PDA

View Full Version : My husband is impaired



CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 06:33 PM
My husband is grocery-shopping impaired. He has a long history of buying the wrong damn stuff. Some recent shopping blunders include: tapioca instead of rice pudding (to my palate, tapioca tastes like butthole), canned papaya instead of mango, grapefruit juice instead of lemonade (nasty sour surprise), orange juice with pulp instead of without (#1 son won't drink pulp).

He is also laundry impaired, having ruined several of my sweaters and trousers, so that I took the job away from him. But if I take grocery shopping away, he has almost no weekly jobs left! I think he's conspiring against me.

I'm currently accepting strategies to combat this disturbing trend.

cray
09-25-2008, 06:34 PM
and you think this is accidental?
:D

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 06:37 PM
It's a trick all men use to get out of doing those things. They figure if they screw things up enough, you'll throw up your hands and do it yourself.

I love tapioca, but then I've never tried butthole, so I have no comparison.

I actually shrunk a few of my wife's tops until I got it down. Now I know which get hung and which can go through the drying cycle on gentle.

Her strategy was to yell and scream and then threaten to buy a whole new wardrobe if I didn't stop screwing things up.

K1P1
09-25-2008, 06:39 PM
It's a y-chromosome linked trait. Like being unable to make beds or wipe kitchen counters. Of course, I only have a sample of 1 biologically-marked male human in this household.

Seaclusion
09-25-2008, 06:39 PM
Her strategy was to yell and scream and then threaten to buy a whole new wardrobe if I didn't stop screwing things up.

Hey, stop giving them ideas. It's taken a long time to get out of doing laundry and you're messing it up.

Richard

Priene
09-25-2008, 06:40 PM
tapioca tastes like butthole

You've tasted butthole?


Edit: D'oh, Shadow Ferret beat me to it.

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 06:41 PM
Hey, stop giving them ideas. It's taken a long time to get out of doing laundry and you're messing it up.



Richard
I do 80% of the housework around the house. I think it's time I got some help.

Pagey's_Girl
09-25-2008, 06:52 PM
Do what the woman on an old Hewlett-Packard commerical did - take photos of what he's supposed to get and give them to him along with the list.

Or give him a labelmaker and let him go nuts. You'll have labels on every-freaking-thing in the house, but it's better than grapefruit juice.

maestrowork
09-25-2008, 07:08 PM
I'm currently accepting strategies to combat this disturbing trend.

Stop trying. Your husband is the smart one.

CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 07:21 PM
Never give up. Never surrender.

I knew everyone would jump on the whole, ew, you've tasted butthole?, thing. It's an expression people. No, I have not tasted butthole.

I love the idea of threatening to buy a whole new wardrobe. Too bad that won't work for the grocery shopping dilemma.

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 07:25 PM
Hmm. Grocery shopping punishment. Well, I guess you could meet him at the door in 9-inch spiked heels, leather, fishnet and a whip and then...

wait, am I revealing too much about how I was trained?

CACTUSWENDY
09-25-2008, 07:29 PM
Every time I sent my ex to get some lettuce he brought back cabbage.....sigh. (Even when we joked about it before he went.)

I agree, I think it is a plot of getting out of work. I only allowed him to wash his own clothes. Funny, he did a fine job with them......lol

Salem
09-25-2008, 07:31 PM
Wow. You have a man that actually goes to the grocery store. I'm jealous.

JLCwrites
09-25-2008, 07:40 PM
Mr. Turkey does his own laundry. :)

He is actually a better shopper than me. I am too cheap, and will often come home with nothing but food for dinner. He is the one who remembers the all important snacks. :)

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 07:41 PM
Hmm. Am I really that much of an anomoly?

*doublechecks he used the word right and realized it's spelled incorrectly and he can't think of the correct spelling*


Ha! anomaly!!!

JLCwrites
09-25-2008, 07:42 PM
Hmm. Am I really that much of an anomoly?
Nope... But you are an anomaly. ;) (Turkey has auto correction....)

Pagey's_Girl
09-25-2008, 07:53 PM
My father actually cooked from time to time. Sometimes it was better when he didn't. He'd get watching Juila Child and Martin Yan and think "Hey, I can do that, too!"

My mom wan't happy when he got it in his head to smoke a chicken in a wok with tea leaves (I think.) He smoked me, my mom and my grandmother out of the house instead.

