Something really weird happened.

BlueLucario · Sep 25, 2008

I was waiting for my bus this morning, until this one guy honked his horn. He waved at me, and I'm wondering what the heck he wants. I turned away for a second and didn't notice him, make a U-turn. He honked his horn I turned around, he was making all those weird gestues. I couldn't identify them. He got out of his car, and ask me how far I was going, I was like really far.

MAN: Where you going?
Me: College.
MAN: Need a ride?
Me: No thank you.
MAN: Want to give me your number so I can call you?
Me: Um. No!

Then he left. This is the second time this week this happened to me. It happened to me monday morning, but it was a different much younger man. He 'wanted to get to know me' and asked for my number. I rejected him. I was very nervous, and wasn't sure what to say.

I have a problem where I can't identify any social messages given to me. At first I got the impression that they were perverts.(And there was a strip club a few blocks away.) or they found me attractive. Both experiences this week were awkward, and I really don't know what to do.

I was told that this wasn't necessarily perverted or a sexual solicitation. What do you guys think? What do you think I should have done in the future?

MODS: IF you found this thread innapropriate please tell me, and feel free to lock it.

EDIT: I wish I brought my mace. Just to be safe. It could have gotten worse.

TrainofThought · Sep 25, 2008

These approaches are perverted, IMHO, which means everything. First off, you should never roll down your window all the way, stop right behind a car, or open your door to any stranger. If you are ever followed, look for a police station and pull in the parking lot to report it.

That's my two cents and I have many pennies where that came from. I'm a safety expert.

ETA: Sorry, didn't read properly. The above applies to walking too. You should make your way into a store, or crowded area. If you see a car turning around, do not remain at the bus station, relocate to an area away from the street and with more people.

regdog · Sep 25, 2008

No I have to agree. I wouldn't be too comfortable with some strange guy wanting me to get in his car either. Especially if he pulled a U-turn in traffic to come back.

Go with your gut Blue and don't trust these guys. I don't know what the mace or pepper spray rules are where you live but you can always keep your keyring in your hand with your keys sticking out through your fingers.

Good luck

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 25, 2008

I was just gonna say, Wow! Blue must be hawt!

But then the father in me kicked in and I thought, Get mace.

TrainofThought · Sep 25, 2008

Shadow_Ferret said:
I was just gonna say, Wow! Blue must be hawt!

But then the father in me kicked in and I thought, Get mace.

A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.

Yeshanu · Sep 25, 2008

Blue, if a complete stranger offers you a ride, then asks for your phone number, he's up to no good. Use that as a rule. Stay back from the car, stay back from him if he gets out of the car, and write down the license plate number. Then call the police and tell them what happened. They might not do anything, but then again, they might.

Rather than pepper spray or a key ring, try keeping a cell phone in your hand, with 911 on speed dial.

Since it's happened to you twice in a very short period of time, you may be in an area where prostitutes hang out. Stay in well-lighted and well-travelled areas, and try to hang in a crowd, if possible. If it's night, ask the bus driver to let you out as close to your destination as possible, rather than at the nearest bus stop. I know they'll do that in Toronto for women.

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 25, 2008

TrainofThought said:
A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.

Good point.

Not being that sort of guy I don't necessarily think like that.

I did suggest mace.

CaroGirl · Sep 25, 2008

This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention. So that's where his other hand was. Needless to say I walked away and proceeded to my lecture, for which I was late and so distracted I didn't hear a word.

Never respond to strange men who ask you things or want you to go with them. It's just good sense.

Yeshanu · Sep 25, 2008

TrainofThought said:
A woman doesn't have to be hawt to have a creepy, seedy guy approach. It's the vulnerable they look for to prey upon.

One other thing that's served me well: Look confident and purposeful, even when you're afraid and don't know where you're going. Those kind of guys do look for women who are hesitant and afraid, or who look lost.

BlueLucario · Sep 25, 2008

CaroGirl said:
This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention..

EWWWW

That's just sick.

