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III
12-12-2008, 11:42 PM
I remember sneaking into my parents bed almost every night until I was ten. We're fortunate in that our master bedroom is downstairs and all the kids sleep upstairs so they never bother to make the journey. I'm wondering if it was more of a generational thing and parents discourage it more now.

James81
12-12-2008, 11:46 PM
I used to fight it, thinking that I was somehow damaging them by letting them sleep in my bed.

And then I realized something. I realized that there will come a day when my kids will be all grown up, and they'll want their space and want less to do with me than they do right now, so now, I never miss a chance. I don't encourage it, but if it happens it's no big deal to me cause I know these days will never come again.

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 11:47 PM
On occasion Kurt, my 8-year-old, when he has a nightmare or the weather is particularly bad out, will climb into bed with me, but otherwise, no they haven't slept with us with any sort of regularity since they were much younger.

And I never slept with my parents.

scarletpeaches
12-12-2008, 11:48 PM
Not that I have kids, but if I did, this would be a no-no.

I never slept in the same bed as my mother (by the time it was 'parents' I was around seven anyway, so way past that age as far as I'm concerned).

I'll answer 'as if' and also for my own experience - no, never.

Mr Flibble
12-12-2008, 11:50 PM
Yup.

My daughter comes in if she's had a bad dream, and my son likes to snuggle for half an hour before the alarm goes off ( they are 8 and 10).

I'm gonna miss it when they stop.

cray
12-12-2008, 11:50 PM
nope.

Yeshanu
12-12-2008, 11:51 PM
My kids range in age from 18 to 23. So my answer would have to be no.

Unless they were breastfeeding, and even then only on occasion (like I was feeling particularly sleepy), they mostly slept in their own beds, even if it was a cradle in our room.

I remember as a child, crawling in to my parents' bed very early in the morning before my dad went to work, listening to the traffic report. There were three of us at the time, and it could get kind of crowded. :)

quickWit
12-12-2008, 11:51 PM
Nevah.

melaniehoo
12-13-2008, 12:01 AM
I don't have any memories of crawling into bed with my mom. She remarried when I was seven, and I definitely didn't join them. I'm not against it (although I don't have children) as long as it's not every night.

Stew21
12-13-2008, 12:04 AM
My 5 year old never does. My 3 year old will sneak in on occasion. Usually around 3 AM he wakes up, and comes in. If I wake up when he does it, I take him back to his bed. If I don't we just wake up next to him.

WendyNYC
12-13-2008, 12:05 AM
No. Not unless they are sick or otherwise miserable. But sometimes the 6 year old will get in bed with the 9 year old if she had a nightmare.

kristie911
12-13-2008, 12:07 AM
When I got divorced, my son started coming into my room every night and I let him. It was a traumatic time for both of us and it helped both of us (he was just 2)...even though I always said I wouldn't let him sleep with me.

Then after a year or so, I realized he was interrupting my sleep (a lot!) so I started working to get him back in his own bed. Part of the problem was that he would wake up during the night and not know if it was time to wake up or if it was still the middle of the night...he'd come in my room and instead of putting him back to bed, I'd let him sleep the rest of the night with me (because I'm lazy :) ).

About a month ago, I bought a timer and a green night light. The light goes on a 5:30 am and he knows once the light goes on, he can come in my room. So now we snuggle for an hour or so before he gets up. I won't give that up...he's only little once. :)

sheadakota
12-13-2008, 12:08 AM
nevah evah

vixey
12-13-2008, 12:09 AM
No way. No how. I need MY space. :D

Don
12-13-2008, 12:12 AM
I caught my niece and her boyfriend in my bed once. Does that count? :D

maxmordon
12-13-2008, 12:36 AM
I slept in the same bed with my mother until I was 11, but I guess it was easier for us since we slept in the same bedroom anyway. It was a bit traumatic to me when we moved out and she slept in her bedroom with her boyfriend and me in a mat (later a matress and later a bed) in my bedroom.

Not sure what I am going to do when I have children, though.

maestrowork
12-13-2008, 01:11 AM
I think I slept with my parents until age 6 or 7, not because I was needy, but because our place was so small that we either slept on the floor or the only bed in the whole apartment. In the winter, it could get really cold sleeping on the floor... When I was 8 we finally moved and got a new bunk bed.

Kitrianna
12-13-2008, 01:36 AM
My eldest used to get up at around 6 or 7 and crawl into bed with us to watch cartoons when she was 2. SHe always ended up falling asleep and taking over the bed. That stopped when we moved that TV out of our room.

