Things you don't want to hear your daughter (or son) say:

Yeshanu

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So the Kid's bf was over for supper, and we got to talking, friendly-like, about religion, and he looked at my girl at one point and said, "Do you want to tell her, or should I?"

Now what he meant was for her to tell me he's an atheist (doesn't bother me in the least, btw), but that wasn't what first sprang to mind, even given the topic of conversation...

(My daughter turned bright red when she found out how I'd taken that statement. Her bf and I just laughed...)

Anyhow, what things wouldn't you want to hear coming from the mouth of your son or daughter?
 

Don

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"Srsly, mom, we'll be fine. I'll just work at Wal-Mart until Johnny sells his first novel, and then we'll be rich"
 

CaroGirl

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"I don't need a high school diploma. I'm going to be a rock star!"

"Can you come downtown and bail me out?"

"I know I'm only 15, but having this baby won't ruin my life."

"The cops say she's 13. I swear she said she was 16. I swear."

"Sure Snake's in jail right now but he's getting out in a year and we're in love."
 

thethinker42

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"Mom, I'm not a virgin."

"I'm working in the porn business."

"Can't, I have a photo shoot with a nude model this weekend."

"I'm staying at [boyfriend's] house tonight."

"Can [boyfriend] stay here this weekend?" (Where will he be sleeping?) "My room." (And where will you be sleeping?) "My room."



My mom heard all of these when I was a teenager. It's a wonder she's not on medication. And it's no wonder at all why I'm not having kids...
 

Ol' Fashioned Girl

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"No!"
"I don't have to listen to you."
"I don't have to listen to you anymore. I'm all grown up."
"Gee, I wish I'd've listened to you."
"It's too late to listen to you now."
"Man, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."
 

sissybaby

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I'm going way back - really way back - to when my oldest was about four. Her dad was in Korea, and I'd spent the entire week before setting up a new aquarium in her bedroom and filling it with exotic fish.

"Mom, where did all the water go?"

The water was dripping out of the light fixture in the ceiling of the family room below.
 

sissybaby

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Another one that was an expensive disaster.

"Mom, Johnny just sucked something up his nose and now he's making a really weird noise."

Turned out to be the little dice that went to one of their travel games. Never did discover why he decided to suck them up his nose.
 

DeleyanLee

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"Mama, why is the cat all sticky?" (said after male dog has had a--dominance issue with the cat)
 

sunna

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"Mom, you remember when you said I could tell you anything?..."
 

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it
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"But the place has really nice residents, and the staff will look after you. And there are so many activities you can join in on."
 

Shadow_Ferret

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"I cut my own hair."
"I threw a rock through the garage window."
"I scratched my name into the kitchen table with a scissors."
"You know that white tube outside grandpa's house? A golf ball fits in there perfectly."
"Is Magic Marker permanent?"

Oh, wait. He DID say all those things. Nevermind.
 

Cranky

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"Oops!"

That never ends up meaning anything good.
 

Plot Device

A woman said to write like a man.
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"No!"
"I don't have to listen to you."
"I don't have to listen to you anymore. I'm all grown up."
"Gee, I wish I'd've listened to you."
"It's too late to listen to you now."
"Man, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."


Best response of the lot.
 

sunna

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"How much does it cost to fix a transmission?"

"My meal card ran out."

"Have you ever heard of something called Western Union?"