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Pat~
12-19-2008, 12:21 AM
From an email this morning:

The 2007/08 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.'

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

(ETA: Apparently taken from The Arkansas Times, or wherever they got it...)

Sarita
12-19-2008, 12:29 AM
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Darn, we don't have a vomit smilie...

:roll:

Don
12-19-2008, 12:30 AM
Or as expressed in Oath of Fealty (Pournelle/Niven)

"Think of it as Evolution in Action."

The Darwin Awards are always a highlight of my year. I'm strange that way.

Plot Device
12-19-2008, 01:19 AM
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.




Groucho Marx twiddles his cigar as he says to his audience: A man goes to the doctor. And he says: "Doc! It hurts every time I do this!" (And Groucho raises his arm in the air to demonstrate.) "And then the doctor says to the man: "So dohn do dat!"




Fast foreward to 2008.

A man goes to the doctor and says: "Doc! I lose a finger every time I use this commercial meat slicer!" And then the doctor says to the man: "So don't use it!"

Plot Device
12-19-2008, 01:21 AM
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


Before or after she moved her car out of his parking space?

Maryn
12-19-2008, 01:21 AM
I swear, these get better every year. Thanks for the laugh!

Maryn, having a laugh-y day

Plot Device
12-19-2008, 01:24 AM
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


I don't consider this a Darwin Award. I consider it candidacy for middle management at an American-based globalist corporation.

WildScribe
12-19-2008, 01:26 AM
#10 made me gag a bit... Oooooohhhhh boy! Fun list! Thanks for posting.

Williebee
12-19-2008, 01:28 AM
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

I'm with PD. That was outstanding and creative thinking. Course, if he stayed around after, and got caught....

Plot Device
12-19-2008, 01:38 AM
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


So how much money did the would-be thief win via the pain-and-suffering lawsuit he undoubtedly launched against the liquor store?

Or was it against the landlord who owns the building where the liquor store is a tennant?

Or was it against the construction company that installed the window?

Or was it against the window manufacturer?

Beach Bunny
12-19-2008, 02:38 AM
From an email this morning:

The 2007/08 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

:ROFL: Thanks I needed that.

Pagey's_Girl
12-19-2008, 02:48 AM
So how much money did the would-be thief win via the pain-and-suffering lawsuit he undoubtedly launched against the liquor store?

Or was it against the landlord who owns the building where the liquor store is a tennant?

Or was it against the construction company that installed the window?

Or was it against the window manufacturer?

Actually, in Arkansas, he would've gone back to his trailer, gotten his shotgun and gone back to take care of the varmint - only to shoot himself in the foot with the blasted thing while he "was tryin' a load it." Then he would've gotten really mad, shot the dadblasted window and put himself out of the gene pool once and for all when the bullet ricocheted....

(My whole family is from Arkansas. Trust me on this one. :D)

Mac H.
12-19-2008, 04:24 AM
The poor guys running the Darwin awards .. how can they compete with these hoax announcements that keep coming out !?

The *REAL* List is here: http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html)

Mac

benbradley
12-19-2008, 04:57 AM
There was a bad car crash in Atlanta this afternoon, a Corvette was driving wildly when police noticed and started to chase:
http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/atlanta/stories/2008/12/18/fatal_police_chase.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newst ab
Quoting two of the last three paragraphs:

The Corvette cut across six lanes to take an HOV exit ramp to Piedmont Road. But the driver lost control on a curve of the ramp, hurtled over a retaining wall and crash-landed about 75 feet below on the side of the southbound Connector.

The impact turned the car into a flaming pile of blackened metal, with shards of debris scattered in every direction.
The driver and passenger were immediately killed, of course. But I found this last sentence to be the most "interesting" part of the article:

“If anybody had been [driving nearby], it would have been tragic,” Cosper said.

Pat~
12-19-2008, 07:12 AM
The poor guys running the Darwin awards .. how can they compete with these hoax announcements that keep coming out !?

The *REAL* List is here: http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html)

Mac

:D Thanks, Mac. We'll have to send this list over to their 'Urban Legends' category...

And maybe we should tell The Arkansas Times (http://www.arktimes.com/blogs/hoglawyer/2007/12/2007_darwin_awards_arkansas_co.aspx) about it, too. ;)

ETA: I had trouble with the links on that page, Mac, but here's a page (http://darwinawards.com/) I finally found with another December 2008 list.

Yeshanu
12-19-2008, 08:34 AM
The poor guys running the Darwin awards .. how can they compete with these hoax announcements that keep coming out !?

The *REAL* List is here: http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html)

Mac

The ones listed, though hilarious, can't be true Darwin awards.

In order to "win" a Darwin award, you must, as the man in number one did, remove yourself permanently from the gene pool.

In order to be a runner up, the incident cited must at least have had that potential, and most of those listed don't.

But number four is still the most hilarious thing I've read in a while, and could be the basis for a good comedy or horror story. :)