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muse64
10-14-2008, 08:32 PM
OK. Look...I am working hard at a writing project and I thought this could be a good resource to use for support. Maybe it could be or maybe not.

But I want to be clear about somethings: I have participated in other Forums on other subjects and there seems to be some common dynamics. One is that when I join up everyone writes back to me and act as if I have just found the holly grail. Like I have just found some group of totally dedicated totally responsible human beings that just are totally there for each other and so and so on....

Well that is not the case here or just about anywhere. I am just not a big fan of pretense.

But this is even more of an iriitation when the forum claims to offer something and then it does not come through. I wrote to someone offering themselves as a buddy and they have not replied back. This is ridiculous. The list is not huge and so it is fair to assume that anybody there is ready, willing and able to follow through.

My life is hard...if someone wants to step up and offer themselves as a buddy then fine...I do not really feel like writing a dozen messages to finally find one.

Mr Flibble
10-14-2008, 08:45 PM
When did you write to them? Have you given them a reasonable amount of time to answer, esp as most people here work as well as write and time is at a premium? Have they posted anywhere in the meantime or is it possible they are away for a few days or something? Or maybe they are extremely busy, or haven't got your message ( it happens) or.....

What did you want a buddy for? If it's just to find your way about, then I suspect I could spare some time, although like most people here I'm pretty busy. Most people's lives are hard in one respect or another too.

Of course, that offer depends on whether you chill a bit first :)

Afinerosesheis
10-14-2008, 09:02 PM
I've been a member of a few forums, even moderated one for awhile. They all are about the same in some respects, but this is the best one I have found about writing. It has been a godsend to me, helped me to learn the publishing industry for what it is. And the mods are fair here, allowing you to say what you will (within reason) without fear of censure.

However, that may not be the case for everyone, as it may not be for you. Not everyone here is going to be your BFF as they have not always been mine. I do not feel I need a "buddy" to participate here, although I have been fortunate in finding several "buddies" just being myself and having no pre-conceived expectations.

You can participate as much as you want and at the same time choose to distance yourself if you feel that it isn't working for you or someone has disappointed you. It's all how you take it and want to use it.
Give it another try. Expand your horizons and visit several sections of this board, not just one or two. With patience and kindness I think you will eventually find this board to your liking.

You said your life is hard, well so are others' lives. Have a little more compassion and don't put expectations on other people that you may not be able to follow through yourself.

HeronW
10-14-2008, 09:08 PM
You have to give to get. If someone doesn't answer a request--think of it like a critique--has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person whose time, health, and personal life comes before cyberspace.

Williebee
10-14-2008, 09:18 PM
Welcome to AW, Muse64!

First, let me say that "The 'Cooler" isn't the end all/be all of anything.

It is, however, a valuable tool for getting educated and creative critiques, ideas and networking leads.

What you get out of it will depend on how you use it, pretty much the same as any other tool.

You can waste a lot of time here or use a lot of time here (or both).

Far too often I fall into the both.

Take a look around, if it doesn't work for you, hey, no harm no foul. Nobody here will try to sell you a time-share on the place.

rhymegirl
10-14-2008, 09:42 PM
Hello Muse64.

I just wanted to offer a possible reason the buddy didn't write back yet. I'm listed as a buddy as well, but at times I stop posting and checking my PMs because I am working under deadline on an article. So it's not that I don't want to help someone but that I didn't see their PM right away.

In any case, you could always try PMing more than one person if you still need a buddy.

Also we signed up for that a long time ago. It's possible that someone listed there as a buddy isn't even a member anymore.

CACTUSWENDY
10-14-2008, 09:44 PM
Hum. Never thought of this place as a 'buddy' finding place. Did find it to be a place to dig for help with questions about my book and like stuff. Also found it a place to have some fun, see different view points, and to kill a lot of time.

I guess it is what ever you might need to some degree. Sorry if you could not find a buddy.......

Tom Johnson
10-14-2008, 09:59 PM
Muse64: Hi Buddy. Hey, I used to jump out of airplanes looking for buddies, but finally got tired of those hard landings on the ground! (LOL) Finally decided friends weren't up there (G), and stayed on the ground. My bones still rattle a little, though. Good luck to you, and watch out for those landings.