C.bronco
09-25-2008, 07:54 PM
Serve a meal consisting only of the wrong items that he purchased.

JoeEkaitis
09-25-2008, 08:01 PM
"So you see, we are dumb, but we are NOT so dumb."

--Bill Cosby on the topic of husbands avoiding housework.

LaurieD
09-25-2008, 08:10 PM
My husband did that only a couple of times before I turned the tables back around - I started cooking only foods I liked and comletely left meat of the table. He got tired of eating pasta and veggies and now does most of the cooking and the groceries. Between my job as a nurse and washing the dishes at home, my hands were a horrible painful disaster. I started using paper plates and plastic cups. He now washes the dishes every day.

I agree with C. Bronco - serve him a meal with what he brings home. It's a dirty business but it can be fun to play his game, just make your own rules. ; )

CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 08:12 PM
Serve a meal consisting only of the wrong items that he purchased.
That would be interesting since he also often buys the wrong kind of soap and toothpaste.

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 08:16 PM
That would be interesting since he also often buys the wrong kind of soap and toothpaste.
You have specific soaps and toothpastes you buy?

I buy whatever is cheapest in the aisle that day.

Hmm. Fred's Garlic Toothpaste. Guaranteed Fresh Breath. And it's only 50 cents. What a deal!

CaroGirl
09-25-2008, 08:26 PM
You have specific soaps and toothpastes you buy?

I buy whatever is cheapest in the aisle that day.

Hmm. Fred's Garlic Toothpaste. Guaranteed Fresh Breath. And it's only 50 cents. What a deal!
I have picky children who like a certain kind of toothpaste. When we were staying in Bermuda once he accidently bought some kind of industrial soap to which the little pink shells of Bermudan sand stuck like glue and made the soap into industrial sandpaper instead.

Shadow_Ferret
09-25-2008, 08:30 PM
..bought some kind of industrial soap to which the little pink shells of Bermudan sand stuck like glue and made the soap into industrial sandpaper instead.
You realize that's really good stuff in the workshop, right?

And if the toothpaste is for the kid's, I take them along and let them pick it out. My oldest uses our toothpaste now, our youngest still likes Batman or some other character on it at about twice the cost.

DeleyanLee
09-25-2008, 08:36 PM
Hmm. Fred's Garlic Toothpaste. Guaranteed Fresh Breath. And it's only 50 cents. What a deal!

Never can have too much garlic.

And an added bennie of keeping away vampires and unwanted coworkers. :D

Williebee
09-25-2008, 08:41 PM
hmm. I do most of the laundry and all of the cooking. Obviously I'm doing this wrong.

I'm with the folks above. Feed him what he bought, and order yourself a pizza.

Beach Bunny
09-25-2008, 08:49 PM
My Mom does the same thing. If I send her to the store to get something, she comes back with the wrong thing. If I had a dollar for everytime that I have heard her say, "Oh! I got the wrong thing!", I would be as rich as Bill Gates. :rolleyes:

If I write down exactly what I want her to get, then she usually comes home with the right thing. For example, Tropicana Orange Juice No Pulp instead of Orange juice. I've also given her the label of whatever it is I want for her to take with her. I can even send her to the hardware store as long as I send an example of what I want her to get for me. :)

Pagey's_Girl
09-25-2008, 09:22 PM
If it's something new I really want to get more of, I always bring the label with me. I know how featherbrained I can be sometimes.

My other specality is going to the store to get one particular item - them winding up getting everything but that one item....

Susie
09-25-2008, 09:23 PM
Think take-out. :)

Devil Ledbetter
09-25-2008, 09:25 PM
We ran out of dishwasher detergent once, so I sent DH to the store to buy some. He came back with a tiny box, and he'd paid $8 for it.

I wouldn't even know where to find an $8 box of dishwasher detergent.

sassandgroove
09-25-2008, 09:34 PM
I don't know if this is Carogirl's hubby's problem, but my dad used to come home with the wrong things and I would ask him and he'd say, "They didn't have what you asked for." I finally gave him permission to come home empty handed depending on what it was.

Mr. Groove always gets the things I wants, the thing is, he gets extrathings as well. Now he has me doing it. I was going to the store on my way home yesterday and asked if he needed anything and he said Dortios and ice cream sandwiches. Erm...So I got those and brownies as well. BAH!

