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Rolling Thunder
10-13-2008, 03:21 PM
*Just for the record, I had nothing to do with this. I'm just the innocent delivery boy.


Fajita Sunrise - Chapter one


“Yap, yap, yap. Yappity yap, yap.” That was what I heard when I awoke wet and hung-over. As I pulled myself out of the tub of ice water, the insistent yapping resolved itself into the stark tenor voice of my sometime partner in mayhem, Haggis.

Fortunately, I speak Chihuahuan.

“Jay, Jay, Jay! Jaycinth, Jay, Jay. Come on Jay. Wake up!”

Haggis knew I’d worked for days to reach a level of inebriation that would make Poe jealous. If he hadn’t seen me do it, the empty bottles of Captain Morgan should have made it obvious. There are only two reasons for him to disturb my recreational indulgences. One: he needed money and two: the world was in danger of ending.

I grabbed him by the collar and shoved him head first into the tub I’d just vacated. When I was sure he wasn’t going to come up for air anytime soon, I slipped into a black organza skirt with matching leather bustier, laced up my boots, and went to the mission next door for coffee.

I own the Comedy Cabaret. It’s on the other side of the tracks in a part of town that makes inner city Baltimore seem like a divine patch of heaven. It’s gritty and filthy, but no one ever asks about the bodies that tend to turn up out in the alley. If they don’t wander off by sunset, Bernie buries them in the empty lot across the street.

Bernie’s a great gardener. He’s got a dozen varieties of roses growing over there, and some veggies. The lot’s prettied up quite a bit since Bernie started working it. I wouldn’t eat the carrots, though.

“Afternoon, Jaycinth,” Sister OFG said as I walked through the doors.

“Afternoon, Sister,” I said helping myself to the fortified brew that keeps the good sisters at Saint Barbara’s going. One of the trestle tables in the mission was covered with an amazing assortment of weapons. I pushed a wimpy looking revolver out of the way, put my cup on the table and sat. On the wall, a beatific picture of Saint Barbara holding a classic Kalishnikov looked down on us all.

I know a little about St. Barbara. She lived in the third century and never owned a gun. Barbara was a nice girl who had the misfortune to be locked in a flimsy building when her dad smashed it with boulders. He didn’t like her choice of religion, I guess. So now she’s the patron Saint of those who use guns for a living. Go figure.

“Impressive pile of hardware,” I said looking at the equipment on the table.

“Sister Susie and I jacked Robbie and his ‘homies’ last night. In addition to the arsenal, we liberated a box of C4, close to thirty-thousand Euros, and a half pound of the worst pot I’ve ever had.”

“Really?” I asked. I was becoming more awake with every sip. The ‘Little Sisters of ‘Whoop –Ass’ have a secret recipe. I don’t ask what goes into it as long as it wakes me up. They’re a good crowd to have next door.

I chugged my coffee, poured another and oooh’d and ahhh’d the Sisters’ new toys until the brew was gone.

I heard the commotion long before I set foot back into the Cabaret. It sounded like someone was about to be murdered. Dashing in, I saw a twisted, evil witch yelling at Shadow Ferret. Ed. He’s a nice guy who accidentally pissed off a Fairy Godmother. The lady was at least a century past senile. She hexed Ed into a were-ferret. She then promptly died, sticking Ed with the hex for the rest of his natural life. Which, for were’s is a few centuries. I think Ed got the better part of the deal.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked stepping between ‘Twisty’ Witchy and Mr. Ferret. Any more property damage and my insurance will go through the roof.

“I want to know where muh daughter’s at!” ‘Witchey’ yelled. I could smell the gin on her breath. I don’t like gin.

“Tsuki’s not here. She goes to school, you know.” Tsuki is a good kid. Half witch and totally random, that teenager is going to be running this town some day. In the meantime I get to entertain momma. Again.

I ran my fingers through my hair then flicked fairy dust in her face.

“Oh...wow...the colors....” Twisty sank to the floor with a smile on her face. She’ll be that way for hours.

Dusting people without consent is illegal, I know. But I can get away with this one. ‘Witchey’ used to be married to Tsuki’s dad, Sable Durdan. He’s the mayor of our fine city and the only human to best a demon and live. And Durdan loves his little girl and she loves the Cabaret. ‘Witchey’ can ‘bitchy’ until her eyes fall out; no one’s arresting me.