"The Weed of Crime Bears Bitter Fruit!"

dpaterso
10-14-2008, 10:21 PM
Fact: people have real lives, and sometimes just can't respond as quickly as you'd like.

You don't say who you wrote to, but I presume you checked whether they are currently active? (To find out when someone last visited, select their username then select View Public Profile. Look to the right and you'll see their "Last Activity:" date and time stamp.)

Where is this buddy list anyway? (Anyone know?) I've been an active member here for a while and I don't recall ever seeing it. Maybe I just haven't visited the right forums, pardon my ignorance.

-Derek


OK. Look...I am working hard at a writing project and I thought this could be a good resource to use for support. Maybe it could be or maybe not.

But I want to be clear about somethings: I have participated in other Forums on other subjects and there seems to be some common dynamics. One is that when I join up everyone writes back to me and act as if I have just found the holly grail. Like I have just found some group of totally dedicated totally responsible human beings that just are totally there for each other and so and so on....

Well that is not the case here or just about anywhere. I am just not a big fan of pretense.

But this is even more of an iriitation when the forum claims to offer something and then it does not come through. I wrote to someone offering themselves as a buddy and they have not replied back. This is ridiculous. The list is not huge and so it is fair to assume that anybody there is ready, willing and able to follow through.

My life is hard...if someone wants to step up and offer themselves as a buddy then fine...I do not really feel like writing a dozen messages to finally find one.

rhymegirl
10-14-2008, 10:23 PM
It's on the Newbies board. A thread started by Jenna. on 8/27/06

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=39607


As you can see, Derek, there are some members listed as buddies who haven't been posting lately.

dpaterso
10-14-2008, 10:30 PM
:e2smack: So it is, big whoops. Thanks!

Hmm, hasn't been updated for a while, but most of the folks listed are still active, I think, tho' I can't swear they visit every day.

-Derek

Angelinity
10-14-2008, 10:33 PM
I wrote to someone offering themselves as a buddy and they have not replied back. This is ridiculous. The list is not huge and so it is fair to assume that anybody there is ready, willing and able to follow through.

My life is hard...if someone wants to step up and offer themselves as a buddy then fine...I do not really feel like writing a dozen messages to finally find one.


chill out will ya? what are you after -- validation? understanding? love?

will ya listen to yourself for a minute. who owes you what? is it a mentor you want? a writing mentor? then you must work for it. show what you're made of. not just anyone may earn a mentor.

dpaterso
10-14-2008, 10:37 PM
Best manners, please! This is a relatively new member who might not be familiar with the board yet. Let the gentleman explain his wants and needs in his own time.

-Derek

Polenth
10-14-2008, 10:50 PM
Don't forget that everyone is an individual. Someone might upset you. That doesn't mean everyone is like that person. This is a large forum, so you're going to get a wide range of people. They're not all going to be your cup of tea.

Fenika
10-14-2008, 10:52 PM
My life is hard...if someone wants to step up and offer themselves as a buddy then fine...I do not really feel like writing a dozen messages to finally find one.

You - In your shell
Are you waiting for someone to rescue you - from yourself?
Don't be disappointed when no one comes...
~Staind

Good luck Muse.

Bufty
10-14-2008, 11:28 PM
The 'buddies' here are simply to help a newcomer settle in by helping them find their way around the Board, if and as requested. Direct them to a specific Forum or help familiarise them with the messaging systems. That's all. Saves some newcomers from posting what they may feel are silly procedural questions.

Buddies are not meant to be ongoing writing mentors in any sense of the word.

muse64
10-14-2008, 11:31 PM
Thanks to everyone who responded.
I have a better picture of this forum.
I get overwhelmed on many web places.

This is particularly true for me when I am joining a large community. I am very very much about one to one relationships....to me that is a huge part of life and a huge part of what I try to devote attention to.

I do not do nearly as well with groups....either on the web or in the wide world.

off to take a nap....just wanted to put my two cents in...

Williebee
10-14-2008, 11:36 PM
We're not a group.

We're just three REALLY conflicted people.

Ok, maybe not. :)

I'm up for a nap. Anybody else?

