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BlueLucario
09-25-2008, 07:55 PM
I was waiting for my bus this morning, until this one guy honked his horn. He waved at me, and I'm wondering what the heck he wants. I turned away for a second and didn't notice him, make a U-turn. He honked his horn I turned around, he was making all those weird gestues. I couldn't identify them. He got out of his car, and ask me how far I was going, I was like really far.

MAN: Where you going?
Me: College.
MAN: Need a ride?
Me: No thank you.
MAN: Want to give me your number so I can call you?
Me: Um. No!

Then he left. This is the second time this week this happened to me. It happened to me monday morning, but it was a different much younger man. He 'wanted to get to know me' and asked for my number. I rejected him. I was very nervous, and wasn't sure what to say.

I have a problem where I can't identify any social messages given to me. At first I got the impression that they were perverts.(And there was a strip club a few blocks away.) or they found me attractive. Both experiences this week were awkward, and I really don't know what to do.

I was told that this wasn't necessarily perverted or a sexual solicitation. What do you guys think? What do you think I should have done in the future?

MODS: IF you found this thread innapropriate please tell me, and feel free to lock it.

EDIT: I wish I brought my mace. Just to be safe. It could have gotten worse.

TrainofThought
09-25-2008, 08:04 PM
These approaches are perverted, IMHO, which means everything. First off, you should never roll down your window all the way, stop right behind a car, or open your door to any stranger. If you are ever followed, look for a police station and pull in the parking lot to report it.

That's my two cents and I have many pennies where that came from. I'm a safety expert. :)

ETA: Sorry, didn't read properly. The above applies to walking too. You should make your way into a store, or crowded area. If you see a car turning around, do not remain at the bus station, relocate to an area away from the street and with more people.

regdog
09-25-2008, 08:08 PM
No I have to agree. I wouldn't be too comfortable with some strange guy wanting me to get in his car either. Especially if he pulled a U-turn in traffic to come back.

Go with your gut Blue and don't trust these guys. I don't know what the mace or pepper spray rules are where you live but you can always keep your keyring in your hand with your keys sticking out through your fingers.

Good luck

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 08:13 PM
I was just gonna say, Wow! Blue must be hawt!

But then the father in me kicked in and I thought, Get mace.

TrainofThought
09-25-2008, 08:17 PM
I was just gonna say, Wow! Blue must be hawt!

But then the father in me kicked in and I thought, Get mace.A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.

Yeshanu
09-25-2008, 08:19 PM
Blue, if a complete stranger offers you a ride, then asks for your phone number, he's up to no good. Use that as a rule. Stay back from the car, stay back from him if he gets out of the car, and write down the license plate number. Then call the police and tell them what happened. They might not do anything, but then again, they might.

Rather than pepper spray or a key ring, try keeping a cell phone in your hand, with 911 on speed dial.

Since it's happened to you twice in a very short period of time, you may be in an area where prostitutes hang out. Stay in well-lighted and well-travelled areas, and try to hang in a crowd, if possible. If it's night, ask the bus driver to let you out as close to your destination as possible, rather than at the nearest bus stop. I know they'll do that in Toronto for women.

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 08:19 PM
A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.

Good point.

Not being that sort of guy I don't necessarily think like that.

I did suggest mace.

CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 08:20 PM
This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention. So that's where his other hand was. Needless to say I walked away and proceeded to my lecture, for which I was late and so distracted I didn't hear a word.

Never respond to strange men who ask you things or want you to go with them. It's just good sense.

Yeshanu
09-25-2008, 08:20 PM
A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.


One other thing that's served me well: Look confident and purposeful, even when you're afraid and don't know where you're going. Those kind of guys do look for women who are hesitant and afraid, or who look lost.

BlueLucario
09-25-2008, 08:25 PM
This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention..

EWWWW :eek:

That's just sick.

TrainofThought
09-25-2008, 08:27 PM
One other thing that's served me well: Look confident and purposeful, even when you're afraid and don't know where you're going. Those kind of guys do look for women who are hesitant and afraid, or who look lost.You're right. I always walk around like I'm pissed off or about to kick someone's ass. As crazy as it sounds, there are just some things you learn in a big city, and when I ride the EL, I never make eye contact. It's a sad world we live in, but using safety tips every day makes a difference.

Pagey's_Girl
09-25-2008, 09:15 PM
The little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up just reading that. That's nothing but creepy...

Mace and a cellphone with 911 on the speed dial. And I'd throw in a large, scary-looking dog, too, just to be sure...

benbradley
09-25-2008, 09:34 PM
This thread is chock full of good advice, and I've got one more thing: Take a self-defense and/or Martial Arts course. It'll increase your confidence and ability to handle yourself in a bad situation.

