View Full Version : Fajita Sunrise: Chapter 2

10-20-2008, 06:02 AM
O.M.G!!!! It was in my mailbox!

I've been trying to keep a low profile...you all know...after that 'Smurf's Dance' at the party...I was....any way.

I did not write this. I can promise that.


Yet, it seems 'Little Sisters of Whoop-Ass' (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=118491)aren't the only thing we need to worry about.

Fajita Sunrise: Chapter 2


Haggis here.

What Jaycinth wrote ...well...it's not exactly true. Not all of it, anyhow.

See, Jay drinks. She drinks a lot. She forgets things, and sometimes makes stuff up.

Don't get me wrong. It's true enough that Mel was missing. It's true too that Ben Panced was back in town with his crew of rabble rousers. But that bit about Bernie burying the bodies in the alley? Never happened. Not once. Jaycinth forgets we leave them out there for Tsuki to play with. It's not until they get nice and ripe that Mel harvests them for use as the Weekend Special. And now that Mel was gone, the bodies were piling up. So something had to be done.

Ben Panced has always been a thorn in our side. He used to be a regular in the Cabaret until Jay found out he'd stolen Mel's recipe for Buffalo Chicken Lungs and shared it with the crazies in mscelina's Fangatorium. Jay was willing to forgive him, but Bernie was angry beyond reason. Ben's lucky he didn't get stomped to death. Bernie loves those lungs so much.

So, for his own protection, Jay banned Ben from the Cabaret.
It didn't take Ben long to seek his revenge. A few months ago he stole our margarita machine and our nacho cheese dispenser. So I wasn't surprised to find out he'd stolen our chef as well. The question was, what were we going to do about it? I, for one, opted to go back to the bar, have another drink and forget about it.

Bmwhtly and Cray agreed with me, but the female barflies decided we had to find him and bring him back.

"But, why?" I asked. "The man's disgusting. He hasn't bathed in years, he has open sores on his body, and he can't cook worth a damn. Nobody ever, ever eats anything he makes. The man sweats pus, for Dog's sake. Why should we even bother?"

"I think he's cute," said Tink. Inky, Bug, TrainofThought, Cindy and Sister OFG nodded in agreement. Jay would have nodded too, but she had passed out on the floor again. As usual, the men were outvoted.

BMW was upset but tried hard not to show it. "So the die is cast, is it? We've crossed the Rubicon, have we? We've burned our bridges, eh? The point of no return, I suppose? My kingdom for a horse?"

"Wrong cliché," said Cindy, pouring a pitcher of Guinness over his head. BMW silently squeezed the remaining Guinness out of his hair into his breakfast bucket.

Jaycinth staggered to her feet. "That's it, then," she slurred. "We're going to find him and bring him back. Haggis, grab your hypodermic needle and follow me. We're going to Rolling Thunder's Magic shop."

Gentleman that I am, I grabbed Jays elbow to help her steady herself. Then she hauled off and kicked me across the room.
"But, Jay," I whined. "Why?"

"That wasn't my elbow," she said.
"Oh. Sorry." I trotted along behind her and out the door.


The tide was out at Fisherman's Worf, and, surprisingly, the sun shown high above. That resultant combination baked the dead sea creatures left on the beach, and the brisk offshore wind wafted those tantalizing odors into a small building just off the main drag. A filthy man in a bloody apron lay on a cot in a far corner of the room, thrashing in his sleep. As the aroma reached his nostrils, he stopped moving. He lay back on the cot and breathed deeply. He smiled. Then he opened his eyes and sat up.

"Yeow!" he moaned, clutching his head with both hands and closing his eyes again. "What happened? Why does my head hurt so much?"

"We've sobered you up, Mel," said Mscelina, the evil leader of the Fangatorium crazies. "You're far too good a cook to stay in that drunken stupor the Cabaret crowd keep you in."
Mel reopened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. "Stop staring at the ceiling," shouted celina.

"Okay," said Mel, as he continued to stare at the ceiling.
"Ack! Do something, Soccer Mom," said celina. "We need him healthy." Soccer Mom is celina's second in command and does all her heavy lifting.

"I suppose I could subpoena him," said Soccer Mom." Soccer Mom went to law school so she could be admitted to the bar. Those of us from the Comedy Cabaret didn't see any point in going to school, so we went straight to the bar as soon as we were able to crawl.

"Save that for the supermods, Soccer Mom," said Celina. "We need to get him up and working now. The banquet is in two days. He's wasting his awesome cooking talents lying in bed like that."

