View Full Version : Why I've not been around in a while

Jean Marie
12-07-2008, 09:29 PM
After my mom passed away, in August, her greedy son (yes, we're related, I've chosen to disown him as I believe my mom would do if she were still living) contested the trust. My dad pre-deceased her by 5 years, leaving us as co-trustees.

As some of you know, I was quite ill prior to my mom dying, to the point that I almost died. It was an allergic reaction to an antibiotic; nearly took me out. I flew out and saw my mom the day before she died, thankfully. What I didn't know was, that was the beginning of Chris' betrayal. He'd already forged several of my mom's checks and deposited them into his and my accounts. While I was at the mortuary, taking care of my mom's funeral arrangements, he and his wife were selling my mom's Mercedes, that he'd obtained using her hand to forge her signature. He pocketed the money.

His jealousy originated as a result of my mom leaving me the house even though she had left him plenty of $. He has a home, I rent a shack and my health isn't that great, either. Next, he froze the assets and refused to sign the house over to me. Then, after I left he stole some of the furniture left to me, and has it on consignment. Also, he accused my mom of misappropriating her own money, that she used to pay her and my dad's medical bills and demanded that he be reimbursed. On top of that, he demanded that I name him as my beneficiary. Not to mention, his wife took some of my mom's things, w/o asking and stole a piece of jewelry that belonged to my grandmother. She also told me to, "Have fun," when I was on my way to p/u my mom's ashes. These are only some of the highlights.

In between all of this, I had a TIA which triggered seizures and lost a ridiculous amount of weight. Too much, in fact. Size 6 jeans w/ a belt to hold 'em up. Oh well. Yes, I eat. Lots and lots of pasta.

Not much time to grieve for my mom, either w/ all the lawyer crap going on. I'm on my way out to CA the day after Christmas to clean out the house, to ready it for the market, again. It sold, once, until the idjut undermined it and it fell through. I'll be there for 3 weeks and am driving, again. I'll have the pups w/ me, my mom's girl and Kola. We're planning a fun trip for the way home. I haven't decided, but I may move out there, not that house, it's in an age restricted area.

Then, this last week, a family that we grew up w/, I've known them since I was 5, their son committed suicide. Turns out he was dying from some kind of cancer and didn't tell them. They're just finding this out. He was an incredible man, but it's incomprehensible that he didn't reach out. The rest of my heart is in pieces over this. He was like my little brother. After watching both my parents die from cancer, I get not wanting to die that way, I really do, but I don't understand not telling anyone that you're sick. I'll be seeing his brother while I'm in CA. His sister and parents are in NH, and they just told me, they were afraid that w/ all that was going on w/ me, I wouldn't have been able to handle it any sooner. They were probably correct. I nearly checked out a couple of months ago-signed everything over to my uncle so Chris wouldn't get his hands on it, that's how bad things were.

I lurked around here, a lot, but couldn't post. Couldn't verbalize a damn thing. So, now you know what's been going on. Yeah, I've been talking to someone and some friends. If not for that, I wouldn't be here.

I've barely been in touch w/ a few peeps, but I'm back, now. And, glad to be so :)

12-07-2008, 09:32 PM
Glad to have you back.

We have one of those family estate court dramas going on here, as well. Three years now. Good luck!

12-07-2008, 09:34 PM
Wow, Jean I'm so sorry to hear about all your troubles! I'm hoping you're feeling better. It's bad enough to have your mother die, but having your brother be so horrible just adds insult to injury. Karma is a bitch and I'm sure he'll get his in the end. I'm wishing you all the best and hoping you feel better. Glad to see you're back.:Hug2:

12-07-2008, 09:35 PM
So sorry this all happened to you, but very glad you're back and hope you're feeling way better and that soon your troubles with your brother will be a thing of the past and worked out in your favor. Keep feeling better and take care, k. Missed you! ((((((HUGS)))))))

12-07-2008, 09:39 PM
Golly, it did not sprinkle on you - you got a deluge. And, that much pain? It is incomprehensible to me. That you had to suffer so. And, I will light a candle and say a prayer that you have some measure of ease in your life. Some breathing space.