No I have to agree. I wouldn't be too comfortable with some strange guy wanting me to get in his car either. Especially if he pulled a U-turn in traffic to come back.

Go with your gut Blue and don't trust these guys. I don't know what the mace or pepper spray rules are where you live but you can always keep your keyring in your hand with your keys sticking out through your fingers.

Good luck
Quite frankly, I'd rather hear about Blue being charged with something like "improper use of pepper spray" than hear about something bad happening to her if she doesn't have it.

And again, self defense/safety training, as I first mentioned, is a Good Thing. I don't know if any courses cover the "appropriate use" of mace or pepper spray, but they should.

Blue, if a complete stranger offers you a ride, then asks for your phone number, he's up to no good. Use that as a rule. Stay back from the car, stay back from him if he gets out of the car, and write down the license plate number.
But of course don't go too far out of your way or break any of these other safety rules just to get the license number, but get it if it's convenient. And also, if you can do this in the middle of remembering everything else, get the model, make and color of the car.

Then call the police and tell them what happened. They might not do anything, but then again, they might.

Rather than In addition to pepper spray or a key ring, try keeping a cell phone in your hand, with 911 on speed dial.
Just thought I'd do some editing...:)

Hobbes
09-25-2008, 09:40 PM
These are the kind of guys that not only give men a bad rap, but the human race. Blue, I'm a guy, and I think a pretty decent one. I would NEVER do this to a woman. Besides the fact that my wife would smack me, it's just wrong. I agree with everything above. Run. If the guy drives by again or keeps coming around on consecutive days, go to a different bus stop, catch a ride with a friend or at least walk to and from places within a group. Keep your eyes open. Next time he drives by make a point of writing down his license plate number.

Trust your instincts!

And listen to what ToT says. She's lost me on more than a few occasions. :)
Kidding!

CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 10:17 PM
I dislike weaponry. I'm a proponent of the scream, shove and run approach to a sticky situation. Of course, I live in Canada where there are fewer civilian handguns than puffins.

You can scare most guys off with a good referee's whistle.

Yeshanu
09-25-2008, 11:33 PM
I dislike weaponry. I'm a proponent of the scream, shove and run approach to a sticky situation. Of course, I live in Canada where there are fewer civilian handguns than puffins.

You can scare most guys off with a good referee's whistle.

I put "rather than" because in some areas (like most of Canada, I think) carrying pepper spray and using it counts as carrying a concealed weapon and/or assault with a weapon, and those things result in jail time and criminal records. And you'd have to take the time to get it out of your purse, which might not be possible--by the time you're sure enough that the guy's enough of a threat to use the mace on, he's close enough to prevent you from getting to it.

I don't place much faith in keys--they're not large enough or sharp enough to really deter anyone.

The best offence in cases like this is a good defence. And the referee whistle won't hurt, either, because it'll blow the guys eardrums out. But don't rely on screaming--here in civil Canada, in Toronto, a woman screamed for ten solid minutes while being assaulted before anyone thought to call police. That was just last week.

But don't walk around in perpetual fear, either. Remember that statistics consistently show that women who are raped, beaten or murdered are most often the victims of their SO, not a stranger on the street, and most children who are kidnapped are taken by their own non-custodial parent.

TrainofThought
09-25-2008, 11:50 PM
I don't place much faith in keys--they're not large enough or sharp enough to really deter anyone.
I use my keys. I walk with them in my hand with one sticking up between my fingers. If you jab it in their eye, it's more than enough to stop them and for you to get away. That followed by a kick to the groin will surely have them down for at least a few minutes.

maestrowork
09-25-2008, 11:55 PM
I was told that this wasn't necessarily perverted or a sexual solicitation. What do you guys think? What do you think I should have done in the future?


While not exactly "perverted" or "obscene," they're certainly soliciting. Next time, write down their plate numbers and tell your parents/guardians about it. I don't think you can do anything legally, since you're over 18, but it's always good to protect yourself.

maestrowork
09-25-2008, 11:57 PM
Needless to say I walked away and proceeded to my lecture, for which I was late and so distracted I didn't hear a word.

I would have sprayed him with mace, jot down his plate number, and call the police. That's indecent exposure.

Shadow_Ferret
09-26-2008, 12:00 AM
She should have said, "Wow. That is incredible. I didn't know they came that small."

Then you spray him with mace.

waylander
09-26-2008, 12:00 AM
It is definitely creepy.
No-one worth knowing would do that.
Next person that does this - call the cops.

BlueLucario
09-26-2008, 12:45 AM
I did call the cops.

But they said what he did was not illegal. If he said anything sexual, then that's illegal. He said nothing sexual, just asked for my number and offered a ride. Which I refused.

