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Darzian
12-26-2008, 09:18 PM
I came across this (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/20081226/lf_ucda/husbandsinsultsinpublichumiliateembarrassedwife;_y lt=ApLK1PWwUQAFNTt0hus4iVrQbbUC) while surfing:



DEAR ABBY: I love my husband, but how do you make a man stop embarrassing you in public?
My husband flirts openly with cashiers right in front of me, and asks complete strangers walking by if they would "like to buy a wife cheap."
Yesterday we went out to lunch and the bill was $18.42. He made a big fuss about it with the cashier, then loudly informed me it was my "fat a--" meal that cost so much. Abby, my meal was $6. I died a million deaths that day.
My husband is proud to have the nickname "Mr. Rude." Many of my friends avoid him because of his rudeness. He tells me people think it's funny, but I know they are offended. -- NOT LAUGHING IN CINCINNATI


There's something contradictory there. Her husband does not think that he is rude, but is proud of the name Mr. Rude? :Shrug:

Shadow_Ferret
12-26-2008, 09:22 PM
My wife always says to the cashier when checking out, "how much can I get for him (me) if I trade him in?" Or variations on that.

You mean that isn't love?

Beach Bunny
12-26-2008, 09:23 PM
This husband person is verbally abusive. Contradictions like that are their forte. If you have the stomach for being around them, you can get a verbally abusive person to say the stupidest things. :D

Darzian
12-26-2008, 09:28 PM
I honestly don't think someone can behave like this all of a sudden. The wife must have been putting up with this for quite some time- which makes me wonder why.

Shadow_Ferret
12-26-2008, 09:30 PM
Well, people can change. I'm not defending him. At all. But something in his life might have changed. Maybe he's at the 7-year Itch point. Maybe he's having an affair. Maybe his wife has put on a lot of weight and his feelings for her have changed because of that. Who knows? But people can change, feelings can change. Not everyone who falls in love stays in love, not everyone who is charming, stays charming.

alleycat
12-26-2008, 09:31 PM
I honestly don't think someone can behave like this all of a sudden. The wife must have been putting up with this for quite some time- which makes me wonder why.
The fact that she's writing in to a newspaper advice columnist in order to get an answer to her problem is probably a clue . . .

Shadow_Ferret
12-26-2008, 09:32 PM
The fact that she's writing in to a newspaper advice columnist in order to get an answer to her problem is probably a clue . . .
That, too. She can't bring it to his attention?

"Hi, I'd rather air my laundry in public and get a total stranger's advice on my life, then do some hard introspective self-analysis and find out the whys on my own."

Darzian
12-26-2008, 09:33 PM
Well, people can change. I'm not defending him. At all. But something in his life might have changed. Maybe he's at the 7-year Itch point. Maybe he's having an affair. Maybe his wife has put on a lot of weight and his feelings for her have changed because of that. Who knows? But people can change, feelings can change. Not everyone who falls in love stays in love, not everyone who is charming, stays charming.

Very true. It's always wise to reserve judgement till you hear both sides of the story.

alleycat
12-26-2008, 09:34 PM
Maybe Oprah will have a special that will help her: What To Do When Your Husband is a Rude Jackass.

dpaterso
12-26-2008, 09:35 PM
It's OK, Abby answered the letter, no need to get excited.

-Derek

alleycat
12-26-2008, 09:36 PM
It's OK, Abby answered the letter, no need to get excited.

-Derek
Oh, good! What a relief.

scarletpeaches
12-26-2008, 09:39 PM
dpaterso, always the voice of reason. :)

Beach Bunny
12-26-2008, 09:44 PM
I honestly don't think someone can behave like this all of a sudden. The wife must have been putting up with this for quite some time- which makes me wonder why.
The full answer to that question would take an e-book of a post. :)

Shadow_Ferret has given some possible reasons that are not abusive.

The dynamics of a verbally abusive relationship are rather complex. It's hard to explain it. But, this is not the only thing the man is doing. This is the one thing she can put a finger on. She'd realize the rest if she got good counseling from someone experienced in this form of abuse.

Why get into that kind of relationship in the first place? *blows out breath* The verbal abuser is not entirely evil. They have moments of being nice. If you grew up in a verbally abusive atmosphere and don't know it, the probability of picking a verbally abusive spouse is huge. For other people, the abusive person can be very charming and well-liked at first. But, when you interact with them, something feels not quite right.

Maryn
12-26-2008, 10:21 PM
Interesting. My newspaper ran this letter today--but omitted part.

Maryn, wondering what else they skip

rhymegirl
12-27-2008, 12:54 AM
Maybe Oprah will have a special that will help her: What To Do When Your Husband is a Rude Jackass.

I think she has already done that show.

Pagey's_Girl
12-27-2008, 04:07 AM
It depends - if it's coming from a place of affection, even something that sounds very hurtful to an outsider can in fact be a loving remark. On the other hand, even seemingly gentle words coming from a place of resentment or spite or even hate can cut you to the bone. My father was like that. No one could backhand a compliment the way that man could.