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ThisIsEverything
11-11-2008, 02:14 AM
Just the other day I was making spaghetti and had a bowl of sauce and meatballs out, and what do I do? Place the plastic cover of the bowl on the still-hot burner. I picked up the cover and there was some blue gunk on the burner and the cover had a few holes in it. Uh, whoops.

What about you? Hopefully won't be hearing any injury-related stories...though I'm sure many of you have some.
I personally haven't cut myself yet, but I don't cook too often.

CatSlave
11-11-2008, 02:32 AM
Sorry, but I have to share an injury story.
Stop here if you don't want to read it.

Back when I was teaching myself how to cook, I wanted to fry a chicken.
Lots of oil in the pan, heat it up, dredge the chicken in seasoned flour and so forth.
But...I let the pan get too hot after the chicken was added.
There was a sudden explosion of hot grease.
I managed to turn my face slightly before it hit me, but I ended up with half my face scalded in hot grease.
Thank God none got in my eyes.
I was in total agony.
I filled a towel with ice cubes and put the ice pack on my face.
It was 24 hours before I could get to a hospital, and I kept the ice pack on all the while.
When the doctor finally saw me, he said that if I had not kept an ice pack on my face, I would have been irreparably scarred for life.
He gave me an ointment that the Trauma Burn Centers use, and in about six months my face was healed.
Today there is no sign that I was ever burned.

So, anytime you are cooking with hot oil, keep a spatter screen on the pan if you're not using a lid.
Be aware that hot grease can explode, and control the temperature of your pan.
If you have an accident, apply ice immediately. Cold water isn't enough.
Patronize your local KFC. :D

ThisIsEverything
11-11-2008, 02:48 AM
Oh no, feel free to share everyone, I just meant that I hope no one has had such incidents to speak of. Even though I'm sure many do.

But geez that's some story. Sounds like you were lucky. I'm going to start wearing a face shield when I cook, haha.

TheIT
11-11-2008, 02:58 AM
Even though they're both citrus, lime juice is not a substitute for lemon juice when cooking mushrooms.

When making bean soup, it's a lot tastier and easier on the teeth if one soaks the dried beans overnight prior to cooking.

When doubling recipes, make sure you double all the ingredients. One time I helped my mom make a double batch of pecan tassies (like mini pecan pies), when we doubled everything but accidentally quadrupled the amount of butter in the crust. Ohhh, those were good. They left oil stains on paper plates, but they tasted wonderful. :D

CatSlave
11-11-2008, 03:54 AM
...When making bean soup, it's a lot tastier and easier on the teeth if one soaks the dried beans overnight prior to cooking.
:roll:
Been there, done that.

NEVER use a pressure cooker when cooking catfish.

Bubastes
11-11-2008, 04:01 AM
When pureeing hot vegetables to make a soup, make sure you fill the blender only halfway, vent the top, and cover the opening with a towel. Otherwise, you'll have a working replica of Yellowstone right in your kitchen.

TheIT
11-11-2008, 04:04 AM
When using whole eggs in batter, be sure to break each of the yolks. My mom once made a cheesecake where somehow one of the egg yolks survived the blender and cooked solid in the cheesecake. Of course, my brother got that piece. :D

kikazaru
11-11-2008, 04:17 AM
When my husband and I were first married, I used to subscribe to a lot of cooking magazines and on the cover of one, was the most magnificent looking pasta dish I had ever beheld. I decided right then and there that was what we were having for dinner that night. After copying down the list of ingredients and making the trek (no car in those days) to the store to buy them and then back home. I proceeded to make it - which took me all freakin' day!

The recipe was for pasta stuffed with something (can't remember now - I'm still traumatized lol) and served with two sauces - a red and a green. So I actually made the pasta (last time I ever did it too) and whipped up the stuffing (whatever it was), then as per the recipe, rolled it up like a jelly roll, stuck it in a tea towel and boiled it - all the while I'm having a few doubts about this dish, which looked eerily reminiscent of Frankenstein's arm. While it was boiling, I made the two sauces (involving a lot of cream and herbs for one and pureed tomatoes and herbs for the other) and after pulling the now done "arm" out of the water, I was relieved to see that it cut in perfect spiraled slices. With the 2 sauces drizzled artistically around the spirals, I stood back and congratulated myself on achieving such a beautiful dish - and not only that, it looked exactly like the picture in the magazine.

So, sweating profusely from all the moisture in the kitchen, and with a feeling extreme pride and accomplishment, sat it down in front of my sweetie expecting high praise....which was not forth coming. Instead of oohs and ahhs he looked a bit taken aback. After a few tentative picks at it and a cautious taste he grimaced and he said "you don't need to make this one again"... and those were the last words he spoke to me for a very long time, since I immediately burst into tears, picked up my creation and flung it into the garbage, all the while shrieking invective at him like a mad woman (I think all that steam made me temporarily insane).

The good thing about it was, that he has never, EVER criticized anything I have ever made again! It may taste like poop on a stick, but he manfully chokes it down - and smiles while he does it!

We been married 14 years last August!;)

Mumut
11-11-2008, 04:30 AM
When pureeing hot vegetables to make a soup, make sure you fill the blender only halfway, vent the top, and cover the opening with a towel. Otherwise, you'll have a working replica of Yellowstone right in your kitchen.
Been there, done that. Also with regards burns, I've a patch of aloevera in the garden. When my granddaughter pulled her father's coffee on her face we rushed her into the shower to cool it down then put on icepacks and aloevera juice. No scars.