"Awesome cooking talents?" said Mel, lowering his eyes from the ceiling. "Who's here? Weren again?"

"She's talking about you, Mel," said Cranky, another of celina's cranky henchwomen. "You, Mel, you."

"Me? Nobody likes my cooking. Nobody's ever tried anything I've made. Well, there was that one guy, Gordon Jerome, but he disappeared shortly afterwards. I don't suppose he counts."
An overly hirsute man stepped out of the shadows, walked over to Mel, put a hand on his shoulder, thought better of it, wiped it on his pants then shoved it in his pocket.

"Mel, my name's Ben Panced. I'm the one who
kidnapped you from the Cabaret. You want to know why I did?"

"Not really," said Mel.

"Okay, I'll tell you," said Ben Panced. "Mel, we tried your recipe for Buffalo Chicken Lungs. It was heaven. Only a great chef could have come up with a recipe like that."

"You made my lungs? Did you remember to cook them in crankcase oil?"
"Did you remember to use the lungs of diseased chickens?"
"And, you actually ate them?"
"And you survived?"

"Well, I pooted, but that's about it. The fact is, Mel, I liek your Buffalo Chicken Lungs."

"I'll be damned," said Mel.

"More than likely," said Celina. "But we don't have time for that right now. Mel, we've hired you out as the chef for a very special event, the Annual Los Angeles Sauerkraut Packer's Union's Annual Conference. You'll be preparing Southwestern cuisine for the entire membership."

"Armadillo road kill," said Mel, his eyes brightening.


I had morphed back into a Chihuahua and rode in Jaycinth's cleavage as we entered Rolling Thunder's Magic Shop. We walked without incident past RT's crack security team, despite the weaponry we were carrying. Jay stood at the counter and banged impatiently on the service bell.

I kept a wary eye on the security team, but knew they were not likely to try anything. Jaycinth's reputation always precedes her.
A huge yellow circle with two hundred teeth slowly sauntered in from the back room and stepped up behind the cash register. "You two," he said with a snarl. "You here to pick out new avatars?”

....Was Jay going to sober up? Was Haggis going to let her? Was the snarling yellow circle really something to worry about?

Find out if in Chapter 3 of...

Fajita Sunrise!

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-20-2008, 04:06 PM
I'm speechless!

Speechless, I tell you!

All I did was nod!?!

10-20-2008, 04:27 PM
:Clap: :Clap: :Clap: :Clap: :Clap:


10-20-2008, 04:36 PM
Jay keeps abusing me. I demand my rights!

10-20-2008, 04:38 PM
just enjoy the ride. or view?
...i'm not sure which.

10-20-2008, 04:38 PM
*jumps on back of huge yellow circle, mindfully keeping calves away from gazillion teeth....whoops...performs humpy-hoppy thing...whoops again...slides off...*

He doesn't buck.

*wipes sweaty palms on jeans...saunters back to Cabaret to collect bet money...*

And they thought I'd never try to turn RT into a bucking bronco....pffff!!!!

10-20-2008, 06:23 PM

It's funneh 'cause it's true.

10-20-2008, 08:13 PM
I'm speechless!

Speechless, I tell you!

All I did was nod!?!
At least you had a roll in this chapter.

Who's Mel anyway?

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-21-2008, 02:37 AM
My agent apparently didn't do a very good job... it wasn't a speaking part!

10-21-2008, 02:53 AM
My agent apparently didn't do a very good job... it wasn't a speaking part!

I'm not naming names because, as I said a week ago I am not a name namer.

Not that I would not name names were I to be given names to name.

Anyway...what was I saying? Oh yeah.

I believe your agent could have gotten you that speaking part, but, instead made the choice to continue living.

Be nice to the boy, OFG, I do believe he has ...uh....done his 'pennance' in his pants.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-21-2008, 05:33 AM
But now, JayC, he has to face my wrath. He made a poor choice.

10-21-2008, 06:04 AM
I need more of a role in this story.

10-21-2008, 06:19 AM
I need more of a role in this story.

Parker House or Crescent?

Inquiring minds want to know!

10-21-2008, 06:24 AM
Hey, now. I'm getting played as a patsy, not the awe-inspiring being that I am in real life. This thing needs a serious rewrite.

And I'm not taking goldfish for an answer.

10-22-2008, 09:52 PM
:Clap::Clap: Can't wait for the next installment! :popcorn:

10-22-2008, 11:14 PM
Heeheehee :D

I'ma get me some Fajita Sunrise...