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October
12-19-2008, 03:47 AM
Could one of the mods move this to TIO? I use some bad language but I really need to vent and, since none of my friends (ha!) are around, all I have is the internet.

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Rant begins here:

So today I get a letter from school and its about financial aid. I'm like, 'okay, this must be to tell me I'm getting more aid for next semester.'

WRONG.

The little fuckers sent the letter to tell me I WASN't getting financial aid. The worst part is, the letter isn't clear on what I exactly did. I either a. got pisspoor grades or b. didn't attend class enough.

The only thing I can think of is that last one. I have an online class. I arranged it with the professor so I didn't have to go online because I had other things taking up my time like work and catching up with other classes. The professor and I are friends so it was cool. But I guess it wasn't "cool" with the class people.

So now I'm pissed to hell because nobody bothered to send me any kind of notice. Now I get I'm an adult but a notice from SOMEBODY would have been nice. Or, if they were going to pull this shit, they could of sent the letter before holiday break so I could do something about it before the next semester started. If I don't get financial aid I'm not going to school and will end up as some whore turning tricks on the corner.

And I'm so, so, so, so tired.

Nothing works anymore. I have no inspiration or energy. I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone, nothing. Because nothing I invest my energy into ever fucking pays out. I try to be a nice friend and I get screwed over. I try to do well in school and I get screwed over. I try to be polite, mature, but easygoing and I GET SCREWED OVER. My parents won't stop yelling at me. When I'm lonely or need help nobody ever pays attention to me.

Every doctor I've been to tells me I'm faking it when I'm having constant asthma symptoms and pains.

I'm trying the best I can, but nothing ever pays out. I wish I was dead. I wish I could kill myself but I'm too afraid to do that and I don't want to kill myself before SOMETHING turns out right in my life. I'm not asking for a whole lot.

The only thing that has any meaning my life now is playing Pokemon. Pokemon! At least with Pokemon, SOME of your investments turn a profit. No Pokemon ever left me alone.

I don't like books or writing anymore, even. They left me alone, too. Just when I needed company the most, they hit me hollow and worthless. I hate music now, too. It all sounds the same, all those whiny hateful voices.

Anyway, bye for awhile you guys. I need some time to sort my life out.

(And I'm barely twenty.)

Silver King
12-19-2008, 04:01 AM
Could one of the mods move this to TIO? I use some bad language but I really need to vent...
It seems okay here in Office Party. Nothing wrong with strong language when it's used properly. And we all need a place and time to vent once in a while.

Hope things look up for you soon. Your life will get better eventually, except you may not know that yet. :)

Beach Bunny
12-19-2008, 04:06 AM
:Hug2: Yes, sometimes life sucks rotten bananas. I'm sorry that you are having a rotten time. There have been quite a few times when I have felt like the mole in the Whack-a-mole game at the arcade. I understand how you are feeling.

There are times when I bury my head in a book or a computer game so I don't have to think about how sucky life is. Other times I write in my journal about whatever is bothering me. It's filled with letters to people telling them what I really think of them and what they can do to themselves.

Help is available, if you know where to look.

Hang in there. :Hug2: ... This piece of wisdom has helped me in the past, maybe it will help you:

"If everything looks dark, it's because we have our eyes shut."

Fraulein
12-19-2008, 04:53 AM
I am very sorry to hear about your struggles. It is extremely difficult to be in that position, and I sincerely feel for you.

I understand where you are coming from regarding how you feel about school, the future, your friends, personal inspiration, and loneliness, a little too well in fact, and I would like to commiserate with you, (but I am also afraid of being too personal) so, here goes:
I was off on an adventure of a lifetime a few years ago, when reality hit me square in the nose. While away on my own in a foreign place, I was lucky enough to have a couple of wonderful friends who were able to save me from my own devices- in the end. After shit hit the fan and my life was on the fence between existing and nonexistent, I realized that I had to take care of myself- or else, because no one else was going to make sure that my life would turn out the way that I needed it to.

