Yeah, yeah, I'm back. Usual disclaimer: I.Did.Not.Write.This.
But I'm pretty sure cray did.
The good news is I think this thing is finally approaching a conclusion. The bad news is--not quite yet.
So, let's see what happens to our heros today.
Benpanced was mighty peeved.
“I’m mighty peeved,” Banpanced said.
“Why are you peeved?” MsCelina said as she filed her claws.
“I’m peeved because there hasn’t been a lot of action for us the last few pages. What are we, chopped liver?”
“Give it some time, Benny,” Soccer Mom cooed as she flipped through a copy of Lawyering: How to suck blood without leaving fang marks. “They’ll get around to us eventually.”
“Fine! Don’t take my request seriously! I’ll be in my trailer!” Ben screamed as he sashayed through the door and slammed it shut.
“We have trailers?” MsCelina said.
“No,” Soccer Mom replied as she tossed the magazine on the floor. “That’s the closet door. He’ll just sulk there until it gets stuffy.”
#
“So, what do you propose to do with these miscreants, Dawno?” Poetinahat said.
“Torture them, of course.”
“Really? You think they have information Panced might want?”
“No. I just enjoy their pain. How about a nice sonnet?” Dawno smirked.
“Ya know, I had a bonny blue bonnet once,” Ben said. “It was back in 1939, I believe, right after the invasion of...”
“She said ‘sunnet’, Ben,” Cray sighed. “You know, one of those meshy things parents use to catch their unruly kids with.”
“Not SUN-net, dufus.” Inky said. “She said sonnet. It’s a type of poetry.”
“What’s poetry?” Shadow Ferret said. “Is that a new movie in the Kung-Fu Panda series?”
“It could be,” Cray replied. “Pandas to like to eat trees and Po is a Panda.”
“Bamboo shoots.”
“Huh?” Cray said.
“I said, bamboo shoots!” Dawno yelled.
“Oh, right. That’s what Pandas eat,” Cray would have nodded if he had a neck and a head.
“No, you misunderstand. Instead of a sonnet I think we’ll start with bamboo shoots under the finger nails,” Dawno said as she rubbed her hands together with glee.
“But we just had our nails done!” Sister OFG and Sister Susie said. “You’ll ruin the polish!”
“Oh. Well, I’ll think of something else for you two.”
“Um...I don’t have fingernails,” Cray said.
“Fine, fine! Poet? Any suggestions?”
“Well, we could make the Ferret watch reruns of the Packers loosing.” Poet laughed as he pulled out a DVD entitled ‘Packers worst blunders’.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” Ferret screamed.
“Oooo. That’s one down...” Dawno smiled.
#
Meanwhile, on a deserted corner of Absolutewriteville:
“So, what do you wanna do tonight?” JVC said.
“Beats me,” Scarletpeaches replied. “Go to the Pub and toss down a few?”
“We ought to do that,” TheThinker42 said. “This street corner is supposed to be deserted.”
“What? We’ve been standing her for almost an hour.” Scarlet replied.
“Thinker’s right,” Jvc said, pointing at the beginning of the paragraph. “It says so, right there.”
“%#*!%R!@^$!@%@!*&^ writers!” Scarlet mumbled. “Must be one of those damned outliners!”
The writers scurried off to the pub, muttering between themselves about the dwindling quality of Fajita Sunrise.
#
Jaycinth: We seem to be on another tangent. Where did you find this writer, Haggis?
Haggis: Me? I thought you found this one?
Jaycinth: Nope, I’ve never seen this one before.
New Writer: Sure you have. I was over there in the corner of the Comedy Cabaret when you asked for a replacement writer.
Jaycinth: <squinting> Oh. Yeah. You’re that little guy with the weird avatar. What’s your name again?
New Writer: Oooooh no! You’re not fooling me with that old line. I.Did.Not.Write.This.
Haggis: Damn. They’re getting smarter. We need someone gullible. Someone with a brain the size of a thimble and ugly toenails. Someone sarcastic yet easily manipulated.
Jaycinth: Robeiae was busy this week.
#
Meanwhile, in the Royalty Thread, Christmas has passed:
“Did everyone get nice things for Christmas?” Beach Bunny said as she flopped onto a couch with a glass of wine in hand.
