Help write the perfect form rejection letter from agents and editors

Amarie

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This started as a semi-serious exercise. A standardized rejection form with lines for little check marks wouldn’t take too much time for agents/editors, and might actually help the writers. Feel free to add any useful or not so useful items.

__ Writing is not strong enough
__ Too slow paced
__ I don't have the right contacts to sell this, but somebody else might
__ We have so many clients, we can't take anybody on unless their book is clearly a bestseller
__ Too many other books out there in the same genre
__ This genre isn't selling now
__ I have had a terrible day and am sick of everything. A pox on all writers.

Mikeland added these:

__ We are only accepting manuscripts from papparazzi bait, motivational speakers, and/or porn stars
__ I don't like people named Mike.
__ The stamps on your SASE offended me.
__ Too many big words.
__ Not enough big words.
__ Have you ever considered writing this as YA?
__ My dog ate your manuscript.
__________________
 

regdog

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_The book sucks
_I actually like the book, but just don't want to rep it
_I only request partials on Tues. today is not Tues
_I hate everything
 
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Cybernaught

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__ We didn't like your choice of paperclip.
__ Sorry, but sub-plots are cliche.
__ Sorry, but plots are cliche.
__ Sorry, but paragraphs are cliche.
__ I feel that this idea wouldn't resonate with my Grandmother.
__ Not a book that you would read on the John.
 

James81

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__The next time you think "Oh, I know what I'll do! I'll write a fantasy novel and emulate JK Rowling or J.R.R. Tokien!" Don't. Please. Just don't. Thanks in advance.