But one question. Why cook chicken in a lot of oil? Sounds very greasy to me.

ThisIsEverything
11-11-2008, 04:51 AM
So, sweating profusely from all the moisture in the kitchen, and with a feeling extreme pride and accomplishment, sat it down in front of my sweetie expecting high praise....which was not forth coming. Instead of oohs and ahhs he looked a bit taken aback. After a few tentative picks at it and a cautious taste he grimaced and he said "you don't need to make this one again"... and those were the last words he spoke to me for a very long time, since I immediately burst into tears, picked up my creation and flung it into the garbage, all the while shrieking invective at him like a mad woman (I think all that steam made me temporarily insane).


Aww. I think I would have cried too. All that work and no appreciation. How was it really? Was it just him being picky?

CatSlave
11-11-2008, 05:08 AM
...But one question. Why cook chicken in a lot of oil? Sounds very greasy to me.

Southern Fried Chicken: Yum yum yum.
For those whose diets are low in cholesterol.

Yes, aloe vera is wonderful for your skin.
You can also purchase aloe vera juice to drink, which tastes clean and slightly lemony.
Healthy stuff and good for your insides.

TerzaRima
11-11-2008, 06:39 AM
When roasting the turkey for Thanksgiving, look for a small mesh bag in the cavity before you start. Those are the giblets. Either use them to make gravy, or fry them up and feed them to the dog.

What you don't want to do is forget about them entirely, and then at the end of the evening have your foodie pal find them as she is carving up the bird for leftovers. Culinary fail.

Jersey Chick
11-11-2008, 06:51 AM
Whatever you do, don't have a total blonde moment when holding a Pyrex baking dish fresh from the oven, realize you need to replace the oven mitts because holy $^@@ the pan is burning you through the mitt, and douse the pan in cold water.

Bad, bad BAD move.

Oh, and if you're broiling something in a gas-oven, make sure the top rack is low enough so the meat doesn't actually touch the heating element. Not only do those fire extinguishers really spray(I mean, it shoots back at you and everything) but you'll be cleaning up green powder from surfaces that aren't even in the kitchen.

(and the powder does NOT harm hamsters, though they blink up at you through the powder with a look that says, 'Whatever I did, I'm sorry and I freakin' swear I won't Ever. Do. It. Again.)

And one last tip - if your pork chops are wrapped in Saran wrap, unwrap them before baking them. Otherwise you end up with hermetically sealed, totally inedible pork chops. In my defense, I was only 12 when I pulled this one off...

Chumplet
11-11-2008, 06:58 AM
Two minor burns:

Once I was stirring a pot on the back burner when my mom decided to lift the lid off a cooking pot on the front burner. I got a nice 'sunburn' on my throat.

Another time I set a Martha Stewart frying pan under the broiler to melt the cheese on top of a frittata. When I opened the oven to take it out, I totally forgot about oven mitts.

I held a frozen juice can for a whole day after that one.

Chumplet
11-11-2008, 07:00 AM
Jersey Chick, you are a riot.

Williebee
11-11-2008, 07:06 AM
Ladles and Gentlepeople, I give you the law of displacement.

If you don't know how much oil the turkey is going to displace when you put it in the pot? Don't deep fry it on the stove top.

Haggis
11-11-2008, 07:20 AM
The mandoline (not the instrument-mandolin, but the food slicer with the "e" on the end) has a guard for a reason. I know it makes the slicing slower. Use it anyhow. One time I didn't. Fortunately, I somehow managed to stop before it hit the bone.

kikazaru
11-11-2008, 05:06 PM
Aww. I think I would have cried too. All that work and no appreciation. How was it really? Was it just him being picky?

I never even tasted it, I was just so peeved I just chucked the whole thing! It was a steep learning curve for my husband, but now I can really cook anything and he doesn't question he just eats it!:)

Woof
11-11-2008, 05:58 PM
I've destroyed more than my share of pots when I've been distracted by the phone or doorbell, or something else, and left the pot burning on the stove, forgetting to turn down the heat. The worst incident was when I had to rush to the kitchen after the smoke detector had gone off - and found a pot with half its bottom melted off, and some horrible black substance stuck to the burner that wouldn't have been out of place in an iron smelter. And the odor! I can still smell that acrid combination of burning metal mixed with charred pasta sauce! Well, after such mishaps, I finally learned to simply turn the heat off whenever I'm called away from the stove.

CaroGirl
11-11-2008, 11:19 PM
I was making baby food--I had a baby, obviously, so that should tell you my state of mind right there--and had the gas stove burner on. I reached up to the cupboard above the stove to get something and my shirttail--which was untucked because I'd just finished having a baby--touched the flame. My shirt gladly accepted the fire and flames started travelling gleefully up my shirt toward my face. Did I stop, drop and roll? No. I tried the new technique of scream, bat and jump around. Didn't work as well. Batting at the flames did put them out, but it also showered my kitchen linoleum with sparks that left permanent scorch marks behind. At least I didn't get any permanent scorch marks on my face.

Jersey Chick
11-12-2008, 12:04 AM
I set the sleeve of my bathrobe on fire once - I was **ahem**a bit **ahem** hung over (it was many, many moons ago) and I think I was boiling eggs (I don't really remember, but the burner was involved and it was the morning after, so I had a reason for lighting the burner)

anyhoo...

