Now I Know Why I'm Not Married

regdog

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Well I suppose this explains a lot. Seriously, I hope they were kidding, but I don't think so. I couldn't imagine being serious about this tripe.

The Good Wife's Guide
From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955.

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.
 

Beach Bunny

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Nope. It's serious. It screwed up my mother's generation. Then, my generation rebelled in the 60's and 70's. You're welcome. :)
 

regdog

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Nope. It's serious. It screwed up my mother's generation. Then, my generation rebelled in the 60's and 70's. You're welcome. :)

I know they were serious, that what is so sad, pathetic, funny, impossible to believe, etc etc etc
 

Yeshanu

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I think we should write the rebuttal piece, but I'm thinking it's a few years too late. :(

And Beach Bunny's right--it did screw up our mother's generation a bit, at least for those who took it seriously.

I remember that once I was visiting my parents with my family, and my mother said, "Ruth, why don't you get Bill a cup of tea?"

I answered, "Bill hasn't asked for a cup of tea, and if he really wants one, he's perfectly capable of getting one himself."

And my family was by no means perfectly traditional--my mother worked, first part-time, and when we got older, full-time. And my dad did most of the cooking. What I took away from them was not the gender-roll thing, but the idea that serving someone was a way of loving them. My dad does little things for my mother, just as she'll do little things for him, especially to ease their way after a stressful time.

But in the example above, Bill and I had been under exactly the same stressors, and he didn't want any tea to begin with. I really have no idea where that statement of my mother's came from...
 

brokenfingers

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Is it the grammar? It's the grammar, isn't it.

I didn't see any typos.
 

rhymegirl

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Oh that was the funniest thing I've ever read. I have tears streaming down my face.
 

Mr Flibble

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We couldn't possibly do that. Who'd clear up the m
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If I behaved like that my hubby would think I'd been possessed by Doris Day or something.

He may agree with the 'lie him down in the bedroom' part though :D

however this:
Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.
would be cause for a frying pan round the back of his head in this house.
 

Don

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I grew up in a house very similar to that. My mom, now 88, worked part-time after we had all started school, but would have been content to stay at home. They both had friends and interests of her own, but they were always a couple, and when dad passed away after 60 years of marriage it took a long time for her to get past it. She was no more trapped in her role as home-maker than dad was in his as bread-winner.

Sure, there were some limitations to that lifestyle, but are we really richer for all our stuff, our transient lifestyles, the impermanance of our relationships? Even within the defined role models they BOTH had to live up to, I can't say they were any less happy or less fulfilled than people today are, and I could make a hell of a case that they were a lot happier than we'll ever imagine being.

Yes, some good changes have come to pass, but a lot has been lost in the transition.
 

Pat~

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I'd never read this before, but follow this piece of advice religiously--at all times of the day, in fact. (You never know when he might come home early):

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.

Guess I just have good instincts. ;)
 

Don

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Thanks, Christine. It's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction and laugh this off. It's much harder to actually place the pluses and minuses on a scale and declare that people have happier, more fulfilled lives than they did 50 years ago.

I certainly can't say I've had a happier, more fulfilled life than my parents. I've had more money, and more stuff, indeed. Have I had the rich, full relationships that were the cornerstone of their lives? Nope, can't say that I have. Everybody's so concerned they'll miss out on something better, nobody's willing to sit on the front porch, hold hands, and watch the crazy world go by anymore. There's always something better just over the horizon.

Perhaps the lessons they learned in the 30s are lessons that will be relearned in the 00s and 10s this time around, when people learn once again that those few people closest to you are the only really important things in the world.
 

Pat~

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You think that's bad? I've got an ooooooooold book titled 'Queen of the Home' from the late 1800s. It'll really get your blood up.

I have a wonderful book entitled The Woman Beautiful, or Maidenhood, Marriage & Maternity (also 1800's) chock full of helpful advice about humours, dram-drinking husbands, the evils of coquettery, and how to avoid producing children of bilious temperament.

One of my favorite parts includes a remedy for baldness from John Wesley (who I otherwise have great affection for ;)):

It would thus be seen that the principle generally adopted, by both the professional man and the quack, in the treatment of loss of the hair and baldness, is essentially that of stimulation or excitation of the scalp. The celebrated Rev. John Wesley acted on it in his recommendation to rub the part morning and evening with a raw onion, until it becomes red, and then to apply a little honey. This is certainly good advice, as independent of the stimulus thus given to the skin and the circulation, the surface of the scalp is rendered more absorbent, and more sensitive to the action of medicaments.

