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View Full Version : Am I a Bread Killer?



William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:44 AM
i can't help but notice that every time i take a slice of bread from the package, it just sits there... lifeless.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 04:47 AM
I bet Trish could get a rise out of it...




















What? It's a joke, for Pete's sake!

brad_b
12-31-2008, 04:47 AM
Yep, it was having a good time with all its buds until you came along. A lonely piece of bread is a sad, sad thing. That's why most sandwiches have two pieces, at least when they go it's not alone.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:47 AM
I bet Trish could get a rise out of it...












What? It's a joke, for Pete's sake!


no, rob, it's sexism.

and it's wrong.

i wish you would take threads more seriously.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 04:53 AM
i wish you would take threads more seriously.
I take these threads (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/201/477891186_ff4824d3de.jpg?v=0) pretty damn seriously. But who wouldn't?

Beach Bunny
12-31-2008, 04:53 AM
i can't help but notice that every time i take a slice of bread from the package, it just sits there... lifeless.
What are you doing to it after you take it out?

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:54 AM
I take these threads pretty damn seriously. But who wouldn't?

i retract my earlier criticism.

i could never hate a man who dresses like that.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:55 AM
What are you doing to it after you take it out?

/ignores the infinite possibilities for responses to this post.

i don't do anything. i mean, i strangle it. but just a little.

Siddow
12-31-2008, 04:56 AM
William, the bread is dead.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:56 AM
i'd better lawyer up.

Cranky
12-31-2008, 04:56 AM
William, the bread is dead.

Naw. Just unleavened. Shoulda checked the date on the yeast.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 04:57 AM
/ignores the infinite possibilities for responses to this post.
"How was your date?"

"He took it out."

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 04:57 AM
"it?"
"it."
"out?"
"out."

Siddow
12-31-2008, 05:00 AM
i'd better lawyer up.

Or pony up. With hush money.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 05:02 AM
30 other slices witnessed it, man.

i'm not made of money.

Siddow
12-31-2008, 05:03 AM
30 other slices witnessed it, man.

i'm not made of money.

Give me a dollar and I'll hose 'em for ya.

Siddow
12-31-2008, 05:04 AM
Soggy slices don't talk.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 05:04 AM
In the future, buy the bread that's wrapped in white paper inside the plastic. I always do.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 05:05 AM
but i get a special thrill from their cries of anguish.

Komnena
12-31-2008, 05:40 AM
So much for the flour of human kindness.

KTC
12-31-2008, 05:42 AM
i can't help but notice that every time i take a slice of bread from the package, it just sits there... lifeless.

You think that's bad?! Every time I take a slice of bread from the package, the package becomes leaner. Welcome to my life.

Jersey Chick
12-31-2008, 05:44 AM
Put one slice in the toaster as a warning to the others - that'll keep 'em quiet.

KTC
12-31-2008, 05:49 AM
Put one slice in the toaster as a warning to the others - that'll keep 'em quiet.

It won't keep them quiet...it will just turn them into mutants. TOAST.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru_FIwX1tb8&feature=related)

Jersey Chick
12-31-2008, 05:50 AM
Ah... but think of how the un-mutated bread will shake with fear.

2old2pb
12-31-2008, 05:57 AM
Put them all out of their misery at once, make bread pudding.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 06:00 AM
i like how you think.

SherryTex
12-31-2008, 06:00 AM
Threaten to make croutons out of them...or I could come over and give them cooties.

Jersey Chick
12-31-2008, 06:00 AM
Or bread crumbs?

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:03 AM
First butter them up so they trust you...


















What? It's funny...

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 06:05 AM
First butter them up so they trust you...






What? It's funny...

no, rob, it's sexism.

and it's wrong.

i wish you would take threads more seriously.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:07 AM
*sigh*

You just want to imagine me in a leisure suit, again.

William Haskins
12-31-2008, 06:08 AM
with your thumbs hitched in the flexi waistband...

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:20 AM
Uh-oh. I think Trish is online.

I'm gettin gone, like fast. Later...

Stew21
12-31-2008, 06:23 AM
William, you're going about it all wrong. It's not just about wanting the bread.


You have to knead it.

Stew21
12-31-2008, 06:24 AM
Uh-oh. I think Trish is online.

I'm gettin gone, like fast. Later...


see how you are.

2old2pb
12-31-2008, 06:24 AM
Don't forget the white patent belt AND shoes! Hey, but that's cheese not bread!

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:26 AM
William, you're going about it all wrong. It's not just about wanting the bread.


You have to knead it.
:roll:

I knead buttocks.

Wait...

Rolling Thunder
12-31-2008, 06:28 AM
:roll:

I knead my own buttocks.