I had one of those cozy terry bathrobes and the sleeve caught and I just looked at it for a moment like "Huh. I'm on fire." And then just slapped it out. It's amazing how calm you are about being on fire with the little men with the jackhammers are breaking up concrete inside your head...

Eskimo1990
11-12-2008, 12:44 AM
Awhile back I was really into making cakes from scratch (before I realized store bought mixes taste better and are easier to make) So one summer afternoon I was making one. Put all the ingredients in, mixed it up, put it in two pans and put it in the oven. After the timer went off I looked in the oven....my cake was still liquid. So I put it in for longer. By this time my dad had come home and looked at the cake.
Then at our dining room table, where our unopened flour sat.

I had forgotten the flour....oops

JoNightshade
11-12-2008, 01:07 AM
So this was while I was in China, which means I was mentally addled. Which is my attempt at excusing this idiotic behavior.

I boil some eggs. I grab one, crack it open, and start eating. Oh, I realize, it is not quite cooked all the way. Oh well, I'll just pop it in the microwave. And of course I am impatient so while it's in the microwave I'll go check my email. I'm checking my email when I hear this

BOOOOM!

And yes, my egg has just exploded all over the inside of the microwave.

Also... please be careful while putting away bottles of spaghetti sauce. If you drop one and it breaks you will be cleaning red spots off your cabinets for weeks.

Haggis
11-12-2008, 01:09 AM
Also... please be careful while putting away bottles of spaghetti sauce. If When you drop one and it breaks you will be cleaning red spots off your cabinets for weeks.

I fixed it for you. :D

icerose
11-12-2008, 01:14 AM
Lesson I learned, if the pan is dropping or something is sliding off when it shouldn't be, do not catch a freshly cooked pan with a bare arm or hand, it hurts!

Two, never assume an oven cooks at the right temperature. Our first apartment's oven only had one temperature, 500 degrees, which meant everything burnt on top and was total liquid from the skin down.

Three never assume that just because an ingredient doesn't seem like it's supposed to be in there, doesn't mean it isn't there. *Cough* Soy *Cough*

My only possibly funny story, I was about 12 years old and handling the old fryer for the first time. We were making homemade french fries. I had the plate all ready to go with the lovely napkins to soak up the grease. I was stylin'. There was only one tiny problem. Napkins, especially greasy napkins are extremely flamable and should not be set near an open flame. It was at that time, I learned I really could scream.

icerose
11-12-2008, 01:15 AM
So this was while I was in China, which means I was mentally addled. Which is my attempt at excusing this idiotic behavior.

I boil some eggs. I grab one, crack it open, and start eating. Oh, I realize, it is not quite cooked all the way. Oh well, I'll just pop it in the microwave. And of course I am impatient so while it's in the microwave I'll go check my email. I'm checking my email when I hear this

BOOOOM!

And yes, my egg has just exploded all over the inside of the microwave.

Also... please be careful while putting away bottles of spaghetti sauce. If you drop one and it breaks you will be cleaning red spots off your cabinets for weeks.

I did that once but it was with a pre-boiled frozen potato. I, um, forgot to prick the potato. The whole inside of the potato burst out of the skin.

Thump
11-12-2008, 01:21 AM
Lesson my sister learned, "don't mock the cook". She was being nasty to me saying my cooking was lame and easy. I dared her to do better.
She poured olive oil in a frying pan. I was in the living room watching TV and smelled something burning. I go into the kitchen, my sister is talking on her cellphone and the oil is ON FIRE! Like actual flames, black smoke...
"Smells like something's burning," I say :D Man! Can she ever scream! LOL! She panicked while I got a lid and asphyxiated the fire X-D

Let's just say she hasn't cooked since.

ThisIsEverything
11-14-2008, 08:11 PM
The other day I forgot I had bagel bites in the oven and I burnt them. Oops. They're not real food anyway.
I still ate them.

C.bronco
11-14-2008, 08:17 PM
Years ago, my Dad learned not to put a whole egg (in its shell) in a microwave. *snort*
No one was hurt.

Last summer I was heating olive oil in a saucepan. I turned around to chop some onions, and heard "Poof!" The entire pan was aflame. I grabbed it and put it out in he driveway. Now I don't have a 3 quart saucepan. :(

Pomegranate
11-14-2008, 10:25 PM
I have a lot of cooking disasters under my belt.

There was the time I pulled a pan of baked chicken out of the oven and the pyrex pan cracked and boiling chicken broth slopped all down the front of my pants.

There was the time I put a tin pie dish of pine nuts under the broiler to toast, got distracted and had flames shooting out the back of my oven.

There was the time I was all inspired by a cooking magazine and served my husband toast with roasted garlic, salad with garlic dressing, and pasta with garlic sauce. No one wanted to talk to either of us for a week. (that was a dozen years ago and he still reminds me of it.)

There was the poorly thawed thanksgiving turkey that was burnt outside and raw pink at the bone.

There were many times I've cut myself using dull knives. (Public service announcements, sharp knives are much safer to use!)

The most touching cooking mishap I recall was actually my grandmothers. She baked every day for most of her life. She taught me to cook and most of her recipes were just lists of ingredients (with no amounts) and maybe a note or two on technique. When she was in her 60s, one day she baked chocolate chip cookies and they came out wrong. She'd forgotton something or put in too much of something. She threw them out and started again. Same thing happened that time and one more try. She sat down and started to cry because she simply could not remember how to make something she'd known how to do by heart for decades. Shortly after that she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.

