The Dreaded "Here, Let Me Show You My Work"

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starrykitten

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I don't have enough street cred as a writer to be asked "where do you get your ideas?" and all the token questions like that.

But, quite often, I do find myself on the receiving end of "since you're a writer, I thought I'd share this with you." Regrettably, this generally happens on dates or with potential dates who I can only imagine are attempting to impress me with things like articles they wrote for their student newspaper about new parking regulations. Often there's no room to even object, and before I even know it, poems are attached to emails or, worse yet, read to me in semi-public places.

As a writer and weirdo, I'll admit to being kind of a snob if the preceding paragraph didn't make it clear. I don't expect people who've only ever written things like student newspaper articles to be literary geniuses. It's not that I think amateurs shouldn't write; I just feel like their writing often gets forced upon me, which puts me on the spot and makes me really uncomfortable. And the snobby part comes in when I have to admit that I've lost interest in people before over this.

I'm not even talking about people who want free critiques, though that's obnoxious too.

For one, I'd love to hear any funny stories you have about this phenomenon.

But I'd also like to know if anybody has found a good way of dealing with this. Is there a way to be polite and also keep boundaries?
 

October

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Some of my friends like to do that to me. What I do is I tell them that I can't, because I don't want to spoil it when they get published some day. I don't think they really believe me, but it gets them to stop. For strangers or people you don't know very well you can just tell them nicely that you don't critique for free. And if they offer to pay you, well, I guess that's cool.
 

donroc

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I tell them that my attorney recommends I do not look at anyone else's writing to avoid being sued if I have something in my books they feel I stole from them.

If they persist, say it is the industry standard in Hollywood -- no reading of unsolicted material.
 

Polenth

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If it's someone I don't want to critique, I politely redirect it. Often I can say I don't know much about that genre/topic (it's once in a blue moon that I'm asked by someone writing the same genre). Or that I lack time.

Whatever happens though, it doesn't hurt to be positive about it. Congratulate them for finishing or getting an acceptance. Often people are looking for general encouragement because they're excited, rather than an in-depth response (which reminds me of this cartoon).
 

starrykitten

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That cartoon is great! :)

My general experience is that people are looking for a ringing endorsement from a "real writer" and don't want any critique, but just to be praised. I can understand that and I'm glad people write, but I do find it kind of manipulative.

I don't have an attorney so I don't think I can use that one convincingly, but I'll keep thinking.
 

CheshireCat

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I tell them that my attorney recommends I do not look at anyone else's writing to avoid being sued if I have something in my books they feel I stole from them.

If they persist, say it is the industry standard in Hollywood -- no reading of unsolicted material.

Best possible response.

If you don't have an attorney and don't believe you can fake it, just say either that your agent (if you have one) or agents you're submitting to (if you don't) insist on a strict policy whereby you never read the work of other writers unless it's published and on the shelves.

And if you feel more is necessary, you can add something to the effect that publishing is actually a huge business, in which your area of expertise is really quite small, and asking your opinion about their work is akin to asking a plumber to check the wiring.

Most people get it by then, or at least accept the refusal with halfway decent grace.
 

Carmy

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One reason not to let anyone know you write. I have a double-barrelled name and I'm published under one I rarely use, so I can stay "in the closet" to those outside my critique circle.

At a conference I attended, I sat next to a lady who was regaling two women in the next row with the story of her novel. I had no choice but to listen. She went into minute details of the characters and plot. When she was done, I asked where she was published. She hadn't even written Word One -- ever.

I've heard a lot of people talk about the great novel they were going to write. Of course, they always believe it will be published immediately. Few write a word. Writing is hard work and, if you're happier talking rather than doing, you'll never be a writer. At least you're seeing someone's effort.
 