Wait...they cracked.

Fixed it for you.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:32 AM
I can see you're still a little sore...

Jersey Chick
12-31-2008, 06:38 AM
:popcorn:

Don
12-31-2008, 06:39 AM
I can see you're still a little sore...
You didn't taste a thing like bread (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=126026). Slimy green stuff that got stuck in my teeth. :roll:

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:41 AM
I'm reporting every post in this thread. My own, included.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:44 AM
I dare you.
Is that really what you meant to say? Would you like a moment to edit your post?

Rolling Thunder
12-31-2008, 06:46 AM
What post? :rolleyes:

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:47 AM
What post? :rolleyes:
Luckily, I saved a screen shot.

I'll wait til Derek is the only Super Mod online, then report them all. Then we'll see...

Cranky
12-31-2008, 06:48 AM
:popcorn:

Can I have some? :D I ate all mine in the other thread...

Rolling Thunder
12-31-2008, 06:49 AM
No, do it now. I hear Bristol and Dawno are in foul moods. I wanna see what happens. The suspense is killing me. :D

Don
12-31-2008, 06:49 AM
Can I have some? :D I ate all mine in the other thread...
I could use some popcorn too. I've still got some green slime stuck in my teeth. :)

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:52 AM
No, do it now. I hear Bristol and Dawno are in foul moods. I wanna see what happens. The suspense is killing me. :D
Bristol Palin?

You just Palined an Office Party thread for no good reason. I'm sure as hell reporting you, now. Pity will no longer stay my hand.

Cranky
12-31-2008, 06:53 AM
I could use some popcorn too. I've still got some green slime stuck in my teeth. :)

Are you going to threaten me with pistols at dawn if I won't share? :D

benbradley
12-31-2008, 06:53 AM
A bread killer? It don't matter to me. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vbH199duD0)

Cranky
12-31-2008, 06:55 AM
Bristol Palin?

You just Palined an Office Party thread for no good reason. I'm sure as hell reporting you, now. Pity will no longer stay my hand.

No, now.


http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t115/jpayne75/sarah_palin3-1.jpg?t=1230692056

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:56 AM
You da bomb, Cranky!

Cranky
12-31-2008, 06:57 AM
Why, thanks for noticing. *rollseyes*

robeiae
12-31-2008, 06:57 AM
*rollseyes*
DON'T DO THAT! You'll go boom.

Cranky
12-31-2008, 06:58 AM
If that were true, I should've blown up about a decade ago...

Jersey Chick
12-31-2008, 07:07 AM
I've got popcorn!!! :popcorn:

who wants some?

ACK! This thread's been....

<gasp> PALINIZED!!!

Don
12-31-2008, 07:07 AM
Are you going to threaten me with pistols at dawn if I won't share? :D
Nah, you haven't attempted to besmirch my reputation as a nice guy by painting me as a chicken little. :roll:

NeuroFizz
12-31-2008, 08:08 AM
Yeast before penicillin.

One slice leads to two, two to four, with meat sandwiched in between. I like it best without the crust.

For all-purpose(s), I'm off to do a little self-rising...

maestrowork
12-31-2008, 08:10 AM
http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/breadkills.html

C.bronco
12-31-2008, 08:11 AM
I've seen Haskins hack through a loaf with a serrated knife. This is serious. Keep your pumpernickel far, far away from him if you value it.

maestrowork
12-31-2008, 08:13 AM
Haskins is a figgy baguette.

robeiae
12-31-2008, 04:58 PM
Btw, I notice RT turned tail and ran when he thought he might get in trouble...

Don
12-31-2008, 05:48 PM
http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/breadkills.html
Yet that and dihydrogen monoxide (http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html) is standard fare for prisoners in some places.

quickWit
12-31-2008, 05:51 PM
Btw, I notice RT turned tail and ran when he thought he might get in trouble...

RT has a tail?

And legs?

Shadow_Ferret
12-31-2008, 06:45 PM
shouldn't this thread be in the Foodie forum?

Stew21
12-31-2008, 07:45 PM
Uh-oh. I think Trish is online.

I'm gettin gone, like fast. Later...


Btw, I notice RT turned tail and ran when he thought he might get in trouble...


um...yea. RT. Right.

Rolling Thunder
01-01-2009, 01:15 AM
Actually, I did leave. Rob was boring me to death.

Komnena
01-01-2009, 08:18 AM
This whole thread seems to be full of rye comments.

goatmam
01-01-2009, 08:27 AM
Wow this started off as a thread about... Bread, and now where is it heading?

robeiae
01-01-2009, 08:43 PM
Actually, I did leave. Rob was boring me to death.
Whatever it takes.