Unique
12-13-2008, 01:38 AM
It's cold at our house. Sometimes 4 cats are not enough extra heat. So I don't mind.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 04:07 AM
My kids do sleep in my bed, but they're cats, so, don't know if that counts. :D

Perks
12-13-2008, 04:10 AM
They've never slept in our bed. I've occasionally slept with them on trips when space was at a premium.

Captshady
12-13-2008, 04:11 AM
For those adamantly against it, what do you feel is the harm in it? NOTE I understand wanting the space.

xiaotien
12-13-2008, 04:13 AM
never. the bed is my sanctuary.
i simply cannot co-sleep. the hub is
lucky i let him into my bed. =p

i'm a very light sleep. and if i don't
get my sleep ... where's the monster
morphing icon?

capt : nothing wrong with it. if you enjoy
that type of closeness. i don't. ha! also, many
find it hard to move the bubs out of their bedroom.
my nephew stayed in the master bedroom well into
five or six years? help!

of course, in some cultures, the whole family
sleeps together!

mscelina
12-13-2008, 04:14 AM
They'd better not. They're 19 and 20.

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 04:14 AM
For those adamantly against it, what do you feel is the harm in it? NOTE I understand wanting the space.

Teaching your child that they should be independent and though you are a parent, they have to rely on their own selves sooner or later.

I don't like kids, but clingy kids are even worse.

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 04:15 AM
My kids do sleep in my bed, but they're cats, so, don't know if that counts. :D

Plus, when I visit...it's gonna be a tight squeeze...

Captshady
12-13-2008, 04:16 AM
Teaching your child that they should be independent and though you are a parent, they have to rely on their own selves sooner or later.

I don't like kids, but clingy kids are even worse.

This is going to sound totally mean, but I honestly don't mean to be. But non parent "experts" aren't anyone I listen to with parenting advice, having been an expert myself pre-kids.

Captshady
12-13-2008, 04:17 AM
Plus, when I visit...it's gonna be a tight squeeze...

LOL, I'm sold ;)

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 04:18 AM
You asked the people who were against it, so I answered.

And even non-parents were children once. Therefore, I am entitled to an opinion.

ETA: I knew it. Regarding your last post, the threat of lesbianism always shuts a man up. :D

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 04:18 AM
Plus, when I visit...it's gonna be a tight squeeze...

My poor cats...

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 04:19 AM
This is going to sound totally mean, but I honestly don't mean to be. But non parent "experts" aren't anyone I listen to with parenting advice, having been an expert myself pre-kids.

She never claimed to be an expert, and as she mentions in another post, even those of us who don't have kids, were kids at one point.

Would my opinion likewise be considered invalid if I posted that I don't have a problem with co-sleeping and in fact think that it's good for kids up to a certain point?

Captshady
12-13-2008, 04:20 AM
You asked the people who were against it, so I answered.

And even non-parents were children once. Therefore, I am entitled to an opinion.

In no way was I not asking you to express your opinion, I was just replying to yours, with mine.

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 04:21 AM
Fine.

*tries to look fierce*

Captshady
12-13-2008, 04:23 AM
She never claimed to be an expert, and as she mentions in another post, even those of us who don't have kids, were kids at one point.

I put it in quotes to imply that it was a label I was placing, not one that she was claiming.


Would my opinion likewise be considered invalid if I posted that I don't have a problem with co-sleeping and in fact think that it's good for kids up to a certain point?

Yes, it would. And again, I don't mean to insult, it's just that everyone I know that has kids, says that a large majority of their parenting theories went out the window after they had kids, myself included. I'll edit my theory though to say I would of course listen to someone educated in child development, child psychology, et al.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 04:27 AM
I put it in quotes to imply that it was a label I was placing, not one that she was claiming.

Yes, it would. And again, I don't mean to insult, it's just that everyone I know that has kids, says that a large majority of their parenting theories went out the window after they had kids, myself included. I'll edit my theory though to say I would of course listen to someone educated in child development, child psychology, et al.

Fair enough. Taking it with a grain of salt I could see, though...writing it off, not so much. I do not - and will not - have children, but I wanted them at one time. As such I spent a lot of time observing parents, observing kids' behavior, etc. I've studied quite a bit of child psychology and child development, but am by no means an expert. I also spent a LOT of time simply listening to parents...what works, what doesn't, etc. I make no claims about being any kind of expert on kids, but I take exception to the idea that my opinions are invalid.

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 04:28 AM
So you'd find it easier to trust people who dropped their previous ideas and just played it by ear?

