- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 1,020
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Many of you are stressed about the presidential election. I understand, and I empathise. None of you want to vote for the lesser of two evils, and yet, voting for a third party would be like throwing your vote away, wouldn’t it?
Think so?
Well not anymore my friends!
I say vote for the greatest evil, I say vote for a being with a strong record of sticking to the issues, a dedication to the destruction of partisan politics ( along with pretty much everything else) and looks that could kill a pit-bull wearing lipstick. I say, vote for Cthulhu! A vote for Cthulhu is a vote well spent.
Let’s look at the actual issues shall we?
Iraq: Forget about it. Withdraw all of humanity's ground troops, and allow Cthulhu’s posse of star-spawn pacify the area.
Oil: Need oil? Cthulhu will give it to you. By exterminating anyone who stands in his way.
Economy: Who needs an economy with a Great Old One to rule over us? Screw money all together. Payment shall consist of food and shelter to sustain you as you service the needs of Cthulhu. Oh, that and your life.
Global warming: Global what? We all know by now that global warming is just a result of Cthulhu’s growing rage. Give him the presidency and he’ll chill right out. Problem solved.
Iran: Okay, we’ll be honest. Cthulhu’s not going to rest on his laurels and if you think a Great Old One is going to be happy with a meagre presidency, you‘re dead wrong. Literally. Soon we shall all live under the happy Empire Of Cthulhu. All countries, including Iran will be under the control of His Tentacled Majesty.
Healthcare: Just don’t get ill. You taste better that way.
Foreign Policy: See Iran.
Schools: The worshippers of Cthulhu shall be taught according to their future station in the service of Cthulhu.
Gun control: Yes. Cthulhu doesn’t appreciate rebellions.
Drugs: You’ll need em alright.
Religion: Cthulhu IS religion. We owe all we have to Cthulhu; the Flying Spaghetti Monster is just an impostor.
Alien Invasion: With Cthulhu here? Not even ET is that stupid.
Corruption: Yeah, let’s have some more of that.
So my fellow Earthlings, just who are you going to vote for? Mccain and Palin? Obama and Biden? All these politicians are shameless liars, base deceivers, interested only in ruling over their fellow citizens! And they even deny it! Not Cthulhu. He wants you to know he's going to take over.
I can only hope that you make the right decision:
This message was brought to you by the Cthulhu for President Campaign.
Think so?
Well not anymore my friends!
I say vote for the greatest evil, I say vote for a being with a strong record of sticking to the issues, a dedication to the destruction of partisan politics ( along with pretty much everything else) and looks that could kill a pit-bull wearing lipstick. I say, vote for Cthulhu! A vote for Cthulhu is a vote well spent.
Let’s look at the actual issues shall we?
Iraq: Forget about it. Withdraw all of humanity's ground troops, and allow Cthulhu’s posse of star-spawn pacify the area.
Oil: Need oil? Cthulhu will give it to you. By exterminating anyone who stands in his way.
Economy: Who needs an economy with a Great Old One to rule over us? Screw money all together. Payment shall consist of food and shelter to sustain you as you service the needs of Cthulhu. Oh, that and your life.
Global warming: Global what? We all know by now that global warming is just a result of Cthulhu’s growing rage. Give him the presidency and he’ll chill right out. Problem solved.
Iran: Okay, we’ll be honest. Cthulhu’s not going to rest on his laurels and if you think a Great Old One is going to be happy with a meagre presidency, you‘re dead wrong. Literally. Soon we shall all live under the happy Empire Of Cthulhu. All countries, including Iran will be under the control of His Tentacled Majesty.
Healthcare: Just don’t get ill. You taste better that way.
Foreign Policy: See Iran.
Schools: The worshippers of Cthulhu shall be taught according to their future station in the service of Cthulhu.
Gun control: Yes. Cthulhu doesn’t appreciate rebellions.
Drugs: You’ll need em alright.
Religion: Cthulhu IS religion. We owe all we have to Cthulhu; the Flying Spaghetti Monster is just an impostor.
Alien Invasion: With Cthulhu here? Not even ET is that stupid.
Corruption: Yeah, let’s have some more of that.
So my fellow Earthlings, just who are you going to vote for? Mccain and Palin? Obama and Biden? All these politicians are shameless liars, base deceivers, interested only in ruling over their fellow citizens! And they even deny it! Not Cthulhu. He wants you to know he's going to take over.
I can only hope that you make the right decision:
This message was brought to you by the Cthulhu for President Campaign.