“I got an invitation to the Sauerkraut Packers Convention!” Vixey replied.
“Really? So did I!” regdog said.
“Same here,” Beach Bunny added. “We should get ready to go. The invitation says it will be held the Monday after New Year’s Day.”
“So...um...what do Sauerkraut Packersdo?” regdog said.
“I dunno,” Vixey replied. “But it says there will be an open bar!”
“Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” they said in unison.
Little did they know the evil BenPanced and his minions were luring them to their doom. He’s a bad one, that panced; as bad as they come; worse than skid-marks on a fresh pair of silken underwear. But, you already know that...
#
While the Royalty gals were making reservations for the Meat Packers Convention, BenPanced was putting the finishing touches on his rudely hatched nefarious plan:
SoccerMom: Um...no, he isn’t.
New Writer: What do you mean ‘No, he isn’t?”
MsCelina: You left him in the closet a few paragraphs ago.
New Writer: That can’t be. Didn’t he come out of the closet yet?
SoccerMom: Physically or metaphorically?
New Writer: Physically.
SoccerMom: Yeah. No.
New Writer: Crap.
MsCelina: Delarge isn’t in this scene, is he?
New Writer: Shut up! I need to think.
MsCelina: Don’t tell me to shut up, you hack! It’s your fault you haven’t kept the story moving forward.
New Writer: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I quit! <storms off>
Haggis: Oh, great, Cel. Do you know what we have to go through to get new writers?
MsCelina: Sorry, Haggis.
Haggis: <sighs> It’s okay. We’ll get one before Ben suffocates in the closet. How much air do you think he has left?
<the sound of a muffled -poot- is heard>
SoccerMom: Sounds like plenty, to me.
Haggis: Um...let’s leave that door closed for now. I’ll be back in the next chapter with another writer. I hope...
#
Will regdog, vixey and Beach Bunny bring along the rest of the Royalty Thread folks to the Sauerkraut Packers Convention?
Will Haggis find someone who can actually write to put this puppy to bed?
Will Susie kill Robeiae?
Will this stupid story never end?
Stay tuned next week, same time, same forum for what may be the conclusion, but probably won't.
But I'm pretty sure cray did.
The good news is I think this thing is finally approaching a conclusion. The bad news is--not quite yet.
So, let's see what happens to our heros today.
Chapter 12 – Drama and then some
“I’m mighty peeved,” Banpanced said.
“Why are you peeved?” MsCelina said as she filed her claws.
“I’m peeved because there hasn’t been a lot of action for us the last few pages. What are we, chopped liver?”
“Give it some time, Benny,” Soccer Mom cooed as she flipped through a copy of Lawyering: How to suck blood without leaving fang marks. “They’ll get around to us eventually.”
“Fine! Don’t take my request seriously! I’ll be in my trailer!” Ben screamed as he sashayed through the door and slammed it shut.
“We have trailers?” MsCelina said.
“No,” Soccer Mom replied as she tossed the magazine on the floor. “That’s the closet door. He’ll just sulk there until it gets stuffy.”
#
“So, what do you propose to do with these miscreants, Dawno?” Poetinahat said.
“Torture them, of course.”
“Really? You think they have information Panced might want?”
“No. I just enjoy their pain. How about a nice sonnet?” Dawno smirked.
“Ya know, I had a bonny blue bonnet once,” Ben said. “It was back in 1939, I believe, right after the invasion of...”
“She said ‘sunnet’, Ben,” Cray sighed. “You know, one of those meshy things parents use to catch their unruly kids with.”
“Not SUN-net, dufus.” Inky said. “She said sonnet. It’s a type of poetry.”
“What’s poetry?” Shadow Ferret said. “Is that a new movie in the Kung-Fu Panda series?”
“It could be,” Cray replied. “Pandas to like to eat trees and Po is a Panda.”
“Bamboo shoots.”
“Huh?” Cray said.
“I said, bamboo shoots!” Dawno yelled.
“Oh, right. That’s what Pandas eat,” Cray would have nodded if he had a neck and a head.
“No, you misunderstand. Instead of a sonnet I think we’ll start with bamboo shoots under the finger nails,” Dawno said as she rubbed her hands together with glee.