Again, not a criticism. It just seems strange to me that it's a popularised idea that all pre-parenting ideas and thoughts are a goner once you have kids. I know many couples for whom that wasn't true. They had ideas on childrearing and stuck to them.

And as for listening to people with paper qualifications...fuck that. Social workers and civil servants aren't too high on my list of 'trustworthy people' right now.

I'd listen to people on the front line of the war against rugrats first. People who squeezed an anklebiter out of their front bottom, not those who sat an exam and have a certificate. :D Or those who thought long and hard about their own opinions, rather than merely spouting what it says in a textbook.

Beach Bunny
12-13-2008, 04:39 AM
My son is now grown and out on his own. When he was little the parenting advice was to not let the kids sleep in your bed, it will make them clingy yada yada yada, not encourage independence, blah blah blah. I bought into that until I got divorced. After that, I let him sleep in my bed if he wanted to. Then there came a time when he didn't want to anymore and we haven't slept in the same bed since. It didn't hurt him in the least little bit. If for some reason, he wanted to today, (I can't imagine he would.) then, yes, I would let him.

My mother and her sisters still occassionally sleep in the same bed. Whenever they are visiting together or traveling together and space is at a premium and the significant others aren't present.

I can remember crawling into my parents bed on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. And sleeping with my grandfather when there was a large gathering of people at his house. (My grandmother was dead.)

I think it only becomes a problem when a big deal is made out of it.

While it seems that pushing a clingy kid away will make them more independent, in fact the reverse is true. The harder you push a clingy child away, the tighter they cling. If you allow them to cling until they are ready to let go, they're off and on their own a lot faster. :)

Siddow
12-13-2008, 04:43 AM
I wake up approx. 3 out of 7 days with some child or another in my bed. They seem to taper off about age 5, though, so I have one measly year left before the nocturnal visits cease.

I CAN DO THIS.

What I really hate are the nights when someone doesn't feel well...so they come to my bed, crawl in...and puke.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 04:46 AM
What I really hate are the nights when someone doesn't feel well...so they come to my bed, crawl in...and puke.

Reason #4,672,287 that I'm not having kids.




Just kidding. But srsly...I seriously cannot deal with puke. I just can't. The cats are bad enough...but people...*shudder*

Devil Ledbetter
12-13-2008, 04:46 AM
My parents wouldn't let us set foot in their room, let alone sleep in their bed. Not even when we were sick or terrified by some nightmare. No exceptions. No monster was scarier than my dad if you woke him up in the middle of the night for some childish reason. Fortunately, there were four of us and we looked after each other at night.

Whether or not anyone sleeps with their kids is a personal choice. My parents made their choice, which they had every right to. I made a different one. Our kids slept with us as babies and toddlers, then were weaned off to their own beds around age 2 or 3. DS slept with us longer (he joined us in the middle of the night most nights until he was about 5). We were all happy with the arrangement.

Neither of our kids are or ever have been "clingy." I see independence like any other development. A baby isn't going to "learn independence" from sleeping alone, because a baby is by definition dependent. They'll sleep alone because they've given up on anyone coming for them, though, and if that's how some parents want to play it, I respect their right to do it that way. But just as babies/toddlers eventually learn to feed themselves or use the toilet with encouragement from Mom and Dad, they'll eventually learn to sleep alone. As with potty training or weaning, our choice was simply to not force them to try before they showed signs of readiness.

Jcomp
12-13-2008, 05:04 AM
Whether or not anyone sleeps with their kids is a personal choice.

Sentence....

... it's just not the same, is it?

WackAMole
12-13-2008, 05:06 AM
I wake up approx. 3 out of 7 days with some child or another in my bed. They seem to taper off about age 5, though, so I have one measly year left before the nocturnal visits cease.

I CAN DO THIS.

What I really hate are the nights when someone doesn't feel well...so they come to my bed, crawl in...and puke.


ROFL!!!! OMG is that not the WORST possible thing about parenting?

I have a 15 year old and a 6 year old. I adore them. My 15 year old used to sleep with me and my THEN husband once in a while during storms or when she was scared. When dad was gone, she slept with me all the time. She grew out of it and now she doesn't want anything to do with "mom's" room.

Divorce is a huge factor in us letting kids in our rooms it seems. When I got divorced my younger one was in my bed constantly and still is off and on. As she has gotten a bit older, she has taken to not wanting to do that so much.

My partner is here for three months at a time then gone for three months. She absolutely cannot figure out how i can stand to have my kids in the bed with me when she is gone. I cant explain it.