ABekah
11-14-2008, 11:55 PM
Hmm...FYI I just finished making the most delicious chocolate chip cookies.

However, I've had some really embarrassing misses in the kitchen.

1. I have a wonderful blueberry cream cheese coffee cake recipe that usually turns out with compliments every time. But when we were living in Germany, I miscalculated the fahrenheit/celsius ratio and it wasn't getting done. Finally, I thought it was finished and took it out of the oven. We were invited to dinner that night and the middle wasn't done! Fortunately, the edges were, and we were able to cut around the goopy center.

2. Making pea soup in a crock pot should be easy, right? I had some dried English peas left over and didn't want to waste them, so I added them all in. My mistake? I didn't add any more liquid to compensate. We had three quarts worth of smoky, salty, mushy peas.

selkn.asrai
11-15-2008, 12:43 AM
When I read the title thread, all I could think of was that terrifying Canadian advert in which a cook/waitress is in the middle of her monologue about how wonderful her life is going to be until she gets into a hideous accident. And then a vat of boiling oil falls on her and sears her face. And they show it.

Yeeps.

Pagey's_Girl
11-15-2008, 01:38 AM
Not mine, but years ago, my father got it in his head that he was going to smoke a chicken with tea leaves. In a wok. Just because Martin Yan did it on TV doesn't mean it's a good idea...

...and, if you're going to do something that involves ginormous amounts of smoke, it's best not to do it in New York in January. We didn't get the house aired out until June, I think.

I went one better than blowing something up in the microwave a couple of weeks ago - I actually had the microwave itself blow up. I put a microwave container of soup in it to warm, set the time, hit start - and there was an enormous *POW*, a few licks of flame from the back of the oven and a lot of smoke. I think I invented a few new swear words at that instant.

One other thing - did you know that plastic coffeepots melt if they're left empty on the warmer overnight because the dodo at the desk (aka me) forgot to turn the coffeemaker off? Hence my new title....

shawkins
11-15-2008, 01:53 AM
Don't try to make blackened anything indoors unless you've got one of those industrial strength restaurant vent dealies over your stove.

I'll add to the chorus of people who discovered that putting hot liquids in the blender has its dangers.

Also I dropped a lasagne once.

TerzaRima
11-15-2008, 02:00 AM
Pomegranate, that's heartbreaking about your grandmother.

Several years ago my brother called me from his college dorm, late at night. He and his friends had been out drinking, came home hungry, and decided to cook. There wasn't much in the communal refrigerator besides potatoes, so they decided to make, yes, vichyssoise. "But it tastes weird."

So I walked him through it. Did you put this in? Yes. What about that? Yes.

Finally I said, "Wait. You boiled the potatoes first, right?" Um. Silence. Nope!

truelyana
11-15-2008, 02:01 AM
Sorry, but I have to share an injury story.
Stop here if you don't want to read it.

Back when I was teaching myself how to cook, I wanted to fry a chicken.
Lots of oil in the pan, heat it up, dredge the chicken in seasoned flour and so forth.
But...I let the pan get too hot after the chicken was added.
There was a sudden explosion of hot grease.
I managed to turn my face slightly before it hit me, but I ended up with half my face scalded in hot grease.
Thank God none got in my eyes.
I was in total agony.
I filled a towel with ice cubes and put the ice pack on my face.
It was 24 hours before I could get to a hospital, and I kept the ice pack on all the while.
When the doctor finally saw me, he said that if I had not kept an ice pack on my face, I would have been irreparably scarred for life.
He gave me an ointment that the Trauma Burn Centers use, and in about six months my face was healed.
Today there is no sign that I was ever burned.

So, anytime you are cooking with hot oil, keep a spatter screen on the pan if you're not using a lid.
Be aware that hot grease can explode, and control the temperature of your pan.
If you have an accident, apply ice immediately. Cold water isn't enough.
Patronize your local KFC. :D

I had the same similiar experience working in a chargrill take away chicken shop, when I was working in catering. Though I didn't burn my face. You must have been in pain, as I know how it feels even with just arms. I was doing several things at once, including frying chips, and I managed to burn all my arms a couple of times. I was in the ambulance room for a couple of hours. I came back wrapped up in bandages, to continue with my job. After that, I only burnt my hands a couple more times and accidentally burnt my fingers whilst taking some chicken out of this giant oven. Exciting work nonetheless. :)

blacbird
11-15-2008, 02:04 AM
I once toasted some garlic bread on the lowest possible setting in the oven.

For two days. Smelled up the house to the point where I thought I might have a gas leak. Called the gas company, guy came out, couldn't find any leak, and left.

Then I remembered. The stuff came out looking, and smoking, like that "pure evil" that got accidentally left behind at the end of the movie "Time Bandits".

Nobody lets me do garlic bread anymore.

caw

chevbrock
11-16-2008, 04:08 PM
If you want to make chicken casserole, and don't like an oily mess fit to make you sick at the sight, do not use wings.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
11-16-2008, 05:12 PM
Oh, dear. Kitchen mishaps... I got 'em.

1. Lane Cake: do not choose to make this cake without practice for the family at Christmas. Getting the frosting to stick to the sides is virtually impossible and presentation with laughter is your only recourse.