Chasing the Horizon

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Never happened to me either, and I don't keep the fact that I write secret. I have had people I barely know ask to read my work, though. I always just say 'no', lol. Being polite isn't a major concern of mine (I think a lot of the strangers who want to read my work just want a free book to read).
 

payitforward

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I usually just tell them I'm a rather brutal editor, and to not show it to me unless they want blood and carnage. Of course, this makes me sound like the queen of goth, and certainly doesn't work on a date (unless I'm going out with the king of goth, then I'd revise said statement).
 

Ms Hollands

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Nobody has ever asked me either, despite two friends each writing novels and another writing children's fiction. If they asked - or any friends who had written anything wanted me to read it - I wouldn't be as condescending as to assume they're amateurs before even reading their work. If editors thought like that, nobody new would ever get published.

Until you're the BEST writer in the world (and perhaps even if you are), I'd suggest a little more humility might actually aid your writing so you do get the 'street cred' (if that's your motivation to write - it's certainly not mine) that you say you don't have.
 

JamieFord

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Call me a sucker, but I've given quick critiques to more friends and acquaintances than I can count. I've also had dozens of job shadows from the local high schools and spoken to half as many English classes. When I was an advertising creative director, I was always asked to review student portfolios and such. I guess the habit stuck...
 

Bufty

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I think you are polishing the cherry a tad, starrykitten. Or the ego.
 

Deccydiva

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Personally, I would be highly flattered if anyone asked me and I would do my best to say something helpful and point them in the right direction, whether that be "keep writing" or "here's where you find details of Agents and publishers" (and a good website lol). :) I wouldn't judge it as such - who am I to criticise after all - but in the same way that I would crit a piece on SYW - I would make it clear that I was looking at it as a reader not a writer. If it was not the genre or style that I am used to and enjoy, I would put my hands up and politely decline on the grounds that I am not "qualified" to read that kind of material.
 

L M Ashton

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I don't give critiques to people who are outside my genre, but that's more of a practicality thing than anything else. I have a friend who writes literary/chicklit/humour and poetry, none of which I read. What do I know about what's standard, derivative, normal, or even proper within those bounds? How could I possibly know what's good, bad, or ugly? How would my opinion have any value? And that's exactly how I discussed it with her.

Strangers I won't critique either, but that's more so due to me not having the desire than anything else. Friends or acquaintances who aren't writers but need to get something written for work - well, not unless they're willing to pay me. Someone who I owe for other reasons, ah, whole other ball game.

In other words, my response is quite variable depending on the situation and the person involved.
 

NeuroFizz

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It has happened a few times, and I try to be encouraging about learning to write. I dodge any direct involvement by telling them about AW and the kind of information, help, and crits they can get here. I don't know if anyone has ever come here on my suggestion, but the strategy seems to get any critting off the immediate table. And the best part is that it is sincere--if they want to learn to write, what better place to come?
 

underthecity

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It hasn't happened at any event or booksigning I attended, however, a coworker asked if I could read a "fictionalized memoir" his wife wrote about her time working for restaurants from the 1950s to the 1980s. The story was primarily the career and personal growth of a carhop. I had no problem reading it, and asked if she wanted honest criticism, and he said yes, please be brutal.

I read it. The story itself was interesting, but was buried under very bad, amateurish writing. I offered a list of points that needed to be addressed with the manuscript, and he thanked me and that was the end of that. Apparently his wife doesn't want to go any further with it. She simply wanted to write the story down for family to read. And that's fine, I suppose.
 

Shara

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When it happens to me, and the person involved is someone I like, I tend to ask, "so which kind of critique do you want - the brutally honest one or the one where I just pat you on the back?".

Most of the time, fortunately, people who ask me are doing so because of my long involvement with my writing group and experience in doing critiques, so they are looking for an honest critique, warts and all.

The day that someone says, "I just want you to tell me how good I am" I might have to make some difficult decisions!

Shara
 

starrykitten

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Until you're the BEST writer in the world (and perhaps even if you are), I'd suggest a little more humility might actually aid your writing so you do get the 'street cred' (if that's your motivation to write - it's certainly not mine) that you say you don't have.