TrainofThought · Sep 25, 2008

Yeshanu said:
One other thing that's served me well: Look confident and purposeful, even when you're afraid and don't know where you're going. Those kind of guys do look for women who are hesitant and afraid, or who look lost.

You're right. I always walk around like I'm pissed off or about to kick someone's ass. As crazy as it sounds, there are just some things you learn in a big city, and when I ride the EL, I never make eye contact. It's a sad world we live in, but using safety tips every day makes a difference.

Pagey's_Girl · Sep 25, 2008

The little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up just reading that. That's nothing but creepy...

Mace and a cellphone with 911 on the speed dial. And I'd throw in a large, scary-looking dog, too, just to be sure...

benbradley · Sep 25, 2008

This thread is chock full of good advice, and I've got one more thing: Take a self-defense and/or Martial Arts course. It'll increase your confidence and ability to handle yourself in a bad situation.

HeaGrg said:
No I have to agree. I wouldn't be too comfortable with some strange guy wanting me to get in his car either. Especially if he pulled a U-turn in traffic to come back.

Go with your gut Blue and don't trust these guys. I don't know what the mace or pepper spray rules are where you live but you can always keep your keyring in your hand with your keys sticking out through your fingers.

Good luck

Quite frankly, I'd rather hear about Blue being charged with something like "improper use of pepper spray" than hear about something bad happening to her if she doesn't have it.

And again, self defense/safety training, as I first mentioned, is a Good Thing. I don't know if any courses cover the "appropriate use" of mace or pepper spray, but they should.

Yeshanu said:
Blue, if a complete stranger offers you a ride, then asks for your phone number, he's up to no good. Use that as a rule. Stay back from the car, stay back from him if he gets out of the car, and write down the license plate number.

But of course don't go too far out of your way or break any of these other safety rules just to get the license number, but get it if it's convenient. And also, if you can do this in the middle of remembering everything else, get the model, make and color of the car.

Yeshanu said:
Then call the police and tell them what happened. They might not do anything, but then again, they might.

~~Rather than~~ In addition to pepper spray or a key ring, try keeping a cell phone in your hand, with 911 on speed dial.

Just thought I'd do some editing...

Hobbes · Sep 25, 2008

These are the kind of guys that not only give men a bad rap, but the human race. Blue, I'm a guy, and I think a pretty decent one. I would NEVER do this to a woman. Besides the fact that my wife would smack me, it's just wrong. I agree with everything above. Run. If the guy drives by again or keeps coming around on consecutive days, go to a different bus stop, catch a ride with a friend or at least walk to and from places within a group. Keep your eyes open. Next time he drives by make a point of writing down his license plate number.

Trust your instincts!

And listen to what ToT says. She's lost me on more than a few occasions.

Kidding!

CaroGirl · Sep 25, 2008

I dislike weaponry. I'm a proponent of the scream, shove and run approach to a sticky situation. Of course, I live in Canada where there are fewer civilian handguns than puffins.

You can scare most guys off with a good referee's whistle.

Yeshanu · Sep 25, 2008

CaroGirl said:
I dislike weaponry. I'm a proponent of the scream, shove and run approach to a sticky situation. Of course, I live in Canada where there are fewer civilian handguns than puffins.

You can scare most guys off with a good referee's whistle.

I put "rather than" because in some areas (like most of Canada, I think) carrying pepper spray and using it counts as carrying a concealed weapon and/or assault with a weapon, and those things result in jail time and criminal records. And you'd have to take the time to get it out of your purse, which might not be possible--by the time you're sure enough that the guy's enough of a threat to use the mace on, he's close enough to prevent you from getting to it.

I don't place much faith in keys--they're not large enough or sharp enough to really deter anyone.

The best offence in cases like this is a good defence. And the referee whistle won't hurt, either, because it'll blow the guys eardrums out. But don't rely on screaming--here in civil Canada, in Toronto, a woman screamed for ten solid minutes while being assaulted before anyone thought to call police. That was just last week.