If you haven’t guessed, I’m a fairy, and not one of your sweet-tempered Bright Court- ‘kiss–up-to-the–humans’ Seelie either. I’m the fairy that shows up a day late, hung-over, and blesses the occasion with kneepads, magical salamanders, or recalcitrant farts, depending on my mood. I’m not a bad fairy, per se. Just feed me good booze and don’t piss me off.

“Jaycinth, Mel’s gone. G.O.N.E. Gone,” Haggis said. He was still wet, but had shifted from Chihuahua to human form. He’s a were, too, but, unlike Ed, Haggis’ parents were both weres. He takes after his grandpa, a feisty little soul who was friends with Montezuma. Haggis is Montezuma’s revenge.

“What do you mean Mel’s gone? He’s never gone.” This is true. Mel is the Cabaret’s chef. And... Mel hates us. But... he’s passive aggressive with a guilt complex. Everyday he cooks up a big pot of poison then dumps it in the river before we can eat it. He then spends the next six hours staring at the ceiling, wailing dismay in some dead language.

Did I mention that Mel is obsessed with the ceiling, too? He may leave for an hour, three at the most, but the second he comes back, he apologies to the ceiling, then talks to it for hours.

“Check the deep fryer?” I asked

“Cray dumped it while you were drinking breakfast. We found his lice, deep fried to crispy goodness, too... but no Mel.”

A loud metallic clang announced the two-ton deep fryer was back in place. A moment later Cray bounced out of the kitchen, greasy, but no worse for wear. Cray is like a giant battery; I don’t know where the guy gets his energy.

Cray grabbed a bottle of Jack, bit off the top, and guzzled half in one sip. I swear the guy could drink pure acid and still keep going and going....

“You know, Haggis,” Cray said “Mel’s gonna be real pissed off when he sees all his grease gone. He’s been collecting in that vat for two years now.”

“Well, you certainly didn’t expect me to swim around in that muck looking for him again?” Haggis barked.

On occasion Mel gets on the wrong side of an itinerant chef named Werencole. When that happens Mel always comes out thrashed, then sulks in the bottom of the fryer for days. Last time Haggis had to drag him out.

We love Mel as much as he hates us... and life isn’t the same without him trying to steal it away.

“Anubis’ bloody balls. Someone stole my habaneras!” Bernie boomed across the Cabaret. Bernie is a Minotaur... or, more properly...a MinoYAK. He’s the doorman, bouncer, and gardener extraordinaire.

“What?” Haggis asked. I could tell he was agitated. He was starting to go Chihuahua again.

“Every last plant yanked up out of the ground--my cayenne’s and jalapenos, too!”

I turned and stared at Bernie. Even a complete idiot with a death wish wouldn’t fuck with his garden. Something wasn’t right.

“Something isn’t right,” I said.

“I smell a skunk,” Haggis said. Cray pulled the angry critter from his pocket and tossed it back into the kitchen. “There’s a link here,” Haggis continued, getting that thoughtful look he reserves for thinking and nicely cooked bacon.

“Think about it, Jay. Mel GONE! Bernie’s peppers disappear on the same day. That can’t be a coincidence. It is a rudely hatched nefarious plot!”

“Who would hatch such a rude thing?” Shadow Ferret asked.

“Ben Panced is back in town,” said a sultry voice from the shadows. Inky. The blonde bombshell that put the VAMP back into vampire. Her canines glittered in the dim light as she strutted out of the darkness and over to the bar. If there is anyone on the planet I’m jealous of, it’s Inky. Her rack makes me look like a ten year old. Boy. Fairies aren’t known for their boobs.
I turned to Haggis, shock splattered on my face like a well-thrown pie.

“Ben Panced!” I exclaimed.

"Look at the size of those breasticles! Haggis said.

Next week's episode: Haggis speaks his mind. Which takes very little time.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-13-2008, 03:39 PM
You're just the 'innocent delivery boy', eh?

Riiiiiiiight.

And I'm Sister OFG.

:roll:

tjwriter
10-13-2008, 03:46 PM
:roll:

You guys are awful. This is great, though. Most excellent material.

Rolling Thunder
10-13-2008, 03:49 PM
I really had nothing to do with this. Haggis is still alive...

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-13-2008, 03:54 PM
I dunno... I'd believe you, but... well... that avatar of yours just doesn't inspire that much confidence, y'know?

Haggis
10-13-2008, 03:56 PM
I really had nothing to do with this. Haggis is still alive...

It's well known you like to play with your food before killing it.

vixey
10-13-2008, 03:56 PM
Funny! Funny! Funny!