They get to an age where it doesnt smell good to sniff their little heads anymore hehe

Devil Ledbetter
12-13-2008, 05:13 AM
Reason #4,672,287 that I'm not having kids.




Just kidding. But srsly...I seriously cannot deal with puke. I just can't. The cats are bad enough...but people...*shudder*When my kids are sick, I find I'm too concerned about their well-being to be squicked out by the puke. However, when my niece got sick all over my daughter's bedroom, holy hell. That was wicked nasty.

In my next life, I'm not having nieces.;)

Perks
12-13-2008, 05:14 AM
Yeah, it was never an issue of trying to force independence on my children, I just didn't (don't) want them in there when I'm sleeping. For one thing, the youngest is a dervish/furnace. Of course if they need something, that's what I'm there for, but I gave up enough sleep for them during nighttime nursings.

I read that new moms lose around 700 hours of sleep in the first year.:e2thud: (the only emoticon I truly love)

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 05:14 AM
I'm sewing my fanny up.

No, wait.

I'll just remove all my plumbing. I kinda like what the other bits do for me.

Devil Ledbetter
12-13-2008, 05:18 AM
Yeah, it was never an issue of trying to force independence on my children, I just didn't (don't) want them in there when I'm sleeping. For one thing, the youngest is a dervish/furnace. Of course if they need something, that's what I'm there for, but I gave up enough sleep for them during nighttime nursings.

I read that new moms lose around 700 hours of sleep in the first year.:e2thud: (the only emoticon I truly love)I think forcing independence was more my parents' issue. I shouldn't have extrapolated.

I didn't lose much sleep with nursing because they slept with us during that time. I'd barely wake up to let one latch on, then drift back to sleep.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 05:20 AM
I'm sewing my fanny up.

No, wait.

I'll just remove all my plumbing. I kinda like what the other bits do for me.


I think my tubes just tied themselves.

Perks
12-13-2008, 05:22 AM
I think forcing independence was more my parents' issue. I shouldn't have extrapolated.

I didn't lose much sleep with nursing because they slept with us during that time. I'd barely wake up to let one latch on, then drift back to sleep.Oh I know you weren't. Not to worry. It just made me want to clarify my comment. I don't think that co-sleeping necessarily fosters attachment issues, either.

I just couldn't sleep deeply with them in the bed with me. I'm such a light sleeper that I could hear them easily - down the hall, nursery door shut, no monitor. The times I tried to bring them into my bed so I could sleep-nurse, I could never drift past dozing.

Soccer Mom
12-13-2008, 05:47 AM
Mine slept with us intermittantly when they were smaller. My youngest still crawls into bed with us early some mornings, more often on weekends because he wakes up early and we like to sleep in. I don't mind. He'll grow out of it just like his brother did.

Some kids are just clingy by nature and I don't think sleeping arrangements has squat all to do with being an independant person. As Devil said, it's a level of development. Different kids hit it at different times.

illiterwrite
12-13-2008, 05:53 AM
I never co-slept when they were little. I tried with my daughter, but she was too noisy, and I'd wake us both up too often by jumping as soon as she squeaked or grunted (I had grunting babies). My son always preferred his own bed.

My 4 year old has been spending 5/7 nights in my bed since she started school in Sept. My 18-month-old still sleeps in his crib.

I always said I'd never let my kids sleep in my bed...before I had kids. I had a lot of preconceived notions about "good parenting." Now I just go with my gut. My daughter needs to cuddle with me. It's pretty much the only "alone" time we get these days, so I don't mind. One day she'll probably tell me she hates me and slam doors in my face, so I'm taking her hugs now.

Silver King
12-13-2008, 05:55 AM
This is going to sound totally mean, but I honestly don't mean to be. But non parent "experts" aren't anyone I listen to with parenting advice, having been an expert myself pre-kids.
I think what was offered were opinions and not outright advice. In any case, whatever the subject, it's often worth considering what others have to say about any topic, regardless of their experience regarding the matter. Some of the worst advice I've ever received about raising children came from so-called "experts" (other parents). And some of the most thoughtful and level-headed counsel you can image came from people who would never dream of procreating.