But don't walk around in perpetual fear, either. Remember that statistics consistently show that women who are raped, beaten or murdered are most often the victims of their SO, not a stranger on the street, and most children who are kidnapped are taken by their own non-custodial parent.

TrainofThought · Sep 25, 2008

Yeshanu said:
I don't place much faith in keys--they're not large enough or sharp enough to really deter anyone.

I use my keys. I walk with them in my hand with one sticking up between my fingers. If you jab it in their eye, it's more than enough to stop them and for you to get away. That followed by a kick to the groin will surely have them down for at least a few minutes.

maestrowork · Sep 25, 2008

BlueLucario said:
I was told that this wasn't necessarily perverted or a sexual solicitation. What do you guys think? What do you think I should have done in the future?

While not exactly "perverted" or "obscene," they're certainly soliciting. Next time, write down their plate numbers and tell your parents/guardians about it. I don't think you can do anything legally, since you're over 18, but it's always good to protect yourself.

maestrowork · Sep 25, 2008

CaroGirl said:
Needless to say I walked away and proceeded to my lecture, for which I was late and so distracted I didn't hear a word.

I would have sprayed him with mace, jot down his plate number, and call the police. That's indecent exposure.

Shadow_Ferret · Sep 25, 2008

She should have said, "Wow. That is incredible. I didn't know they came that small."

Then you spray him with mace.

waylander · Sep 25, 2008

It is definitely creepy.
No-one worth knowing would do that.
Next person that does this - call the cops.

BlueLucario · Sep 25, 2008

I did call the cops.

But they said what he did was not illegal. If he said anything sexual, then that's illegal. He said nothing sexual, just asked for my number and offered a ride. Which I refused.

I just started using that route from both school and home. I had another route, but the stop is 30ft away from the bus stop I get off before going straight there. It's 3:03pm you got off of Bus A, you have to hurry up and walk 40 feet, (10 minute walk.) The bus arrives at 3:11. Not enough time to catch it. I had to run across heavy traffic to catch Bus B. (Yes, crazy and stupid.)

I think I've been at that other stop long enough to be aware that there are perverts nearby. I'll be careful this time. If I had to choose between the stop with solicitors and the two stops with long walking distance. I think I'll choose the one with solicitors. The bus arrives five minutes after you get off your last one. I can get to school on time.

willfulone · Sep 25, 2008

It is always a good thing to have alternate routes, even for a bit of inconvenience. It is easy for "watchers" and creeps to set themselves in a hidden spot and watch for "regular" people in the area. If you can, switch your route up once in a while so those guys scouting do not see you there regularly. Then, they may not approach at all. Hopefully, anyway.

regdog · Sep 25, 2008

CaroGirl said:
This one time, in college, I was walking to class when a car pulled up to the curb. The guy started to ask me something in a voice so low I couldn't hear him so I walked a bit closer. I still couldn't hear, and, thinking he wanted directions, walked closer still. So close, I suddenly noticed he didn't have any pants on and his little soldier was standing at attention. So that's where his other hand was.
Never respond to strange men who ask you things or want you to go with them. It's just good sense.

Same thing happened to me except I was in sixth grade scared the S*** out of me. Since then I have been...umm standoffish...shall we say about strange men who try and speak to me from a car.

Just wanted to add something that was on the news tonight. Highway cameras in Texas caught video footage of a man pushing a woman out of a moving car on an exit ramp. Another motorist pulled over and yelled for the woman to roll to the side of the road which she did. The Good Samaritan stayed with her until helped arrived. The woman who was pushed out of the moving car had accepted a ride from a stranger and when she refused his advances he pushed her out of the car.

Ladies keep yourselves safe out there and for God's sake will the dumb one's among us smarten up. Don't take rides from strangers.

midknighthaze · Oct 4, 2008

where im from, miami, florida, it happens ALL THE TIME. its called "hollering." i wouldnt take it too seriously.

Something really weird happened.

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