I think you are polishing the cherry a tad, starrykitten. Or the ego.


Please underline the part where I said I knew I was a better writer than any of these people.

Or you could read the part where I say I'm uncomfortable with being put on the spot and suddenly spending an hour listening to student newspaper article recitations. If being uncomfortable with that makes me egotistical, I'll live with that and assume that anyone who finds that egotistical would love to spend that hour listening to the student newspaper articles when just trying to have coffee.

My issue isn't with people asking for my opinion--I'd gladly critique friends' writing or give general advice to new writers. My issue is with having writing forced upon me rather than being asked. It's a bit similar to doctors complaining about being asked for medical advice at cocktail parties.

I like your idea, Shara, and saying that before you read anybody's writing is good to do in advance. If anyone I don't know super-well asks for a critique, I'll try that.
 

CaroGirl

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The only items from acquaintances that I've been asked to look at are resumes and applications. What did I do? Well, I did it, of course. Why not?

What if I were asked to look at fiction, outside my crit group? I might suggest the acquaintance join the crit group, even for just one meeting to get a feel for whether it would work for them.

I think kindness, support, encouragement and humility would go a long way to making this world a better place. If I didn't want to read and crit something for a friend or acquaintance, for whatever reason, I would then choose honesty.
 

Toothpaste

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I think that something people may want to take into consideration is the second you get published, to ANY degree, suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork wanting you to read over their work and recommending them to their agent. I have certain friends with whom I have exchanged MSs since I was little. I have some new author friends who I will do the same with. And on the rarest of occasions I will read something a child sends me. BUT. If I said yes to every single MS sent my way, I would simply have no time to do my own work. I have to prioritise. Also, while some people genuinely want my input (though I have no idea why), most see a published author not to get a really in depth beta read, but more as someone who could help them get published, and that's a little irritating to be honest. I don't like feeling used.

Anyway, it isn't simply about one or two people asking, it's about the numbers adding up.
 
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CaroGirl

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I think, starry, that something you may want to take into consideration is the second you get published, to ANY degree, suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork wanting you to read over their work and recommending them to their agent.
Well, then, I look forward to having this problem. :)
 

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I know you were making a joke, but truly imagine what it is like to have people think you OWE them something. I will pay it forward as much as I can, I reply back to every email sent me and in detail, making sure to answer any queries I can about the publishing world. I am very loyal to friends, and will drop everything to read their work if they have a deadline looming or whathaveyou. And every once and a while, if I happen to have the time, I will say yes to doing a critique. Yes getting published is amazing, but it isn't perfect and it comes with its own set of stresses and frustrations. You may look forward to having this problem in that you look forward to getting published, but truly it is an issue just as one has issues before one gets published.
 

Vincent

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My own recurring problem comes from my grandfather, who is constantly asking me if I've gotten around to reading the faded, 20 year old manuscript I said I'd look at in one of my weaker moments. From what he's let slip, I've gathered that it's at least semi-autobiographical, and includes a sex scene.

I just can't bring myself to read it.
 

CaroGirl

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I know you were making a joke, but truly imagine what it is like to have people think you OWE them something. I will pay it forward as much as I can, I reply back to every email sent me and in detail, making sure to answer any queries I can about the publishing world. I am very loyal to friends, and will drop everything to read their work if they have a deadline looming or whathaveyou. And every once and a while, if I happen to have the time, I will say yes to doing a critique. Yes getting published is amazing, but it isn't perfect and it comes with its own set of stresses and frustrations. You may look forward to having this problem in that you look forward to getting published, but truly it is an issue just as one has issues before one gets published.
Oh, don't worry; I've lived long enough to know that getting one thing I want won't make my life "perfect," whatever that is.

Thanks for your insights on your writing life; they're always appreciated.

Oh, and I have a new middle grade novel ms I'm working on. Do you mind if I send along to you so you can give me your opinion?... :)
 
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