Two of my children, the oldest and youngest, slept with my wife and I until they were about five or so. The middle two slept in cribs by our bed. So you could say I'm split in half regarding this issue. :)

ETA: And for those of you wondering, yes, the parents have to be reasonably quiet and not thrash around too much when the "mood" strikes while the kiddies are snoring peacefully nearby. ;)

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 05:55 AM
SK, you answered my question before I asked. ;)

Soccer Mom
12-13-2008, 05:58 AM
Some kids sleep more soundly than others.

scarletpeaches
12-13-2008, 05:58 AM
See...I'd be thinking...kids in room = passion killer. No thanks.

illiterwrite
12-13-2008, 06:00 AM
See...I'd be thinking...kids in room = passion killer. No thanks.

No sleep for 4+ years = passion killer.

Devil Ledbetter
12-13-2008, 06:02 AM
See...I'd be thinking...kids in room = passion killer. No thanks.
That's what naps, door locks and babysitters are for. I guess it depends on your relationship, but DH and I aren't ones to wake up in the middle of the night and start going at it half asleep with bad breath. Ew. I prefer to be wide awake for those sorts of activities.

Silver King
12-13-2008, 06:19 AM
See...I'd be thinking...kids in room = passion killer. No thanks.
Not really, though I suppose it depends upon the couple. My children were hardly ever a deterrent, whether they were in the same room, or even in the same bed (sleeping, of course). There's a certain stealth mode to lovemaking that's acquired out of necessity, which can be satisfying for both partners and wouldn't be discerned within inches of their bodies.

The other times are better, though, when you can clear the room of any distractions and not worry about making too much noise.

C.bronco
12-13-2008, 06:29 AM
My son is now grown and out on his own. When he was little the parenting advice was to not let the kids sleep in your bed, it will make them clingy yada yada yada, not encourage independence, blah blah blah. I bought into that until I got divorced. After that, I let him sleep in my bed if he wanted to. Then there came a time when he didn't want to anymore and we haven't slept in the same bed since. It didn't hurt him in the least little bit. If for some reason, he wanted to today, (I can't imagine he would.) then, yes, I would let him.

My mother and her sisters still occassionally sleep in the same bed. Whenever they are visiting together or traveling together and space is at a premium and the significant others aren't present.

I can remember crawling into my parents bed on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. And sleeping with my grandfather when there was a large gathering of people at his house. (My grandmother was dead.)

I think it only becomes a problem when a big deal is made out of it.

While it seems that pushing a clingy kid away will make them more independent, in fact the reverse is true. The harder you push a clingy child away, the tighter they cling. If you allow them to cling until they are ready to let go, they're off and on their own a lot faster. :)
Nicely said, Ms. Bunny!

Roger J Carlson
12-13-2008, 06:41 AM
Your mileage may vary. This is mine.

I am a light sleeper, insomniac, and mildly phobic about being touched. These are not good qualities for having someone sleep with you. I don't even like my wife to touch me when we're sleeping -- er, she can touch me other times, though ;).

The biggest mistake we made when our daughter was an infant was to have the cradle in our room. Every time she made the slightest noise, I was instantly awake and then had trouble falling back asleep. My wife could sleep through an earthquake. (I take that back. She'd wake up, say 'Huh, an earthquake.', then fall back asleep.) Fortunately for me, my daughter started sleeping through the night at 12 days old. ("through the night" = 4-8 hours) and we moved her to a separate room.

I never slept with my parents that I recall. As a typical Swede, my father did not encourage intimacy. I don't have a single memory of hugging him, although I probably did as a very small child. My mother, on the other hand, hugged me a lot, and I can remember her crawling into bed with me after getting my father off to work on a cold winter's morning. That would have been elementary school age.

aruna
12-13-2008, 06:44 AM
of course, in some cultures, the whole family
sleeps together!

Exactly. That's how I knew it. I slept with my mother in a (double) bed till I was 15, that is, when we lived in the same house, which wasn't all the time. No-one thought twice about it; it just isn't a big deal in most parts of the world, and the children aren't any more clingy than children raised to sleep alone. In fact, she sent me alone to England when I was ten and I stayed there for three years without seeing her, without a problem, and retuened to sleep in her bed again.





Neither of our kids are or ever have been "clingy." I see independence like any other development. A baby isn't going to "learn independence" from sleeping alone, because a baby is by definition dependent. They'll sleep alone because they've given up on anyone coming for them, though, and if that's how some parents want to play it, I respect their right to do it that way. But just as babies/toddlers eventually learn to feed themselves or use the toilet with encouragement from Mom and Dad, they'll eventually learn to sleep alone. As with potty training or weaning, our choice was simply to not force them to try before they showed signs of readiness.

That's how I see it. Both my kids slept in my bed when they were babies and toddlers. It made night nursing much easier. Later, we lived in a cold, draughty house and all four of us slept in a big bed for warmth... the kids rooms were unheated, and freezing in winter.