Mr Flibble
10-13-2008, 04:45 PM
I had trouble getting past the part where you are wearing an organza skirt and a leather bustier. The image behind my eyes...It burns!

I had to lay down in a darkened room for half an hour before I could read the rest

cray
10-13-2008, 04:48 PM
I had trouble getting past the part where you are wearing an organza skirt and a leather bustier. The image behind my eyes...It burns!

I had to lay down in a darkened room for half an hour before I could read the rest


the part the most disturbed me was where it said "chapter 1" suggesting that there might be you know, like, be a chapter 2.
:D

Rolling Thunder
10-13-2008, 05:03 PM
I had trouble getting past the part where you are wearing an organza skirt and a leather bustier. The image behind my eyes...It burns!

I had to lay down in a darkened room for half an hour before I could read the rest

From what I understand of the text, that would be Jaycinth wearing those articles of clothing.

Haggis
10-13-2008, 05:06 PM
From what I understand of the text, that would be Jaycinth wearing those articles of clothing.

I dunno. I can almost picture you in a leather bustier. :roll:

quickWit
10-13-2008, 05:07 PM
I can almost picture you in a leather bustier.

I knew it.

That's. Just. Sick.

Susie
10-13-2008, 05:14 PM
:roll: lol Sister Susie. I luvs it! :D Great writing. Should be turned into a screenplay!

Pagey's_Girl
10-13-2008, 05:44 PM
Sheesh. Some people have all the fun on weekends.... :lol

Mr Flibble
10-13-2008, 06:04 PM
From what I understand of the text, that would be Jaycinth wearing those articles of clothing.

Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part?

I've always been a masochist.

Then again, maybe it was lack of tea impairing my last remaining braincell functions.

smoothseas
10-13-2008, 06:13 PM
lol - way too funny. And, so well-crafted, to boot!

Seriously curious, will there be a Chapter Two?

Rolling Thunder
10-13-2008, 07:18 PM
lol - way too funny. And, so well-crafted, to boot!

Seriously curious, will there be a Chapter Two?

Apparently, there are six chapters completed with more to come. The writers will release one chapter each Monday morning in Office Party.

I'm just, ya know, helping to protect the guilty parties by posting this one. :)

Jaycinth
10-13-2008, 09:27 PM
No one Ever notices my nail polish...

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-13-2008, 11:27 PM
... 'cause they're distracted by your see-through lace jumpsuit.

Beach Bunny
10-14-2008, 12:03 AM
:ROFL: ... You guys crack me up.

Jaycinth
10-14-2008, 05:25 AM
... 'cause they're distracted by your see-through lace jumpsuit.

They're not supposed to be doing that, 'cause, you know, I might get a tad tiffed.
...and I don't think anyone wants to see me all tiffy-winkled

Haggis
10-14-2008, 06:12 AM
They're not supposed to be doing that, 'cause, you know, I might get a tad tiffed.
...and I don't think anyone wants to see me all tiffy-winkled

I'd love to see your tiffy-winkled, but you keep hitting me every time I try.

Jaycinth
10-14-2008, 03:09 PM
I'd love to see your tiffy-winkled, but you keep hitting me every time I try.


***hits Haggis*** 'Tiffy-winkled' is a VERB!

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-14-2008, 03:43 PM
Is... isn't 'tiffy-winkled' a... an adjective?

Inky
10-14-2008, 05:52 PM
Is... isn't 'tiffy-winkled' a... an adjective?
No, it's objective, as in, Haggis' objective...once he lifts his face from Jay's barbells...er...rack...
*cups breasts..lifts..shrugs shoulders...*
Damn Victoria's Secret...everytime I try one of these push 'em ups...I end up with 'em slung over mi' shoulders!

Pagey's_Girl
10-14-2008, 06:30 PM
No, it's objective, as in, Haggis' objective...once he lifts his face from Jay's barbells...er...rack...
*cups breasts..lifts..shrugs shoulders...*
Damn Victoria's Secret...everytime I try one of these push 'em ups...I end up with 'em slung over mi' shoulders!

There's a reason they call it an over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Like I should talk. I wear the ones with enough hardware to hold up the Golden Gate Bridge. In fact, it's probably the same principle.

Haggis
10-14-2008, 06:46 PM
Finally this thread is getting interesting.

Inky
10-14-2008, 07:07 PM
There's a reason they call it an over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Like I should talk. I wear the ones with enough hardware to hold up the Golden Gate Bridge. In fact, it's probably the same principle.

