Feeling Pathetic

JoNightshade · Dec 10, 2008

First I just want to say that I have a wonderful life and I am so thankful for everything I have. But for the moment, I just need to bellyache.

Why am I pathetic? Here is why.

1) I have no real world friends. I have lived here for 2 years and still have none. I am trying, really hard, to make some, but so far I haven't found anyone who wants to hang out with me and vice versa.

2) Because I have no friends, I spent days upon days and taught myself CSS to surprise my dad with a website for his birthday. (He makes and sells a certain craft item; that's what the website is for.) He looks at it and says, "What am I supposed to do with that?"

3) The novel I spent 3 months rewriting for an agent was rejected.

4) Went to dressy Christmas party. My fashion sense is SO frickin sucktastic that I think I look really good until I get there and realize I look completely ridiculous. "Host" of the party picks on all the "pretty" girls at that party, and I definitely am not in that group.

5) Yesterday I email my mom to say I'm feeling a little down and could she please keep me in her prayers? Today I get a phone call - from my father. He wants to tell me how much he appreciates and loves my website in a fashion which makes it absolutely clear my mother said, "Jo is discouraged. You need to call your daughter and say X Y and Z."

Yes, I am now so pathetic that my parents are resorting to ploys that would not fool a five year old to make me feel better.

Sigh.

mscelina · Dec 10, 2008

You know what Jo, you are so NOT pathetic it's not even funny. You are a classy, witty, brilliant person for whom great things are going to happen. Hell, you have the biggest, meanest, nastiest person on the whole AW forum telling you that you are a wonderful person and that if you can just keep your chin up for a little bit longer, you'll realize how right I am.

I'm always right, damnit.

Here--have a cookie.

JoNightshade · Dec 10, 2008

mscelina said:
You know what Jo, you are so NOT pathetic it's not even funny. You are a classy, witty, brilliant person for whom great things are going to happen. Hell, you have the biggest, meanest, nastiest person on the whole AW forum telling you that you are a wonderful person and that if you can just keep your chin up for a little bit longer, you'll realize how right I am.

::Jo looks around for ScarletPeaches:: SP said that???

I'm always right, damnit.

Here--have a cookie.

::Munch munch:: Fank you.

mscelina · Dec 10, 2008

JoNightshade said:
::Jo looks around for ScarletPeaches:: SP said that???

*snarls*

::Munch munch:: Fank you.

Anytime, Jo. Everything will look better in a little while. Trust me.

Cassiopeia · Dec 10, 2008

Jo, you don't know that your dad isn't grateful. He might have been having a bad day, feeling overwhelmed and didn't say the right thing at the right time. And sometimes, a mom has to give the dad a shove to make him pay attention.

Now move over, we are in the same boat...

You want the left side to paddle or right?

*waits*

Now come on, what you waiting for? It's bladdy cold out here.

sheadakota · Dec 11, 2008

Ahh, Jo- I can so relate, besides my husband I don't have any real life friends either- my family sucks and I hate my job, but I am still smiling-

Have a glass of milk to go with your cookie, you never know what tomorrow will bring, its always darkest before the dawn and let me think of some more cliches and I'll throw them in there for ya!

Hugs hun! :Hug2:

Mumut · Dec 11, 2008

Could it be your dad doesn't know just how useful the website can be? You might have to explain it to him. I've been waiting for my son to finish one he's giving me for Christmas - Christmas 2007!

Do you have writers' groups meeting in your area? When I started to come out into the world again after severe depression, I joined one. I just sat at the back and enjoyed the fact that other people were enjoying writing so much. (Long story - it was my writing started my progress into Life again). I find the groups in this area let you say as much or as little as you like. I prefer to stay on the quiet side but over the past two years I've made some very good friends this way. You might like to try it.

I hope things start going well for you. Keep smiling and most of all, keep writing.

Calla Lily · Dec 11, 2008

It's pre-holiday blues, Jo--trust me, I know. You should've seen my late-afternoon posts in Purgatory yesterday.

To add my voice to the others TO WHOM YOU SHOULD LISTEN WITHOUT RESERVE, you are simply in the faux-suckitude doldrums. You might want to explain to your dad about his website. My parents "boast" that they don't know how to turn on a computer, so he might be feeling overwhelmed by the technology. Seriously.

About the friends--is there an amateur theater group or two in town? Or a chorale?

Have some homemade eggnog to go with the cookies. It's the real thing with heavy cream and eggs and rum and sugar. You'll get past this.

ink wench · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, you do not suck! DH and I have yet to make any friends where we live, too. We didn't move here, but I went to school here and all my friends moved after graduation leaving us behind. We have to travel a minimum of 5 hours to find people who like hanging out with us IRL.