After that experience was over, most of my shyness, spaciness, and loftiness was deliberately removed by myself (in the presence of most people), because I had to make myself a survivor of such a cruel world.
It is, without a doubt, a tough world that we live in, and unfortunately for certain people, the tendency for 'others to walk all over us' is slightly or maybe even significantly higher.


I am sorry that things are not working out for you right now. I hope that you can find the strength to make your life whatever it is that you want it to be.

NeuroFizz
12-19-2008, 05:21 AM
All is not lost yet, October. Get on the phone and make an appointment with the financial aid people. There are mistakes made, and there are appeals. If you have a professor on your side, that can help. At the very least, they'll tell you exactly why the aid was cancelled.

Like most worthwhile things in life, college is not easy. It takes effort and sometimes (frequently?) putting up with assignments, deadlines, and rules that seem strange or crappy. In most cases, those assignments, deadlines and rules are there for a purpose, and when explained, they make sense.

I hope this works out for you. Like all aspects of our economy right now, financial aid is getting tight. Hopefully you'll get back on track with it. Good luck.

Yeshanu
12-19-2008, 08:55 AM
All is not lost yet, October. Get on the phone and make an appointment with the financial aid people. There are mistakes made, and there are appeals. If you have a professor on your side, that can help. At the very least, they'll tell you exactly why the aid was cancelled.

I'd suggest calming down a bit before you make that very necessary call, though. Think through exactly what you want to ask and say, and leave the swear words out. While it's okay to vent here, swearing at the financial aid people will be counter-productive, guaranteed.



Like most worthwhile things in life, college is not easy. It takes effort and sometimes (frequently?) putting up with assignments, deadlines, and rules that seem strange or crappy. In most cases, those assignments, deadlines and rules are there for a purpose, and when explained, they make sense.


While I can understand that getting your financial aid canceled makes you upset, my immediate reaction was, be an adult, and deal with it.

Find out what the rules are, and follow them.

Put some effort into your education--it should come first at this point in your life. It's more important than work, than going out for drinks, than Pokemon. You get out of it what you put into it. And ONLY what you put into it.

And while I only have this one post of yours to go by, I suspect you'll find that life goes by a lot easier if you don't question whether your friends are your friends, and if you don't call the financial aid people "fuckers." There IS a difference between swearing to vent at unfortunate circumstances, and swearing the truly insults people, and you crossed it there. It will show in your dealings with them, and they'll treat you the same in return.

Try being calm and nice for a change. It works.

The world doesn't revolve around you. It owes you nothing. Things will start turning out right for you when you start doing the right things.

Sorry if I'm not telling you what you want to hear. The world doesn't suck big time, and financial aid people are, from my experience, caring people who want to do the most good with the limited funds they have. Your job is to ensure that those dollars aren't wasted, and that the folks giving them to you know that.

Joe270
12-19-2008, 09:56 AM
only thing I can think of is that last one. I have an online class. I arranged it with the professor so I didn't have to go online because I had other things taking up my time like work and catching up with other classes. The professor and I are friends so it was cool.

N.Fizz gave some good advice. Also, if this online class was the problem, they may accept a letter of explanation from the professor. If it was good enough for him, I don't see how financial aid can take your funding.

Also, if you play nice with them, the financial aid folks might help you find some additional aid or a different aid source.

I wish you the best.

Beach Bunny
12-19-2008, 03:28 PM
And while I only have this one post of yours to go by, I suspect you'll find that life goes by a lot easier if you don't question whether your friends are your friends, and if you don't call the financial aid people "fuckers." There IS a difference between swearing to vent at unfortunate circumstances, and swearing the truly insults people, and you crossed it there. It will show in your dealings with them, and they'll treat you the same in return.

Ummmm, no not necessarily. Venting out the negative feelings in a safe place away from the people you are angry at is very beneficial at purging those emotions so that it won't show in your dealings with people. AW should be such a place as neither the financial people, nor his/her friends are here to read that post. You can't insult someone by venting if they don't hear it.