Now, I usually, or almost always, sleep in my (18 y.o.) daughter's (double bed), for specific reasons. The only time I don't is when one of her friends comes for a sleepover.

It's not a big deal. I just wish I could sleep tonight!

Siddow
12-13-2008, 06:55 AM
When my kids are sick, I find I'm too concerned about their well-being to be squicked out by the puke. However, when my niece got sick all over my daughter's bedroom, holy hell. That was wicked nasty.

In my next life, I'm not having nieces.;)

Yeah, your own kid's puke is nothin'. I once sat in a Friendly's while my daughter threw up in my HANDS, then I flopped the mess onto my PLATE and excused us to the restroom to wash.

What?

You never did that? :D

Fraulein
12-13-2008, 06:55 AM
My kids do sleep in my bed, but they're cats, so, don't know if that counts. :DSame here, and as a matter of fact, I think it's snuggle time! It's been a long week, and I won't have a day off until Tuesday, so it's bedtime for me.

....:e2cat: :e2cat:
........:sleepy:
:e2cat::e2cat::e2cat:

emandem
12-13-2008, 06:59 AM
With my job, sometimes my kids go to sleep (in their own bed) before I even get home for the night. When each of them was going through their pre-school/early elementary years, they would invariably wake up around 2 or 3 a.m. and come to "check" to see if I had made it home and was in bed. Consequently they'd get in bed next to me and I was too tired to move them! Each of them burned out on it at about age 10 and stayed in their own beds.

I think that extra security helped them. They are all fiercely independent today, but also very loving people, and I don't think I ever once turned them out of my bed, (although I did grumble about it some). In retrospect, those days went by very quickly.

Most of the friends I have (who have younger children) actually have them in their beds more nights than not.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 06:59 AM
Yeah, your own kid's puke is nothin'. I once sat in a Friendly's while my daughter threw up in my HANDS, then I flopped the mess onto my PLATE and excused us to the restroom to wash.

What?

You never did that? :D


*reads 4 times to try to comprehend*

*grabs sharp object and a bottle of alcohol, goes looking for husband* "Hey babe, about that vasectomy..."

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 07:01 AM
Same here, and as a matter of fact, I think it's snuggle time! It's been a long week, and I won't have a day off until Tuesday, so it's bedtime for me.

....:e2cat: :e2cat:
........:sleepy:
:e2cat::e2cat::e2cat:

My kitties aren't here yet. *sob* They're in Seattle, I'm in Japan. :( :( :(

Hopefully I'm going to get them in January. I miss mah babies. :(

maggieuc
12-13-2008, 07:25 AM
I'm not a parent, but when I was little I used to sleep in my parents' bed occasionally. It was generally when I had a bad dream, or when I was really, really sick. I'm sure it hasn't done any damage to me, and I was grateful for the times when I was truly scared to be able to cuddle in between 2 adults who could protect me.

kristie911
12-13-2008, 07:32 AM
I would gladly let my son sleep with me until he moved himself back to his own bed but my boyfriend (who would like to sleep over once in a while) has issues with my son crawling into bed with us. Not issues like he's being a jerk, he's just uncomfortable with it. He doesn't have kids so I understand...we're working on it. :)

Beach Bunny
12-13-2008, 07:46 AM
Yeah, your own kid's puke is nothin'. I once sat in a Friendly's while my daughter threw up in my HANDS, then I flopped the mess onto my PLATE and excused us to the restroom to wash.

What?

You never did that? :D
On one very memorable vacation to Hilton Head, we were waiting outside a very posh, expensive restaurant. My son got sick, put his head down in my lap and puked all over my legs. (Thankfully, I was wearing shorts.) There was nothing to do, except sit there and hold him until he got it all out of his system and then go back to the hotel and order room service for me.

And yes, if it had been someone else's kid it would have been gross.

Perks
12-13-2008, 08:38 AM
I've been so lucky with the puke thing. But I also came up with a valuable tip:

Tell your children to just puke in the bed if they're sick. Don't run for the toilet. Don't grope around in the dark for a trashcan. Just lean into the sheets and let fly. The bed clothes are easily changed. The carpet (which I've only had to deal with once) is a bitch. Especially in the middle of the night.

But I have noticed that my youngest doesn't chew. I witnessed whole shrimp jumping out of her throat when she was sick once. Why doesn't she chew?