You got an agent for a different book. You got an agent interested enough in another book that they worked with you on revisions. I've gotten 1 full request in 2 novels so far. I'd kill to suck that bad.

With the website, it sounds like there might be a generation gap thing going on. It's hard when people don't understand the effort that goes into a gift.

:Hug2:

The holidays can be a craptastic time of year, but this too shall pass.

onetiredmama · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, so sorry you're feeling this way. I bet your dad has no idea how long it took you to build that website. And maybe he said that because he has no idea how to go about selling stuff online. It's one thing to make crafts and sell them at a show, an entirely different thing online. Maybe he's scared! But hey, you know how to make a website now! Cool. Good for you for learning something new.
And what a thoughtful, thoughtful gift. No one has ever done anything like that for me. I bet when he understands better, he will be truly grateful for what you did.

Seriously, think about taking a class or joining a group where you can meet people who are interested in things you like. Make that a Christmas gift to yourself.

And the book? Yuk. So sorry. I don't even have an agent, so I don't have much to say, but I do know writing is a constant learning process and even if that book never goes anywhere, I bet it made you a better writer and that you learned something from it. I keep telling myself I'm going through a free master's class in writing.

Hang in there. (And don't worry about dressing fashionable. Wear what you want and what you feel comfortable in.)

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2008

mscelina said:
You know what Jo, you are so NOT pathetic it's not even funny. You are a classy, witty, brilliant person for whom great things are going to happen. Hell, you have the biggest, meanest, nastiest person on the whole AW forum telling you that you are a wonderful person and that if you can just keep your chin up for a little bit longer, you'll realize how right I am.

I'm always right, damnit.

Here--have a cookie.

But I never said a thing!

smoothseas · Dec 11, 2008

cyber encouragement and friendship extending coming at ya;
along with a nice thick slab of triple chocolate bundt cake.
care for a cuppa?

sunna · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, you definitely do NOT suck. Ink's right: you've had serious agent interest in two separate novels, so you're obviously doing something right! You just haven't found the perfect agent yet, but you will. Re not making friends, my husband and I had that experience when we moved to VA - we barely hung out with anyone the whole time we were there. Finally I ended up joining a few local online writing and interest groups that met once in a while at restaurants in the area, and we ended up with too many friends to fit in our apt at one time, so that's my best suggestion.

Re: fashionable dress - hell, it's defined by the people who don't dress like everyone else. You're just ahead of the curve, darlin'.

Bo Sullivan · Dec 11, 2008

I'm sorry you feel pathetic. I feel like that today. I'm happy with my life, but my family bully me into taking antipsychotics which have made me put on four stone. My doctor is trying to get me off them and my sister keeps threatening me to get back on them again. I'm losing weight now and looking good. She is trying to get me sectioned and acting like my carer. I told her she could go to prison if she keeps on.

Sorry to highjack your thread ... I don't know what to do. I've been sectioned five times with an IQ of 132 Mensa Cattell scale and I'm Bipolar, but it's not a mental illness which has just been discovered. Its related to Epilepsy, and my doctor has put me on epilepsy tablets.

Unlawful sectioning carries a seven year prison term.

regdog · Dec 11, 2008

mscelina said:
You know what Jo, you are so NOT pathetic it's not even funny. You are a classy, witty, brilliant person for whom great things are going to happen. Hell, you have the biggest, meanest, nastiest person on the whole AW forum telling you that you are a wonderful person and that if you can just keep your chin up for a little bit longer, you'll realize how right I am.

I'm always right, damnit.

Here--have a cookie.

Seconding what the Doom Bunny said

:Hug2:

Here's a hug

stormie · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, the only reason I have real-life friends is because I tell them they have to be my friend or else. (I haven't figured out the "or else" yet, but I guess I look stormy enough.)

As for number 3 on your list, ugh. I'd be taking that ms. and throwing it hard against a wall. Just don't throw it out the window. It might land on somebody's head and then you'd be in trouble. That said, you got the interest of an agent. That's hard to do and you did it. Now take a deep breath and keep sending your query out.

My mother used to say, "This too shall pass." Keep repeating that. It helps.

And last, here's a hug. :Hug2:

Samantha's_Song · Dec 11, 2008

To you Jo. We're not always appreciated for our good intentions, even when we do mean well.

And I'll let you into a little secret, in real life I am a very chatty and outgoing person, but I have lived in the village, where I do, for 12 years and don't even know my neighbours names... but you know what, I like it like that just fine.

xiaotien · Dec 11, 2008

jo, i think you are made of all sorts of awesome!
/bootay shake!! and *hugs*

and making new friends in a new place is hard.
give it some time. like you, i don't have many
real friends around me, either.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2008

JoNightshade said:
1) I have no real world friends. I have lived here for 2 years and still have none. I am trying, really hard, to make some, but so far I haven't found anyone who wants to hang out with me and vice versa.

