Your unrealistic expectations

scarletpeaches · Nov 16, 2008

Not copied from another thread at all.

Okay, let's get stupid here. There's a space on your profile page for you to name your ultimate writing dream so let's expand on it here.

As someone who has no publisher and no agent, I freely admit to having the ultimate writing dream of winning the Booker.

Just for the prestige and the book sales. I'm shallow like that. I want to see a book with my name on it, yes, but also with the gold leaf flash saying "Booker Prize Winner 20??". I want to walk into a bookstore and say, "Those are my books - shall I sign them?"

What about you - is it money, fame, having your novels made into a film? Climbing the social ladder? Changing the world?

Please note: I named this thread 'unrealistic' expectations but there's no reason why our dreams can't be realised if we work hard enough. I don't want people to think I'm being negative, here. That's why I said 'unrealistic', not 'impossible'.

Cybernaught · Nov 16, 2008

I expect that someday I will be able to submit a manuscript without a well-crafted query letter. I will simply send a memo on a Post-It that says, "lyk, i finished a new manuscript and it pwns. publish it now and send my seven-figure advance western union tonight. k thx bye."

Afterward, I expect to be sent on a worldwide book tour, where I will pick up a myriad of women on each signing and check into the highest-rated hotels at the expense of the publisher.

I will start an author's blog and only add a new post once every quarter of the year. It will be rant-filled and self-indulgent, discussing the rigors of writing and how hard I have it making $6,000,000 a year.

I'll submit articles to markets that don't publish the material and they will be published, despite the fact it's a Dog lover's magazine and the article suggests a good recipe for cooking pets.

Perhaps, if I'm really good, I can just churn out stories about inanimate objects that kill people and make even more money.

Bubastes · Nov 16, 2008

The National Book Award and tons of money.

Heck, I'll settle for only the money. No sense being greedy.

Inky · Nov 16, 2008

I'll be a guest on the Oprah Winfrey show...and she'll surprise me by having Orlando Bloom appear...'cause she heard I had such a huge crush...and then Oprah will turn to the huge screen behind here, and low & behold Peter Jackson's face will bloom onto the screen where he'll request to turn my book into a movie...and then everyone in the audience will be oh-so surprised to find their free copy of my book under their seats...

what?
WHAT?

It could happen...

inkkognito · Nov 16, 2008

Okay, if I could have any unrealistic dream at all, it would to become famous writing self-help books that change people's lives...kind of on the order of how Claudia Black and the ACOA movement in the 1980s helped so many people. I don't mean Dr. Phil fame (that's like becoming a caricature of a counselor in my opinion) but rather giving talks and seminars and whatnot.

I'd also love to write/sell a moderately successful fiction book but I don't think that one could happen even in my wildest dreams. I'd like the end result, but I just can't picture actually DOING it.

Cranky · Nov 16, 2008

Pfft. Pikers. I want a Nobel after writing only one novel.

Okay, no, really. What I want is to be able to sort through about sixty different offers of representation, after which I shall choose the most badass agent in the world, who will then sell my book at auction for an astronomically disgusting amount of money, and a thirty book contract signed in blood by a very prestigious publisher.

And then the Nobel.

Seriously? I just want to write books other people really like, and a few awards would be nice, too. A steady fan base, and the ability to support myself and my family through writing would be a neato addition.

"A" Is For "Agent" · Nov 16, 2008

Cybernaught said:
I expect that someday I will be able to submit a manuscript without a well-crafted query letter. I will simply send a memo on a Post-It that says, "lyk, i finished a new manuscript and it pwns. publish it now and send my seven-figure advance western union tonight. k thx bye."

Afterward, I expect to be sent on a worldwide book tour, where I will pick up a myriad of women on each signing and check into the highest-rated hotels at the expense of the publisher.

I will start an author's blog and only add a new post once every quarter of the year. It will be rant-filled and self-indulgent, discussing the rigors of writing and how hard I have it making $6,000,000 a year.

I'll submit articles to markets that don't publish the material and they will be published, despite the fact it's a Dog lover's magazine and the article suggests a good recipe for cooking pets.

Perhaps, if I'm really good, I can just churn out stories about inanimate objects that kill people and make even more money.

Amazing. I'll be your personal assistant.

Lady Cat · Nov 16, 2008

Now this is what I call a fun thread!

I want to have all my books become bestsellers and then I want producers fighting over the honour of turning them into movies AND I want to be able to pick who stars in them. And while we’re at it, it wouldn’t hurt that those stars would do anything to star in these movies.

And money. Lots and lots of money. Enough so that I could buy an island in the tropics (outside of both the path of hurricanes and free from volcanos) with a big, white, Moorish castle style home complete with fountains and tiled, sunken baths, and filmy white curtains floating in the tropical breeze . . .

Cybernaught · Nov 16, 2008

"A" Is For "Agent" said:
Amazing. I'll be your personal assistant.

