How do I present what I'm trying to write?

I need some help. Some of you may have read my query and symopsis for Sonora Symphony. I've received lots of comments on it and am having a very hard time with getting it right.

Some people mentioned Jim Chee who along with Joe Leaphorn who are creations of Tony Hillerman. I have read many of his books and they are very good mysteries. Clearly they are popular as there are so many of them.

However, I have a major problem with Hillerman's presentation of the Navajo reservation and the way he partially relates their belief system. He constantly refers to the dark phase of their beliefs such as witches, shape-shifters and skinwalkers.

He ignores the homeopathic/herbal side of their beliefs in which their medicine men not only learn the Blessing Ways but the use of herbs and plants found where they live. They were the original homeopaths and herbalists. (It used to exist in European cultures but those practicing it became shunned as witches.

He also fails to show the richness and beauty of the land and the creatures that live within it.

He hints at but doesn't bother to explain clan taboos pertaining to marriage and completely ignores the tradition that it's the women who usually select their mates.

My aim is to show American Indians as the original Green Party - people who understood that nobody truly "owns" land but lives on Earth Mother at the behest of The Creator. I want to dispel the myth that they were drunken scalp hunters - in fact, scalping came from Europeans who wanted proof of those killed for the bountys they offered.

In my research I have come to understand that, with the exceptions of MesoAmerican Olmec, Aztec, Mayan and Inca, they lived peacefully and seldom warred upon one another.I may have mentions but, in eastern tribes, disputes were normally settled by games of what we know as Lacrosse that could go on for days.

I also wish to introduce readers to American Indian marvelous myths and legends, in this particular work, concentrating on those who live in the southwest. American Indian myths are usually humorous and have a moral as they were used to teach the young. Coyote continually sticks his nose into things, messes up and ends up in trouble - although he never dies. They also explained many things that scientists later proved to be true. Unlike Judeo-Christian stories, they are light and the creators/gods and so on are forgiving and even likeable. They have stories about First Man and First Woman (Adam and Eve), coming from the land of ice and great floods, even one of a man and a woman creating a special boat to get through it while the naughty one were drowned. The only truly dark legends come from the same Mesoamericans I mentioned above.

It's clear that there are problems in how I'm trying to present this. I do not have the credentials to be an "expert" for the purpose of a scholarly tome that nobody would read anyhow. I want it to be amusing, light reading and generally telling stories. So, if non-fiction is not an option, how in the world do I get my goal across without some soul-shaking stuff that might detract from my goal

Help!!! And thanks.

First thing first - In no way was I trying to diss Hillerman!!! He's a great writer and I enjoy his books. I was simply pointing out that I did not see in his books some of the things I' passionate about.


I spent all day and night thinking about your comments and here’s the beginning of the results - opening paragraphs (1st draft):

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the man in the first booth had the blinds closed, Joe Redmond thought. He’d seen that look once before, more than four decades ago in the Central Highlands of South Vietnam. He’d been first off the chopper, one of several sent in response to a frantic call for help. The base camp was being overrun by the Viet Cong.

Bloody bodies lay everywhere. A Muong woman cradled her dead baby, swaying and keening in grief. One American soldier stood at the door of the bunker. In one hand, he held a microphone with a dangling cord and an empty M-16 in the other. The eyes showed how he’d cut off the memories of what happened.

The body of the story will be the same but the emphasis and story line is going to be entirely different. Here goes --

Joe Redmond is a Papago Indian living on the Tohono O’odham reservation south of Gila Bend, Arizona. When his wife dies, he retires from his post as Professor of Anthropology to return to his roots and teach his grandson the ways of The People.

Ray Daniels enters the all-night diner where Joe’s daughter works. He acts and moves as if he’s in shock. As an ex-Green Beret, Joe recognizes the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or, as it was called when he was in the service, shellshock.

Joe takes Ray into his home and, over the next few months, helps him overcome his trauma, recover his memory and find a heritage he never knew as a member of the Cherokee Nation.

With that in mind, any suggestions as to genre?

I had submitted this to katiemac along with my Follow the Raven but withdrew it when I realized how much of a MAJOR FIX it needs.
If I can get the first rought rewrite done before the close of submi9ssion, I'll do so.

Well, with everybody's help and suggestions, I'm in the midst of a major revision. My goal is to not only show the life and beauty of the Sonora Desert but tell the great stories of American Indians that help my MC get better.
(To throw a wrench into the whole thing, I'm going to toss in that the reason his parents didn't visit him in the hospital is because they're dead! And he doesn;t know it. What happens when his memories return and he learns the new tragedy?
Here's the latest revision:

SONORA SYMPHONY is mainstream fiction complete at XX,000 words.

If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the blinds are closed in Ray Daniels‘. He has a problem; he screams in agony at nightmares he cannot recall. His first memory is awakening in a hospital bed hooked up to tubes and electrical connectors. While his fellow patients receive visitors, he has none. Beyond being in the hospital, Ray only knows he is a Staff Sergeant in the United States Army.

Angry and frustrated at being probed and prodded, he gathers the few things he has and leaves the military hospital at Fort Carson, Colorado. He boards a bus, not knowing or caring where it will take him. At Gila Bend, Arizona, instead of going into the truck stop with the other passengers, he wanders across the parking lot, almost hit by a big rig, and into an all-night diner.

Joe Redmond, a Papago Indian and retired university professor, recognizes the look of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on Ray‘s face. Joe cares about those who serve in uniform and, even though Ray is in civies, recognizes him as a soldier, approaches and sits down across from him. Learning Ray has no destination, Joe invites him to be his houseguest on the Tonto O’odham Indian Reservation in the Sonora Desert. Ray senses no bad intentions and agrees.

Over the next few months, Joe shows Ray the beauty and wonders of the Sonora Desert. Ray experiences a bat wriggling in his hand and watches the dance of survival between a roadrunner and a horned lizard. He learns about plants that nourish and heal. He hears stories of how Squirrel freed Sun and, because of being blinded and burned, was turned into a bat, along with many others.

The process is slow but Ray slowly regains memories and, with Joe’s help, overcomes the excruciating nightmares. However, with returning memories comes the question Ray’s doctors dreaded; why did his family not visit him? The answer to that question will cause the reminiscences of war to seem mild. Ray has little to look forward to other than the offer of his new friend to be there when needed.

I grew up in Southern California and spent a great deal of time in the Mojave Desert. I also conducted guided sightseeing tours in Nevada and Arizona and have extensively studies Native American lore, history and mythology. I am also familiar with many foods and herbal medicine used throughout Northern Mexico.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Dxx Dxx
Master Sergeant, U.S. Army - Retired