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Meerkat
12-11-2008, 06:24 PM
This morning, I mentally forgave someone from my past, for a bizzare incident that happened 26 years ago. Yes, I am that stubborn. And I only this morning finally sorted out that I was the one in the wrong. But it set me to thinking...

Part of our jobs as writers (or wannabe writers) must surely be to both record the paradigms of our times, and report the shifting of them, particularly in this time of rapid change. For a tiny example, our impatience with the minute or so ticking away on a microwave timer would seem ridiculous to someone who has lit the fire, pumped the water, and fumbled with both a kettle and tea ball. Not to mention, that latter toiler would probably enjoy the tea more thoroughly (perhaps almost spiritually) than me, who gulps down my minute-twenty-second green tea...my meditation tea.

I invite you all to my humble burrow, where hopefully we can explore the paradigms, possibly incorrect, of our time, and in doing so raise the level of... of... raise the level... excuse me a moment; STOP F**ING TAILGATING ME--CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TYPING WHILE I'M DRIVING?!?!

Haggis
12-11-2008, 06:27 PM
I don't understand you patient people.

sunna
12-11-2008, 06:35 PM
Sorry - that was me tailgating you. And that dent in the microwave door was me too. I've also been known to watch bread toast with great impatience.



Maybe I'll just lurk in here for a bit and see if any of this "patience" stuff rubs off...

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 06:37 PM
Bless both of you.

Except you, Haggis.

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2008, 06:39 PM
This morning, I mentally forgave someone from my past, for a bizzare incident that happened 26 years ago. Yes, I am that stubborn. And I only this morning finally sorted out that I was the one in the wrong.
Wow. You forgive way too easily and much too soon.

Ah, but I see you only MENTALLY forgave them. You didn't drive over and apologize in person. Good man.

Haggis
12-11-2008, 06:42 PM
Wow. You forgive way too easily and much too soon.

Ah, but I see you only MENTALLY forgave them. You didn't drive over and apologize in person. Good man.

I would have driven over him.

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2008, 06:43 PM
I did.

But I yelled "Sorry!" as I continued on.

I know, I'm just a softy.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 06:49 PM
You're on my foot, damned ferret! Now I see why everyone else has a cafe or a cabaret or a hot tub or something bigger!

By the way, do you know the difference between your basic burro, and this burrow?

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 06:50 PM
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I've ever called an a$$hole, who isn't.

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 06:51 PM
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I've ever called an a$$hole, who isn't.


Curious...what do you think your ratio of "really an asshole" to "not really an asshole" would be?

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 06:52 PM
I am incredibly patient. Just ask scarletpeaches.

Not demanding, not impatient, total zen here, folks. Total zen.

(scarlet...if you're reading this...SEND THAT CHAPTER NAO!)

MoonWriter
12-11-2008, 06:54 PM
Are we discussing paradigms of our time here or are we apologizing here? I'm sorry for my lack of understanding.

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2008, 06:56 PM
You're on my foot, damned ferret! Now I see why everyone else has a cafe or a cabaret or a hot tub or something bigger!

By the way, do you know the difference between your basic burro, and this burrow?
Isn't a burro a pack animal?

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 06:57 PM
I was wrong about you Ferret....you DO know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I'll apologize in 26 years...

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 06:57 PM
Curious...what do you think your ratio of "really an asshole" to "not really an asshole" would be?
The beauty of the statement is it puts the pressure on the audience. Do you accept the apology or take offense. The latter is an admission, and the former isn't much better.

Don
12-11-2008, 07:00 PM
I was wrong about you Ferret....you DO know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I'll apologize in 26 years...
And now we see the real reason Meerkat set up this whole thread.

Veeeeerrry Clever.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 07:00 PM
The beauty of the statement is it puts the press--

Oooh--donuts!

quickWit
12-11-2008, 07:01 PM
Are we discussing paradigms of our time here or are we apologizing here? I'm sorry for my lack of understanding.

a$$hole.

:D

Haggis
12-11-2008, 07:03 PM
I was wrong about you Ferret....you DO know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I'll apologize in 26 years...

*leans back and watches rodent fight*

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:06 PM
The beauty of the statement is it puts the pressure on the audience. Do you accept the apology or take offense. The latter is an admission, and the former isn't much better.

See, now that just requires too much thought. I didn't come here to think. Why would anyone want me to think? I can't think, dammit!! TOO MUCH PRESSURE.





I need pills...

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 07:06 PM
Are we discussing paradigms of our time here or are we apologizing here? I'm sorry for my lack of understanding.

Great question. It's whatever you'd like it to be and need it to be. I envisioned a zenlike space where we could collectively raise our level of enlightenment. I just don't want anyone to think it's just another thread I started but then quickly lost int....

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 07:06 PM
Paradigm #27. The time is takes is inversely related to the time we have.


