Exclamation marks within a sentence.

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bonobo_jones

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[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]If he is very bouncy, keep your hand in place, wait a second or two and tell him OK! break! or any release word you choose – just always use the same word.
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[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Is this use of exclamation marks within a sentence correct? I would prefer to keep them for emphasis. And if so, should "break!" by capitalised, or no? It looks funny capitalised to me but I think I'm getting to confuzzled with this now.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Thanks![/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Oh - this relates to dog training, if that makes any difference whatsoever.
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Bufty

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JAS - If he is very bouncy, keep your hand in place, wait a second or two then say, "Break!"

Use whatever release word you choose, but be consistent each time you give the command.
 

bonobo_jones

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JAS - If he is very bouncy, keep your hand in place, wait a second or two then say, "Break!"

Use whatever release word you choose, but be consistent each time you give the command.

That's an easy getaround! I guess I had that sentence longer (just went back and reread the paragraph) because the preceding and following sentences are short. Emphatic, even. :D
But...is my use of exclamation marks correct, or is that sentence utterly mangled the way I wrote it?
 

FennelGiraffe

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But...is my use of exclamation marks correct, or is that sentence utterly mangled the way I wrote it?

As far as I can find, these are the ways in which a word or phrase followed by an exclamation mark can be used inside a sentence:
  • enclosed in quotation marks
  • enclosed in em-dashes
  • enclosed in parentheses
  • italicized
  • when it's a title or proper name
Your usage is non-standard, although I did find one example of it in published fiction, in Heartburn, by Nora Ephron.
 

bonobo_jones

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Thanks and rep points to all! :) I changed the sentence, but did keep the "OK" because that's how I've used it in the rest of the book. This is the first draft, the editor will let me know what she wants changed, I'm sure.

If he is very bouncy, keep your hand in place, wait a second or two and tell him “OK!” “Break!” or any release word you choose – just always use the same word.
 

Ms Hollands

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Using the separate talking marks makes it look like two people speaking. It really should read: "Okay! Break!" (I would also never use "OK" because to me, it's like using "u" instead of "you".

An exclamation mark should be treated like a full stop in a sentence.
 

Bufty

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Does the dog know what OK means? That's meant as a serious question. It seems daft to me to have that as a command, or part of any command.

Is it inferred I could say, "Chocolate!" or "Toothbrush!" or "Spam!" so long as I train the dog to connect that word to the specific action required?

If so, three cheers for doggie one-upmanship -eh? :)
 
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Bufty

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I took it to illustrate one has a choice. There's no two people in sight.

Using the separate talking marks makes it look like two people speaking. It really should read: "Okay! Break!" (I would also never use "OK" because to me, it's like using "u" instead of "you".

An exclamation mark should be treated like a full stop in a sentence.
 

Ms Hollands

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So, with no two people in sight, it's just plain wrong. You wouldn't write something like:

I looked out the window and saw the neighbour's dog pooing on my lawn. I glared at him and said: "Bad dog." "Don't do that."

I don't see what choice it illustrates, but maybe that's just me. :Shrug:
 

Bufty

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Correct -it's just you. :Hug2: Can't you see the word 'or'?

It's a dog-training manual. It's not a novel - there are no characters.
 
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bonobo_jones

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Har...yes, the or following the two words is supposed to indicate one can use either word, or any other word of one's choosing. That's not clear? Crap, this writing thing is tricky!

Bufty, yes. OK (or break or free or whatever) can be a command, a release word. Like, when you tell a dog to stay, it's a pretty useless command unless you also tell the dog when he can stop staying. :)
 

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Oh, I'm really not reading well today, am I. Okay, I see the 'or' after those two words, but the way those two quoted words are punctuated is still not right. A comma needs to go between, them, comme ça:

'...tell him “OK!”, “Break!” or any...'
 

bonobo_jones

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Oh, I'm really not reading well today, am I. Okay, I see the 'or' after those two words, but the way those two quoted words are punctuated is still not right. A comma needs to go between, them, comme ça:

'...tell him “OK!”, “Break!” or any...'

Oh crap. You think so, really?
I have little formal grammatical schooling or knowlege, but I'm pretty good at knowing whether something is right just by how it looks. This stupid sentence is getting on my nerves now, because I can't tell. :p
 

Lance_in_Shanghai

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Often in this forum, we have two choices: correct grammar or whatever makes you happy. Correct grammar requires direct quotes to be enclosed by quote marks. Question mark or exclamation mark are included in the direct quote. If the direct quote ends the sentence, no further punctuation follows the quote mark.
 
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