Angelinity
10-14-2008, 11:39 PM
uh-huh. you up to working through some of these conflict... things?

veinglory
10-15-2008, 12:01 AM
The genre subforums of the cooler are a little cozier.

Jersey Chick
10-15-2008, 12:06 AM
Before you get yourself all worked up and stressed out, muse - take a deep breath and relax...

Wander around a little, check out what all is here. Just observe for a while before jumping into the fray - trust me, it seems overwhelming, but if you break it down it really isn't so bad. You'll find people here you click with but it won't happen in the first five minutes (for the most part), either.

Hi there and :welcome:!

Ms Hollands
10-15-2008, 12:15 AM
We're not a group.

We're just three REALLY conflicted people.

Ok, maybe not. :)

I'm up for a nap. Anybody else?

:D:D:D

(That's a grin for each of you.)


Muse, I joined this forum a few months back after a lovely agent (Mr Bransford) pointed me here as a very useful resource while I'm writing my first novel. I didn't know a soul when I joined. I do feel part of the community. The culture on this forum is particularly friendly and not at all cliquey. Read lots of posts until you find one or more you feel comfortable commenting on, and people will respond. This is definitely the most supportive writing forum I've found.

Do remember, however, that you're amongst writers: they're all bloody pedants (including myself), so even the most pointless of subjects can be discussed for days and week. And the original poster probably found a solution to their question within an hour after posting anyway!

Phaeal
10-15-2008, 12:30 AM
E. F. Benson's wonderful Lucia taught me this about social interaction:

Always be appreciative. Always be positive. Work, work, work.

Mr Flibble
10-15-2008, 01:43 AM
I offer to be friends and no one will be my buddy

*sniff*

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, that's why I eat worms


*dons frilly bits because you can't flounce without them*

*flounces*

jclarkdawe
10-15-2008, 04:37 AM
I offer to be friends and no one will be my buddy


I can send you some of the squirrels from query letter hell to be your friends. They work out pretty well as friends, unless they start chewing on the power cable to your computer. Good light show at that point, and if they do it right, you'll end up with some nicely cooked squirrel. Of course, you're computer is dead until you get replacement but you can't have everything in life.

Seriously, Muse, depending on people's schedules and ambition, somethings things slide with people here. Right at the moment, my main aim is to fix the first chapter in my book. Then I've got a chapter to critique that I've been sitting on for a week or so. Then I've got a PM to answer. Instead, I'm responding to this because you require less thinking then the others. Of course, with all of that, there's the rest of my life.

Many of the people here are professionals about their writing, whether published or not. And some of the forums here are not terribly warm and fuzzy, so you might want to be careful where you wander. But give it some time, you might find you really like it.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

MaryMumsy
10-15-2008, 05:02 AM
*dons frilly bits because you can't flounce without them*

*flounces*

That's pretty pathetic flounce.

MM

jclarkdawe
10-15-2008, 05:18 AM
That's pretty pathetic flounce.

MM

But Idiot tries so hard you just have to give her credit.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

AmusingMuse
10-15-2008, 06:52 AM
Hi!

Life is tough for many. But if you give this site a chance, you will find a wealth of information useful to any writer. Plenty of resources here to help you, and some real fun boards to relax and clear your mind with. Welcome!

chevbrock
10-15-2008, 07:16 AM
It's hard to flounce with those big boots on.

Bartholomew
10-15-2008, 09:14 AM
Welcome.

Can it really be called a group activity if no one else is in the room with you, Muse64?

Incidentally, I'm in the Buddy list and I check my private messages every day.

-B

Bufty
10-15-2008, 06:29 PM
I didn't know one had to check for PM's.

If anyone sends me a PM a notification pops up on screen instantly. Same if I log on - up it pops if it's a new one.


Welcome.

Can it really be called a group activity if no one else is in the room with you, Muse64?

Incidentally, I'm in the Buddy list and I check my private messages every day.

-B

Afinerosesheis
10-15-2008, 07:52 PM
I'm glad I responded to the OP. I think I have made new friends here. =) Hope you're feeling better, muse. It's all good!

Or as my teen would say- It's aw-ite.

(I've not spelled that before)