Burrow - that dark warm place where the sun never shines. A place into which rodents and other vermin poke their heads.

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:07 PM
*leans back and watches rodent fight*

*comes in with ShopVac and waves it menacingly at Meerkat and Shadow Ferret*

Don't make me turn this on, boys...

MoonWriter
12-11-2008, 07:07 PM
a$$hole.

:D

Thanks for the reminder - I'd forgotten where I stashed those 20's.

Darzian
12-11-2008, 07:09 PM
STOP F**ING TAILGATING ME--CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TYPING WHILE I'M DRIVING?!?!


Hmm...not enough asterisks here.

MoonWriter
12-11-2008, 07:09 PM
Paradigm #102: The amount of crap we have is directly proportional to the amount of storage space.

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:10 PM
Paradigm #102: The amount of crap we have is directly proportional to the amount of storage space.

This is particularly troublesome when there's no bathroom around...

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 07:16 PM
I can feel the level of consciousness rising already! Thanks everyone!!

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:19 PM
I can feel the level of consciousness rising already! Thanks everyone!!

That's not...





Nevermind.


*puts duct tape over own mouth*

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2008, 07:22 PM
I was wrong about you Ferret....you DO know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I'll apologize in 26 years...
I love being the straight man.

quickWit
12-11-2008, 07:22 PM
I can feel the level of consciousness rising already! Thanks everyone!!


That's not...

Nevermind.

*puts duct tape over own mouth*


It is rather snug in here.

*to thinker*

How's it goin'? :D

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 07:23 PM
Paradigm #67. The degree of window tint in automobiles will not be related to the moving-vehicle nose-picking activity.


Paradigm #3. All human pregnancies take 9 months, except for the couple's first.

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:23 PM
*to thinker*

How's it goin'? :D

*mumblemumblemumble*

*mumble*

*mumbleMUMBLEMUMBLEMUMBLE - mumble!*

*mumble?*

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 07:25 PM
Inspired by thinker... Paradigm #892. Waking up will be the second sign of a man's morning consciousness.

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2008, 07:27 PM
What would be the first?

Oh. Right. Nevermind.

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 07:29 PM
Tent.

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:29 PM
Inspired by thinker... Paradigm #892. Waking up will be the second sign of a man's morning consciousness.

How was that inspired by me???

Pat~
12-11-2008, 07:29 PM
That's not...





Nevermind.


*puts duct tape over own mouth*


Paradigm #874: Silence is golden; duct tape is silver.


(And yes, I plagiarized that off of Facebook.)

Darzian
12-11-2008, 07:30 PM
I detect a weird mood in OP today. Weirder than usual, that is.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 07:33 PM
G'morning Pat. I apologize (on time and therefore IN ADVANCE) for all the profoundity here.

MoonWriter
12-11-2008, 07:35 PM
I detect a weird mood in OP today. Weirder than usual, that is.
When it snows in New Orleans, anything is likely to happen. :)

Pat~
12-11-2008, 07:36 PM
G'morning Pat. I apologize (on time and therefore IN ADVANCE) for all the profoundity here.

:D 'Mornin Meerkat. That's okay...I think I can handle it in small doses..

thethinker42
12-11-2008, 07:37 PM
I detect a weird mood in OP today. Weirder than usual, that is.

I'm going to bed. That should drop the weird quotient by a couple of points.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 07:40 PM
Wow....AW is like the space station, where people are saying "good morning" and "good night" at the same time all the time....

Ouch, my brain!

quickWit
12-11-2008, 07:45 PM
I'm going to bed. That should drop the weird quotient by a couple of points.

...and raise the median IQ as well. :D

Yeshanu
12-11-2008, 08:05 PM
Paradigm #102: The amount of crap we have is directly proportional to the amount of storage space.

My dad's version: Stuff will expand to fill the available space, plus 10%.

Paradigm #783: The chance that the bread will land butter side up is inversely proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 08:08 PM
And you qW, are the standard deviate.


Oh yeah, smiley thing to soften the blow: (ETA see above....darned technology!)

Yeshanu
12-11-2008, 08:09 PM
And you qW, are the standard deviate.




Shouldn't that be "standard deviant"? :D

quickWit
12-11-2008, 08:10 PM
And you qW, are the standard deviate.


Oh yeah, smiley thing to soften the blow: (ETA see above....darned technology!)


Shouldn't that be "standard deviant"? :D

Smileys make everything OK. :D

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 08:11 PM
Mornin' Yes'!

Wait, it's afternoon on the space station now...

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 08:14 PM
Yes, smiley's let everyone know it's going to be alright....

:e2chain:

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 08:16 PM
Shouldn't that be "standard deviant"? :D

Youse guys and your langwidge skils!