2. After using the cast iron skillet that has been in your family for generations, do not drain it by tipping it into the trash and leaving it there. My grandmother's skillet is now rusting quietly away like the Titanic in some garbage dump in Oklahoma City. :cry:

3. Be careful when you drain boiled potatoes. Sometimes they can jump the drainer and stick to the skin over the top of your thumb.

Don
11-16-2008, 05:34 PM
We're visiting my MIL, who has one of those nifty glass cooktops.

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night, and decided a glass of milk and a cookie or two would be just the ticket to get back to sleep.

I pulled the milk out and set it on the cooktop, and was just pulling out a glass from the cabinet above when I felt something dripping on my foot.

Dear MIL had been up just before me. Her insomnia cure is a cup of hot tea. :D

DeborahM
11-16-2008, 06:52 PM
True story! I promise!!

I used to work with a woman who was Polish. Her husband loved to tease her about being Polish and not always thinking things all the way through. Hence...

She decided to have spagatti for dinner and was stirring it with a short wooden spoon during a hard boil with water spurting and heavy steam rising.

He walked into the kitchen seeing her arm amist the boiling water and steam and told her, "Get a longer handle spoon to stir that!"

Her reply was, "That's okay, I've got long arms."

AZ_Dawn
11-17-2008, 04:37 AM
When roasting the turkey for Thanksgiving, look for a small mesh bag in the cavity before you start. Those are the giblets. Either use them to make gravy, or fry them up and feed them to the dog.

What you don't want to do is forget about them entirely, and then at the end of the evening have your foodie pal find them as she is carving up the bird for leftovers. Culinary fail.
My mom said she did this when she cooked her first turkey! Only back then I think gibblets were in paper bags.

I don't cook much, so I don't have mishap stories of my own, but boy, does my dad have a couple of doozies!

A few decades ago, my mom bought a couple of those new-fangled non-stick cookie sheets. Dad was washing dishes that night and thought she had burned something on them. He broke out the steel wool and scrubbed most of the black non-stick off both the cookie sheets. :e2smack:

A couple of years ago, the guys at my dad's workplace decided that since he got to work before them, he should make the coffee. Dad is not a coffee drinker. He opened up the Mr. Coffee, dropped in a filter, and filled it up with instant coffee. They never asked him to make coffee again. :cool:

Pagey's_Girl
11-17-2008, 07:17 PM
BTW, we can add oysters to the list of Stuff That Explodes In The Microwave.

I will be sooooo glad when the regular oven is fixed.

Clair Dickson
11-17-2008, 07:59 PM
I had cooked up a pound of hamburger meat in a sauce pan. I've always used the lid to hold the meat in the pan while I drain the grease out. I had the pot in place over the grease jar. And I thought "This is a bad idea" because the hold I had on it wasn't very good. (Hard to recall and hard to describe.)

Sure enough, I lost my hold on the lid. It was a nice glass lid that shattered upon impact with the floor into little glass bits. Of course it wasn't the cheap pan from the local retail store where they sell replacement lids. Nope.

icerose
11-18-2008, 02:03 AM
Kitchen related mishaps. A glass jar was dropped and after cleanup (I was 12) I went tromping through the kitchen barefooted thinking all the glass had been picked up. Nope, there was a glass sliver about an inch long that went straight into my heel. I finally let my sister take it out when she threated to take me to the doctor. It hurt a lot.

Culinary mishaps, my latest one. I decided to make cheesecake swirl brownies and halfway into the recipe I realized I was short about 4 eggs. I decided to try out some of my egg substitute recipes and rather than go with the flavorless jello one, I went with flour, baking powder and water. It was 30 minutes into the baking time when I realized the butter needed a binder and what I had wasn't going to do it. They turned out to be weird fudge/caramelized brownies with spots of cheesecake dotted throughout it. I prefer them when they turn our properly but at least they didn't go to waste.

My dad took over quite a bit of the cooking when my mom had her stroke and I was young, 11-12 ish all the way up through highschool. Breakfast was his favorite meal to prepare and unfortunately he was medically retired at this time because his brain was/is dying.

He'd set a plate of pancakes in front of us and he'd watch us with a big smile "You'll never believe what's in that." Never in my life has a single sentence been able to turn my stomach over. It was usually weavle filled oatmeal, month old mashed potatoes or used grease from 2 weeks before. Furthermore he did not believe in low and medium heat. So he'd make scalloped potatoes, fill the pan full of potatoes and wait for one side to burn then flip. So you'd get crunchy green, unrinsed raw potatoes in the middle, and burnt potatoes on the outside. I think school breakfast saved me during those years. I learned to hate a lot of things while he cooked. Oh and his spagetti, he felt plain tomato paste was all that was needed as a sauce. It took me about 3 years of cooking on my own to like any of those foods he cooked. :( The hard part was he was always so proud he cooked it and wanted us to love it so much I hope we did a good enough job faking it, because it really meant a lot to him.

Stlight
11-27-2008, 08:05 AM
Mon quit cooking when I was 13, it didn't help me learn to cook. Daddy bought take out home a lot.

On my own I've

Burned up three kettles and a couple of pans because I forgot I was heating water for coffee - instant.

Never try to cut a chocolate Easter egg that was frozen to keep from eating it right away.