Well I'd hang out with you. That probably makes you feel worse.

Hell, I've lived in this city for 23 years now and all my friends have moved away, married, had kids...so I currently have a social circle of zero.

JoNightshade said:
2) Because I have no friends, I spent days upon days and taught myself CSS to surprise my dad with a website for his birthday. (He makes and sells a certain craft item; that's what the website is for.) He looks at it and says, "What am I supposed to do with that?"

Now that's just lack of gratitude. Rudeness, even.

JoNightshade said:
3) The novel I spent 3 months rewriting for an agent was rejected.

Hell, you had interest! From a reet proper agent!

JoNightshade said:
4) Went to dressy Christmas party. My fashion sense is SO frickin sucktastic that I think I look really good until I get there and realize I look completely ridiculous. "Host" of the party picks on all the "pretty" girls at that party, and I definitely am not in that group.

This happens to me all the time. I've never been the kinda woman who guys notice or make an effort to pick up at parties or in bars.

I tell myself - as you should - that us foxes intimidate people and that's why they shrink back.

JoNightshade said:
5) Yesterday I email my mom to say I'm feeling a little down and could she please keep me in her prayers? Today I get a phone call - from my father. He wants to tell me how much he appreciates and loves my website in a fashion which makes it absolutely clear my mother said, "Jo is discouraged. You need to call your daughter and say X Y and Z."

Yes, I am now so pathetic that my parents are resorting to ploys that would not fool a five year old to make me feel better.

Sigh.

Well. At least they're trying to make you feel better, even if they did so in a clumsy manner, right?

Erin · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, sorry you're feeling so blue. It's tough this time of year for a lot of people. I'm alone myself (divorced 3 years now) with no kids and few friends. I get the same way. But I keep myself busy writing, and working the day job, a few local group activities, and with my online writing pals.

As for the agent...it will come to you! Sounds like you've already had great interest already, so there's bound to be another. Just don't give up!

Maybe you can spend some time with your Dad (whether face time or by phone) showing him what he can do with the website. He might appreciate it better and realize how much time you spent on it, and how valuable it can be to his business.

Keep coming back here...we're here for you.

JoNightshade · Dec 11, 2008

Thanks everyone... I knew you would make me feel better. :Hug2:

Now - if only I hadn't just gotten an email from my mother telling me that my aunt had FOUND MY BOOK AND WAS ENJOYING IT! That would be the UN-rewritten version. The CRAPPY version. The version I KNEW I should have pinched and tossed last time I was at my folks' place.

AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gogirl · Dec 11, 2008

Jo,

I know how you feel.
And I just wanted to tell you that I hope you feel better soon. :Hug2:

Pat~ · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, if they're loving your crappy version, then that can only bode well for the one the agent rejected! So, relax for now about the writing and resolve to submit to a new agent, or rewrite, or both come January. Put a fire in the fireplace, get a cup of mocha java, and curl up with Anne Lamott's book, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith. You'll howl in spite of yourself. (That is, if colorful language doesn't offend you too much.

)

With your dad, I suspect he's like my in-laws and doesn't have a clue about how long it took you to build that website. (I know, since that's what my son is doing now.) It's extraordinarily detailed and time-consuming, and you were wonderful to do it for him. But it may be one of those things he is so bewildered by, he won't appreciate it fully until he actually uses it. Kinda like me learning to wordprocess on a computer a couple decades ago.

And personally, I think you're terrrific...smart, funny, good-natured, and just all-around one of those special peeps I love here at AW. :Hug2:

dragonjax · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, you're blessed with parents who love you enough to try to cheer you up.

Jo, you're blessed with a supportive community of writers who know that rejections suck ass.

Jo, you're blessed with friendships here that are just as strong and valid as face-to-face friendships.

Jo, you probably have more fashion sense than I -- I'm still convinced that flannel shirts, jeans, and boots should be a national uniform.

**Jackie passes the virtual chocolate to Jo.**

ChaosTitan · Dec 11, 2008

Jo, you are full of awesomesauce, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Feeling Pathetic

has finally arrived

Teh doommobile, drivin' rite by you

has finally arrived

Teh doommobile, drivin' rite by you

Otherwise Occupied

part of the human equation

Well begun is half done...

On hiatus

ray of motherf#%&ing sunshine

My Mini Me

Life sucks... Then ya die...

The Scavengers

storm central

At least I don't need backing-up

bedazzled /bootay shaker!!

Listening to my other selves

has finally arrived

Luftmensch Emeritus, A.D.D.

I write stuff and break boards.

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