View Full Version : The Evil Thread of D&D!

05-03-2005, 05:08 AM
Hello...fools, I mean honored guests at the Red Rum Inn. I give you the Evil Thread of D&D (Doom and Destruction, not Dungeons and Dragons I ensure you), which point is to have no point. The goal of this thread is to be as random as possible regarding conspiracy theories linking unrelated things in unrelated times together like an ancient 10,000 year old vampire/demon/loser/punk and an alternate world history in the sci-fi genre with a group of rogue colonists who go and kill aliens with ray guns and large robots. You see how random that was? Did you know that x1+x2/2,y1+y2/2 is the midpoint theorem? What was I talking about again? I forgot I guess, can you remind me?

- Nelosastrium (Evil Genius)

05-03-2005, 05:22 AM
Why yes, I can remind you of what I was saying. Harry Truman dated Donald Trump's third cousin who was responsible for planting the notorious cigar in the Lewinsky snatch case that led to Bill Gates digital fame. Don't worry, there's a Fox on the tail of that hound.


05-03-2005, 05:31 AM
O fie o fool, thou art have only contained thy imagination to one century. Thy art must put thy art into multi centuries such as the Minotaur that Thesus killed was resurrected and went on a wild rampage on the Wild Wild West, killing Will Smith and eating locusts from that terrible TV movie recently on TV. Then from the spirtual realm, a group of ex-marine convicts from the Tom Clancy Novel Clear and Present Danger went in and shot the Minotaur with a hell of a lot of bullets with archaic chinese crossbow which they obtained from the Bzyantinnes of South America (AKA those classy classy human blood worshippers who sacrificed thousands of humans to their gods and like Jade stuff). Ha, no one can challenge my randomness. I crown myself...The Tyrant of Randomness!

05-03-2005, 05:43 AM
Hey! I gave it my best. I even lowered myself to using the word "snatch" in a way that nearly compromised my own spirituality. :box:


05-10-2005, 03:15 AM
Tsk, tsk...your minds but touch on the truth hidden from mankind:

In the pages of the Alexiad of Anna Comena is hiden the secret location of the treasures of King Solomon. Stolen by invading horseman from the shores of Lake Bakal, the treasure was carted away to the Temple of Shiva outside Bombay. It was used to pay the ransom for several nobles captured while journeying with Marco Polo to the Chinese Emperor's Court. In the begiinings of WWII, a wiley Japanese Colonel transported it to his home on Okinawa, where it was discovered buried by American engineers. They sold it to a reputed drug lord from Central America who used it to fund his activities. The treasure passed into the hands of Swiss bankers who were forced to give it over to several disreputable Armenians who threatened to reveal the Nazi backgrounds of the Bankers. Unfortunately for the Armenians, the treasure was aboard a jet that crashed over Scotland some years ago. The treasure fell into the moat of Prince Charles' ancestral castle, where it was discovered by the monthly moat-cleaning service. They took it to the United States and blew it all on an ill-advised Superbowl bet (da Bills). The winner, a resident of Seattle, used it to open his life-ling dream: an expensive coffee shop.

Thus, the Alexiad reads: Form Solomon's treasure shall the filthy Europeans buy a new land; from it's depths shall spring a liquid, dark, viscous, and foul. And the world will bend before the will of the Star, as it bucks mightly against the resraints of Heaven.


05-14-2005, 07:47 AM
When the alien woodchucks land in Florida with their legions of mechanized rodent shock troops, then the pies will realy start flying in new york. For surely then Underdog will come out of retirement and fly to the rescue. Either that or that stupid mouse up on the moon will come to our rescue singing "here I come to save the day!"

But it will not matter. For then teh crazed domino pizza drivers will be unleashed, promised a raise and paid insurance premiums if they will just get these pizzas (actually explosive ones) to the most secure points across the U.S. Our defense structure will crumble amidst cries of "I don't care if it's been 32 minutes, pay full price you cheap punk!" and squealing rubber.

Then the tailed ones will rise from the hereafter and banish us to a 16 bit arcade with only 2 tokens.

And that my young friends, is what Hell truly is.

05-15-2005, 03:03 PM
where is it you ask? where?! i'll tell you where! or will i?! no i shant because, no i won't tell you! **** off! go ask donald rumsfeld.

mc donalds and happy meals? carrabonara and veals?! are you sick!?!!! why did you kill her?!!?!!!! WHY?! because your allergic to cucumbers? a saddening thing but understandable.

a wedding is simply a matter of the bride knock out the husband and shooting the taxi driver in the face with a six-shooter. of course the wedding is invalid if the bride is wearing a stetson. as a matter of fact, anything should be considered legal if your wearing a banana instead of a pear, because arlo guthrie is the son of a genius.

*sigh* unfortunately i cannot tell you the manner of the radio legs and arms. my brain is an archive of childrens knowledge which is not to be shared with impostors such as those who eat children, which by the way is perfectly humane, if your wearing a banana instead of a pear.

which brings me to my next point, why are you all dead? is it because i shot you each 76 times in the head? doubtful, seeing as i was wearing an onion instead of brocolli on my head(which is the vegetable substitute for banana's and pears) i suspect the reason your all dead is because each and everyone of you men gave birth to a 23 year old blonde with large breasts. and all of you women thinking your semen are better than your sewomen. you are a disgrace.

think that the fact of the matter is the whole world is insane, apart from me, because i was wearing an onion AND a banana on my head while while this whole matter took place. so if your not wearing a stetson i'll kill you/buy you one, if you are wearing a stetson it means that you have decieved me, so i shal kill you then also.

NOTICE: all banana's and onions are sold out. only pears and brocolli remains.

Honey Nut Loop
06-18-2005, 03:30 AM
When Jonny's retainer fell down the toilet little did he know that it would end up on the unknown continent of Tuki-tuki coated in a festive layer of seaweed. Neither did he now how easily freakishly shaped objects can become idols of worship when shockingly discovered in the jaws of a chimp.
And when the elusive hefty being's that inhabit Tuki-tuki sail across the ocean in a small coracle made of singing barnacles to attempt world domination they will claim, whilst clinging naked to trafic lights, that the metal gizmo told them that this was what they must do. This will inevitably lead to chronic congestion thanks to the inability of people in general to cooperate and a freakish decision by all that life size fairground dodgems are a fantastic way to pass the time on long journeys. Taxes inevitable will increase due to these jams which are of course strawberry flavoured.

Johnny apologises for any inconveniance he has caused.