James81
12-13-2008, 10:28 AM
I've been so lucky with the puke thing. But I also came up with a valuable tip:

Tell your children to just puke in the bed if they're sick. Don't run for the toilet. Don't grope around in the dark for a trashcan. Just lean into the sheets and let fly. The bed clothes are easily changed. The carpet (which I've only had to deal with once) is a bitch. Especially in the middle of the night.

But I have noticed that my youngest doesn't chew. I witnessed whole shrimp jumping out of her throat when she was sick once. Why doesn't she chew?

My son has a better target for puke: my face. He got me right in the face one night as he was trying to wake me up to tell me he was feeling sick. I opened my eyes and BAM! right on my face. That's the quickest I've ever cleaned puke up, I'll give it that.

As for your youngest, perhaps she's having issues with her teeth of some kind.

JLCwrites
12-13-2008, 12:11 PM
My answer for Jay...

Yes, every night before they were one.

Now they are both over 2 so only when they need us for comfort. And we have morning cuddles every day when they wake up. It gives Mr. Turkey and I an extra 30 minutes before we need to get out of bed. Now they are little... who knows when these cuddles will stop.

thethinker42
12-13-2008, 12:55 PM
But I have noticed that my youngest doesn't chew. I witnessed whole shrimp jumping out of her throat when she was sick once. Why doesn't she chew?

That reminds me of when my brother-in-law got sick at our place once (he was 20, so not a little kid). My roommate and I took off to another room as soon as we realized he was about to puke (we're both pukewimps), and my husband stayed in the room with him. As they were cleaning it up, my roommate and I were trying not to throw up ourselves when we heard...



Wait for it...



"I could've sworn I chewed that." :Wha:

aruna
12-13-2008, 01:42 PM
hmmm. Here are arguments against
http://www.beachpsych.com/pages/cc101.html


A healthy family (whether single-parent, blended or in tact) has healthy boundaries. There is a separation between the generations that functions to maintain a balance of power and appropriate intimacy. These boundaries do not exist to restrict the flow of love between members, but rather allow parents to share and benefit from mature adult intimacy, while fostering a loving and nurturing flow of parental affection to the children. When these boundaries are blurred or crossed, the marital relationship suffers.
and for co-sleeping
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1083020.ece

Margot Sunderland, director of education at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as “co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy adults. (snip)
She is so sure of the findings in the new book, based on 800 scientific studies, that she is calling for health visitors to be issued with fact sheets to educate parents about co-sleeping.

Me, whenever I am in doubt as to whether some habit or the other is worhty of adherence, I ask myself, how's it done in non-industrialised, non-Western countries? And that usually gives me the correct answer, the answer right for me.
So I agree with the second article.


Sunderland argues that putting children to sleep alone is a peculiarly western phenomenon that may increase the chance of cot death, also known as sudden infant death syndrome (Sids). This may be because the child misses the calming effect on breathing and heart function of lying next to its mother.

“In the UK, 500 children a year die of Sids,” Sunderland writes. “In China, where it [co-sleeping] is taken for granted, Sids is so rare it does not have a name.”

maxmordon
12-13-2008, 01:52 PM
My mother right now shares the bed with my 3 years old sister, her father sleeps in a mattress in the floor. Sometimes lil sis sleeps in the mattress but I don't see the big deal about it. Why everything related bed has to be sexual? Why is bad to have a united family?

tjwriter
12-13-2008, 06:32 PM
Piper sleeps in our bed most nights. The husband complains sometimes, but it really doesn't bother me.

We both work full time. We leave the house at 6 in the morning, and by the time I drive through traffic, get Piper from my mom's, and get home, it's usually after six in the evening before we get home. Factor in cooking dinner, eating and cleanup, and there's just not much left to our night.

I honestly believe that since I took this new job and my sucky hours, that she's increased her time in our bed to compensate for the lack of time together during the week. On the weekends, it's often easier to get her to sleep somewhere else, though we're of that group that often gets the 3 am visit even if she started in her bed.

That time together during the night is as valuable to me as it is to her. It's going to be gone in the blink of an eye anyway, and then she'll be grown and gone from our home entirely. It's a rather easy way to be close together. She falls asleep most nights with her arms wrapped around me and her feet tucked into her dad's hands. It's sweet.

The new baby is sleeping in a portable bassinet next to the bed. Toddlers and newborns in the same bed is just not a safe combination. However Cadence and I have been ending up in the livingroom the last few nights anyway. We'll have to see how things work out with the new baby factor.

Perks
12-13-2008, 06:36 PM
My son has a better target for puke: my face. He got me right in the face one night as he was trying to wake me up to tell me he was feeling sick. I opened my eyes and BAM! right on my face. That's the quickest I've ever cleaned puke up, I'll give it that.