I just started using that route from both school and home. I had another route, but the stop is 30ft away from the bus stop I get off before going straight there. It's 3:03pm you got off of Bus A, you have to hurry up and walk 40 feet, (10 minute walk.) The bus arrives at 3:11. Not enough time to catch it. I had to run across heavy traffic to catch Bus B. (Yes, crazy and stupid.)

I think I've been at that other stop long enough to be aware that there are perverts nearby. I'll be careful this time. If I had to choose between the stop with solicitors and the two stops with long walking distance. I think I'll choose the one with solicitors. The bus arrives five minutes after you get off your last one. I can get to school on time. :)

willfulone
09-26-2008, 01:07 AM
It is always a good thing to have alternate routes, even for a bit of inconvenience. It is easy for "watchers" and creeps to set themselves in a hidden spot and watch for "regular" people in the area. If you can, switch your route up once in a while so those guys scouting do not see you there regularly. Then, they may not approach at all. Hopefully, anyway.

regdog
09-26-2008, 03:07 AM
This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention. So that's where his other hand was.
Never respond to strange men who ask you things or want you to go with them. It's just good sense.

Same thing happened to me except I was in sixth grade scared the S*** out of me. Since then I have been...umm standoffish...shall we say about strange men who try and speak to me from a car.


Just wanted to add something that was on the news tonight. Highway cameras in Texas caught video footage of a man pushing a woman out of a moving car on an exit ramp. Another motorist pulled over and yelled for the woman to roll to the side of the road which she did. The Good Samaritan stayed with her until helped arrived. The woman who was pushed out of the moving car had accepted a ride from a stranger and when she refused his advances he pushed her out of the car.

Ladies keep yourselves safe out there and for God's sake will the dumb one's among us smarten up. Don't take rides from strangers.

midknighthaze
10-05-2008, 03:23 AM
where im from, miami, florida, it happens ALL THE TIME. its called "hollering." i wouldnt take it too seriously.

Ol' 61
10-05-2008, 05:38 AM
Blue--I am relieved to read that you used good judgment and involved the police. I would advise you to keep calling them each time it happens. If they are alert, they will see a patter, which will raise suspicion. I'm hoping these are random incidents, and I know that they are unnerving. This stuff used to happen to me a lot when I was younger and cuter. :) But it flat out pissed me off when it happened, and I don't like to hear about it happening at all. Good for you for listening to your gut! It's always right!

Judg
10-05-2008, 06:05 AM
Heh. When I was younger and cuter, I kept a business card from my church in my purse. When the pick-up artists tried their thing, I'd hand them the card and say, "I don't go out with men I don't know. If you want to get to know me, this is where you'll find me." It usually worked like a charm. But one time, one of them actually turned up. :Wha:

Fortunately, I wasn't there that week. The men at church told me about it afterwards.

Woodsie
10-05-2008, 06:09 AM
I get angry when guys stare at me in Target, much less the bizarre and aggressive behavior they are displaying with you. Trust your gut and even be a touch more cautious than warranted. It's no guarantee that you'll never be a 'victim,' but it's smart playing.

C.bronco
10-05-2008, 06:16 AM
I once had a marriage proposal in such a fashion. Just chalk it up to your womanly goodness and don't dwell.

TsukiRyoko
10-05-2008, 06:17 AM
Living in Nowheresville WV, this happens to women a lot around this area. Every time it happens, to me, I start letting the profanities fly. Something like happened to me just last week. How did I deal with it? I screamed, "You want to start some shit? Let's start some shit!" and start running after him. This must not have been the reaction he was hoping for, because I've never seen a man run that fast in a long time.

Woodsie
10-05-2008, 06:24 AM
TsukiRyoko, that's hilarious. :)

C.bronco
10-05-2008, 06:28 AM
Jeez. I always waved, and said, "Thanks!" Then I went, quickly, to my car and drove off. Everyone needs an ego boost now and then.

TsukiRyoko
10-05-2008, 06:30 AM
Jeez. I always waved, and said, "Thanks!" Then I went, quickly, to my car and drove off. Everyone needs an ego boost now and then.
An ego boost is a honk. A creeper is a guy who swings around the block six times to honk. A rapist is a guy who drives around the block six times to honk, and even though you've flipped him off 5 times, he'll still circle the block again, and then get out of the car to make the moment more personal.

:)

C.bronco
10-05-2008, 06:32 AM
True. That's when you enlist help and hemorrhoid inducing agents. A girl can't have enough of those these days.

TsukiRyoko
10-05-2008, 06:35 AM
True. That's when you enlist help and hemorrhoid inducing agents. A girl can't have enough of those these days.
Or just say, "Hey, sweet thang! If you don't mind a bit of crotch rot, then I'm the lady for a-you!", then pick your wedgie, spit in your hand, and smack him across the face while wagging your tongue around.