“But we just had our nails done!” Sister OFG and Sister Susie said. “You’ll ruin the polish!”
“Oh. Well, I’ll think of something else for you two.”
“Um...I don’t have fingernails,” Cray said.
“Fine, fine! Poet? Any suggestions?”
“Well, we could make the Ferret watch reruns of the Packers loosing.” Poet laughed as he pulled out a DVD entitled ‘Packers worst blunders’.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” Ferret screamed.
“Oooo. That’s one down...” Dawno smiled.
#
Meanwhile, on a deserted corner of Absolutewriteville:
“So, what do you wanna do tonight?” JVC said.
“Beats me,” Scarletpeaches replied. “Go to the Pub and toss down a few?”
“We ought to do that,” TheThinker42 said. “This street corner is supposed to be deserted.”
“What? We’ve been standing her for almost an hour.” Scarlet replied.
“Thinker’s right,” Jvc said, pointing at the beginning of the paragraph. “It says so, right there.”
“%#*!%R!@^$!@%@!*&^ writers!” Scarlet mumbled. “Must be one of those damned outliners!”
The writers scurried off to the pub, muttering between themselves about the dwindling quality of Fajita Sunrise.
#
Jaycinth: We seem to be on another tangent. Where did you find this writer, Haggis?
Haggis: Me? I thought you found this one?
Jaycinth: Nope, I’ve never seen this one before.
New Writer: Sure you have. I was over there in the corner of the Comedy Cabaret when you asked for a replacement writer.
Jaycinth: <squinting> Oh. Yeah. You’re that little guy with the weird avatar. What’s your name again?
New Writer: Oooooh no! You’re not fooling me with that old line. I.Did.Not.Write.This.
Haggis: Damn. They’re getting smarter. We need someone gullible. Someone with a brain the size of a thimble and ugly toenails. Someone sarcastic yet easily manipulated.
Jaycinth: Robeiae was busy this week.
#
Meanwhile, in the Royalty Thread, Christmas has passed:
“Did everyone get nice things for Christmas?” Beach Bunny said as she flopped onto a couch with a glass of wine in hand.
“I got an invitation to the Sauerkraut Packers Convention!” Vixey replied.
“Really? So did I!” regdog said.
“Same here,” Beach Bunny added. “We should get ready to go. The invitation says it will be held the Monday after New Year’s Day.”
“So...um...what do Sauerkraut Packersdo?” regdog said.
“I dunno,” Vixey replied. “But it says there will be an open bar!”
“Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” they said in unison.
Little did they know the evil BenPanced and his minions were luring them to their doom. He’s a bad one, that panced; as bad as they come; worse than skid-marks on a fresh pair of silken underwear. But, you already know that...
#
While the Royalty gals were making reservations for the Meat Packers Convention, BenPanced was putting the finishing touches on his rudely hatched nefarious plan:
SoccerMom: Um...no, he isn’t.
New Writer: What do you mean ‘No, he isn’t?”
MsCelina: You left him in the closet a few paragraphs ago.
New Writer: That can’t be. Didn’t he come out of the closet yet?
SoccerMom: Physically or metaphorically?
New Writer: Physically.
SoccerMom: Yeah. No.
New Writer: Crap.
MsCelina: Delarge isn’t in this scene, is he?
New Writer: Shut up! I need to think.
MsCelina: Don’t tell me to shut up, you hack! It’s your fault you haven’t kept the story moving forward.
New Writer: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I quit! <storms off>
Haggis: Oh, great, Cel. Do you know what we have to go through to get new writers?
MsCelina: Sorry, Haggis.
Haggis: <sighs> It’s okay. We’ll get one before Ben suffocates in the closet. How much air do you think he has left?
<the sound of a muffled -poot- is heard>
SoccerMom: Sounds like plenty, to me.
Haggis: Um...let’s leave that door closed for now. I’ll be back in the next chapter with another writer. I hope...
#
Will regdog, vixey and Beach Bunny bring along the rest of the Royalty Thread folks to the Sauerkraut Packers Convention?
Will Haggis find someone who can actually write to put this puppy to bed?
Will Susie kill Robeiae?
Will this stupid story never end?
Stay tuned next week, same time, same forum for what may be the conclusion, but probably won't.
A belated Christmas gift I suppose...