As a mechanical aid in furtherance of other treatment, the use of a nightcap so contrived as to contract and lift, as it were, the relaxed scalp into its former dimensions and position, without injurious pressure on the head, may also be employed.

I think when the time comes, I'll go for the nightcap rather than the onion. :e2drunk:
 

Beach Bunny

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I grew up in a house very similar to that. My mom, now 88, worked part-time after we had all started school, but would have been content to stay at home. They both had friends and interests of her own, but they were always a couple, and when dad passed away after 60 years of marriage it took a long time for her to get past it. She was no more trapped in her role as home-maker than dad was in his as bread-winner.

Sure, there were some limitations to that lifestyle, but are we really richer for all our stuff, our transient lifestyles, the impermanance of our relationships? Even within the defined role models they BOTH had to live up to, I can't say they were any less happy or less fulfilled than people today are, and I could make a hell of a case that they were a lot happier than we'll ever imagine being.

Yes, some good changes have come to pass, but a lot has been lost in the transition.

Thanks, Christine. It's easy to have a knee-jerk reaction and laugh this off. It's much harder to actually place the pluses and minuses on a scale and declare that people have happier, more fulfilled lives than they did 50 years ago.

I certainly can't say I've had a happier, more fulfilled life than my parents. I've had more money, and more stuff, indeed. Have I had the rich, full relationships that were the cornerstone of their lives? Nope, can't say that I have. Everybody's so concerned they'll miss out on something better, nobody's willing to sit on the front porch, hold hands, and watch the crazy world go by anymore. There's always something better just over the horizon.

Perhaps the lessons they learned in the 30s are lessons that will be relearned in the 00s and 10s this time around, when people learn once again that those few people closest to you are the only really important things in the world.

See, it really needs to be about choice.

My mother was not a happy camper. She hates cooking and cleaning the house. She doesn't like children, yet she had four. When I asked her why she had four children when she didn't like them, she said, "That's what you were supposed to do. Get married and have children." Yeah, I'm really feeling the love here.

And this run around and take care of the males in the house simply because they are male has really messed my brothers up. They can't take care of themselves. They have to have a woman to take care of them. That's not good for them.

It's one thing to do something for someone because you want to do it, it's another to do it because you feel like you have to do it. The first is a gift. The second is a burden. Being around someone who acts like every little thing they do for you is a burden gets old real quick.

It really has to be about choice. Women who want careers should be able to pursue one without barriers simply because they are women. Women who want to be homemakers should be able to do that.

The same goes for men. There are some men who prefer staying home and taking care of the house and kids. They should feel comfortable doing that without feeling like they are emasculated.
 

Ken

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...the 50's was a cool time period from an intellectual standpoint, but the way women were treated was sickening: like mindless idiots on par with pets :-(
 

vixey

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When I asked her why she had four children when she didn't like them, she said, "That's what you were supposed to do. Get married and have children." Yeah, I'm really feeling the love here.

My mother told me that if she could do it all over again, she'd never have children.

Yeah...talk about feel the love.

And she was one of those who believed (and still does) everything that's written in this article. In her manipulative, subtle way she tried to instill those same beliefs in me. And I've fought against it my whole life. I'm wondering just now how much of this permeated my marriage.
 

Don

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See, it really needs to be about choice.
Absolutely. There are people of both sexes who are good homemakers, and others who hate it. All options should be on the table.

That's not what happened, though. "Just a housewife" became an insult. Keeping up with the Jones became more important than actually being a family. The Cleavers, as rob mentioned, went from icons to objects of derision in a single decade. It strikes me as a major case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. One thing my mother said to me in my rebellious youth has stuck with me. "If you're going to tear something down, be sure what you plan to replace it with is actually better."

I'm not at all convinced that's what happened.
 

Don

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...the 50's was a cool time period from an intellectual standpoint, but the way women were treated was sickening: like mindless idiots on par with pets :-(
Not at all like men are treated today, of course. Seen any commercials or sit-coms lately? The pendulum went way too far.