Always dust your oven every six months. The one time I didn’t the dog came running in to tell me the kitchen was on fire. Actually just gray smoke from preheated dust, but a lot of it.

Don’t tell me no one else in this forum has set their hair on fire while lighting a cig on a gas burner.

BTW I’m sort of just visiting in this forum. Hi!

Inkspill
11-27-2008, 08:33 AM
I was ten when I tried to reheat a fast-food burger in the microwave. We were in a hotel (road trip) and so we had no plates. I microwaved it while it was sitting on its wrapper.
Aluminum wrapper = flammable.

Oops.

ThisIsEverything
11-29-2008, 05:36 PM
When I was ten I don't think I knew how to use the microwave beyond the "popcorn" button...

Keep these stories coming everyone!

Thump
11-29-2008, 10:12 PM
My dad decided once (when I was 13 or so) that he was going to make a cake. To this day we don't know what went wrong but we used what came out of the oven as a frisbee for a couple of days.

HeronW
11-29-2008, 10:45 PM
Oh my, lessee, I had a neat kettle painted with a cat on it and the spout was the tail. Put water on for tea, went to the mailbox. I'm halfway back across the lawn and Mom's yelling 'FIRE!'

I rush in. My feet are wet from the grass and I slip, my head hits the floor with a WHUMP. I'm on my feet before I can think of the pain and toss a box full of baking soda over everything and turn off the heat. Fire's out, everything south from the top of my head to my ass feels like it's been dislocated and exchanged for a rusty slinky.

I wore a cervical collar for 4 days.

Then the first turkey I ever did I carefully opened up the hind end, took out the goody bag with the neck and wondered why this bird didn't have a heart, liver, and giblets. A few hours post-cooking, the Ripley's Believe It or Not bird actually had the missing bits in another bag, nicely steamed, in the front end...

Then the meatballs I made 3 days ago looked fine, popped them in the oven. Turned around and saw the spices sitting lonely and unused. Took the meatballs out, smooshed them back together, added the spices, rolled them again and that worked a bit better.

Never be chopping stuff with a 9" knife and look the other way. If you do, don't bleed into the food. Don't try and hide the accident from Significant Other--like the splint to keep the knuckle flat and a huge bandage is invisible...

kikazaru
11-30-2008, 12:42 AM
One morning this summer I had just poured myself a nice up of tea straight from the kettle and decided that it would be way more cozy to drink it in bed. Somehow between holding my cup, getting the blankets on and finding the tv remote, I discovered the hard way that I didn't have three hands and ended dumping the entire cup of scalding tea on my lap. With speed that I hadn't known I possessed I yanked off my nightgown, pulled my underwear off and jumped into the bathtub. The MacDonald's coffee lady? Substitute tea and that was me - with no one to sue. I spent the day alternating between the bathtub and straddling a bag of frozen peas in bed. With a blister on my inner thigh the size of a good sized dinner plate (and peeling skin in places that can't be mentioned in polite company) I walked like a cowboy who had spent too long in the saddle for a good week. Lucky for me that other than a lingering fear of tea, there were no lasting effects.

Haggis
11-30-2008, 12:51 AM
One morning this summer I had just poured myself a nice up of tea straight from the kettle and decided that it would be way more cozy to drink it in bed. Somehow between holding my cup, getting the blankets on and finding the tv remote, I discovered the hard way that I didn't have three hands and ended dumping the entire cup of scalding tea on my lap. With speed that I hadn't known I possessed I yanked off my nightgown, pulled my underwear off and jumped into the bathtub. The MacDonald's coffee lady? Substitute tea and that was me - with no one to sue. I spent the day alternating between the bathtub and straddling a bag of frozen peas in bed. With a blister on my inner thigh the size of a good sized dinner plate (and peeling skin in places that can't be mentioned in polite company) I walked like a cowboy who had spent too long in the saddle for a good week. Lucky for me that other than a lingering fear of tea, there were no lasting effects.

:roll:

Ladies and gents, we have a winner.

Lock thread!

:ROFL:

Palmfrond
11-30-2008, 01:08 AM
Most first aid classes teach not to use ice on burns - just cool the area with water. Ice can make things worse by adding frostbite injury to the burn injury.

Haggis
11-30-2008, 01:20 AM
Most first aid classes teach not to use ice on burns - just cool the area with water. Ice can make things worse by adding frostbite injury to the burn injury.

And the culinary injuries just mount and mount and mount....:D

LaurieD
11-30-2008, 01:54 AM
For a while everything my then 12 year old sister cooked on the stove involved a fire. Boiling water? Caught her sleeve on fire (synthetic clothing will melt a bit while it burns). Grilled cheese? ala flambe. Mac and cheese? It took forever for her to scrape the inch of burned cheesy pasta off the bottom of my mother's favorite pot.

When my parents got their first microwave, that introduced new disasters... the microwave came with a fudgie brownie recipe that my sister developed a craving for one afternoon when she and I were home alone. Only after she whipped together all of the ingredients except the cocoa, did she realize we were out of cocoa and decides vanilla brownies sound alright, so stirs a spoonful of vanilla into the goopy mess and nukes it according to the recipe. It stayed a goopy mess. Eventually, after cooking it again and again, it became a goopy mess with burnt edges. Not wanting to put the goo in the trash, where a parent might see it, same parent who had banned my sister from cooking anything when they were not present (for obvious reasons), my sister decided the best way to get rid of the evidence is to dump it in the backyard, in the approximately soda can sized hole the clothesline support pole went in. About a week later, my day is mowing the lawn and moves the pole. Only to find the end covered in a sticky, gooey mess...