I am very sorry for your loses. (Well, not the loss of that cur brother of yours)

Take care of yourself and allow others to help you when you cannot do for yourself.


12-07-2008, 09:41 PM
It's really really sad when things like this happen within families. A particular uncle of mine tried something similar- but we managed to foil his attempts despite the critical situation we were in.

I've found AW to be very helpful when depressed. Welcome back and good luck with everything.

12-07-2008, 09:52 PM
So sorry for you loss, health problems and the Chris has acted. I'm sure his and his wife's greed and s**** attitude and actions will come back at bite them in the butts.

Best wishes and lots of good thoughts and hugs being sent your way

Beach Bunny
12-07-2008, 10:17 PM
I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. :Hug2: Here's hoping that life gets better for you soon.

12-07-2008, 10:20 PM
Oh, my. Jean, I'm so sorry this is all going on. Prayers sent your way.

12-08-2008, 12:35 AM
I'm glad you're back. I hope the worst is behind you.

12-08-2008, 12:47 AM
(((Jean Marie)))

We're here for listening and hugs. That's all I've got to say.

More hugs...

Ol' Fashioned Girl
12-08-2008, 01:03 AM
You can choose your friends... you can't choose your family. And just 'cause they're family doesn't mean they're worth anything.

But don't feel all alone... we've got one of those in each branch of my husband's family. Dad had three brothers and each of them got a turd when the sons were passed out.


12-08-2008, 01:08 AM

Sometimes, a hug says all that needs to be said. Welcome home, Jean Marie.

12-08-2008, 01:27 AM
Wow! Lousy way to lose weight. You and I recently communicated, and while I'm not surprised at your ability to cope with the mess you've been handed, it is a lot on anyone's plate. Rest assured I'll be around for moral support. That's what we do :)

12-08-2008, 01:46 AM
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((YOU)))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))

I had some of those type of folks in my family. It is truly a shame.

12-08-2008, 03:07 AM
I am sorry you are going though such emotional times. Some people turn hideous when money is handed out. I've seen it at my grandparents' funerals. I've watched my aunt and uncle raid my grandmother's jewelry box!

I am also sorry that you lost a great friend. (hugs) I am glad that you survived your own health ailments, and that you are on the way to recovery.

Please consider us (AW) to be a part of your support network. It is reassuring to know that you have friends who are standing with you.

Thanks for coming back.. you add a lot to this community.
(More hugs!)

12-08-2008, 03:12 AM
I'm so sorry for all you've been through and are still going through, and I hope the days ahead are much better for you. (((Hugs)))

12-08-2008, 03:17 AM
I'm so sorry. You must be very strong to have endured so much so fast. Best wishes to you. Lean on us!

12-08-2008, 05:22 AM
I had some of those type of folks in my family. It is truly a shame.

Hugs to Jean-Marie. I think everyone has at least one relative like that. I know I have them both on my mother's and my father's side.


12-08-2008, 05:24 AM
Hope things work out in the end.
Sometimes family can be a real PITA...

Jean Marie
12-08-2008, 07:15 AM
Thanks everyone for all your kind words of support and all the virtual hugs. It means an awful lot, especially w/ the difficulty it took in posting all this. It's been an enormous amount of 'stuff' to process in a relatively short period of time.

So many hours have been spent logging entries of events for my lawyer, paying my mom's bills and generally keeping track of the trust while attempting to keep my own life in order. By days end, I've been too tired to even read, until recently. I'm looking forward to getting back to my writing. It seems the only way that I can accomplish that is by longhand. My concentration is too shot for typing, if that makes sense.

I guess there's a recuperation that goes w/ all of this. Thanks, everyone for being there :Hug2:

12-08-2008, 07:26 AM
I sure hope things turn around for you soon, JM. I feel for you and all that you're dealing with now. As for the family 'member', just remember karma.

My best wishes are out to you.