The world doesn't suck big time.
Unfortunately for some people it does suck, it really and truly does suck. Being one of those people, reading things like this just. makes. it. worse. It doesn't get better until someone acknowledges that yes, sometimes the world does suck rotten bananas. Been there. Done that. Seen the movie a thousand times. :)

sissybaby
12-19-2008, 04:39 PM
The world doesn't have to suck. It's all a matter of perspective, really. I find that when I put JOY into my life, it's a marvelous place to live in. If you don't know what the letters of JOY stand for, you can PM me.

I have a young son with some serious problems. He's autistic, and has an anxiety disorder. He very much needs me in his life. I have a much older child with mental retardation. I am her only source for everything she relies on to live day by day. I wish she could have gone to college and have the problems you are dealing with. I have a middle child who is pregnant and just found out she has precancerous cells in her cervix.

Then I just discovered I have colon cancer. When I went in for the surgery I began bleeding - in the pre-op room - and spent three days in ICU. Can't have the surgery until I recover from that, and even though they gave me several pints of blood, I'm still low. Then my bird died - I know, no big deal, a silly canary - but he brought me much delight with his beautiful songs.

All these things seem bad to me, but at least my husband still has a job, and I didn't just have my leg amputated like my good friend did because of diabetes.

Right now this has you totally bummed, but life could be so much worse. It's all a matter of perspective. Now that you've vented, think about the advice several posters have offered. Calm down, and talk reasonably with the financial aid people. Plead your case, in a sincere and unoffensive way, and accept the outcome graciously. If you REALLY want that college education, there are ways to get it, but you have to make the effort. It's to benefit you, and you alone, so make sacrifices if it calls for that.

That's the end of my rant. I wish you the best of success.

KTC
12-19-2008, 04:46 PM
I see this as yet another example of somebody shitting it all away and then looking for somebody else to be pissed at about it. As a parent, I went through this. I have no sympathy. If you are questioning that you have bad grades, or that you didn't attend classes enough...then you probably know this to be true. You shat it away and now you are insensed that they are taking the opportunity away from you that you yourself lost. Own up. Go in and visit them and see if there is a way to get back on track. It may not be too late, but you have to work for this...you should not expect it to be handed to you so you can throw it away again. Education is wasted on the young.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
12-19-2008, 05:33 PM
Ummmm, no not necessarily. Venting out the negative feelings in a safe place away from the people you are angry at is very beneficial at purging those emotions so that it won't show in your dealings with people. AW should be such a place as neither the financial people, nor his/her friends are here to read that post. You can't insult someone by venting if they don't hear it.

Ummmm, no, not necessarily. How do we know there's not a financial aids person here who's secretly a writer in his free time?

What's best is to calm down, October, and get yourself into the Financial Aids office for some face-to-face, adult communication. This isn't the end of the world.

Angie
12-19-2008, 05:39 PM
What's best is to calm down, October, and get yourself into the Financial Aids office for some face-to-face, adult communication. This isn't the end of the world.

As for the calming down, the "asthma-like" symptoms you describe could be brough on by anxiety attacks. You may want to talk to a counselor about stress management. I'm betting your attacks will diminish.

Other than that, ditto what others have said: Take time to cool off, then go have a calm, rational conversation with the financial aid folks. They're not evil trolls yanking funds from people for the fun of it.

Feiss
12-19-2008, 09:11 PM
It sounds like there is a lot of shit floating around in your life right now. Perhaps that's what has made it hard for you to put all your effort into your studies and cut corners. I agree that you should try to sort this out with the Financial Aid office, state your case, but after that, maybe think about finding the source of your unhappiness. Your parents probably yell at you constantly because they don't understand why your only passion seems to be Pokemon games. They're worried about you, so clearly they care about you.

Also, this is the time when you should be writing. The silver lining for difficult times for me has always been pouring all the emotion into words.

I hope things work out better for you. Believe me, the shit storm passes if you just hang on for dear life.

WerenCole
12-19-2008, 10:58 PM
I have been in this place.

