Rejection Theory

Julie Worth said:

I’ve written a letter to myself, speaking of my work in the most glowing terms—impossible to put down, the next Hemingway, etcetera, etcetera—offering myself full representation. I will send this letter out on Monday, and, if my theory is correct, it will act as a seed, attracting other offers, forming a massive offer blob that will arrive in my mail early next week...assuming the post office doesn’t lose it.

Yes, I think I’m on to something, something big...

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Yes, Julie! You are onto something BIG!

Might I offer one more step in the plan . . . on Monday, when you mail out that glowing letter to yourself, be sure to have in hand six more submissions! Now that's a winning plan sure to rock any writer's rejection streak

That is a hoot. A hoot I tell ya. Will that work for mss acceptances and for dates? Ya know, I could write a letter to myself telling me how wonderful of a companion I am . . .

And don't anyone go giving me that crazy guy--I already now that I am. (Southernisms are coming from a piece I'm working on--sorry I'm still in the dialect mode).

Julie Worth said:

For two weeks I got no rejections. On Monday of this week I got six, and no more since then. You see what that means, don’t you? It was obvious to me, anyway: Rejection letters attract other rejection letters. They form a mass, a rejection blob.

Okay, I’ll admit that this one occurrence doesn’t prove anything, as the skeptical will say that six rejections in one day, however unlikely, was a mere coincidence. So I’ve devised an experiment, quite scientific. I’ve written a letter to myself, speaking of my work in the most glowing terms—impossible to put down, the next Hemingway, etcetera, etcetera—offering myself full representation. I will send this letter out on Monday, and, if my theory is correct, it will act as a seed, attracting other offers, forming a massive offer blob that will arrive in my mail early next week...assuming the post office doesn’t lose it.

Yes, I think I’m on to something, something big...

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That sounds like it'll afford you some damn good Kharma, hon.

Go for it! Hehe

Hi Julie,

Hmmmm, I tried this once.

I received:

A letter stating I'd won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.

A letter proposing marriage from a psycho ex-girlfriend who'd gotten my address somehow.

A letter saying that my soul would be saved if I'd send a small contribution to Reverend Tobias E. McGillicuddy, Pastor and Ex-Felon.

A free sample of Viagra.




I'm afraid to open my email now.....

So, pretty much, you rolled around in money, listening to the wedding march while sporting a massive erection and praying that your soul be saved?

Why in God's name would you be afraid to open your e-mail?

That's freaking awesome.

[Puts on nerd hat]


Random events cluster--in fact an even spread of events is almost always produced by some outside agency...

Can you send me a copy of that letter while you're at it? I just got REJECTED

But it was one of the nicer form letter rejections I've received, if that counts.

Julie, we're in the presence of true greatness....i think if your theory works, you should send a copy of your letter to all us courageous, tremendously talented writers out there who don't get a look in because we're "not published" or the agents are "too busy" or the publishers have "spent their budgets for the year" etcetera, etcetera, so we can ALL be published!!!! wow, you're really on to something here.

I'm thinking I should send myself Julie's letter as well as some flowers. After all, if flowers attract more flowers, then I should have some lovely bouquets.

What if I sent myself some money? Oh, that would be good. Lots of checks in my mailbox.

Hmm. I could use some more jewelry, too. Perhaps I'll send myself some and then it will attract more.

Screw the letters! Now we're on to something! I LOVE THIS THEORY! off to shop...must buy more stamps...

Julie Worth said:

Science, 1; Voodoo, 0

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Funny how that works out. I remember the first time I read about the Law of Large Numbers, myself -- it's just plain depressing.

If there were any justice in the world, magical thinking would work. But only for me, since I'm pretty sure everyone else would misuse the power. I just want a zillion dollars and a high-profile agent and an eight figure publishing contract and my own private island and a pony and a... okay, so maybe it's a good thing it doesn't work that way.

i honestly believed this was going to work.

maybe you have to send your happy letters from ny. It's hard for them to attract other letters if they are not near them.

i still believe

Theory

Julie Worth said:

The results are in!


Monday morning I mailed out my two bogus offer letters. On that afternoon I received a letter from a publisher, saying that my (unsolicited) submission was both interesting and well written, but he was passing because they were full up. However, he would keep the material unless I wished it returned. I wondered: Was he keeping it to consider later, or keeping it for his wood stove? (Yes, I know, I know...the stove.)