Yeshanu
12-11-2008, 08:22 PM
Smileys make everything OK. :D

And I'll apologize in public for calling you "standard." :tongue

quickWit
12-11-2008, 09:03 PM
And I'll apologize in public for calling you "standard." :tongue

Thank you. I must confess, however, that I find that smiley offensive in the extreme as it completely obliterates any trace of sincerity your apology might have held.

I'll not be made a mockery...





of...


! :D

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 09:08 PM
Thank you. I must confess, however, that I find that smiley offensive in the extreme as it completely obliterates any trace of sincerity your apology might have held.

I'll not be made a mockery...as has occurred in so many other threads....in fact every thread I have graced to date.




of...mice and men, I think perhaps I am the former. I hereby APOLOGIZE to all AW members, as much as it pains me to see my own crow eaten in print...but I deserve this. I am a bad, bad man.

! :D

Well done, qW. Inspirational, almost!

quickWit
12-11-2008, 09:31 PM
Wow. You're an even bigger ass than I had thought, Meer.


(Note the conspicuous absence of smileys in this post).

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 09:35 PM
:Jaw:

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 09:42 PM
Yeshanu's right: qW is "standard."

American Standard.

(They manufacture urinals; so with that statement, upon you I am literally--well, not literally; what's that word: ?)


Oh yeah, almost forgot:::: :Big Grin:

quickWit
12-11-2008, 09:46 PM
I must object in the strongest possible terms to the gratuitous use of dots in the above post.

Meerkat
12-11-2008, 09:49 PM
Well, aren't WE the colon kings?

Wait....

Wait, that's not good..... D'oh!

WerenCole
12-11-2008, 10:21 PM
I have no patience for this thread. . . I. . . Must. . . Go. . .

regdog
12-11-2008, 10:36 PM
I have no patience for this thread. . . I. . . Must. . . Go. . .

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/signs020.gif

NeuroFizz
12-11-2008, 11:12 PM
I just gave my final exam, and while watching all of the shifting eyeballs, several new ones came to mind, so buckle up:

WARNING: at least one is of a mature nature

Paradigm #222. Good luck is a joker. (Example: your birthday numbers will win the lotto on your first birthday following your death.)

Paradigm #223. Love is a joker. (Example: once she sobers up from the honeymoon, her lips will never venture below your neck again. Ever.)

Paradigm #224. Life is a joker. (Example: one month after your divorce is final, your ex will win the lotto playing numbers from the date of your colonoscopy)

Paradigm #1045. (Evolution has been kind to men, corollary 1) Balance is the first thing to go, but men expend most of their effort to get horizontal anyway.

Paradigm #1046. (Evolution has been kind to men, corollary 2) What feels good for five minutes doesn't necessarily feel good for sixty minutes.


The Seventh Law of Societal Dynamics: Most paradigm shifts require a double-clutch.

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 12:05 AM
Does anyone else find the idea of a professor sitting there laughing during a final exam particularly disturbing?

regdog
12-12-2008, 12:23 AM
I would probabaly find this thread completely fascinating if I had any idea what http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/angry019.gif
paradigms were

NeuroFizz
12-12-2008, 12:34 AM
I would probabaly find this thread completely fascinating if I had any idea what
paradigms were
20 cents.

Haggis
12-12-2008, 12:39 AM
I would probabaly find this thread completely fascinating if I had any idea what http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/angry019.gif
paradigms were


20 cents.

1/50th of a sawbuck.

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 12:41 AM
You see, Regdog, when you take the expression "my two cents worth," but have the good Professor say it, inflation kicks it up....a thou....make that a doz....

What percent again, Fizzmeister?

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 12:46 AM
And then of course when we have Haggis say it, it becomes completely undecipherable.

Really now, Mr. Chihuahua, what exactly IS a sawbuck? Isn't it just some Monopoly game money you've been trying to pass off at 7-Eleven?

regdog
12-12-2008, 12:55 AM
You guys have made it all so clear :D

NeuroFizz
12-12-2008, 01:10 AM
mistress, concubine, doxy, odalisque. No, wait. That's a paramour.

Paradigm = archtype, canon, prinicple, typemold, touchstone, standard.


So, it is a overarching rule with the impact of a Howitzer and the delicacy of Pachelbel (but only in D). Betterer?

Beach Bunny
12-12-2008, 01:27 AM
I was wrong about you Ferret....you DO know your ass from a hole in the ground.

I'll apologize in 26 years...
:ROFL:


Beach Bunny's paradigm: Being an adult sucks. The polite version is in my siggy. :D

JLCwrites
12-12-2008, 01:47 AM
:hi:

Haggis
12-12-2008, 01:56 AM
mistress, concubine, doxy, odalisque. No, wait. That's a paramour.

Paradigm = archtype, canon, prinicple, typemold, touchstone, standard.