Growing up with my sister... good times, good times...

MaryMumsy
11-30-2008, 02:45 AM
I've had a few recipes that didn't turn out quite like I expected, but no disasters to speak of. My poor Mom on the other hand...the potato that exploded in the oven, the partially whipped cream all over the kitchen ceiling, the cake she had worked several hours on for my birthday that slid off the plate when she was taking it down from the top of the fridge, and the worst was when she was passing her hand over the top of a stove burner before setting some dishes down--she misjudged her distance and put her hand down on the HOT burner--perfect spiral burns over the entire palm and fingers. OUCH!

MM

SouthernFriedJulie
11-30-2008, 09:18 AM
My most recent mishap that doesn't include an injury would be a cake I made from a book that a PR agent sent for my diabetes blog. I was pretty thrilled at how lovely it turned out. Peanut Butter cake with Chocolate drizzle, oh yum!

Everyone was waiting for a bite so as soon as it was drizzled, out went samples. The look on even the 18 month old's face was enough to tell me something was very, very wrong. I took a bite and it taste horribly soapy. I had ran out of baking powder, so I added in a little more baking soda.

Bad idea. Bad, bad. Nasty, yuck, never do again. Nope. Even the dog sniffed it and walked away.

If you want injuries, there isn't a week that goes by that I don't try to maim myself. I constantly forget and just reach in to grab something out of the oven without a potholder. Just today I grabbed a diaper instead of the potholder and the outer cover melted onto my hand. Seems little man had sat the diaper up there when I told him to take it to daddy.

Yesterday I took a nail off reaching for the spatula in the spinny-thing my mom gave me to hold the utensils. My husband just waits for me to do something irrepairable.

I did get through making the entire Thankgiving deal without one incident that /I/ caused. My daughter on the other hand, she knocked the veggie platter out of the fridge.

Do I get a prize yet? Like one of you donating a pint of A- blood, just in case I need it?

Clair Dickson
11-30-2008, 09:46 AM
I was at my brother's last weekend making gravy from scratch and I managed to start melting the plastic spoon. Apparently the high heat required to cook gravy is too high for the spoon I was using.

Mmmm... melted plastic and gravy.

DragonHeart
05-17-2009, 10:51 PM
*resurrects thread*

Stories like these are why I'm afraid of cooking, though oddly enough I was a decent enough cook when I was young. I still remember the afternoon I made an entire baked chicken dinner for my mom before she came home from work. I only had to ask my father (who didn't even bother supervising me) a couple of questions and it did come out very well, if I recall correctly. I was in fourth or fifth grade at the time. I've yet to repeat the success of that day.

I remember the time my father tried to make my mom a birthday cake (and frosting) from scratch. The cake came out ok, but the frosting....it kind of melted off and puddled into a blue liquidy substance. Yeah.

I always dreaded the nights when he cooked dinner anyways. Everything was always burnt. To this day I will not eat anything with those nasty "black crunchies" on it. (You always knew when he cooked 'cause it wasn't done until the smoke alarm started going off...)

My mom's always been an awesome cook but even she has off days. She's exploded her fair share of things in the microwave, but the most memorable one that hasn't yet been mentioned in this thread is a can of cat food. If you think the stuff stinks now, just wait 'til its scorched remains are splattered all over the inside of a microwave. There are no words...

She also experiments every now and then with modifying recipes. I still remember that casserole she made...we threw it outside and even the wild animals wouldn't touch it. I don't think she ever attempted that particular recipe again.

Oh and my brother found out the hard way...never ever freeze a two liter bottle of Coke...he left it in the sink to defrost then went to open it...the floors, counters and walls were sticky for weeks afterward.

Anyone else ever play the "throw the spaghetti on the ceiling" game to see how long it would stick? Sometimes it didn't come back down... :D We had dried spaghetti on the living room ceiling for years.

jane cooks
05-17-2009, 11:46 PM
I now cook and write about food for a living, but everyone starts somewhere. I was 21 and had just returned from my first trip to the Aspen Food and Wine Festival where I had seen the much loved and dearly missed Barbara Tropp cook a whole red snapper in a wok. She dedicated her life to studying and cooking exquisite Chinese food and ran the China Moon Cafe in San Francisco until she succumbed to cancer about 9 years ago. She was a tiny dynamo of a woman and nothing was too difficult for her. How hard could it be?

I retuned home determined to recreate her recipe and set out to find the biggest red snapper I could find. It cost a fortune, but I brought it home set to work, snapper scales flying around my tiny apartment kitchen. I pulled out my brand new wok and filled it up with what seemed like an insane amount of oil. The recipe said to make sure the heat on my electric stove was on high. I re-read the recipe and salted the fish one last time before lowering it carefully into the wok. Wet fish. Small, wok. Molten oil. Electric stove. You get the picture.

I didn't burn down the apartment complex, but I did destroy the stove and the wallpaper above it. We moved shortly after that, but I will say that I was able to save the snapper. In my attempts to put out the fire, I'd thrown flour over everything and when that caught fire, I threw even more. It looked like an air plane had gone down in my kitchen. When the fire was over I sank to the floor, shaking slightly at my near death experience, and downed a large glass of tequilla.