Once upon a time, I purchased bras from cute lil' coathangers. They came in so many various colors, I was my own bag of Skittles.
Now?
NOW?
Since having BABIES...my bras come in a box--a BOX! And they're no longer displayed where everyone can oooh and aahhh as they pass by--not my boobs, Haggis--fiend--, the bras, but rather, found in a loonnng drawer...the bottom drawer...from a company called Sears & Robuck.
Oh, THAT just makes me feel sexy!!
However, good news.
J.C.Penney finally figured out that we double & triple D's would enjoy a bit of color in our life--put the freckin' crayolas away, Haggis--smart ass--, and now have 'em in blue...oh joy...the same color as Cray's face when I suffocate him between my cleavage.
How quaint.

Haggis
10-14-2008, 07:11 PM
.the same color as Cray's face when I suffocate him between my cleavage.
How quaint.

I think that's coming up in Chapter 2.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-14-2008, 07:11 PM
But, as Ol' Boy says, "What a way to go!"

cray
10-14-2008, 07:22 PM
i'm ready to die.

:D

quickWit
10-14-2008, 07:26 PM
i'm ready to die.

Pfft! Eveready indeed.

cray
10-14-2008, 07:28 PM
get lost, qw......inky's going to suffocate me.

Pagey's_Girl
10-14-2008, 07:29 PM
I remember having several of those cute little "training bras" in anticipation of growing boobs that needed training.

I blew through that stage in, oh say, five minutes? At most.

"Top-heavy" would be a good way of putting it.

Inky
10-14-2008, 07:39 PM
I got even.
Told my sister to rub this pink magic wand all over your boobs and they'll grow to be as big as mine.

A few days later, I heard my mother screeching at my sister: 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY TAMPONS??????!!!!'

I was soooooooooooooo grounded....

*grabs back of Cray's neck...snatches Haggis...*
It's a twofer!

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-14-2008, 08:02 PM
I remember having several of those cute little "training bras" in anticipation of growing boobs that needed training.

I blew through that stage in, oh say, five minutes? At most.

"Top-heavy" would be a good way of putting it.

Pffft. Training bras? Like they'd listen! Train 'em? Train 'em to what? Speak? Roll over? Sit up? High five? PFFFFT! Mine never did a damn thing I told 'em to... and they ain't gonna start now.

Inky
10-14-2008, 08:05 PM
...wait 'til you're of an age that when you DO release them from their cage...they fall & resemble tube socks.

....after that experience with my grandmother...I needed my woobie, and a nice quiet place for several days...

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-14-2008, 08:07 PM
Or bowling balls in the toes of tube socks...

Inky
10-14-2008, 08:09 PM
...WITH BLOATED BUTTONS...



just sayin'...

Haggis
10-14-2008, 08:55 PM
:popcorn:

Beach Bunny
10-14-2008, 09:08 PM
:ROFL:


Since having BABIES...my bras come in a box--a BOX! And they're no longer displayed where everyone can oooh and aahhh as they pass by--not my boobs, Haggis--fiend--, the bras, but rather, found in a loonnng drawer...the bottom drawer...from a company called Sears & Robuck.
Oh, THAT just makes me feel sexy!!
However, good news.
J.C.Penney finally figured out that we double & triple D's would enjoy a bit of color in our life--put the freckin' crayolas away, Haggis--smart ass--, and now have 'em in blue...oh joy...the same color as Cray's face when I suffocate him between my cleavage.
How quaint.
Try Target. I got some sexy lace ones in assorted colors. :)

What I want to know is why they put half-inch PADDING in a D-cup (and bigger) bra, while all the no-padding bras have A and B cup sizes. Do the manufacturers REALLY think we need to look bigger? :crazy:

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-14-2008, 09:37 PM
:popcorn:

Here, Haggis... it'll take you back to puppyhood and remind you of your mom.

http://www.inliquid.com/catalog/images/4-Boob-Pillow-web.jpg

Pagey's_Girl
10-14-2008, 09:41 PM
:ROFL:


Try Target. I got some sexy lace ones in assorted colors. :)

What I want to know is why they put half-inch PADDING in a D-cup (and bigger) bra, while all the no-padding bras have A and B cup sizes. Do the manufacturers REALLY think we need to look bigger? :crazy:

Gaah! I saw that last time I went bra shopping. What on earth does a C cup want with padding? Some days I have enough trouble getting people to focus on my face as it is.