On Tuesday I received my own letters, but nothing else.


So, to recap: according to the theory, I should have received one or more other offer letters on Tuesday. An offer from Publish America, at least! But no, it didn't work.


Science, 1; Voodoo, 0

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You are sneaking up on your mailbox, aren't you? If it sees or hears you coming, there's no way you'll find an acceptance inside. It's a well known fact that mailboxes wait until the last second, and then change all the acceptances into rejections.

You have to catch the mailbox by surprise. It's the only way.

If your mailbox is on your porch, this may mean going out the back door, slithering through the grass, and then pouncing when you're as close as you can get.

If your mailbox is at the end of your driveway, you may have to don camouflage clothing and dart from bush to bush.

Either way, it has to be done. Just don't blame me for what the neighbors think.

Science 1, Voodoo 0

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Before you discount Voodoo entirely, you may want to employ the use of a gris-gris bag. These little jewels have a long and storied use, bringing good luck to the user. All you need is a small piece of chamois or flannel, and the "special ingredients."

The infamous Marie Laveau used a particular gris-gris bag with reportedly spectacular results. Made from a burial shroud of a person that had been dead for nine days, it contained the following ingredients:

A. A dried one-eyed toad
B. The little finger of a person who had committed suicide
C. A dried lizard
D. A bat's wings (one pr.)
E. Cat's eyes (one pr.)
F. An owl's liver
G. A rooster's heart.
**The following ingredients could be substituted for the bat wings
1.black pepper
2.saffron
3.gunpowder
4.pulverized dog manure.
5.sea salt

Now, sit back, relax, and wait on all those acceptances!

Oh, wait! Wrong recipe. That gris-gris brings death to the recipient. Uh...never mind.

**Jeeze! Remember, kids, always proof your posts and take your vitamins.

Try my famous bug soup recipe instead. It really worked.

Thanks for making me laugh! I wrote myself a letter.........




Dear Ms Veselinovic,

Thank you for giving us the pleasure of reading your manuscript. We are so honored to be chosen as your first choice for a publishing house. (Obviously, nobody in their right mind rejected this masterpiece).

We have, standing by, a local attorney, who is ready to offer you a contract for immediate representation. Because we know you are the next Stephen King or Dan Brown, we are happy to offer you $100,000 in advance.

Do you take paypal?

Sincerely,

The Biggest and Smartest Publishing House in the World

Hey all, newbie here and reading this post is making me roll on the floor. I had a few rejection letters also. There was a priceless one stating that although I was enthusiastic about my novel, they could not share my enthusiasm. Well, at least they were honest. Pass the chocolate. Oh, wait! That was another thread.
Pam I really like your forward thinking!

I can live in a dream world afterall

May 12, 2005


Dear Ms. Veselinovic,

Thank you for offering me the once in a lifetime opportunity to represent a genius. The manuscript looks perfect, and will need no editing whatsoever. More good news for you - no waiting to print the book.


At this point, we are assigning you our best agent to handle your schedule. There will be talk shows, book signings and radio interviews. We've already made an appointment with a photographer, because a rare beauty like you should be on the cover. (That alone will draw sales).


We've also taken the liberty of asking Steven Spielberg to direct the movie. (He was hanging around outside, pretending to be doing something else, so we went ahead and asked him). We're trying to decide who should play you, though. We're stuck between Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie. (We would choose Meryl Streep, your look-a-like, but she's a bit too old for the part). Oh, what the heck.... it doesn't hurt to ask......why don't you play you?

Of course, Johnny Depp will play your love interest. He's begging us to convince you to play you. Please say yes!

Waiting for your call,


The agent everybody wants (usually reserved for celebrities).




Who says I can't write fiction?

Dear Diane:

Thank you for sharing your brillant query with Fabulous Mag. I printed out ten copies of it and shared your work with every editor I could find. Everyone was so amazed by the depth of your ideas and the beauty of your prose. Even our legal adviser was moved to tears of joy.

I have framed your query and will send it out as a model to every freelancer I encounter.

We would be proud to publish this article and any other articles you wish to write for Fab. Please accept our humble $3/word offer for first North American printed rights to your work. We would also like to honor you with a "contributing editor" title and a tiara.

Sincerely,

Olive Ewe
Fabulous Mag senior editor

Thistle - See? We are doing very well!

Maybe its one of those things - wish for it and it will come. Envision success and its yours.


Waiting for it .................