Four days

JennaGlatzer · Sep 28, 2008

I don't know what to say other than that I need help getting through the next four days. I have never spent the night away from my daughter except once when she was stuck in a snowstorm at her grandparents' house (and I couldn't sleep all night hoping she'd come home). Now a judge has ordered (temporary custody) that her father will get her every Monday through Thursday. I'm floored. The system is shattered.

By now I'm sure he or someone in his family will be tracking my every word online, so that's all I'll say about it.

But know this: that little girl is my entire life, and I will find a way. I'm going to protect her, and make things right, whatever it takes.

I have family around, and they plan to keep me busy, but I feel so broken. I kissed her head tonight knowing I won't be there to kiss that head for the next three nights, and the thought of it kills me. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I won't be there. When she makes up a new song, I won't hear it. When she calls out for "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," she won't know why I've disappeared. She won't know that it's not my choice. Every day, I tell her, "Whenever you need me, I will always be here," and now that's a lie. If she needs me, I won't even know.

I've been through a hell of a lot in life... I think this is the worst yet.

qwerty · Sep 28, 2008

Jenna, I know you have many friends here who will be willing you strength. My daughter has been through this with her two children, so I know how painful it is. The law is a ass!

What matters most is that you stay strong for your little girl, and justice will out.

Hugs and positive thought coming from France.

chevbrock · Sep 29, 2008

I can't think of anything that would be even the slightest bit helpful, and I know that I or anyone else never could.

Hugs to both of you.

Cassiopeia · Sep 29, 2008

I had to go through the same thing with my divorce. My ex had my kids for three nights of the week but they were older. My kids were 11, 8, and 4 at the time. I ended up seeking a therapists help and this is what she had me do.

She had me leave a tv or radio on at all times even when I was sleeping if necessary so my house didn't seem so empty. I had access to the kids by phone and if I needed to I phoned them or they phoned me. I also wrote a lot in my journal. I spent as much time with friends as I could.

I will admit, I cried every week for three nights for the first two months. My situation changed quickly because he dated and remarried very quickly after the divorce was final and my kids didn't like her or how he was with her. They refused to go.

I was told by my lawyer and the local police if he showed up to my door and the kids refused to come out of the house to go with him, then I wasn't in violation of the custody settlement.

I don't understand why the judge gave your ex so much time with your sweet little girl all I can say is, I'm here if you need me.

Mandy-Jane · Sep 29, 2008

I think that's horrible news. To be honest, I couldn't think of much worse, but I know you'll find a way to cope. Let's hope that the situation changes soon and the custody arrangements become much more in your favour.
Thinking of you. :Hug2:

ErylRavenwell · Sep 29, 2008

Fight, Jenna. Fight like a lioness.

astonwest · Sep 29, 2008

Wow, that's horrible.

It is a very messed-up system. My step-sister divorced and hasn't been able to get much (if any) of her child support from their dead-beat father over the years, yet he still seems to be able to keep his visits with them.

It's all very strange to me.

regdog · Sep 29, 2008

hug of support for you :Hug2:

Ol' Fashioned Girl · Sep 29, 2008

(((((HUG)))))

willfulone · Sep 29, 2008

I wish I had words of wisdom and could tell you that it will not be hard. Or say something that would take such pain away. But, I cannot lie and it will be hard. And words, while meant to comfort, sometimes fall short. Thus, I only can offer you my heartfelt wishes that things will get better for you and your daughter and that there will be light shining on you both that will warm and comfort you. Take care and know I am sending hugs your way.

Christine

Carole · Sep 29, 2008

Sweetie, I can relate - I really can. There's nothing that feels more unnatural than for a mother to be without her child, especially when you feel like every minute away from them you are losing something. I lost years.