I had to laugh at one guy I used to work with. I had on a modestly scoopnecked black sweater with one of those "illusion" type necklaces (the ones strung on that invisible fishing line stuff - it was basically one big blue pendant with two smaller beads and that's it.) Well, W was trying to find a file in my bottom desk drawer and I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, staring.
Me: Hey, Howie.
Him (stammering slightly and looking guilty): What is holding that - uh - necklace thingy - up?
It was a cute save. :)

Inky
10-14-2008, 10:07 PM
Gaah! I saw that last time I went bra shopping. What on earth does a C cup want with padding? Some days I have enough trouble getting people to focus on my face as it is.

I had to laugh at one guy I used to work with. I had on a modestly scoopnecked black sweater with one of those "illusion" type necklaces (the ones strung on that invisible fishing line stuff - it was basically one big blue pendant with two smaller beads and that's it.) Well, W was trying to find a file in my bottom desk drawer and I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, staring.
Me: Hey, Howie.
Him (stammering slightly and looking guilty): What is holding that - uh - necklace thingy - up?
It was a cute save. :)
Your jock strap...but I'm having a hard time squeezing the cup betwixt mi' cleavage...

Yeah...the padding. I don't get that.
Or...
OR...went shopping for bras for my daughter...in the TEEN/JUNIOR section...explain why I would want my daughter wearing bras that say 'kiss me here', AND are black with pink 'hot lips' all over the cups...WHAT THE HELL IS HILLFIGER THINKING???
Freak!
Do you know...in the Junior section...JUNIOR section...they have thongs...THONGS...I looked at both my teens and told 'em 'I'm a pretty hip mom...but if I evah catch you wearing a thong before you're 21, people are gonna thing you're wearing suspenders...that's how INTENSE your wedgy's gonna be...AND I'm coming to your class with a Telatubby backpack, a pacifier, and a blanky & will say: 'You forgot this...you KNOW you freak out if you don't have your binky with you...'

Both my daughters know I'm not quite normal....they threw up their hands and INSISTED they HATE thongs....


But my tweener has put her foot down that she's getting her nose pierced for her 13th birthday...:e2thud:

Pagey's_Girl
10-14-2008, 10:35 PM
I had an ex-boyfriend give me several very sleazy-looking thongs for my birthday. (Only time he ever remembered it, too.) I really wanted to strangle him with the bloody things.

Haggis
10-14-2008, 10:38 PM
Both my daughters know I'm not quite normal....

We all do, Inky. We all do. :roll:

Shadow_Ferret
10-14-2008, 10:52 PM
One lousy line? That's all I rate?

Inky
10-15-2008, 08:40 AM
I had an ex-boyfriend give me several very sleazy-looking thongs for my birthday. (Only time he ever remembered it, too.) I really wanted to strangle him with the bloody things.

Oh...the morbid jokes I could make with this statement...but it would scare Ferret & Haggis right outa this thread...they get a bit squeamish from PMS jokes...:ROFL: wussy-butts!

Pagey's_Girl
10-15-2008, 04:15 PM
Oh...the morbid jokes I could make with this statement...but it would scare Ferret & Haggis right outa this thread...they get a bit squeamish from PMS jokes...:ROFL: wussy-butts!

That was either a bad choice of words on my part or a Freudian slip....not sure which.:roll:

Shadow_Ferret
10-15-2008, 06:03 PM
Sez who?

cray
10-15-2008, 06:09 PM
freud

Shadow_Ferret
10-15-2008, 06:16 PM
Freud the barber?

Pagey's_Girl
10-15-2008, 06:58 PM
Well, he had to have some way to earn a living until his analyist business took off.

car girl
02-24-2009, 10:41 PM
Help I never read the whole thing...How do I get to Fajita #2..and the other 13 chapters!!!

Thanks

Cargirl

regdog
02-24-2009, 11:53 PM
Use Search The Forum at the top of the OP page and type in "Fajita Sunrise Ch2" in quotes or whatever chapter you need

cray
02-24-2009, 11:57 PM
Help I never read the whole thing...How do I get to Fajita #2..and the other 13 chapters!!!

Thanks

Cargirl


you could just have jaycinth send you the original screen play.
:D

car girl
02-25-2009, 05:48 AM
you could just have jaycinth send you the original screen play.
:D


Use Search The Forum at the top of the OP page and type in "Fajita Sunrise Ch2" in quotes or whatever chapter you need

Thank you so much. I've been askin' Lady J for help.

Haggis
02-25-2009, 06:22 AM
Thank you so much. I've been askin' Lady J for help.

Lady J? :Shrug:

robeiae
02-25-2009, 09:12 AM
Heroin. Duh.