Alright. How does $50 a week sound? Work won't be too hard. Just standard research with at least 100 sources, bathe my dog, Swiffer my kitchen, some caulking here and there, maybe.

Mr Flibble · Nov 16, 2008

I want to have all my books become bestsellers and then I want producers fighting over the honour of turning them into movies AND I want to be able to pick who stars in them. And while we’re at it, it wouldn’t hurt that those stars would do anything to star in these movies.

I get the casting couch

I'll go for the Hugo, the Nobel, the Booker, heck every single award. In one year. For ten years on the trot.

I will also have a large house which will house all the hottest men on the planet. They will not be allowed to wear clothes except on my specific say so ( good for taking to the premiers) and their main duties - apart from the obvious - will be keeping the baby oil jacuzzi at body temp.

And then maybe, ooh I don't know, world domination? First International President?

Or am I aiming too low?

scarletpeaches · Nov 16, 2008

I've never wanted my books to be made into films because as soon as it goes to script stage you lose control of the story.

That said, I'd be cool with Jared Leto and Colin Farrell fighting over who got to play the male lead in one of my books-to-movies.

Naked.

While covered in chocolate sauce.

Inky · Nov 16, 2008

Nah...Gerard Butler...WITH his brogue...hate when they make him tone down the brogue...he's a Scotsman, damnit...but ye' ken me...gimme a brogue and a kilt and I do that girly thing & swoon...okay, so actually, I lick my lips and pant...but I was goin' for a cleaner image...no? Yeah...didn't work for me either!

scarletpeaches · Nov 16, 2008

Calm down, woman!!

No kilt, but all yours...

Inky · Nov 16, 2008

*licks screen*

'ave I told ye' how much I miss ye'?

Uber glad ye've returned, lass!

*licks Scarlet-avatar* :e2tongue:

what?
Oh, hush. Ye' ken ye' blushed...grinned...screamed...then blushed again!

*goes back to nuzzling Gerard pic....*

Oh, if only it were a scratch & sniff....THAT would be keen!!! :e2brows:

BenPanced · Nov 16, 2008

A 36-hour TV miniseries to cover my entire trilogy. Not just one 2-hour movie to cover each book, oh no.

Inky · Nov 16, 2008

POOOOTER!!!
Pooter-meister.
Pooter-bud.

Well, color me nekkid, it's a bloody reunion!

*swoons....all faves now present...screw books...I'm surrounded by my peeps!*

Stormhawk · Nov 16, 2008

My ultimate dream? A front-cover quote by Neil Gaiman.

Yeah, it's not millions of dollars, nor is it every award (though I wouldn't sneeze at an award), or even a movie...but it's what I want.

maestrowork · Nov 16, 2008

I'm not going to jinx anything.

euclid · Nov 16, 2008

Sorry....

IdiotsRUs said:
I will also have a large house which will house all the hottest men on the planet.

Not going to happen. I'm booked that week.

Prawn · Nov 16, 2008

scarletpeaches said:
That said, I'd be cool with Jared Leto and Colin Farrell fighting over who got to play the male lead in one of my books-to-movies.

Naked.

While covered in chocolate sauce.

I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth just now.

How about this: Cormac McCarthy comes to me and says, "Prawn, since you are such a great writer, what do you think about my leaving all those quotation marks out of my books? I need an opinion I can trust on this."

And, I'd say, "Cormac, you really do need 'em."

Mr Flibble · Nov 16, 2008

euclid said:
Not going to happen. I'm booked that week.

Yep - I booked you for the dungeon, bad boy.

scarletpeaches · Nov 16, 2008

Prawn said:
I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth just now...

Much more of that and you'll start writing books with a female MC called Kate, who begins each chapter by waking up and describing her own reflection.

williemeikle · Nov 16, 2008

I want just one best-seller... number one on the NY Times list for six months should do it

That, and the movie made properly, and I'd be very happy.

Clair Dickson · Nov 16, 2008

To make enough money that I get to stay home and write full time. And Hubby would quit his job to be my sexetary. ;-) And then I could pay off the mortgage and own my own slightly-used hybrid. And then, since I'm still writing books, I'd be able to help my brother(s) and maybe my parents out financially.

But the best part is using Hubby as a sexetary. :e2brows:

JoNightshade · Nov 16, 2008

I have one ultimate writing dream: To be interviewed on Charlie Rose.

No money, no fame, no whatever. I have experienced what "fame" is like and I'd rather go without it, thanks very much.

I think the Charlie Rose fantasy is an expression of my desire to be taken seriously.

Your unrealistic expectations

Decker

bananaed

Eat, Sleep, Write...

Onlyifyouwanttowillyoufin daway-Enya

Big Meanie Head

Decker

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Eat, Sleep, Write...

Eat, Sleep, Write...

THE BLUEBERRY QUEEN OF HADES (he/him)

Eat, Sleep, Write...

Angry Bunny Girl

Fear the Death Ray

Where did I put me specs?

Writing is finite,revising infinite

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

The force is strong in this one.

A dark core to every cloud

has finally arrived