I could see the tail of the fish hanging our of the wok. I dragged it off the stove and slid it across the slick, floured floor towards me. It looked like a total loss, but I pulled the fish out of the oil onto a half-burnt kitchen towel and scraped off some of the floured, crisped skin. The meat was infused with lemon grass and garlic. The fish wasn't greasy even though it had been sitting in oil for a half-hour. It was perfectly cooked and just about the best thing I'd ever had. So, lesson learned. And isn't that what cooking is all about?

Shail
05-18-2009, 12:14 AM
A few short exerpts from my experiences at cooking:

Boo-boo one: We have a large dog. He likes cake. We baked a cake, put it in one of those nice tupperware cake cover things, and hid it inside the oven. I came home from work, preheated the oven, and started preparing dinner. An awful smell filled the kitchen. Whoops. The cake was still in the oven, and now it was iced with molten plastic. I was mad at myself for a week, but it didn't stop me from making the same mistake one week later when . . .

Boo-boo two: My baby brother put his stuffed penguin in the oven and pretended to cook him. I came home, preheated the oven; smelled a horrible smell. Burning acrylic fur. Ew. No more penguin. Oops.

Boo-boo three: I had a mildly humorous injury cooking over an open fire. My family likes to do historical reenactments, and one of the challenges in that is to cook over open fire. We have several pieces of wrought iron cooking equipment, including a copper tube known as a 'blow pipe'. It's used to keep the fire ventilated so it flames instead of smouldering. Ours had a nice leather handle at the top for gripping, and I dropped the pipe, handle first into the fire. Oops. I reached into the fire, grabbed the pipe by the end that was glowing cherry red, and picked it up. Standing there for a second or two, I realized that my hand hurt! The pipe was hot enough that my nerves didn't immediately register the heat. I dropped the pipe, which promptly fell back into the flames handle first, and ran for the nearest basin of cold water. I felt really dumb with second degree burns covering my whole palm, but the injury healed pretty fast, and I learned a valuable lesson. Do not play the hero and reach into an open fire for a piece of white hot metal. I don't care how tough you think you are. Glowing metal is dangerous. :)

JoeEkaitis
05-18-2009, 04:37 AM
Cathy and I thought sour cream might add a buttermilky tang to pancakes. We didn't realize the acidity would burn all the leavening power out of the baking powder.

Live. Learn.

BardSkye
05-18-2009, 06:54 AM
Radishes in a stir-fry dish just don't work. They turn really nasty.

Hubby made a mistake one day when he was trying to bake carrot cake. Mixed up a couple of recipes. To this day I have never tasted a more delicious carrot cake, but we've never been able to recreate it.

I've cooked the occasional skillet stored in the oven but finally got into the habit of checking the oven before turning it on. I also learned the hard way not to put a dab of butter into a skillet to heat then leave the room to check e-mails. Wasn't too bad. Only took about an hour to clear the smoke out by opening the doors and every available window. Got a little chilly, though, as it was -30C with a strong wind.

Bmwhtly
05-18-2009, 03:39 PM
Most recently, I had a cake-related mishap.

I was baking my world-famous Cappuccino Cake (coffee cake with white chocolate icing).

The cake was done, so I started on the icing (or 'frosting' if you prefer). I had the chocolate and the butter in a bowl over a pan of boiling water. It's just melted, so I open the cupboard to get the icing sugar and Thump! a bag of flour falls out, hits the edge of the bowl and dumps a bowlful of melted chocolate and butter onto the worktop.

I swore solidly for five minutes.

Then waited till it had solidified, chipped it off and ate it while improvising a coffee icing :P

jane cooks
05-18-2009, 10:46 PM
Just preparing dinner for a client but salted the tenderloin with sugar my daughter had put in a bowl on the counter this morning. We only use kosher salt and I keep it in a bowl. Sweet tenderloin? I think not.

Rebekah7
05-21-2009, 10:35 AM
I replaced the wheat flour in a recipe for bread flour, and I ended up with the stickiest dough on the face of the planet. It cooked up nice, but it looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy and his family had been murdered on my kitchen counter.


That wasn't nearly as bad as when I didn't pay attention to how much water I put in my rice, and ended up with rice slop that took hours to make any sort of edible.

DragonHeart
11-14-2010, 11:22 PM
I have a good one from a few months ago. One of my coworkers blew up the microwave at work. She was a cooking one of those microwavable rice packets for lunch, only she a. accidentally put it in for about 90 minutes and b. went back up front and got sidetracked, as she is wont to do. It wasn't until thick black smoke started spilling into the pharmacy that anyone realized something was amiss. Luckily it hadn't caught on fire yet. The break room was unusable for over a week.

icerose
11-15-2010, 12:20 AM
I was trying to make Boston Cream filling one time. Cooked up my vanilla pudding and it was beautiful. Set it into the fridge to chill. Whipped up my whipped cream until it had fantastic peaks and then very carefully mixed the two together. Can anyone say water pudding? It was completely runny. I was sort of desperate though so I put in some cream of tartar hoping it would thick it up. Ugh. So nasty. No, cream of tarter will NOT thicken up your ruined pudding, but it will successfully make it the nastiest stuff on earth. I would have been better off freezing it up as pudding pops or putting it into an icecream maker. To this day I have never made a successful boston cream filling. I have no idea what I do wrong.