As for your youngest, perhaps she's having issues with her teeth of some kind.That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard. Adoption is still an option, you know.

And there are such things as unpardonable sins.

emandem
12-13-2008, 07:56 PM
I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules about co-sleeping w/kids (vs. not)--and studies that try to prove one way is best wouldn't be accurate because all families and stressers are different. It should be whatever works for your family.

Like TJWriter mentioned, when you're going through bad hours at work, or even a divorce, your child might need that extra comfort. Believe me, they grow out of it quickly. On the other hand, if you're a stay-at-home parent that spends all day long with your kid, there may be less of a need.

Like I said in my earlier post, I don't ever regret the times our kids got up in the night and needed to climb in our bed-- Rules are good to have, however--e.g. telling your kids that Friday nights are nights that EVERYone stays in their own bed (so mom and dad can have alone time, etc.)

Devil Ledbetter
12-13-2008, 07:59 PM
I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules about co-sleeping w/kids (vs. not)--and studies that try to prove one way is best wouldn't be accurate because all families and stressers are different. It should be whatever works for your family.
I agree completely.

Unique
12-13-2008, 08:06 PM
of course, in some cultures, the whole family
sleeps together!

Or in a room the size of a closet. Bedding got folded up and put away in the daytime. Not usually an issue in the US. :)


Plus, when I visit...it's gonna be a tight squeeze... I have a 3/2 split. Come visit. You can have your own bed and cat warmer. :D

Roger J Carlson
12-13-2008, 08:23 PM
I don't like rules that say all children should be raised in this way or that. Each parent has a different style and each child had different needs. To say that doing "this" will ultimately result in "that" is just nonsense. Each parent must decide what's best for them and their child.

Perks
12-13-2008, 08:26 PM
Yes. The only definitive thing I can say is that sleeping with my children would ultimately result in a) a homicide or b) involuntary commitment for a period mandated by the court and reviewed by the attending psychiatrist.

But, I do not sneer at people who manage it.

tjwriter
12-13-2008, 08:28 PM
I don't like rules that say all children should be raised in this way or that. Each parent has a different style and each child had different needs. To say that doing "this" will ultimately result in "that" is just nonsense. Each parent must decide what's best for them and their child.

I agree completely, Roger. I'm a big fan of doing what works for your family.

Roger J Carlson
12-13-2008, 08:42 PM
Some people also sleep in the nude, which can be uncomfortable with older children. I don't necessarily mean emotionally, but physically if the child is a thrasher. I mean theoretically, anyway...

tjwriter
12-13-2008, 08:48 PM
:roll:

We used to sleep nude. Now I wear something at least. Not for fear of getting damaged goods, but more of having to get out of bed a zillion times a night.

Jersey Chick
12-13-2008, 08:50 PM
My son is still in his crib - so he's not really in the equation yet. My daughter's allowed in once in a rare while when she has a bad dream. And that's more than enough, since she's a spaz-sleeper... ;)

Eskimo1990
12-13-2008, 10:16 PM
I don't have any kids yet.

But I have clear memories of crawling into my parent's bed after a bad dream.

nevada
12-13-2008, 11:03 PM
I never slept in my parents bed. ever. Occasionally, on sunday mornings we would all pile on my parents's bed, three kids and two dogs and two adults, but I just laid across the foot of the bed. I'm single, which is a good thing because I can't sleep with someone else in the bed. It's not that I'm a thrasher, I actually don't move when I sleep, I just don't like someone else being there.

My sister's kids sleep in her bed all the time. She always complains that they wake her up and then she says she would miss them. Of course it's a zoo in her house. Three dogs, seven cats, two kids. Occasionally, all of them on the bed at the same time. lol

My brother, on the other hand, I'm pretty sure his kids never slept with him and his wife.

It's different for everyone. And just for the record, my sister's kids are extremely independant.

SouthernFriedJulie
12-14-2008, 03:01 AM
Yes in the winter, no in the summer.

It's cold here and we use space heaters. I'd much rather them be in my room and using one heater than two with the prices of energy.

As babies, always. I breastfeed and also I love knowing they are safe. We practice safe co-sleeping habits, so I have never worried about accidental smothering. I also keep a toddler bed in my room in case of storms/bad dreams/whatnot.

One day they'll be gone. I already have one that is...the sleeping together doesn't last forever, I like to know I am needed and comforting for at least a little while. Yeah, I have abandonment issues, lol.