Geez, men/women got it made.

First, it isn't easy for *anyone* trying to defy gender roles.

But right now, it is harder on men who are trying to subvert normal gender roles.

One reason is because in a lot of cases, when you break traits down into masculine and feminine, the masculine trait is considered to be either the unmarked 'normal' state or the superior state. So there is a certain feeling that 'of course' some women will want to take on some of these masculine traits. But the opposite is true with men taking on feminine traits -- not only is that 'wrong' but it is also inexplicable.

I've talked with people who help tabulate statistics on transgender people (be aware though that there *are* no good statistics out there on TG stuff -- most studies are poorly designed or are extrapolating from very small amounts of data. And the stigmas are so strong that even a well-designed study is going to miss a *lot* of people), and they tell me that the trends that we are seeing is that the number of FTM (Female to Male) coming forward to get help are increasing, and the age at which they seek treatment is dropping, but that the same is not true of MTF (Male to Female). What this means is that we are finally hitting a point where about the same number of MTF & FTM are getting treatment, but the FTM's are doing so at a younger age. Historically, the number of MTFs always greatly outnumbered the FTMs.

The inferences that are being drawn from this is that at the initial resistance that has to be overcome has dropped for FTMs, but that it hasn't gotten much better for the MTFs. That would match with the anecdotal evidence.

But I have to repeat, it isn't easy for anyone doing this.

I have not read it yet (my copy is in Michigan at the moment ), but the book that everyone has recommended to me about this is Whipping Girl by Julia Serano.

If we're not talking about actual 'transgendered' people, but just people who might wish to act contrary to their traditional gender roles, I agree that it's more difficult in general for men. But I do also think it's all about context. For me, in general society, it's not a big deal to be a girl who likes guy activities and, frankly, behaves more emotionally like a girl than a guy. In fact I don't have any female friends right now; I hang out with hubby and the guys. None of them minds.

However, the situation is reversed in regards to my church life. In all the churches I've ever attended, there have always been a large proportion of 'sensitive' men. Guys who cry or are touchy-feelie or whatever. It's a place where men can feel comfortable being emotional-- or not. I also know a bunch of really "manly" guys. I, on the other hand, constantly feel out of place. I'm surrounded by women who fulfill their traditional 'female' roles in every way, from being stay at home moms to cooking and cleaning and getting dressed up and loving every moment of it. And here am I, no kids, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, trying not to stick out like a sore thumb because I am not, in any sense of the word, "effusive." I do appreciate and celebrate the fact that these women take joy in their lives and in who they are, but I also feel great pressure to act the same way. It's not that I don't want to be female - I love being a woman. I'm just not your traditional housewife.

Men may have a more difficult time socially, but I think women may have a harder time at work. Women are generally valued by society for their ability to look attractive, so if a woman doesn't toe the line, then she's in trouble. It will result in her getting passed over for promotion or maybe even fired (e.g. http://www.allbusiness.com/legal/laws-government-regulations-employment/4094815-1.html).

Transgender-wise, I think it's easier for MTF women to signal that they would like to be treated as women (although whether other people accept that is another story). Meanwhile, FTM men tend to either pass or blend in as "ugly women".

KP.

I think it's harder for men to fight traditional gender roles. Any potentially "female" trait a man picks up puts them at risk of being accused of or treated as if they are gay (which seems to be one of the "worst" insults in a group acquainted guys.)

It's easier for women to take on 'men's' roles, especially since so many of those traits and roles are 'valued' by men (usually they include compentence in things like cars, computers, or other 'useful' things, as opposed to the stereotypical fashion, makeup, relationships, or home skills.)

But I'll admit, I also don't pay much attention to possible or percieved slights. I can't think of a single instance where I felt my femaleness got in the way at work or otherwise (though, I am teacher, so that might change my perspective.)

It's still easier for women to be tomboys than for guys to be sissies.

i read this article about masculinity in scandanavian cultures, where the goal has been to destroy gender and create true equality of the sexes. the result, however, is that masculinity is associated with violence, aggression, and subjugation whereas feminine traits are valued.

so the society expects men to become more passive, to restrain themselves, to become domesticated, but at the same time, couples are unsatisfied with their relationships. divorce rates are the highest in the world, and women are usually the ones who initiate the divorce. apparently, straight women don't want to be with another woman, but they also dont want their men to act in traditionally masculine ways so it's a conundrum.

someone told me before that in reality fathers are the weakest people in the world, they know that they cant compete with their wives when it comes to their childrens' love, but they comfort themselves with knowing that they bring home the money and provide and protect the family.

but what happens when the wife makes more than the husband and what happens when women dont want or dont need protecting? what's the role of the husband then? what happens when women simply dont need men?

i dont think anyone really has an answer for this and it's all pretty much an experiment in progress.

I'd agree with most of the posters here, as women are seen as inferior therefore to act like a woman is to be inferior- 'little girl' and 'old woman' are insults for men 'little boy' /'old man' aren't insults for women.

Also, to 'act gay' as a man threatens the heterosocial order (eg male-male friendships/ business partnerships) on which our society/economy is founded. 'gay acting' men must be punished/rejected by other men to prove they are straight and ensure they keep their priviliges. For a woman to 'act gay' is not so threatening to the order of society since female-female relationships aren't what our economy is built on.

That said, we do have to act feminine to keep OUR priviliges in society. Look nice, smile a lot, laugh at jokes. I'm not a girly girl, but I do feel a subtle pressure to be feminine. Like if i wore NO makeup and cut my hair short I might find it hard to get along in life, get jobs etc.

it was from the current issue of "What is enlightenment?" check borders or your local bookstore.

here's their website:

http://www.wie.org/

one of their previous issues was about feminism, and you have back issues available online.