I think just about everybody has, especially in their early 20s. I commiserate.


That being said, there are two ways here that the AW people are going to take this: sympathy or a swift kick in the pants. We have seen both in the posts above mine.

I think a combination of the two would be a good way to go.

I have had my share of breakdowns. They aren't fun and they are always brought about when the immediate future looks bleak (in fact, before I came to grad school I remember having similar thoughts if my financial aid did not come through. It almost did not. I MADE it happen. I had to, there was no other choice. I played by their rules but played them with a sledge hammer. Can't scalpel these people, you just can't.)

When all seems lost for me I step back from myself to create a self awareness of the situation. Then I create a singular motivation to get something done. One big thing. Fuck all the other things, I am going to get this done and that is all there if fucking to it, damn it. It makes me feel better.

I was talking with the sports anchor of Boston Channel 7 News, Joe Amorosino, the other day and he had a great line about how he approaches his day to day activities:

"I'm going to effing kill this shit."

It has kind of stuck with me. It is a pride thing. A utilitarian thing. What is best for the most amount of people is sometimes what is best for YOU. The world be damned, there will be time for them later.

PM me. Really. More so than the other people I this board I understand what is going on in your head. (Not to be arrogant, I just know the feeling well.) I have been through your situation and I effing killed that shit. It sucked but I feel better now when I look back at it and realize that I went about getting out of it the right way and grew because of it.

Yeshanu
12-20-2008, 03:04 AM
Ummmm, no not necessarily. Venting out the negative feelings in a safe place away from the people you are angry at is very beneficial at purging those emotions so that it won't show in your dealings with people. AW should be such a place as neither the financial people, nor his/her friends are here to read that post. You can't insult someone by venting if they don't hear it.

Beach Bunny and October:

Label me, "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt." In short, I've had situations that really sucked, and weren't my fault. And I vented out of hearing of the people involved.

And the situation got worse.

When I learned how to control my thoughts and instead of venting, think about how I could make things better, things started getting better.

Your thinking controls you, and if you call people, "fuckers" because that's how you feel about them, it WILL show in how you deal with them. And they won't react nicely to your dealings.



Unfortunately for some people it does suck, it really and truly does suck. Being one of those people, reading things like this just. makes. it. worse. It doesn't get better until someone acknowledges that yes, sometimes the world does suck rotten bananas. Been there. Done that. Seen the movie a thousand times.


I'm not going to disagree with this: some folks do have a really tough time in life.

But acknowledging it is only the first step, and it's the least important one, from my perspective of having built a better life through years of hard work.

The most important step in making things better is to realize that it doesn't matter whose fault your problems are.

I'll repeat that.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHOSE FAULT YOUR PROBLEMS ARE.
Your father or mother or the student financial aid office? Doesn't matter, really. It's your life, and even if they caused the problem, it's up to you to fix it.

Because, to put it simply, life isn't fair. That's not part of the bargain. And it's never going to be fair.

But you can make things better, as soon as you decide to stop letting circumstances control you, and start learning to control circumstances.

Want to get that student aid back that you've lost? Control your temper, get yourself down to the student aid office, and ask them why you didn't get it this semester. Ask them what you have to do to get back in their good books.

Then do it.

I'm not a meanie. I'm a parent of a daughter your age. When she comes crying to me about things like this, I give her a hug.

Then I tell her it's up to her to fix.

I'll say this to all of you who are still struggling: Once you do take control of your life, and realize that you can make things better for yourself, you WILL find that life as a whole gets much more enjoyable, and doesn't suck any more. That's why I don't mince words. I've been there, as I said before. I've considered suicide myself. I've dealt with abuse, student loans that weren't enough, and now I'm dealing with collection agencies who want money I don't have. But I'm in control now, and I don't feel like it would be easier to jump off a cliff than it would be to fix my problems.

And I'd rather that those who are twenty now figure that out in their twenties, so they don't end up like I am, forty-eight years old and just now getting their life in order.

I do care. I don't sugar-coat it, though.