If you're worried about her safety, by golly fight it tooth and nail. My ex didn't take my boys because he wanted them - he took them because he didn't want ME to have them, or them to have me. The boys are the ones who suffered for it. Unfortunately, the "system" is such that you can really slip through the cracks if you don't yell and wave flags. I say, get out your megaphone and start waving.

poetinahat · Sep 29, 2008

Would that the people of the System could see how your Children here have grown and thrived because of you. We love you, Momma, and we shall always be here for you, with you, when you want.

Can I tell you - can my family this side tell you - how much I've grown in this home? I hope you know.

There is only one Sarina, and she may not be with you every day - for now. But you are always with her.

God bless you, Jenna.

kristie911 · Sep 29, 2008

I know how hard it is, Jenna. Everytime I send my son to his dad's it breaks my heart. He's 4 now and it's become routine to him but it will never feel right to me. The only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that he loves his dad and deserves to spend time with him also. Your situation and history is different than mine though, so I realize you have more concerns than I do.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts to get you through the next 4 days. :Hug2:

mscelina · Sep 29, 2008

First, take a deep breath.

Next, take up an active hobby--like say, oh, kickboxing.

Third, practice, practice, practice!

Endorphins are good things, the exercise will keep you distracted, it will help you sleep better and ... well...who knows? That kickboxing might come in very handy. Then treat yourself to a night out with your friends and know that the ones who can't be there (like us) are thinking about you with warm hearts.

(Then start riding your attorney's ass. Need any help? Just ask and I'll do it.)

awatkins · Sep 29, 2008

Love you tons, Jenna. This is so not right. {{{{Jenna}}}}

Susie · Sep 29, 2008

So wish that didn't happen, Jenna and hope you can somehow get it turned around in your favor. Prayers sent your way.

stormie · Sep 29, 2008

Oh, Jenna, I can't imagine what you're going through. So please accept a big hug. :Hug2:

MsK · Sep 29, 2008

You are right, the system is shattered. So sorry you have to go through this. *hugs*

Honalo · Sep 29, 2008

That sounds so incredibly disruptive to me, Jenna, to put someone so small through this - just having to switch between households in the middle of the week. I don't know how old your daughter is - but I'm guessing she's not in school yet?

Anyway, you do have a support network and plenty of ((((HUGS)))).

Stew21 · Sep 29, 2008

My heart is broken, Jenna. I'm so sorry. I wish I could say something that would fix it, but I know I can't.
We love you, you know. Lean on us when you need to.

Sarita · Sep 29, 2008

I have no advice, no words of wisdom, only hugs and love and plenty of good thoughts being sent your way. You have my number. Call, even if you just need to scream.

(((Jenna)))

quickWit · Sep 29, 2008

(((hugs)))

This too shall pass, Jenna. Take care of yourself.

Peace

writerterri · Sep 29, 2008

Breath, girl. I know anxiety sucks but you'll have to find a spot in your head where you'll have to make it through this. Serina will feel your anxiety, so cool down.

Cry if you have to when she leaves and beating a pillow will help too. This sucks but the law says he can see her too, unfortunately. Just grab him by the nuts when arrives to get her and look him square in the eyes and tell him he better not mess up.

Kids are reziliant. I'm staying with relitives right now and my kids can't even tell what a-holes they are. They are oblivous to it. She will survive this. Make sure you call her three times a day. That'll help you get through. If she cries just comfort her.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Trials. Can't say enough about how hard they are.

You'll make it through!

Fight!

Uncarved · Sep 29, 2008

Jenna, without going into too much, I've not seen my daughter in 7 yrs. I've missed everything. I was betrayed by a trusted one. I know the pain you have right now. All I can offer you is tons of hugs, and to tell you not to forget to breathe. Because I know, sometimes, late at night, you'll forget to breathe and need the reminder. Find the glory that she returns instead of the focus that she'll leave again.

{{{HUGS}}}}

CaroGirl · Sep 29, 2008

Stay strong for your baby. I can't imagine how difficult this situation is for you. But your little girl needs your strength. Prove to everyone that she belongs with YOU by being as strong as you can be. This is a tough, tough situation. All the best in getting through it.

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