How do Mom and Dad get twenty minutes alone time during the middle of the day with two toddlers awake?

Answer: Throw the contents of one box of Smarties all over the kitchen floor. Note: this is not an efficient strategy if you have a dog.


My wife and I have 4 kids. by the time you're on you're 4th, you become both desperate and inventive!

How about:

Why did I agree to this?

Two more, just on the top of my head:

Negotiation Bias (or What To Do When Arithmetics Work Against You): Four kids, two Nintendo DS, and a single-gamepad Wii. Go figure...

Bath Toys: Hint - the 'big brown shark' ain't one of 'em.

-cb