DeleyanLee
09-25-2008, 09:36 PM
We ran out of dishwasher detergent once, so I sent DH to the store to buy some. He came back with a tiny box, and he'd paid $8 for it.

I wouldn't even know where to find an $8 box of dishwasher detergent.

I think there's a special men's section of any store that has all the things women wouldn't buy normally. Rather like the secret truck roads cars can't find.

czjaba
09-25-2008, 09:41 PM
We used to make lists for grocery shopping, but as the items got broader, we just stopped. Now, if we make a list, it will look something like this:
meat & fresh veggies for dinner
sandwich fixins
breakfast stuff
Little Debbie

And yes, Little Debbie is a food group of its own in my house. :D

Pagey's_Girl
09-25-2008, 10:06 PM
I admit one time I was doing the grocery shopping for my mom, and she had "yellow squash" on the list. For the life of me, I couldn't think what kind she meant, so I ended up getting her an acorn squash instead. She didn't mind. She'd actually meant yellow summer squash, which the A&P didn't have that day, anyway. So I didn't feel like a total moron.

Speaking of the A&P, I wish they wouldn't put the cucumbers next to the zucchini. They look an awful lot alike when you're in a hurry....

Clair Dickson
09-25-2008, 11:02 PM
I'd say make him return the incorrect items and get the right ones.


But my hubby's a better shopper than I am (I think it's the part where he doesn't hate shopping). He does his own laundry, cleans the bathroom, and vacuums. He doesn't always do it the way I would like him to, but it's better than me having to do it. And sometimes, I'll go and do it my way so it's really clean. But mostyl clean in the meantime suffices. I'm not that picky... not with three jobs! =) It's a compromise.

But, yeah, I think, so far, he's outsmarting you.

waylander
09-25-2008, 11:48 PM
My husband is grocery-shopping impaired. He has a long history of buying the wrong damn stuff. Some recent shopping blunders include: tapioca instead of rice pudding (to my palate, tapioca tastes like butthole), canned papaya instead of mango, grapefruit juice instead of lemonade (nasty sour surprise), orange juice with pulp instead of without (#1 son won't drink pulp).

He is also laundry impaired, having ruined several of my sweaters and trousers, so that I took the job away from him. But if I take grocery shopping away, he has almost no weekly jobs left! I think he's conspiring against me.

I'm currently accepting strategies to combat this disturbing trend.

I do most of the shopping in our household.
Am I a woman?

maestrowork
09-26-2008, 12:02 AM
Every time I sent my ex to get some lettuce he brought back cabbage.....sigh. (Even when we joked about it before he went.)

I had a different problem. Once I was busy with work and she needed her hygieney stuff... so I asked if she could pick up a snack. Chips, ice cream, whatever.

She came back with 9 or 12 bags of stuff -- Doritos, Sun Chips, cookies, and 3 different kinds of pretzels. And then she opened EVERY SINGLE BAG.

Shadow_Ferret
09-26-2008, 12:04 AM
Was she that pissed or something? Every single bag?

My wife's made me pick up her feminine hygeninenemeny stuff. I make her write down EXACTLY what she wants, verbatim from the package.

And I still screw that one up.

I mean, how many different variations on a theme do you need?

Mela
09-26-2008, 12:10 AM
My husband does the food shopping too and has gotten things wrong on several occasions.
And he has shrunk so many tops that he knows now not to put anything of mine in the dryer, so I'll come down the stairs (where our laundry is) and I'll see things like ratty T shirts, tank tops, etc., hanging over the ironing board to dry.

waylander
09-26-2008, 12:12 AM
Oh yeah, I do most of the cooking too.
Damn, I am a woman!

Shadow_Ferret
09-26-2008, 12:18 AM
Hear me roar.

sassandgroove
09-26-2008, 12:32 AM
Was she that pissed or something? Every single bag?

My wife's made me pick up her feminine hygeninenemeny stuff. I make her write down EXACTLY what she wants, verbatim from the package.

And I still screw that one up.

I mean, how many different variations on a theme do you need?
I have never asked my husband to buy that. Shoot, I don't even know what to get half the time. There are so many things to choose from. but my dad had too a couple times. I still feel bad for having to ask him.