So, it is a overarching rule with the impact of a Howitzer and the delicacy of Pachelbel (but only in D). Betterer?

Can we go back to mistress, concubine, doxy...?

regdog
12-12-2008, 02:00 AM
Can we go back to mistress, concubine, doxy...?

:e2slap:

Beach Bunny
12-12-2008, 02:02 AM
Can we go back to mistress, concubine, doxy...?
You rang?

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 05:51 PM
This morning, I mentally forgave a heroin toting junkyard pooch, for a bizarre set of incidents that happened 26 hours ago. I realize after watching Dr. Drew last night that Hag.... I mean HE is not himself sometimes, and needs our help, not our scorn.

regdog
12-12-2008, 06:24 PM
This morning, I mentally forgave a heroin toting junkyard pooch, for a bizarre set of incidents that happened 26 hours ago. I realize after watching Dr. Drew last night that Hag.... I mean HE is not himself sometimes, and needs our help, not our scorn.


Perhaps a MilkBone as incentive for this down on his luck pooch to turn his life around?

Unique
12-12-2008, 07:04 PM
Thankx for sharing your hidey-hole. It has great ambiance.

26 years ago... was I born 26 years ago? ... one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three... yeah. I guess I was .

You can remember 26 years ago? sheesh. I better write this down.

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 07:31 PM
I think Unique just called Meerkat OLD. :D

thethinker42
12-12-2008, 07:48 PM
Thankx for sharing your hidey-hole. It has great ambiance.

26 years ago... was I born 26 years ago? ... one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three... yeah. I guess I was .

You can remember 26 years ago? sheesh. I better write this down.

I was thinking the same thing.

But then, I was born 2 weeks before Reagan was elected the first time, so what do I know?

NeuroFizz
12-12-2008, 08:48 PM
Eisenhower. (Actually it was Truman)

Haggis
12-12-2008, 08:50 PM
Eisenhower.

Gesundheit!

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 08:52 PM
Geronimo!

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 08:56 PM
You all think I'm old--whenever I hear Ferret or Haggis start a word with "Ge-" like they each just did, I assume they will be ending it with "-ritol."

insert smiley face thing here

Haggis
12-12-2008, 09:01 PM
You all think I'm old--whenever I hear Ferret and Haggis start a word with "Ge-" like that, I assume it will end with "-ritol."

insert smiley face thing here

How does the phrase "Get bent" fit into your little assumption?


:D

quickWit
12-12-2008, 09:01 PM
You all think I'm old--

Yes. Yes we do.

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 09:05 PM
You all think I'm old--whenever I hear Ferret or Haggis start a word with "Ge-" like they each just did, I assume they will be ending it with "-ritol."

insert smiley face thing here
Gerk.

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:08 PM
Dear Grandma,

I don't know if I'm going to make it out of here. These guys--they're the best there is. But in the end, we were really just fighting against each other.

(--from AARP, directed by Oliver Stone

Haggis
12-12-2008, 09:10 PM
Gerk.

Gerk?

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:12 PM
He's pronouncing the "g" as it is in "geriatric" as opposed to the "g" in "geezer."

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 09:12 PM
Um, yeah? Pronounce the G as a J.

Dang, I thought that was clever.

*hangs head in shame*

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:15 PM
I mentally forgive you for the incident that happened 26 seconds ago.

quickWit
12-12-2008, 09:16 PM
He's pronouncing the "g" as it is in "geriatric" as opposed to the "g" in "geezer."

...or gerkin. I assumed he was insulting the size of your collective winguses's'.

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 09:16 PM
That's mighty magnanimous of you, meerkat. :)

And quickie, I try not to think about other people's gerkins.

Haggis
12-12-2008, 09:17 PM
He's pronouncing the "g" as it is in "geriatric" as opposed to the "g" in "geezer."

Now, how would you know that?

Oh. That's right. You're both rodents.

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:20 PM
Thus sprake Haggggis, for whom the g is never silent.

Shadow_Ferret
12-12-2008, 09:21 PM
Actually, neither of us are rodents and we resent that everyone can't figure that out.

Haggis
12-12-2008, 09:23 PM
Actually, neither of us are rodents and we resent that everyone can't figure that out.

I thought all slinky,weasely things were rodents. Take politicians, for instance....

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:26 PM
That's why we prefer the less insulting "vermin."

Haggis
12-12-2008, 09:27 PM
That's why we prefer the less insulting "vermin."

I can appreciate that. Some of my best friends are vermin.

Meerkat
12-12-2008, 09:29 PM
Lock thread! It doesn't get any better than this!!

Unique
12-13-2008, 01:30 AM
Have I introduced a cat- >''< - tastrophe into this thread?

Shadow_Ferret
12-13-2008, 01:40 AM
*groan*