12-08-2008, 07:37 AM
Can you put a strong lock on your mom's house? Maybe even a security camera? I would hate to hear that your brother has taken something else...

12-08-2008, 07:40 AM
I'm so sorry you've been through such an awful time and I hope you feel better soon. Your brother is such a jerk and I'm sure he'll get his come uppance!

I witnessed much the same greed with my dear neighbour's passing. His daughter had to fight hard to keep her brother from claiming more than his due, when she and her husband were the ones taking care of Uncle Bob to the end.

Jean Marie
12-08-2008, 07:54 AM
Can you put a strong lock on your mom's house? Maybe even a security camera? I would hate to hear that your brother has taken something else...
Her house is in a gated/security...haha community. I did have the locks changed and he broke in, anyway. He's a fireman and picked the locks, they did nothing, saying we're co-trustees and he had every right to do what he did.

I'm supposed to have the deed this coming week, my lawyer's writing a letter, in 2nd grade english, on my advice to the homeowner's association that if they allow him in, again I will sue them and he will be arrested by North County San Diego. Won't look good for his job. He'll also have to answer for everything else if that happens. He's been warned, through his lawyer to stay away from the house or other charges will be pressed, forgery, etc. I'm wiped out, but I will go after him full force for what he's done if he tries anything else.

He cleaned out the account that supported my mom's homeowner's fees, which I've had to pay. I got a message the other day from one of my mom's neighbors, "I'd like to speak to Butthead's sister." Made me laugh.

I'm so sorry you've been through such an awful time and I hope you feel better soon. Your brother is such a jerk and I'm sure he'll get his come uppance!

I witnessed much the same greed with my dear neighbour's passing. His daughter had to fight hard to keep her brother from claiming more than his due, when she and her husband were the ones taking care of Uncle Bob to the end.
It's insane to have to fight hard, but it's the only thing to do. Thankfully, I've got a shark for a lawyer, who's working fast and not racking up crazy bills. It's my mom's wishes.

12-08-2008, 07:59 AM
Welcome home, JM. I lost my mom in June. It's bladdy hard and no one should have to go through what you are. :Hug2:

Missed you!

12-08-2008, 08:34 AM
You have my support, Jean. You've always been a wonderful person.


Marian Perera
12-08-2008, 08:49 AM
Hi Jean Marie,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. My mom died of cancer as well, and there was a lot of greed and misappropriation by a family member after her death as well.

She didn't tell her parents that she had cancer. She said she was afraid they would have heart attacks and die if they found out. So she told them she was feeling tired, believe it or not. I think they figured it out after she lost about forty pounds and had bruises on her arms from the needles.

My father also refused to tell people she had cancer, though in his case it was denial. He would leave the room if we were discussing it or the treatment, so when people asked him how she was, he would say she was fine. He kept saying this even when she was terminal and unable to stand. Then people would wonder why she wasn't answering the phone or going out or anything. It was a nightmare to deal with.

So... those are reasons why people might not admit they have cancer. Denial and wanting to spare their family members the pain. Unfortunately, when family members do find out, it then comes as a shock and hurts even more.

I hope things work out for you and your family (greedy grasper not included).

12-08-2008, 08:39 PM
After my mom died, I looked at her last will and testament closely. She had added a written attachment stating, "If you (3) boys argue over my wishes, I'll come back and haunt you. Love, Mom." We didn't.
When our dad died, we three did not quarrel over anything. We shared his worldly possessions exactly per his instructions.
I've seen families torn apart forever over ridiculous disputes. It's a damn shame.
Jean Marie, hang in there - you will be fine!

Jean Marie
12-09-2008, 08:33 PM
Thanks again all you fine people for your wonderful words of wisdom and support. It means a great deal and helps, tremendously :Hug2:

12-09-2008, 08:54 PM
Very tough indeed. Life, and other people, can be a trial sometimes -- hang in there.

Little Red Barn
12-09-2008, 09:04 PM
Hey, (((Jean-Marie))) stepping in to spread some love... we love ya, you know ; ) ?!! And we miss you. I hope things will calm for you now.