C.bronco
10-05-2008, 06:40 AM
That just may work. Being me, I prefer the wave and run.

TsukiRyoko
10-05-2008, 06:42 AM
I think I want to try being one of those people who harasses women on the streets. Next pretty lady I see, I'm going to hound her for her number and try to get her to come home with me. Maybe I'll be more successful than the many men who have fallen before me?

:D

Stlight
10-05-2008, 10:15 AM
Blue, you might carry an umbrella even short ones (totes) useful. or a briefcase with sharp corners. Practice swinging your backpack, put your whole body into the swing if you want it to work.

If one u-turns or drives by twice take the next bus. period. The driver will tell you how to get to where you want to be.

S

Sean D. Schaffer
10-05-2008, 08:03 PM
I say this through experience, so if it offends, know that I'm only speaking from what I've seen, and I have no ill intent toward anyone on this board.



Rather than pepper spray or a key ring, try keeping a cell phone in your hand, with 911 on speed dial.



Do both, not one or the other. If you only have the cell phone with 911 on speed dial, the guy will have a chance to hurt you and if he's belligerent enough, he's not going to wait while you call 911. I've heard of a lot of people getting hurt or even killed because they dialed 911 with a guy in their house holding a gun to their head, and they did not defend themselves. If you have access to mace, or one of those really loud air horns, get one. That way, if they attack you, you have a first line of defense and can call 911 after the immediate threat has subsided.

I say this often when dealing with people who think 911 is always the answer in this kind of situation: If a person has the intent to hurt you, is he going to stand by while you say to him, "I'm going to call 911," and watch you do it? Or is he going to hurt you before you have a chance to tell the police where you are and the description of the guy who's after you? I realize it's not considered politically correct to defend your person, but criminals are not, by nature, politically correct. And depending on where you live, the law DOES allow you to defend your own self physically, if need be.

So keep the phone handy, but keep some mace or something similar with you as well. If someone gets out of their car and comes after you, they're not likely to respect that you're making a telephone call. They are likely to be wary of a person carrying mace. And if you use the mace and THEN call the cops, you may very well have saved yourself a lot of pain.

BlueLucario
10-06-2008, 10:39 PM
where im from, miami, florida, it happens ALL THE TIME. its called "hollering." i wouldnt take it too seriously.
"Hollering"? Excuse my naivety. But I had an old guy "Holler" at me? -shudders-

Thanks everyone. You've given me some really awesome ideas. And yeah, I'll get some mace. They do come pretty cheap.

I'm glad I asked you about this. I'm not very street smart like everyone else and I'm not used to this kind of solicitation.

Unique
10-06-2008, 11:46 PM
It's a pity any of us have had to deal with it, Blue.

(But Tsuki's ideas really work) I have a few, too. :)

TsukiRyoko
10-07-2008, 12:19 AM
It's a pity any of us have had to deal with it, Blue.

(But Tsuki's ideas really work) I have a few, too. :)
Eh, pepper sprays still the best. It really is a lifesaver.

bluejester12
10-07-2008, 03:48 AM
I say this through experience, so if it offends, know that I'm only speaking from what I've seen, and I have no ill intent toward anyone on this board.




Do both, not one or the other. If you only have the cell phone with 911 on speed dial, the guy will have a chance to hurt you and if he's belligerent enough, he's not going to wait while you call 911. I've heard of a lot of people getting hurt or even killed because they dialed 911 with a guy in their house holding a gun to their head, and they did not defend themselves. If you have access to mace, or one of those really loud air horns, get one. That way, if they attack you, you have a first line of defense and can call 911 after the immediate threat has subsided.

I say this often when dealing with people who think 911 is always the answer in this kind of situation: If a person has the intent to hurt you, is he going to stand by while you say to him, "I'm going to call 911," and watch you do it? Or is he going to hurt you before you have a chance to tell the police where you are and the description of the guy who's after you? I realize it's not considered politically correct to defend your person, but criminals are not, by nature, politically correct. And depending on where you live, the law DOES allow you to defend your own self physically, if need be.

So keep the phone handy, but keep some mace or something similar with you as well. If someone gets out of their car and comes after you, they're not likely to respect that you're making a telephone call. They are likely to be wary of a person carrying mace. And if you use the mace and THEN call the cops, you may very well have saved yourself a lot of pain.



I agree. If a guy thinks you might fight back he WILL be looking for a kick to the groin. You can also make your fingers rigid and poke him in the throat or eyes.

I totally advocate martial arts. You dont have to rely on a weapon or a phone--just yourself. Many communities offer a basic self-defense course. Ask your local police station for info.